Interdimensional Prophet (Poetry)

When Dr. Grayson Munchkin was born,
He was left to die in a gutter by his mother,
With the aim of sending him to Hell
For ruining everything she held dear
As a result, many of Munchkin’s students,
And even some of his esteemed colleagues,
Got used to mentioning Munchkin’s mother
As fondly as that lovely lady deserved

Anyway, you should address Grayson Munchkin
By putting the ‘Dr.’ in front of his name
The guy will likely get pissed otherwise
He believes himself to be the kind of handsome
Which makes a female-filled team impracticable,
So it’s mostly dudes in his team of researchers
Who discovered how to access other dimensions
To be fair, a few women do work in his team
But most of them were raised in single parent homes,
And they tend to keep their distance from men like him
Even if they’re attracted to him (and he’s sure they are)
It would be impossible for a woman to make love
To someone who thinks that he owns all things
And who’s too self-centered to care about anything else

His team relies on interdimensional resonance
And dimensional stability fields
To open the miraculous portal holes,
Which create an imbalance between nearby universes
With differing degrees of dimensional density
As a result, those dimensional densities
Cause one universe to destabilize
Towards the next dimensional layer

One key is the advanced material plasmodum,
Of which the dimensional portals are built,
But the main key is a blood sacrifice
Other dimensions can’t be accessed otherwise
The amount varies based on the size and density
Of the stuff that the dimension to access contains
Dr. Grayson Munchkin believes that it’s due
To the dimensional energy stored in living beings

Be careful when controlling the dimensional instability,
Otherwise all sorts of nasty things would happen
It might be best if only people who aren’t crazy,
Like Dr. Grayson Munchkin, get to use the portals

You’d think that opening portals into new dimensions
Would make humanity more powerful and influential
In fact, the portal technology is so dangerous
That Munchkin intends to keep it under wraps
Also because he’s afraid of losing control over it,
And because potential competitors outside the college
May compromise the team’s research and development
Everybody else in the world is too stupid anyway
They’ll never understand how it works

Each day at eight AM sharp, Munchkin’s classroom fills
With eager young minds who all look forward
To the thrill of opening another dimensional door
They connect with an infinite number of dimensions,
Most of them wildly different to our own
A new dimension will always be random,
But they can input the coordinates of a previous one

Many researchers are obsessed with gaining knowledge
Munchkin wants to explore strange and interesting life
Hiding in the myriad of unimaginable realms,
But he also has his greedy eyes on the possible wealth
In secret, he wants to come across the presence of a god
In any of the dimensions they will venture into

When Munchkin was a child, his father used to tell him
That old cliché, “Life is a journey, not a destination,”
So Munchkin feels like this is the time for him to embark
Into a world filled with mysteries and wonders
The portal technology could change the course of history
Or it could just end up being another scientific fad

Some of Munchkin’s students have the right attitude
And they’re willing to do anything for science
Every exploration team is trained in the art of phlebotomy,
In case they need to draw blood in a strange dimension
A dormant portal couldn’t be activated otherwise
So Munchkin’s team has a lot of experience drawing blood
From their fellow humans, and sometimes animals

When Munchkin decides to fire up a whole new dimension,
His team has no clue what will await on the other side
Merely connecting to another dimension is dangerous;
An uncontrolled decompression sucked in two students,
Who were lost forever in some unknown dimension
His team relies these days on the airlock they built
To prevent dimensional leaks during the process

The portal opens and the team of scholars enters
All members wear protective gear
With a helmet, goggles, breathing apparatus
And a space suit to protect against radiation
Dr. Munchkin keeps insisting to the dean
That they should equip them with nuclear reactors
But the dean refuses to spend money
On such a useless piece of equipment
Besides, she’s worried about liability issues
And the university doesn’t want to be sued
By the parents of some dead nerds

The team is divided into two groups:
One group will collect data from the other dimensions,
And the second is charged with maintaining the portal
In the beginning, the exploration teams were terrified
They only ventured a few meters beyond the portal,
And that’s if the new dimension seemed safe enough
If they caught a glimpse of alien life similar to beasts,
They were quick to gather their things and flee home

On many of the dimensions discovered,
The only life was weird fungi
It’s not that those places were barren;
It seems they never developed plant life
In some other dimensions, though,
Life existed only as plant-like entities
The teams explored those dimensions further
They kept an eye on each other
Through makeshift communication devices
Made out of plant fibers and animal guts
The animals were brought from home, though
As a result, the explorers had to deal with the smell
Of the creatures’ carcasses

