When Dr. Grayson Munchkin was born,
He was left to die in a gutter by his mother,
With the aim of sending him to Hell
For ruining everything she held dear
As a result, many of Munchkin’s students,
And even some of his esteemed colleagues,
Got used to mentioning Munchkin’s mother
As fondly as that lovely lady deserved

Anyway, you should address Grayson Munchkin
By putting the ‘Dr.’ in front of his name
The guy will likely get pissed otherwise
He believes himself to be the kind of handsome
Which makes a female-filled team impracticable,
So it’s mostly dudes in his team of researchers
Who discovered how to access other dimensions
To be fair, a few women do work in his team
But most of them were raised in single parent homes,
And they tend to keep their distance from men like him
Even if they’re attracted to him (and he’s sure they are)
It would be impossible for a woman to make love
To someone who thinks that he owns all things
And who’s too self-centered to care about anything else

His team relies on interdimensional resonance
And dimensional stability fields
To open the miraculous portal holes,
Which create an imbalance between nearby universes
With differing degrees of dimensional density
As a result, those dimensional densities
Cause one universe to destabilize
Towards the next dimensional layer

One key is the advanced material plasmodum,
Of which the dimensional portals are built,
But the main key is a blood sacrifice
Other dimensions can’t be accessed otherwise
The amount varies based on the size and density
Of the stuff that the dimension to access contains
Dr. Grayson Munchkin believes that it’s due
To the dimensional energy stored in living beings

Be careful when controlling the dimensional instability,
Otherwise all sorts of nasty things would happen
It might be best if only people who aren’t crazy,
Like Dr. Grayson Munchkin, get to use the portals

You’d think that opening portals into new dimensions
Would make humanity more powerful and influential
In fact, the portal technology is so dangerous
That Munchkin intends to keep it under wraps
Also because he’s afraid of losing control over it,
And because potential competitors outside the college
May compromise the team’s research and development
Everybody else in the world is too stupid anyway
They’ll never understand how it works

Each day at eight AM sharp, Munchkin’s classroom fills
With eager young minds who all look forward
To the thrill of opening another dimensional door
They connect with an infinite number of dimensions,
Most of them wildly different to our own
A new dimension will always be random,
But they can input the coordinates of a previous one

Many researchers are obsessed with gaining knowledge
Munchkin wants to explore strange and interesting life
Hiding in the myriad of unimaginable realms,
But he also has his greedy eyes on the possible wealth
In secret, he wants to come across the presence of a god
In any of the dimensions they will venture into

When Munchkin was a child, his father used to tell him
That old cliché, “Life is a journey, not a destination,”
So Munchkin feels like this is the time for him to embark
Into a world filled with mysteries and wonders
The portal technology could change the course of history
Or it could just end up being another scientific fad

Some of Munchkin’s students have the right attitude
And they’re willing to do anything for science
Every exploration team is trained in the art of phlebotomy,
In case they need to draw blood in a strange dimension
A dormant portal couldn’t be activated otherwise
So Munchkin’s team has a lot of experience drawing blood
From their fellow humans, and sometimes animals

When Munchkin decides to fire up a whole new dimension,
His team has no clue what will await on the other side
Merely connecting to another dimension is dangerous;
An uncontrolled decompression sucked in two students,
Who were lost forever in some unknown dimension
His team relies these days on the airlock they built
To prevent dimensional leaks during the process

The portal opens and the team of scholars enters
All members wear protective gear
With a helmet, goggles, breathing apparatus
And a space suit to protect against radiation
Dr. Munchkin keeps insisting to the dean
That they should equip them with nuclear reactors
But the dean refuses to spend money
On such a useless piece of equipment
Besides, she’s worried about liability issues
And the university doesn’t want to be sued
By the parents of some dead nerds

The team is divided into two groups:
One group will collect data from the other dimensions,
And the second is charged with maintaining the portal
In the beginning, the exploration teams were terrified
They only ventured a few meters beyond the portal,
And that’s if the new dimension seemed safe enough
If they caught a glimpse of alien life similar to beasts,
They were quick to gather their things and flee home

On many of the dimensions discovered,
The only life was weird fungi
It’s not that those places were barren;
It seems they never developed plant life
In some other dimensions, though,
Life existed only as plant-like entities
The teams explored those dimensions further
They kept an eye on each other
Through makeshift communication devices
Made out of plant fibers and animal guts
The animals were brought from home, though
As a result, the explorers had to deal with the smell
Of the creatures’ carcasses

The first animal life was discovered by accident:
The team found itself standing among beasts
That looked like trees standing on their roots
They walked around but seemed peaceful enough
And they didn’t attack nor try to eat the explorers
One member of the team, a girl named Ruth,
Became fascinated with the plants
She studied them intently and learned their language,
Which she used to communicate with the beast-trees

Ruth eventually became one of the leaders
Her name means ‘earth’ in Hebrew
That’s why the rest of her team called themselves
Earthlings, after the planet Earth,
But also because they came from Earth
Anyway, Ruth was nicknamed ‘the forest scientist’
Her interest in the flora of those dimensions
Saved the lives of several members of her team,
As they tried to make it back home
They reported what they’d seen to Dr. Munchkin
He got a kick out of seeing his students in action,
Especially when the stories were related to him

They came across disturbing walking octopi
With tentacles like sea snakes
They tried to climb into the explorers’ clothes
To get at the blood within

The team also encountered a strange kind of grass,
A twisted monstrosity resembling a human hand
When one explorer cut off its disturbing fingers,
Its body melted away to reveal a creature inside
That resembled a cockroach with tar-like wings
The scientists were so shocked, they fled the scene
They made it back safely to the portal and sealed it

After one of the expeditions,
They all had the same dream
In a dark, alien forest appeared
A deformed creature with a human head
It chased the explorers through the trees
One of the members, whose name was Sam,
Was convinced that he saw the face
Of his mother in that nightmare
He told the others that it wasn’t a dream
Munchkin decided to shut off that dimension
So it wouldn’t be explored further

The team of researchers are usually on good terms
Mostly, they’re just colleagues
Dr. Munchkin has to keep reminding them
To keep quiet about their portal technology
In case the government catches wind of it
And decides to hide the portal in the Smithsonian

An undercurrent of excitement and curiosity
Runs beneath the surface of every team
Who knows what kind of strange creatures
May lurk inside the next dimensional door
Dr. Munchkin hopes that they’ll find the key
To unlock the secrets of the universe,
And maybe even discover a god or two,
But they don’t know if their discoveries
Will ever see the light of day

One of the new dimensions was so snowy
That the team barely managed to set up their tents
When a sudden blizzard destroyed the expensive gear
Most of the team members got treated for frostbite

Another dimension contained an infinite number
Of beings with bodies made entirely of glass
They weren’t aggressive, they just sat there
And watched the team walk past

A dimension was filled with beautiful flowers,
And some of the plants were so large and vibrant
That they looked like paintings,
But they had no scent

A new dimension turned out to be full of fog
So thick that the team could hardly see
But this wondrous, misty realm
Had a strange beauty all on its own

One dimension seemed to be nothing
But clouds and an endless sky,
No ground in sight

One of the most interesting places visited
Was a dimension filled with living crystals
That looked like diamonds and sapphires
The only way to get into the caves
Where the crystalline life resided
Was by climbing down a hole in the ceiling
The team discovered an entire ecosystem
Of crystal-based creatures

A dimension was filled with floating rocks,
And the ground underneath was covered in dirt
It had the appearance of being an endless beach,
But the team didn’t find water anywhere
Some tiny, fluffy little animals were crawling around
They were a cross between a bird and a caterpillar
One member of the group was fascinated by the critters
She kept petting one as it crawled across her arm
Her teammates started to tease her about getting weird,
Then she realized that the little animal was trying
To crawl inside her clothes, so she jumped back

A few of the dimensions the team visited
Were filled with otherworldly music
They never figured out how it originated,
But the sound was so soothing and beautiful
That the team found themselves dancing,
And they kept going until they fell asleep
Once they woke up, they felt disturbed
By having been stripped of their free will,
And were quick to return to the college
They told the dean what had happened
Her response was to lock them in the cellar
Until they’d recovered from the experience

One dimension’s air smelled like rotten eggs
And when a team member took a whiff,
His nose started bleeding and everything went black
To be fair, he should have worn his oxygen mask

The team also discovered dimensions
That were hit regularly with catastrophes
They were referred to as the Hell Dimensions
No complex life would survive for long