The first animal life was discovered by accident:
The team found itself standing among beasts
That looked like trees standing on their roots
They walked around but seemed peaceful enough
And they didn’t attack nor try to eat the explorers
One member of the team, a girl named Ruth,
Became fascinated with the plants
She studied them intently and learned their language,
Which she used to communicate with the beast-trees

Ruth eventually became one of the leaders
Her name means ‘earth’ in Hebrew
That’s why the rest of her team called themselves
Earthlings, after the planet Earth,
But also because they came from Earth
Anyway, Ruth was nicknamed ‘the forest scientist’
Her interest in the flora of those dimensions
Saved the lives of several members of her team,
As they tried to make it back home
They reported what they’d seen to Dr. Munchkin
He got a kick out of seeing his students in action,
Especially when the stories were related to him

They came across disturbing walking octopi
With tentacles like sea snakes
They tried to climb into the explorers’ clothes
To get at the blood within

The team also encountered a strange kind of grass,
A twisted monstrosity resembling a human hand
When one explorer cut off its disturbing fingers,
Its body melted away to reveal a creature inside
That resembled a cockroach with tar-like wings
The scientists were so shocked, they fled the scene
They made it back safely to the portal and sealed it

After one of the expeditions,
They all had the same dream
In a dark, alien forest appeared
A deformed creature with a human head
It chased the explorers through the trees
One of the members, whose name was Sam,
Was convinced that he saw the face
Of his mother in that nightmare
He told the others that it wasn’t a dream
Munchkin decided to shut off that dimension
So it wouldn’t be explored further

The team of researchers are usually on good terms
Mostly, they’re just colleagues
Dr. Munchkin has to keep reminding them
To keep quiet about their portal technology
In case the government catches wind of it
And decides to hide the portal in the Smithsonian

An undercurrent of excitement and curiosity
Runs beneath the surface of every team
Who knows what kind of strange creatures
May lurk inside the next dimensional door
Dr. Munchkin hopes that they’ll find the key
To unlock the secrets of the universe,
And maybe even discover a god or two,
But they don’t know if their discoveries
Will ever see the light of day

One of the new dimensions was so snowy
That the team barely managed to set up their tents
When a sudden blizzard destroyed the expensive gear
Most of the team members got treated for frostbite

Another dimension contained an infinite number
Of beings with bodies made entirely of glass
They weren’t aggressive, they just sat there
And watched the team walk past

A dimension was filled with beautiful flowers,
And some of the plants were so large and vibrant
That they looked like paintings,
But they had no scent

A new dimension turned out to be full of fog
So thick that the team could hardly see
But this wondrous, misty realm
Had a strange beauty all on its own

One dimension seemed to be nothing
But clouds and an endless sky,
No ground in sight

One of the most interesting places visited
Was a dimension filled with living crystals
That looked like diamonds and sapphires
The only way to get into the caves
Where the crystalline life resided
Was by climbing down a hole in the ceiling
The team discovered an entire ecosystem
Of crystal-based creatures

A dimension was filled with floating rocks,
And the ground underneath was covered in dirt
It had the appearance of being an endless beach,
But the team didn’t find water anywhere
Some tiny, fluffy little animals were crawling around
They were a cross between a bird and a caterpillar
One member of the group was fascinated by the critters
She kept petting one as it crawled across her arm
Her teammates started to tease her about getting weird,
Then she realized that the little animal was trying
To crawl inside her clothes, so she jumped back

A few of the dimensions the team visited
Were filled with otherworldly music
They never figured out how it originated,
But the sound was so soothing and beautiful
That the team found themselves dancing,
And they kept going until they fell asleep
Once they woke up, they felt disturbed
By having been stripped of their free will,
And were quick to return to the college
They told the dean what had happened
Her response was to lock them in the cellar
Until they’d recovered from the experience

One dimension’s air smelled like rotten eggs
And when a team member took a whiff,
His nose started bleeding and everything went black
To be fair, he should have worn his oxygen mask

The team also discovered dimensions
That were hit regularly with catastrophes
They were referred to as the Hell Dimensions
No complex life would survive for long

Some dimensions seemed to exist
Only in the minds of the explorers
They called them the Imaginary Dimensions
Nobody could explain those

Dr. Munchkin’s team is growing
They’ve catalogued dozens of new dimensions
Each time they open another portal,
The possibility of a discovery grows
Whenever an exploration team returns
They share the exciting results with their colleagues,
Who are compelled to investigate more
Their curiosity drives them on
Dr. Munchkin keeps telling them: “We’re pioneers”
But he doesn’t tell them that they’ll probably die

They could spend an eternity exploring
Dr. Grayson Munchkin wants to go further
He hopes that his discoveries will change history
In the process he might even find a god or two

It becomes widely known among the local scholars
That Munchkin is opening portals to strange realms
Through the equipment that his team developed
Many new faces get involved in the explorations,
Which causes an explosion in their workloads
The dimension researchers work late into the night
They’re always on call to deal with emergencies
Dr. Grayson Munchkin isn’t afraid to take risks,
And he’s rarely the one to put his life on the line

Many of the dimensions his team explores
Are Amazon-like, untapped wildernesses
Dr. Munchkin’s people carry ropes and climbing gear
The team members end up having to rappel down cliffs
Or cross chasms that separate two mountains
They have to be careful not to fall into the abyss

Many of the students spend hours each day
Documenting everything about the flora and fauna
Of the many strange dimensions they’ve catalogued
Every detail needs to be remembered

One dimension was a dark void that stretched on forever
No matter how far the team walked,
They never reached an edge

In one dimension that was catalogued as desert-like,
The sand turned out to be made of tiny bugs
It looks like the surface of Mars, but it’s all bugs
Some were small enough to enter through the pores
Two members ended up covered with thousands of bites,
One of them has never stopped screaming

In one dimension, the team discovered a world
Where there are no seasons or weather patterns
It’s a constant, eternal summer
Some researchers planned to build luxury resorts

Sometimes they found ancient ruins or abandoned cities
With the buildings crumbling and empty
Other times they came across strange devices
That resembled far more complicated calculators

In one dimension that was dominated by birds,
Most of the team members got lost inside a forest,
But the dimension had an endless supply of fresh water
When they returned, even the women had grown beards

A coordinate led to a place of giant, dinosaur-like lizards
They could fly using the power of the wind,
And they’d hunt prey with powerful jaws
The team quickly realized that the lizards
Were on a quest for a mythical source of energy:
Dragon eggs that contained unlimited magic
The team isn’t sure how it learned this information,
But they didn’t want to wait around to be eaten

Another dimension is a lush green paradise
The team explored it for weeks,
But then a sudden storm swept in
Tornadoes appeared and destroyed the tents

One dimension’s air tasted like salt
Even though the team wore oxygen masks
The members became sick and nearly died

One dimension seemed to be a solid block of ice
The team used axes and hammers to break it
And they discovered that the interior was filled
With a substance that looked like mercury

A dimension populated solely by mushrooms
Was so fertile and beautiful
That a few associated mycologists
Decided to build a mushroom city
They even erected a monument
To commemorate their discovery

One dimension is filled with a kind of plasma
It has an eerie purple glow
The team discovered it was a type of life
That had evolved to survive in space

The floor in one dimension was so muddy
That the team sank to their waists
They now thank the heavens for their ropes
In that strange, swampy land
The massive aquatic plants grew tall
With trunks as thick as skyscrapers

Exploring some dimensions involved constant tension
The team had to give up any sense of security
Because some expeditions had gotten so dangerous,
Dr. Munchkin hired explorers of jungles and seas
To guide the researchers through the unknown

One of the teams discovered a giant mushroom,
Three meters tall and covered in tiny white hairs
A mycologist cut out pieces and ate them
The others were terrified that they might poisonous
Predictably, they were hallucinogenic
But also allowed that researcher to understand
Both the language of mushrooms across dimensions
As well as understand their hierarchy and needs
Munchkin had gotten sick of mushrooms by now
He wanted to move on to something else

A group of explorers encountered
A creature with eyes in its armpits
The being could see all the way
To the end of time and space
And it spoke to them telepathically
They knew that they would have no choice
But to obey its every command

In one dimension, the team found a vast, oceanic cavern
Teeming with fish that could swim through solid rock
There was a squid with tentacles thicker than trees
The team tried to swim right past it without it noticing,
Until one of the men accidentally bumped into it
The monster’s mouth snapped shut, swallowing him
They heard a loud crunching sound from inside the beast
The others were able to escape by swimming away