Some dimensions seemed to exist
Only in the minds of the explorers
They called them the Imaginary Dimensions
Nobody could explain those

Dr. Munchkin’s team is growing
They’ve catalogued dozens of new dimensions
Each time they open another portal,
The possibility of a discovery grows
Whenever an exploration team returns
They share the exciting results with their colleagues,
Who are compelled to investigate more
Their curiosity drives them on
Dr. Munchkin keeps telling them: “We’re pioneers”
But he doesn’t tell them that they’ll probably die

They could spend an eternity exploring
Dr. Grayson Munchkin wants to go further
He hopes that his discoveries will change history
In the process he might even find a god or two

It becomes widely known among the local scholars
That Munchkin is opening portals to strange realms
Through the equipment that his team developed
Many new faces get involved in the explorations,
Which causes an explosion in their workloads
The dimension researchers work late into the night
They’re always on call to deal with emergencies
Dr. Grayson Munchkin isn’t afraid to take risks,
And he’s rarely the one to put his life on the line

Many of the dimensions his team explores
Are Amazon-like, untapped wildernesses
Dr. Munchkin’s people carry ropes and climbing gear
The team members end up having to rappel down cliffs
Or cross chasms that separate two mountains
They have to be careful not to fall into the abyss

Many of the students spend hours each day
Documenting everything about the flora and fauna
Of the many strange dimensions they’ve catalogued
Every detail needs to be remembered

One dimension was a dark void that stretched on forever
No matter how far the team walked,
They never reached an edge

In one dimension that was catalogued as desert-like,
The sand turned out to be made of tiny bugs
It looks like the surface of Mars, but it’s all bugs
Some were small enough to enter through the pores
Two members ended up covered with thousands of bites,
One of them has never stopped screaming

In one dimension, the team discovered a world
Where there are no seasons or weather patterns
It’s a constant, eternal summer
Some researchers planned to build luxury resorts

Sometimes they found ancient ruins or abandoned cities
With the buildings crumbling and empty
Other times they came across strange devices
That resembled far more complicated calculators

In one dimension that was dominated by birds,
Most of the team members got lost inside a forest,
But the dimension had an endless supply of fresh water
When they returned, even the women had grown beards

A coordinate led to a place of giant, dinosaur-like lizards
They could fly using the power of the wind,
And they’d hunt prey with powerful jaws
The team quickly realized that the lizards
Were on a quest for a mythical source of energy:
Dragon eggs that contained unlimited magic
The team isn’t sure how it learned this information,
But they didn’t want to wait around to be eaten

Another dimension is a lush green paradise
The team explored it for weeks,
But then a sudden storm swept in
Tornadoes appeared and destroyed the tents

One dimension’s air tasted like salt
Even though the team wore oxygen masks
The members became sick and nearly died

One dimension seemed to be a solid block of ice
The team used axes and hammers to break it
And they discovered that the interior was filled
With a substance that looked like mercury

A dimension populated solely by mushrooms
Was so fertile and beautiful
That a few associated mycologists
Decided to build a mushroom city
They even erected a monument
To commemorate their discovery

One dimension is filled with a kind of plasma
It has an eerie purple glow
The team discovered it was a type of life
That had evolved to survive in space

The floor in one dimension was so muddy
That the team sank to their waists
They now thank the heavens for their ropes
In that strange, swampy land
The massive aquatic plants grew tall
With trunks as thick as skyscrapers

Exploring some dimensions involved constant tension
The team had to give up any sense of security
Because some expeditions had gotten so dangerous,
Dr. Munchkin hired explorers of jungles and seas
To guide the researchers through the unknown

One of the teams discovered a giant mushroom,
Three meters tall and covered in tiny white hairs
A mycologist cut out pieces and ate them
The others were terrified that they might poisonous
Predictably, they were hallucinogenic
But also allowed that researcher to understand
Both the language of mushrooms across dimensions
As well as understand their hierarchy and needs
Munchkin had gotten sick of mushrooms by now
He wanted to move on to something else

A group of explorers encountered
A creature with eyes in its armpits
The being could see all the way
To the end of time and space
And it spoke to them telepathically
They knew that they would have no choice
But to obey its every command

In one dimension, the team found a vast, oceanic cavern
Teeming with fish that could swim through solid rock
There was a squid with tentacles thicker than trees
The team tried to swim right past it without it noticing,
Until one of the men accidentally bumped into it
The monster’s mouth snapped shut, swallowing him
They heard a loud crunching sound from inside the beast
The others were able to escape by swimming away

In some dimensions the explorers came across creatures
That resembled humongous spiders and centipedes
The team was never able to identify them
They were too busy fighting off giant ants
That could eat a person whole

One dimension had a population of talking insects
They spoke in their own incomprehensible tongue
No matter how many times the explorers asked,
They just couldn’t figure out what they meant

When the explorers entered one of the dimensions,
Their skin immediately started changing colors
The researchers thought it must have been the light,
But their skin keeps changing colors to this day

In one dimension the team met a creature
With the body of a lion and the head of a horse
It smelled like sulfur and its claws were huge
The explorers’ rifles took care of the threat

Some dimension was full of enormous jellyfish
That emitted a brilliant, neon blue light
The scientists were surprised to learn that the jellyfish
Could live outside the ocean, but not inside of it

One night, some drunk students accessed the portal
And got afflicted by some strange spores,
But after a few days of a high fever
They were able to control objects through telekinesis
Nobody came across those spores again
Dr. Munchkin wanted the power for himself

Many believed that they could snatch other powers
Or even technological remnants from alien races
Munchkin wished to increase his worth dramatically
By gaining such powers beyond humanity

In one dimension, some predators were invisible
And they could move at impossible speeds
A few of the veteran explorers were killed
The team brought back corpses of these creatures
They could be touched and weighed,
But remained invisible in every wavelength

Another dimension was a sea of blood
The team discovered a special property:
If it touched a human’s bare hand,
It will cause their bones to dissolve

The teams became addicted to exploring alien worlds
They always returned home with a new discovery,
But they were more interested in finding novel places,
So they didn’t explore previous worlds thoroughly

Some chemists used some plants brought back
To synthetize a new drug they called zodalite
It provided great euphoria and hallucinations
Many of the explorers went out while high

An entire team of explorers, some quite veteran
Were found turned into stone statues
Nobody learned what the fuck happened
That was the end of that expedition

One team encountered a large, pink slug
Its body was made of rubber and it squirted acid
The team tried to kill it with their guns,
But the acid melted through the barrels

Other dimensions were filled with creatures
With tentacles that stretched out of sight
Most of them were carnivorous and hungry for flesh
The researchers decided not to enter those realms

One of the dimensions was home to black clouds
That somehow were alive and ravenous
One of the clouds followed the team home,
But some researchers managed to train it
The cloud now hauls materials around
The researchers no longer worry about it

In another dimension, the explorers came across a creature
That looked like a giant eyeball with a mouth
The scientists couldn’t figure out how to communicate
With this alien life form, so they just left it alone
They had to keep watch over the creature
Because it might shoot a beam of light out of its eye
And destroy everything within range of the beam
That was a problem for everyone, except for the creature

Some scientists got addicted to zodalite,
And they went out to explore every night
Just to get high and feel the euphoria
A few of them even tried eating a weird moss,
Which made their heads explode

A few of the veterans ate too many mushrooms,
And got bitten by too many weird insects,
And have lost their goddamn minds
Now they can speak the language of dogs

One of the researchers ate by mistake a weird leaf
That changed her into something like a plant
She spent all of the next year growing massive leaves,
Until she was eaten by a giant spider

In some dimensions, the explorers found ancient ruins
The buildings were covered in a thick layer of moss
Some of them looked like they’d been built out of mud,
But others had intricate designs on the walls

One of the explorers got bitten by a strange snake
He grew long fangs that dripped black saliva
The other researchers shot a few photos
Before their cameras exploded

One of the explorers was swallowed whole
By a worm the size of a bus
After being digested, the creature spat out
A bunch of small worms that crawled everywhere

Along the way, Dr. Munchkin’s teams also discovered
Dimensions that were home to sentient species
There first one involved an island
And its tiny society of sentient turtles
They never made themselves understood
Turns out that turtle language is hard to comprehend

One dimension was populated by sentient crystals
That communicated using vibrations
They kept making sounds that resembled music,
But the team never managed to discover
What they were singing about