In some dimensions the explorers came across creatures
That resembled humongous spiders and centipedes
The team was never able to identify them
They were too busy fighting off giant ants
That could eat a person whole

One dimension had a population of talking insects
They spoke in their own incomprehensible tongue
No matter how many times the explorers asked,
They just couldn’t figure out what they meant

When the explorers entered one of the dimensions,
Their skin immediately started changing colors
The researchers thought it must have been the light,
But their skin keeps changing colors to this day

In one dimension the team met a creature
With the body of a lion and the head of a horse
It smelled like sulfur and its claws were huge
The explorers’ rifles took care of the threat

Some dimension was full of enormous jellyfish
That emitted a brilliant, neon blue light
The scientists were surprised to learn that the jellyfish
Could live outside the ocean, but not inside of it

One night, some drunk students accessed the portal
And got afflicted by some strange spores,
But after a few days of a high fever
They were able to control objects through telekinesis
Nobody came across those spores again
Dr. Munchkin wanted the power for himself

Many believed that they could snatch other powers
Or even technological remnants from alien races
Munchkin wished to increase his worth dramatically
By gaining such powers beyond humanity

In one dimension, some predators were invisible
And they could move at impossible speeds
A few of the veteran explorers were killed
The team brought back corpses of these creatures
They could be touched and weighed,
But remained invisible in every wavelength

Another dimension was a sea of blood
The team discovered a special property:
If it touched a human’s bare hand,
It will cause their bones to dissolve

The teams became addicted to exploring alien worlds
They always returned home with a new discovery,
But they were more interested in finding novel places,
So they didn’t explore previous worlds thoroughly

Some chemists used some plants brought back
To synthetize a new drug they called zodalite
It provided great euphoria and hallucinations
Many of the explorers went out while high

An entire team of explorers, some quite veteran
Were found turned into stone statues
Nobody learned what the fuck happened
That was the end of that expedition

One team encountered a large, pink slug
Its body was made of rubber and it squirted acid
The team tried to kill it with their guns,
But the acid melted through the barrels

Other dimensions were filled with creatures
With tentacles that stretched out of sight
Most of them were carnivorous and hungry for flesh
The researchers decided not to enter those realms

One of the dimensions was home to black clouds
That somehow were alive and ravenous
One of the clouds followed the team home,
But some researchers managed to train it
The cloud now hauls materials around
The researchers no longer worry about it

In another dimension, the explorers came across a creature
That looked like a giant eyeball with a mouth
The scientists couldn’t figure out how to communicate
With this alien life form, so they just left it alone
They had to keep watch over the creature
Because it might shoot a beam of light out of its eye
And destroy everything within range of the beam
That was a problem for everyone, except for the creature

Some scientists got addicted to zodalite,
And they went out to explore every night
Just to get high and feel the euphoria
A few of them even tried eating a weird moss,
Which made their heads explode

A few of the veterans ate too many mushrooms,
And got bitten by too many weird insects,
And have lost their goddamn minds
Now they can speak the language of dogs

One of the researchers ate by mistake a weird leaf
That changed her into something like a plant
She spent all of the next year growing massive leaves,
Until she was eaten by a giant spider

In some dimensions, the explorers found ancient ruins
The buildings were covered in a thick layer of moss
Some of them looked like they’d been built out of mud,
But others had intricate designs on the walls

One of the explorers got bitten by a strange snake
He grew long fangs that dripped black saliva
The other researchers shot a few photos
Before their cameras exploded

One of the explorers was swallowed whole
By a worm the size of a bus
After being digested, the creature spat out
A bunch of small worms that crawled everywhere

Along the way, Dr. Munchkin’s teams also discovered
Dimensions that were home to sentient species
There first one involved an island
And its tiny society of sentient turtles
They never made themselves understood
Turns out that turtle language is hard to comprehend

One dimension was populated by sentient crystals
That communicated using vibrations
They kept making sounds that resembled music,
But the team never managed to discover
What they were singing about

One world was full of dunes under a harsh sun
The researchers encountered cicada-like insects
That had evolved to become intelligent and peaceful
Their queen requested regular meetings with humans
These creatures relied solely on the vegetables
That they had to harvest every few seconds