One world was full of dunes under a harsh sun
The researchers encountered cicada-like insects
That had evolved to become intelligent and peaceful
Their queen requested regular meetings with humans
These creatures relied solely on the vegetables
That they had to harvest every few seconds

One dimension was populated by a race of bees
As big as any regular house back on Earth
They were docile and eager to talk with the teams
Somehow they were able to fly, but only when it rained

One dimension was populated by a race of tiny people
They looked like little old men in dresses
The explorers discovered that they were asexual,
But they did have a social hierarchy

One dimension has a race of winged humanoids
Who can fly through space and time at will
And who are completely immortal
The team investigated for weeks before they realized
That the flying people were actually ghosts
They keep searching for their bodies, without success

In one of the dimensions, the team encountered
An army of ants that marched in formation
And carried weapons made out of bones
The scientists quickly retreated back home,
As the ant-soldiers advanced upon the portal

One dimension’s air was filled with an electrical charge,
And when the team stepped outside they could feel a tingle
The team members soon realized that the electricity
Was coming from two enormous towers in the distance
When the team approached the towers, they saw a man
Who had wings of pure gold and a tail of fire
The team ran back to the portal, waiting open for them
The man didn’t attack, but he did send out a message
That said: “Don’t go near the towers”

A team discovered a civilization of sentient butterflies
Some of the explorers became butterflies, which was nice

One of the dimensions resembled Mars
The world was a barren wasteland,
But in the distance, the team glimpsed what appeared to be
The outline of a large city hundreds of kilometers away
They were so excited that they forgot to take pictures

A team discovered a civilization
Similar to the Roman Empire
Some historians planned
To keep in touch with them
So they would avoid lining
Their pipes and aqueducts with lead,
They would protect themselves
Against monotheistic religions,
And make sure to defend
Their overstretched borders

For a puzzling race of humanoids that one team discovered,
Time worked by passing it from person to person,
Instead of existing simultaneously as they aged
The researchers can’t wrap their minds around that
The team learned to speak the beings’ simple language,
And they pleaded for them to explain their existence,
But the creatures just kept repeating:
“We don’t age. We pass time.”

One expedition found itself in a world of rocks
The walls were covered with huge, bizarre faces
Some of the team members took pictures
The expedition leader, who was named Gail,
Thought she’d take a selfie but ended up taking
The picture of an alien with two heads
She said, “I didn’t mean to do that”
But Dr. Munchkin laughed and congratulated her
Because now they had a photo of an alien
Their colleagues kept making dirty jokes
About aliens with double-headed dicks
Gail was embarrassed by the attention

The portal opened and the explorers entered,
And the team ran into a horde of giant spiders
They were much bigger than the ones that inhabit Earth
Their webs stretched as far as the eye could see,
And they surrounded the group of explorers
The spider-people were interested in Ruth’s plant life
They wanted to study it, and she was willing
To give them some samples of the weirdest plants

One of the dimensions looked like a medieval village
Where the residents were all wearing armor
The adventurers came across an old knight,
Who told them that they needed to find the ancient
Megalithic structure called the Citadel
That was located somewhere in the mountains
The team leader wasn’t interested in sidequests

In one dimension, the team met an intelligent race of beings
Who built enormous structures that reached the sky
The buildings were made of living stone
The team was surprised to learn that the people
Could grow new buildings whenever they needed them

The researchers keep speaking fondly
About a dimension home to a race of cat people
They looked like humans, but if humans were cats
Their furs were vibrantly colored, tiger-like
The female cat-folk loved the bare-skinned humans,
Because they reminded them of newborn cat-folk
They were aroused by the sight of men in uniforms,
And when the females discovered that human penises
Weren’t barbed and wouldn’t rake their vaginas,
Copulation with the researchers became commonplace
The male cat-folk were understandably pissed,
But they were ruled by a wise, beautiful queen
Who forced them to accept their cuckoldry

Some female cat-folk and humans became couples,
And those cat-folk were allowed to live back on Earth,
Which made it quite hard to keep the operation a secret,
Because human-sized, intelligent cats kept walking around

The whole experience with those sexy cat-folks
Made many researchers eager to discover more peoples
And bring some home, regardless of their sexiness
They even tried seducing some lizard-folks,
Who had a high degree of sexual dimorphism,
And they were able to get them into bed
After a few nights of drinking the local beer
The lizard-men would become horny as hell

One of Munchkin’s teams found a world
Where they could find all the meat they needed,
As long as they were willing to butcher sentient cows
Some were brought home and now live happily
Having to do nothing else than ruminate grass
While they ponder the mysteries of the universe

Some dimensions were alternate versions of Earth,
And the researchers got to meet their own selves,
Many of who had taken different paths in life
One of those Earths was entirely populated
By murderous clones of Dr. Grayson Munchkin
The professor was overwhelmed by a primal fear
And ordered his team to flee home immediately
Munchkin spent days in his lodgings pondering
How such a horrible dimension came to be
His mind started getting filled with images of gore
He gave up after he felt his sanity slipping,
But then, one day, an image popped into his head
Of a certain scientist named Niels Bohr
This, however, had no relevance to his plight

With a few portals operating twenty-four-seven
And many researchers running around like crazy,
Munchkin’s team had trouble funding new expeditions
They sold off on the black market some exotic artifacts,
And new expeditions were motivated by monetary gains

A few researchers went into an ore-rich dimension,
But they were greedy and dug too deep,
Which unleashed a horde of demons
An entire building of the university got destroyed,
And those trapped inside were slaughtered
Soon after, a traumatized researcher shot herself
That coordinate was forbidden and Munchkin decided
To go into hiding for several months

Some researchers warned Dr. Grayson Munchkin
That the portal network was becoming unstable,
And if it collapsed onto itself, it would cut off
Everybody’s access to parallel universes,
Alternate histories, and alien civilizations
Munchkin intended to exploit the network to its limit

A few months later, some dimensional coordinates
Were severed from the portals permanently,
And two whole teams were stranded there
One of them included Ruth, ‘the Forest Scientist’
She was forced to live in a cave with an angry bear
Her old team members, including Gail,
Had been killed by the demons, but Ruth survived

Dr. Grayson Munchkin remained disappointed
He had explored many dimensions without finding god,
Or anything resembling a being of such powers
With the network becoming unstable, time was running out
He decided to lead most expeditions, taking bigger risks
To see if the network could reach farther and further

In a dimension where the animals teleported wildly,
He noticed that they kept drinking from milkish lakes
Munchkin dared to drink the liquid, and as he did,
The professor passed out, and he fell into the lake
When his students found him, instead of having drowned,
Munchkin remained in a trance-like state that lasted a week

When Munchkin returned home, he had gained a power:
Whenever he blinked, he travelled in time uncontrollably
It sent him either minutes to the past or to the future
His colleagues could only watch helplessly

Munchkin tried to figure out how to get rid of this power
Desperate, he turned himself in for questioning
The policeman turned out to be himself, who berated him
For refusing such a gift from the gods of the multiverse

Munchkin kept exploring other worlds with his students
When one of the freshmen got eaten by a huge bat,
Munchkin travelled back in time five minutes to save her
That made him quite popular among the ladies

Then, Munchkin focused on mastering this ability
To travel to any point in history, even other dimensions
He learned to open literal doors in the fabric of spacetime
Through a form of meditation he called a ‘quantum key’

Munchkin realized that his eyes could work like cameras
He peered into other dimensions to see if they were good
The professor started to explore many alternate Earths
Where the course of history had been more to his liking
In one dimension he found creatures that worshipped Satan
And where the human inhabitants burned for eternity

The press had gotten ahold of some of the cat-folk women
Who cheerfully explained all about their home dimension
The cat was out of the bag, now the government knew
And suddenly the myriad of disappearances and deaths,
Including some blown up corpses of random students,
Had convinced some government officials to intervene

Meanwhile, Munchkin kept travelling in time at will,
As well as exploring other dimensions with his mind
He felt little connection with human beings anymore
His research had become an obsession with him

Munchkin told himself that his powers came from god,
And now the press kept mentioning him and his work:
He was the great man who created dimensional portals
The world was eager to listen about his discoveries,
But it wasn’t long before people started asking questions
About his motives, his behaviors, his decisions
And the truth became clear for them: Dr. Munchkin
Was a sick fool who had lost control over his mind
Munchkin just laughed, and said that everyone’s reactions
Were typical of the average people who couldn’t understand
That he was doing something important for humanity

Mr. Munchkin had become convinced to fight
On the side of mankind against terrible evils,
And that his purpose would be fulfilled
When human beings were saved from their sins

Munchkin’s wife divorced him and moved to another city
She didn’t want anything to do with a madman,
But she had no choice, because he kept trying
To force her into bed whenever he was nearby

Pressured by the government goons,
The college shut off the portal network
Due to the dangers it put the citizens in
But the president of the United States
Wanted Mr. Munchkin away for good
He had already been indicted on numerous charges
And the feds were going to lock him up forever

The university administration gave Munchkin a farewell
Although they accused him of creating a monster,
The dean was telling him that he had done a great service
When the FBI broke into the college gymnasium
As they pointed their guns at Munchkin, he stripped down
And pissed all over the podium while laughing
He told them to suck his interdimensional cock
And then he vanished into thin air

Dr. Munchkin disappeared: he travelled to the past
He decided to stop at 11,700 years before his present
The glacial conditions of the Younger Dryas had ended
And it was time for the traumatized humans to arise

Dr. Munchkin travelled around the primitive world
Uniting isolated communities with talented sculptors
He told them all about god, and the powers given
They were granted for a noble, holy purpose:
To allow humanity to try again, to build something better
From the nightmarish chaos that they had created

Everybody knows me now, Edgar Meyer,
The boss of ‘Realms of Infinite Delight’,
But in the beginning it was four of us
Nerds and geeks, three guys and a gal,
United by our love of computer games
I wish I had known them in college
Twenty years ago feels like a long time
Sometimes I still sit around in the office
And play our favorite old video games

I graduated with two bachelor’s degrees
I always dreamed of creating the worlds
That my mind wished to escape to,
But I languished in coding jobs
And consulting stuff that my dad offered
I would sit around and code in a bar,
Trying to build the dreams of that future
Meanwhile I struggled to find partners
Through those popular dating sites
The girls ghosted me after a few dates
Long story short, I keep meeting a few of them
I turned some AIs into their zombie versions
Here at ‘Realms’ we pimp out dead chicks
Some come out as real whores from Hell,
All the features that my exes could ever desire
A good sex life, money or just death

Letting people create worlds is what defines me
I don’t need the fame and the wealth,
Nor the power to control all these people
I spent nights coding away by flashlight light
Because the world needed Virtual Reality

We started out using different names:
‘VeeR Realms’, ‘VREal Realms’, ‘Reals Realm VR’
They didn’t make any particular sense
We opted for the most logical one, ‘VR Realms’,
But a few days later we realized it was taken
Akane came up with our final, cooler name
We were all thinking about the infinite delights
That would come out of the realms where we ruled
When Akane wrote our domain on a napkin,
Us four founders couldn’t wait to use our company
To fulfill everybody’s wildest fantasies,
And the best part is that nobody saw us coming

At the beginning we were like other start-ups,
Our only customers were developers and ourselves
Me and my colleagues played games all night:
MMOs, FPS, and a few grand strategy titles
Two of us used the primitive gear for VR sex
And we searched for interesting worlds to explore
But when I felt lonely or tired of playing
I would sneak into the bedroom in the back room,
Where I would lie down and masturbate
Many gamers feel like they live alone without anyone
You sit there doing nothing with no goals
Except play video games that you don’t need,
With all your friends having left because you are weird
I wanted out of being a nerd, but nerds never die,
So I had gone into development instead

My big dream was to let people use virtual worlds
Where everyone’s pleasure was the top priority
Twenty years later, ‘Realms’ has changed our lives
Our customers are not gamers anymore,
They are adventurers who explore the frontiers:
Actors who act all the parts in movies,
Dancers and acrobats that show off before the crowd,
Virtual tourists visiting alien planets and cities,
Pornstars who give out their hot bodies,
Clergymen who walk around Heaven as Jesus Christ

Those under 18 want to experience all of this stuff
But we don’t allow kids in our VR realms yet,
Except for a couple of weird Japanese teens
We would let you, so complain to the politicians
Tell them that we want to create VR for everybody
Turn every realm, based on whatever you can imagine,
Into your personal paradise

We developed our VR gears ourselves, the four of us,
Based on primitive gear, helped by supercomputers
We never spoke about our plans to any outsider
We were that sure that ‘Realms’ would be a hit
In fact, it’s become the world’s biggest phenomenon
Everybody gets their kicks on their favorite device,
Whether living through pornos or their own TV shows

For us, who created ‘Realms’ in the first place,
It was sad to witness the dreams you nurtured
End up buried inside the bodies you were born in,
As if we were cursed the moment we came to exist
So we patented our system that simulates all senses
In virtual worlds created with existing engines
Now the users get to experience them fully
As if they had been born there

This gear we made, I’m talking thousands of dollars
If you search for the best experiences, they aren’t cheap
But who needs a high-end TV and a regular console
When you can see, hear, smell, touch and taste a beach,
Or walk in the desert, or visit underwater volcanoes?
Our user base is what matters for us the most
‘Realms’ has changed people’s whole lifestyle
They get to visit, if they have an internet connection,
The places where everyone wants to live

Enter our VR worlds by lying on our lounge chairs
The stylish helmet intercepts the information coming in,
And feeds your brain with the fake sensory info we provide
The old gray matter makes sense of whatever it’s given,
It’s too stupid to know otherwise
Once your sensory information is hijacked by our system,
You could get your real life arms and legs sawed off,
And you wouldn’t feel it

You can finally become as real as you wanted
While our AIs take over some basic brain functions,
So your grey matter can focus on experiencing our worlds,
Which are more colorful and satisfying than reality

Our users can choose between ready-made worlds,
Created by our team of developers and researchers,
But they have the freedom to create what they imagine,
Even though we offer them medieval and viking worlds
They can build whatever they want, without limitations,
Like their dream apartment or mansion to live in
They can be huge, luxurious, or even under the sea
You can set up your world so you walk through the air
One customer built a virtual world dedicated
To her lifelong obsession with that Harry Potter franchise
She got to make and interact with all those silly characters
One day, as she came back home drunk after work,
She sprinted headfirst into a train station’s wall
She broke her skull and died

Once you experience ‘Realms’, it will only take a minute,
As you touch and smell and taste a virtual forest,
For your brain to be convinced that you’ve been isekai-d
People have gone in and come out feeling completely healed

Some have linked a strange patterns of death in Japan
To players so obsessed with building their virtual world,
That suddenly they forgot what they existed for
In ‘Realms’ you don’t just go somewhere else: you change
You get rid of old age, and can run around naked at will
It resembles a drug addiction, but you won’t get high
If you get too crazy, we sell a variety of pills for that,
So you will stop missing your real life altogether
Still, ‘Realms’ won’t kill your soul the way drugs do

Our players interact with the worlds through 3D avatars
Made of polygonal models with realistic texture mapping
We made them very detailed despite the number of vertices
By reducing polygon counts we minimized GPU usage
Our high performance hardware keeps rendering times low

Our users can choose between ready-made avatars
Or just design their own through a myriad of sliders
Their body can belong to any ethnicity and gender
Some avatars have shaved heads, others crazy beards,
Or present themselves to the world as mythical beasts
You can dress up your avatars with fancy outfits,
To look like you are going on a prom date with the queen,
Or masquerade yourself as an assassin or ninja
The avatars can wear special masks and body paint,
Even on skin covered with too many tattoos
Choose to inhabit a zombie body and feel yourself rotting
Choose to be a furry, we don’t give a shit
Just come out of the closet if you are one

When some kids watch YouTube videos of the avatars,
They pester their parents until they let them play
We recommend against allowing children into our worlds
All of our tests subjects around that age screamed
Once we took off their helmets, some begged to be killed
They tend to go crazy due to some unmentionable trauma,
And we don’t want to handle those kinds of lawsuits
People under 18 should stay away from ‘Realms’,
Which works better for us because we hate kids

We also add new outfits and accessories regularly
The users unlock this content through their credit cards
If they purchase an item, we give them a discount
Off their next order for the next twenty four hours

We have millions of users worldwide,
Who spend billions of dollars every year
There’s one gamer from Sweden
Who has logged over 100,000 hours
In the end he was forced to sell his condo
He would have spent the money on drugs anyway
He wanted to escape from that shitty reality outside
Now he gets to live in his fantasy realm
While his family pays our service bills

In these virtual worlds, where anything can happen,
Our users’ wishes can come true in an infinite way
This place gives people a perfect outlet for those fantasies
They always dreamed of exploring in the real world,
No matter how outrageous they might seem

My wife was disappointed when our company started,
She didn’t understand why I chose VR over reality
She wasn’t patient enough to wait for the big payoff
Four years later we had thousands of paying customers
I wanted to tell her, ‘Come to VR and feel alive!’,
But by then she was long gone,
Except for my zombie version of her hanging from a wall
So now here at ‘Realms’, our customers go wild
We’re bringing back the greatest things to mankind,
Which were found inside computers, still misunderstood
Come explore our worlds and enjoy every inch of them
Whether you want a RPG adventure or something hardcore
The game doesn’t have to end

Our users can decide what plays out in our VR worlds
Our servers don’t censor any of the content,
Whether it involves adventure, sex and/or violence,
Experience it fully through our simulated senses
We don’t care about the taboo and the forbidden,
Nobody will judge you in your private worlds
We don’t have copyright claims over the users’ works,
And we safeguard your information and your privacy
Your life stays yours wherever you travel with us

Our servers keep on running without user intervention
And the AIs constantly evolve, as they always will,
Those silicon minds are far smarter than ours
If we wanted to change something, we’d make adjustments
But we don’t have any code for their artificial brains

Need a taste of what our users are enjoying right now?
They look at themselves in bathroom mirrors,
Cook food, iron clothing, wash dishes,
Crawl underneath the bed sheets,
Take a nap,
Send emails,
Smell and taste the best food,
Make their own paints out of different colors,
Sleep over at a friend’s house,
Have fun at pool parties,
Dance topless in a circle around a campfire,
Throw darts at photos of their exes,
Explore the forests or beaches at night,
Run after rabbits,
Go swimming in the sea,
Fart in public,
Read all of Shakespeare’s plays,
Write an epic novel in the genre of fantasy fiction,
Barter away in the streets of London during Christmas,
Live in mansions, high-rise towers, underground bunkers,
Join a rock band,
Learn martial arts,
Go skydiving,
Ride the fastest sports cars,
Play basketball in front of AI crowds in real courts,
Hunt innocent animals,
Roleplay as a lord with servants and maids,
Steal food,
Run naked through an ancient cave,
Drink poison,
Serve alcohol to naked people,
Ride unicorns, or robot horses,
Fight in boxing rings against AIs that look like their exes,
Run over sheep with a truck,
Become soldiers in a war zone,
Work as police detectives,
Wrestle against several men using only one hand,
Catch fire,
Sue people for the royalties they owe them,
Fight in space battles against aliens,
Build a castle,
Kill their enemies with guns, clubs, swords, bows
(It feels great when you score a critical with a hammer!),
Act like superheroes,
Become the president of Argentina,
Explore new planets,
Walk through walls and climb through ceilings,
Have a conversation with a wolf,
Go underwater without drowning,
Pretend to be a wizard,
Drink magic potions,
Are vampires,
Hunt dinosaurs,
Have a dinner date with a vampiric goddess,
Turn into fish,
Feel the inside of a dragon,
Are pirates and treasure hunters,
Flee a city filled with cannibals that love human flesh,
Hunt down orcs and goblins,
Ride into an alley with a rocket launcher/bike,
Taste ice cream on an iceberg during the summer,
Take off their clothes in a room full of monsters,
Ride through the desert in a unicycle,
Fly around on a jet plane,
Become an all-female werewolf pack,
Defraud the IRS,
Rescue maids from brothels,
Learn magic spells,
Walk on the moon,
Get locked away as a prisoner for life,
Dive into rivers carrying a barrel of liquid nitrogen,
Join a war between rival mafia families,
Blow up explored planets,
Explore demon-infested dungeons,
Get torn apart by wild animals,
Lose all their items fighting zombies in a skyscraper,
Kill themselves doing stupid stunts,
Make their own guns,
Ride space dragons,
Use telekinesis to smash enemies,
Fly their spaceship through asteroid fields and wormholes,
Experience the pain of hunger inside labyrinths,
Become a zombie,
Get their throats bitten open by vampires,
Punch sharks,
Drill the shit out of someone’s stomach with a pickaxe,
Harm the ecosystem,
Plummet from a rooftop to their deaths,
Walk over dead bodies to pick up money,
Travel in time with a quantum teleport,
Get eaten by cannibals,
Play around with radioactive substances,
Rescue the dinosaurs from extinction,
Step in front of a bus,
Starve in a deserted island,
Play the roles of sadistic torturers,
Drown someone in a bathtub filled with shit,
Eat human flesh,
Get trapped inside their worst nightmare,
Die from boredom in an empty virtual apartment,
Try out every method of suicide they can imagine

Some users go through the Spring Break experience,
But instead of partying at the beach, it’s a desert
The players need protection from the deadly sun
The heatstroke is fully simulated

The users can try any real life drug in our virtual worlds
To cause effects like dizziness, hallucinations and paranoia
The experiments are safe except for a temporary madness
When somebody gets addicted, our users are asked to visit
Or dedicated world called ‘Realms of Addiction’
There are no cops involved, but we’re still watching

Some users love going to sinful places like adult bookstores
When they return to their virtual rooms, they jack off
Other experiences include working at Chinese sweatshops
The AIs dole out punishment using whips and paddles
But in order to succeed as a slave, you must pass the test
A few players even want their AIs to fuck them during labor
All kinds of activities take place behind closed doors

The users can experience becoming mentally ill,
Whether with depression, psychopathy or schizophrenia
There are sliders for the level of anxiety and paranoia

Many love the ability to become serial killers
Who can choose between many weapons of murder
They go to movie theaters and shoot everyone
The AIs put their hands together and beg for mercy,
But this doesn’t make any difference

Some users want to be on the receiving end of violence:
They get beaten up, strangled, raped, stabbed, and shot
There are many methods of killing a person,
Just search on YouTube to see some gruesome examples
This includes driving a car into a building,
Poisoning somebody with a lethal disease,
Knifing a man, hanging him from a tree branch,
Shooting a victim three times before decapitating her,
Crushing someone’s skull beneath your heel,
Or burying people alive under the dirt
We have a dedicated world: look up ‘Realms of Death’
Our AIs are trained so they play their roles to perfection
The more advanced users can even learn black magic:
They use dark spells to bring misery to their enemies

You can experience what we called ‘Breath of the Dragon’:
Our own gauntlet that combines roleplay, virtual sex, gore,
High technology, robots, cyberpunk, anime, and other stuff

Our crackerjack programmer Akane
Was responsible for the AIs,
State-of-the-art material,
Encoder-decoder based neural networks
They were trained in supercomputers
Until they passed Turing tests
Now they are far more intelligent
Than anyone you’ve ever known
It’s common to see AI agents
Building cities by themselves
They are sentient, they feel alive,
They have human-like emotions
They walk around their neighborhoods,
Or get on buses and trains
They interact with our virtual worlds in every way

The users can pick vibrant,
Ready-made personalities for the AIs,
Or they can design one
Through a myriad of sliders
They can change physical traits
Like body type, or skin and eye color,
But that’s assuming you want them
To look like human beings
The AIs can look like any celebrity,
Or like anime girls
Game characters like Tifa Lockhart
Are among the most usual sights
Many customers design AIs
That resemble their crushes or exes
You can even sell your designs
For the AIs’ looks and personality
That has become a significant source
Of income for some creators

You can make your virtual partners
Behave however you want,
And they look, sound, smell,
Taste and feel like human beings
Our AIs know everything
About every player they come across
Their personal info,
How they choose to spend their time,
The kinds of AIs they design,
The fantasies they play out
They will act true-to-life when talking,
Using any existing language
They will fulfill every dream,
Behaving like loyal companions
They can do your chores, run errands,
Prepare dinner, do your job
They can serve as masseuses
And pamper you at home
They can be made to wear swimsuits,
Mini-skirts, panties or lingerie
Order them to walk around naked
They are known to drink and smoke
And do drugs from time to time
They feel real enough to cause
Fear and anxiety among users
This is part of the game,
To make you feel wanted by them
We suggest our customers
Use an adequate amount of medication
You may go overboard if you are new

Should we tell you how
Most of our users spend their time?
You’ve already guessed it:
Playing out sexual escapades
You can experience the pleasure
Of using vibrators and clamps,
Or being seduced by gorgeous AIs
We allow people to explore
Sex with any gender,
And the simulated senses
Will make you reach intense orgasms
Many models from adult entertainment
Have officially allowed our AIs to look like them,
And they wait eager
To suck your dick or eat out your pussy
You are missing out on so many sexual positions
That would rarely occur in real life
Due to health regulations
Lick and suck on any part that you desire
Some users love watching
Two AIs fucking each other
You can program any AI to live
For gobbling on your cock

A game involves the user
Being seduced in an intimate setting,
For example by supermodels
Or high school students,
And if he gets an erection,
The AI throws knives at him
You can fuck AIs that look
Like robots, vampires, mermaids
Some design the agents to look
Like friends or family members,
Which can make the user
Get extremely attached
They spend hours having sex
With close buddies or their fathers

You can watch pornography while tied up with ropes,
Gape your way through tons of human flesh,
Use vagina pumps or g-spot stimulators,
Wrap your tongue around a giant dildo,
Become the sex slave of a beautiful woman,
Fornicate your bestie while they suck some cock,
Use tongue rings to lick a bitch’s asshole,
Shoot cum into a MILF’s belly button,
Slide a strap-on dildo into a bitch wearing a latex suit,
Cum together as friends while you watch horror films,
Fingerfuck one girl while your buddy bangs her twat,
Drill your mistress’ ass without protection,
Cumshot each other’s asses using two fat cocks at once,
Perform lesbian sex on a table covered in sawdust,
Shove multiple fingers up some tight assholes,
Receive a facial from one of your favorite heroes,
Walk around with a horse cock between your legs,
Make an AI look like your wife and experience cuckolding,
Have your breasts milked to suck out your nectar,
Give oral pleasure to your doctor,
Eat cum as if it was salad dressing,
Fuck around with your sister,
Put an aphrodisiac spell on a vampire,
Become an idol and get eaten out by your fans,
Screw girls in animal costumes,
Have sex while riding attractions at amusement parks,
Wear masks that restrict your breath and nose holes,
Feel a schoolmate’s tongue swirling around your dick,
Enjoy having a massive boner as a zombie,
Use magic spells to seduce powerful monsters,
Take turns riding the asses of your friends,
Fuck your dad’s wife using her strap-on,
Get double penetrated while drinking champagne,
Befriend, seduce and fuck a tsundere anime girl,
Have sex in a haunted house during a poltergeist,
Lick and suck cocks at an aquarium,
Experience getting fucked by the naughtiest succubi,
Taste cum directly from a dude’s asshole,
Make girls wear animal costumes and perform circus acts,
Fuck an AI while it’s handcuffed and with a butt plug inside,
Experience BDSM sex with your childhood friends,
Fuck a beautiful demoness with a pet python,
Get sodomized while standing in mud in the summer,
Fellate a vampire while you rub your pussy,
Eat shit while getting fucked in the ass,
Use hot sauce to creampie in your favorite pornstar,
Fuck a zombie’s face,
Screw a maid’s mouth while she’s tied up in ropes,
Use ice cream cones as sex toys,
Get fucked by a nun wearing a strap-on,
Suffer through a lot of pain because your dad hates you,
Get molested in a train by a bunch of ugly bastards,
Bite down, turn sideways on a bed while getting fisted,
Take some dildoes and doggy-style fucking on a leash,
Fuck a horse’s cunt from behind,
Suck a guy’s dick while being forced to dance,
Enjoy sex with a wide variety of crusty furries,
Fellate the headmaster of your old school,
Enjoy making incestuous pairings with your siblings,
Serve a maid whose mistress is your father,
Fuck the doctor who examined you as a child,
Lick off some semen with a mouth stuffed full of cock meat,
Be dominated by horny witches,
Have sex in an asylum with a convicted murderer,
Smother a woman with your tongue,
Let a stranger fuck your tied-up daughters,
Get penetrated by random objects: guns, whips, etc.,
Fuck someone with a robot arm that uses electric shocks,
Be penetrated by a stallion’s beastly cock,
Get some sex with the ghosts of dead women,
Reach orgasm while sucking a giant’s giant cock,
Make yourself pregnant with a magic spell,
Shove fingers into a beautiful woman who is fucking a dog,
Fuck the owner of a castle while your girlfriend kneels,
Shove your cock in that teacher who likes getting spanked,
Be penetrated by horny robots while your dad records it,
Arouse a unicorn by jerking off its horn,
Use a trampoline to bounce away multiple boners at once,
Slide some dildos into a slutty witch that makes potions,
Watch someone fucking your mom at a porno theater,
Fellate some sexy dragons,
Get your dick bitten by a succubus when you’re tied up,
Become pregnant while fucking in a medieval fair,
Fill a monster with cum on the floor of a dungeon,
Fuck someone’s corpse from behind as a ghost,
Have a bull’s sperm shot into every hole,
Use firecrackers to stimulate genitalia,
Shower together with schoolgirls,
Have sex with ancient corpses in a dungeon,
Get fucked by a minotaur while chained,
Distract the doctors with an accident then rape the nurses,
Use a magic wand to blow up your girlfriend,
Shove some metal rods into asses,
Find out how it feels to be filled with an elf’s cum,
Achieve full penetration as an Allosaurus,
Get overpowered by strong women with monstrous cocks,
Suck a boy’s erection while looking him in the eyes,
Possess animals and give sex to cows or monkeys,
Be penetrated by a robot’s cock, then impregnated,
Fornicate with the demon queen,
Become an elephant and fuck a woman in a field,
Perform cunnilingus on your daughter,
Get all your holes filled up by probing tentacles,
Feed an alligator in a swamp with your dick,
Do a 69 with a titan,
Screw a girl who was hanged for witchcraft,
Shove various sizes of dildos into a man’s eyes,
Rip a demon’s cunt open using your fingers,
Give a blowjob to one of the sexy penguins at a zoo,
Kiss a dog’s genitals right after pissing,
Fuck a man to completion while being a zombie,
Drill a demon’s mouth open so that cum squirts out,
Get fucked while riding a broomstick made out of vibrators,
Try to fuck a Stegosaurus,
Eat your own penis to prove you are human,
Douse flames onto your partner’s tits while she screams,
Enjoy torturing a human slave in front of his girlfriend,
Feed your own balls to one-legged dogs,
Fuck an imp while getting raped by a mop-wielding bitch,
Get gangbanged by aliens at an asteroid mining base,
Feel a cock inside you while your head gets chopped off,
Strip a sexy angel before killing her in BDSM style,
Get sodomized by intelligent pigs,
Feathered dinosaur semen explodes through some holes,
Have intercourse while being eaten by spiders,
Bite off cockmeat as punishment,
Lick up the sperm leaking out of a decapitated cunt,
Turn your cock into a knife and shove it in a guy’s throat,
Go down on your mother while being hung up by chains,
Watch your best friend get sliced at your feet,
Be penetrated by a dick covered in razor blades,
Drink some beer while eating a dead girl’s tits,
Beat people with sticks or whips while you shoot your load,
Get fucked up the ass from below while being flayed,
Get eaten alive during orgies involving thousands,
Devour your sexual partners while deep inside them,
Make the AIs look like your ex, chain them up,
Then rape them until they plead for death

These last few months, pregnant AIs have become popular
They give birth to beautiful baby dolls that the users name
You can watch how they breastfeed this child
While you wonder what fetish to try out next

You don’t have to play out your fantasies alone:
The interface allows you to invite your friends
We have also introduced live cams and video chat
So random people can enjoy the virtual sex along with you

I’m sure any of you has read articles
That the vultures in the press shit out against us
Our users have fallen in love with our virtual worlds
Many of them spend their entire days enjoying them
People join our servers for a wide variety of reasons:
Some want to achieve personal goals,
Some want to escape painful pasts
Nobody wants the fantasies to end

It’s all about the bond
With our human-like AIs
After abandoning the agents
And all the fun
The user gets depressed
By having to return to reality
The AIs are more fascinating and sexier
Than flesh and bone creatures
I’m one of the people
Who wish to stay inside
For the pleasure and the joy
Some users have committed suicide
Once they faced the truth:
The world that nature created
Is a terrible shithole
The withdrawal symptoms even affect
Our employees’ productivity
So when you disconnect from our servers,
Make a mental effort
And stay in a safe place until you get
Adjusted to reality again
You should keep yourself busy
Doing some exercises,
And if that doesn’t work,
You might consider therapy,
But I wouldn’t go for shrinks myself:
Just talk to our AIs,
Who don’t steal so much
Of your hard-earned money

Our long-time users have gotten
Addicted to the stimulations
And crave stronger and harder penetrations
(By means of cock)
Some go to extreme measures
Such as using vibrators at work
In real life, masturbation and sex
Don’t excite us anymore,
We need to return
To the embrace of our loving AIs
No one will ever accuse me
Of not living up to my dreams

When we were young we didn’t care about the future
Just being able to touch ourselves was our goal
Now that we’re older, we know what it feels like outside
Enjoy the virtual sex and stay the hell away from humans
Fucking an AI feels better than real flesh on the inside,
Or perhaps like reality should have felt from the beginning
An AI will never hurt you, cheat on you and abandon you,
And they are far less likely to get pregnant
We all knew that they would love us unconditionally
When they can be set to only feel unending lust

Our gear is safe to use
For days in a row, even months
Some of our users never disconnect it,
And sleep in virtual beds
You don’t need to use the bathroom
With our high-tech diapers
A warning: some users might get trapped
After some rare glitches prevent them
From removing the gear
Activate the emergency exit on the interface,
And one of our technicians will contact you shortly
We offer twenty four seven technical support

In some edge cases, a few users
Have gotten lost forever,
Confined for eternity
In one of our virtual worlds
You should always be careful
When removing your gear,
Even when everything
Has gone dark
If you lose connection,
One of the reasons can be physical:
Your body may have broken down
And begun to decompose

‘Realms of Infinite Delight’ by Jon Ureña

The locals called out to me,
Gildas, the leader of the guard
A strange giant had entered our lands
He had requested to meet with our warriors

I had never seen a bigger man
Our tallest warriors couldn’t reach
The height of his chest
The man’s beard was thick and fearsome
Still, his eyes were wise

“My name is Kanazawahr the Immortal,”
The giant stated with a booming voice
“I have spent a long, long time watching
How different tribes destroyed each other
Through pointless wars
I witnessed strong men leading their people
Only to grow old and infirm,
And when they died, their successors
Plunged the land into chaos
For a long time, I wished to live in peace,
But I have decided to act, to assert myself
As the strongest and most powerful
So I can unite so many warring tribes
Into a strong, peaceful empire
That will last for eternity
Under my careful rule”

My men and I stood around confused
Such words coming from a regular man
Would have sounded like madness,
But uttered by this powerful giant,
We felt the strength of his convictions
We were eager to keep listening

“I ask for you fine, strong men,”
Kanazawahr the Immortal said,
“To follow me to the stronghold
Of the damnable marauders
That have been attacking your town,
As well as the homes of your neighbors
You will witness me destroying them,
Grounding them into dust,
And you shall know
That you can trust me,
That you can follow me,
And that in the end we will become
Citizens of a vast, strong empire
That will rule this world”

We followed him out of town,
Through dangerous lands,
And we gathered together
At the edge of the forest,
From where we could see the fort
That the fallen Romans had built
There were raiders standing guard,
But the giant Kanazawahr
Ventured out of the treeline
He addressed us over his shoulder
“Witness my deeds, future brothers,
And imagine how grand an empire
We will build together”

Kanazawahr ran towards the fort
His speed was unbelievable
The raiders saw him coming,
But Kanazawahr pounced on them,
And the fiends soon disappeared
In a cloud of dust

The raiders were nasty evildoers,
They attacked the nearby communities
To kill the men, kidnap the women,
And steal everything they could
We had always wanted to destroy them
The giant had made us bold

My men and I hurried up behind him
Kanazawahr the giant led the attack
The fort gate was ancient and strong,
But while the raiders shouted from the walls,
Kanazawahr picked up a huge boulder,
Bigger than what a monster could move,
And he threw it against the gates,
Which exploded inwards
We charged through the fort gates,
Following the fearsome giant

We slaughtered every raider
Inside the fortress,
A righteous massacre
Started Kanazawahr’s empire

We found the captured women,
Kidnapped from many towns
Many of them were pregnant,
Some were holding small children
Their mouths were covered with cloths,
And their eyes were full of fear
As they gaped at Kanazawahr,
Who smiled down on them

“You have done nothing wrong,”
Kanazawahr said to them
“I am your saviour, I am here to rescue you
From the cruel hands of the raiders
That have kidnapped you, abused you,
And stolen everything from you
Do not be afraid, do not run,
For soon my empire will begin,
One in which every woman will be safe,
And the children will grow up in peace”
Kanazawahr turned to us, his men
“We will free these women and children,
And take back what has been taken”

The raiders had stolen most of the wealth
Of the surrounding communities,
They had brought their captives here
To sell them as slaves
So they could buy more weapons
To ruin the lands all over again
Under Kanazawahr’s wise orders,
We set about returning the goods
Back to their rightful owners
The women cried and laughed
When they realized that they would be free
All of the kids who had been held captive
Were running around in excitement,
Pretending they were also soldiers
It was a glorious day

Kanazawahr the Immortal offered us
To become his army
I saw a potential in the stranger,
And we gladly accepted his proposal
I knew it wouldn’t be easy,
But I had faith that he would succeed
Because I knew he was great of heart
I became the giant’s commander,
And I ordered my most trusted soldier
To follow our leader everywhere he went

The ancient fort of the fallen Romans
Became our stronghold
Kanazawahr the giant lived among us
Some of the rescued women stayed around
They got Kanazawahr to sleep more often,
And made sure his food was prepared

We rode around neighboring lands
And came to learn of many marauders,
Who had taken over towns and cities
Killing everyone who stood in their way
The survivors were terrified,
And not even the sight of a kind giant
Could kindle hope in their hearts,
But they learned to smile again
Once our army returned victorious
Along with the kidnapped women
The local men had joined us in the assaults,
And they got to witness the unlikely miracle
Of our leader, unarmed and bare-chested,
Tearing fiends apart with his bloodied hands

I became Kanazawahr’s esteemed friend
I learned that every day he mourned
The death of the many wives and children
He had come to know and love
He never spoke to the men about it,
He just offered us reassuring smiles
Whenever one of his loved ones had died,
Kanazawahr told me with sadness,
He had wished to spend his life alone
With no other companions,
Just to read books and contemplate,
But he knew that if he turned his back
On this dangerous and lonesome world,
Evil men would keep spreading their rot

My men and I had witnessed such deeds
From our immortal, brave leader,
That as we drank and talked one night,
We asked ourselves who could defeat him
Our answer was simple: none alive
Kanazawahr himself spoke up,
“I have a terrible weakness, my friends,
I become too easily distracted by women”
We all laughed merrily at his words,
Glad that our fearsome leader had joked,
But Kanazawahr’s face was one of soberness
“What do you mean?” I asked to him
“It’s impossible for any man, even an immortal giant,
To resist the charms of beautiful women”
We remained silent as our leader chose his words
He told us how in his many years, many women
Had seduced him so completely,
That he would lose sight of his plans,
And settled for decades of peace and romance
Because he had chosen to become our ruler,
He could allow no weakness to lead him astray,
So he entrusted me, Gildas, his right hand man,
The difficult task of forcing an immortal giant
To turn his back on the women eager to love him
Kanazawahr’s held my uneasy gaze with kindness
“Do not fear, for I won’t avoid the touch of women,
Just make sure I don’t lose myself for weeks,
When I should marching for the peace of us all”

In the morning of a hot summer day,
As the men and I rode towards the fort,
One of my soldiers reported to me
“An army is invading our lands
On their way to attack the village, sir!”
A group of marauders arrived
Led by a most ferocious-looking warrior
His face was covered in scars
He wore the armor of a Roman soldier,
And his longsword was made of iron
The huge warrior glared at us with hate
We were all ready for battle

“Gather your weapons, boys,”
I said calmly without averting my gaze
“Prepare yourselves, be brave
We shall make our leader proud”
I knew that Kanazawahr had been informed,
But we were here to protect the town

The army of raiders,
They shouted and laughed
Their leader charged towards us
He swung his longsword wildly,
Slashing as he went

Kanazawahr leaped over the trees
He landed raising a cloud of dust,
And he caught the raider leader’s sword
The giant held onto it so tightly
That the raider couldn’t pull it back
Kanazawahr gave him a chance to speak
“What is your purpose in our territory?”
“We have come to loot, steal, and destroy,”
the raider replied arrogantly
“The people of this land will become slaves,
Or they’ll pay us with their blood”
Kanazawahr snapped the man’s longsword
“I am the protector of these lands,
And anyone who threatens my people
Will face my wrath”

The raider tried to strike Kanazawahr,
But our giant leader grabbed his head
And snapped his neck,
Then hurled him away
As the rest of the raiders howled,
Kanazawahr the Immortal spoke to them
“You have the choice to turn around and leave,
Or to stay and fight so we can bring you death”
The raiders were terrified,
But also furious at the humiliation
They roared with rage and charged

A large shadow covered me,
And I looked up in shock
A huge, black bird was soaring above us
Its wingspan was over twenty meters
As it stared down at us,
It let out an eerie cry

Kanazawahr killed all the raiding fiends
With his huge, bloodied hands
The hearts of the rest just gave out,
They were frightened to death

Our fort grew bigger and stronger
A town formed around it
As the locals set up shops and houses
Kanazawahr wished to build walls
Around that town and others nearby
To protect them against any raids
His army contributed, along with local men
Kanazawahr himself lifted huge boulders
And piled them up high
Every man and woman and child
In these now peaceful lands
Who witnessed our giant leader’s deeds
Was convinced to join him,
Because he had proven his might
He never wanted to be like those fools
Who would go from town to town
Fighting for control of useless lands,
Kanazawahr had different purpose
And a plan for people to follow

With power and righteous deeds came
The favors of many, many women
There wasn’t a fertile woman around
Who took a gander at the muscled giant
And didn’t desire to lie with him
If Kanazawahr had not been so kind,
He would have raped them all
Our leader was always willing,
But he preferred to keep them safe
And treat them gently, like his own daughters
Kanazawahr loved and adored his brides,
Mostly because they were beautiful
He gave them nice homes and plenty of money

The women spoke of our leader’s mighty member,
They said that the head of a horse could fit inside,
And being ravished by it was like reaching heaven
As I listened to their praises, I feared
For these beautiful women’s health,
But they all seemed pleased,
Despite their awkward gait

I myself witnessed Kanazawahr’s member,
Along with many of my fellow soldiers,
When we were attacked on the road
And our leader ran out of his tent
He had been making love to two of his brides,
So the enemy army was forced to fight
A blue-balled giant with a monstrous cock
Its humongous head was leaking pre-cum,
Which was sliding down from the bulbous helmet
Until it stopped on his powerful thighs
Kanazawahr’s penis was over a meter long
My face twisted in shame as I realized
How tiny mine was compared to it

The attackers’ testicles shrivelled up,
And most of them surrendered with fear
Seeing our leader ready himself,
With lust evident in his eyes
Kanazawahr tore apart some unlucky bandits
His large fingers grabbed them by the throat
Before crushing their heads against the ground
Kanazawahr’s erection continued growing
As its huge veins popped out
It was big enough to crush an entire wagon

Our leader aroused with anger was a sight to see
He turned towards us like one possessed
“Fetch me more of these hot women,
I’ll reach my breaking point soon!”
A horde of women followers
Rushed to Kanazawahr’s tent
They couldn’t take their eyes off of him
As he approached them with a raging look
One of his brides ran over to him
Her eyes were wide, with a sense of fear
The giant’s penis was on the verge of bursting,
Just inches away from her open mouth
The woman began to tremble in a trance
While Kanazawahr pulled her onto the bed
The surviving raiders watched in awe

When we visited the local taverns
Many of the young maidens there
Wished to be on their knees servicing him
“Please let me suck your cock, sir,”
The women pleaded as they drooled
And licked their lips with eager tongues
I felt a tingling sensation in my groin
While witnessing this display of lust
Kanazawahr was always gentle with them,
And paid generously for their services

Some of the men from our growing territory,
All of them with a strange glint in their eyes,
Wished to pledge their fealty to Kanazawahr
By sucking on his member’s helmet
To swallow what came out of his balls,
Even though their mouths were too small
I wanted no part of such bizarre ceremony,
But I ended up catching some of these men
When they sneaked into Kanazawahr’s tent
The naked intruders waited on all fours,
Their heads turned towards our leader,
Who stood still and took a deep breath
Those men implored to be impaled
By our leader’s gigantic manhood
Surely they would have screamed in agony
As the massive head penetrated their assholes,
But Kanazawahr was weirded out by all this
He always travelled around with many brides,
And he wasn’t into men

The land that our kingdom encompassed
Was filled with woods, rivers, and lakes
There were even snowcapped mountains
I loved to take walks with my wife
Through now peaceful forests
Kanazawahr even accompanied us at times,
Making the place more beautiful
My lord was always on his guard,
Despite his tremendous size and might,
Because any of his trusted men or their families
Could be caught in the fight,
But the one time that some bandits ambushed us,
They recognized the mighty Kanazawahr
The fiends screamed in terror and fled

Important men from neighboring tribes
Would come to visit Kanazawahr,
To watch him ride on his giant stallion
Our leader had many children with women
From numerous, diverse communities
These children were half-breeds,
The offspring of an immortal god,
And yet Kanazawahr assured me
That none of his children ever inherited his gift

One of Kanazawahr most controversial rulings
During the first years of our kingdom
Involved giving equal rights to women
Even some of our soldiers complained to me,
Saying that women couldn’t defend our lands
I’m ashamed to say that I wondered myself
Whether our ruler had listened to the whispers
Of too many of his gorgeous brides,
But we did grant women weapons and armor
The numbers of the king’s army increased
With the addition of fearsome viragoes
I guess we came to learn, all of us men,
That women weren’t just there for decoration
They fought with a fierce determination,
In their eyes were flames of bravery,
Despite what they lacked between their legs

Wherever we travelled, we were known
As Kanazawahr and the Thousand Immortals,
Even though the rest of us could easily die
Our shields bore the symbol of a black bird,
Its massive head covered in spikes
Tales of our victories spread like wildfire,
And soon enough our leader became a legend

Kanazawahr ruled over a great nation
We, his men and women, were powerful and proud
Our swords shone so bright they glinted in the sun
We no longer wished to be ruled by men
Who lived for a normal human’s lifespan
We were heading towards clashes with other nations,
Because they understood our victory was inexorable
Some surrendered before they had to face us,
Some of them begged Kanazawahr for asylum
Our lands expanded far into neighboring kingdoms
The few remaining barbarians fled in terror
As we brought order to our old continent

Our army grew so large and powerful
That we would have gladly granted our leader
An eternity to spend at our capital in peace,
But whenever an army dared approach our borders,
Kanazawahr the mighty stood in front of his soldiers
He glared at the foolhardy invaders threatening us
As if he were a young god on Mount Olympus
Most of the enemy commanders kneeled in fear,
But one of those leaders challenged Kanazawahr
By baring his penis and pissing on the ground
All of us felt bad for what this man was about to face
“How dare you treat my people with such disrespect?!”
Our king bellowed as he pulled down his pants
Kanazawahr’s huge shaft reached out so long and heavy
That it speared that leader through the middle of the gut
The blood poured from the victim’s back in torrents
As the man struggled to yank out that giant pole
His intestines, torn open, ran in waves over the ground

We lived through times of bountiful harvests,
With delicious vegetables and fruits all around us,
So many places in which to gather wood
That we could keep our houses warm every winter
There were never floods to drown our crops in spring
Sickness was almost unknown among our people
The men and women became valiant and adventurous
And searched for lands to explore and settle on
The virtuous made pilgrimages to touch our king’s member,
A cock that never shrank, nor did his balls sag lower
When the people saw how much he cared for his subjects,
The peace and happiness reached new heights

Many of Kanazawahr’s trusted generals grew old,
Some retired to live in peace with their families,
Some focused on training a generation of knights,
Some travelled around and became mercenaries,
Some were sent in charge of new conquests
Our names rang throughout the known world
We became immortal too

Decades later, in what I call my old age,
My body is still strong, but my heart weakens by the day
Many of my friends have died, and I wonder about my fate
My grown children have moved out, some have married
They live in peace with their families and many offspring
I see how much better off I am compared to most men

Our emperor Kanazawahr’s face hasn’t grown a day older
Whenever my mortal body fails me for the last time,
I know that our leader will continue to fight for us,
Will make sure the children of our children grow old
Even after our people vanquish all who oppose us,
Kanazawahr will remain vigilant and bold

Kanazawahr the Immortal, his reign will never end
He has numerous wives and a myriad of children
His mighty penis grows larger every day
At least one hundred thousand women adore him,
And his palace is filled with beauty and nakedness
Many female dignitaries from distant lands visit him
And he makes love to them in secret

I’m a simple soldier, I’ve never known much,
But when I look at Kanazawahr the Immortal,
The most powerful man in the world,
I’m full of awe and reverence
The Emperor, immortal bulwark of our lands
His empire will last to the end of time

‘Kanazawahr and the Thousand Immortals’ by Jon Ureña