One dimension was populated by a race of bees
As big as any regular house back on Earth
They were docile and eager to talk with the teams
Somehow they were able to fly, but only when it rained

One dimension was populated by a race of tiny people
They looked like little old men in dresses
The explorers discovered that they were asexual,
But they did have a social hierarchy

One dimension has a race of winged humanoids
Who can fly through space and time at will
And who are completely immortal
The team investigated for weeks before they realized
That the flying people were actually ghosts
They keep searching for their bodies, without success

In one of the dimensions, the team encountered
An army of ants that marched in formation
And carried weapons made out of bones
The scientists quickly retreated back home,
As the ant-soldiers advanced upon the portal

One dimension’s air was filled with an electrical charge,
And when the team stepped outside they could feel a tingle
The team members soon realized that the electricity
Was coming from two enormous towers in the distance
When the team approached the towers, they saw a man
Who had wings of pure gold and a tail of fire
The team ran back to the portal, waiting open for them
The man didn’t attack, but he did send out a message
That said: “Don’t go near the towers”

A team discovered a civilization of sentient butterflies
Some of the explorers became butterflies, which was nice

One of the dimensions resembled Mars
The world was a barren wasteland,
But in the distance, the team glimpsed what appeared to be
The outline of a large city hundreds of kilometers away
They were so excited that they forgot to take pictures

A team discovered a civilization
Similar to the Roman Empire
Some historians planned
To keep in touch with them
So they would avoid lining
Their pipes and aqueducts with lead,
They would protect themselves
Against monotheistic religions,
And make sure to defend
Their overstretched borders

For a puzzling race of humanoids that one team discovered,
Time worked by passing it from person to person,
Instead of existing simultaneously as they aged
The researchers can’t wrap their minds around that
The team learned to speak the beings’ simple language,
And they pleaded for them to explain their existence,
But the creatures just kept repeating:
“We don’t age. We pass time.”

One expedition found itself in a world of rocks
The walls were covered with huge, bizarre faces
Some of the team members took pictures
The expedition leader, who was named Gail,
Thought she’d take a selfie but ended up taking
The picture of an alien with two heads
She said, “I didn’t mean to do that”
But Dr. Munchkin laughed and congratulated her
Because now they had a photo of an alien
Their colleagues kept making dirty jokes
About aliens with double-headed dicks
Gail was embarrassed by the attention

The portal opened and the explorers entered,
And the team ran into a horde of giant spiders
They were much bigger than the ones that inhabit Earth
Their webs stretched as far as the eye could see,
And they surrounded the group of explorers
The spider-people were interested in Ruth’s plant life
They wanted to study it, and she was willing
To give them some samples of the weirdest plants

One of the dimensions looked like a medieval village
Where the residents were all wearing armor
The adventurers came across an old knight,
Who told them that they needed to find the ancient
Megalithic structure called the Citadel
That was located somewhere in the mountains
The team leader wasn’t interested in sidequests

In one dimension, the team met an intelligent race of beings
Who built enormous structures that reached the sky
The buildings were made of living stone
The team was surprised to learn that the people
Could grow new buildings whenever they needed them

The researchers keep speaking fondly
About a dimension home to a race of cat people
They looked like humans, but if humans were cats
Their furs were vibrantly colored, tiger-like
The female cat-folk loved the bare-skinned humans,
Because they reminded them of newborn cat-folk
They were aroused by the sight of men in uniforms,
And when the females discovered that human penises
Weren’t barbed and wouldn’t rake their vaginas,
Copulation with the researchers became commonplace
The male cat-folk were understandably pissed,
But they were ruled by a wise, beautiful queen
Who forced them to accept their cuckoldry

Some female cat-folk and humans became couples,
And those cat-folk were allowed to live back on Earth,
Which made it quite hard to keep the operation a secret,
Because human-sized, intelligent cats kept walking around

The whole experience with those sexy cat-folks
Made many researchers eager to discover more peoples
And bring some home, regardless of their sexiness
They even tried seducing some lizard-folks,
Who had a high degree of sexual dimorphism,
And they were able to get them into bed
After a few nights of drinking the local beer
The lizard-men would become horny as hell

One of Munchkin’s teams found a world
Where they could find all the meat they needed,
As long as they were willing to butcher sentient cows
Some were brought home and now live happily
Having to do nothing else than ruminate grass
While they ponder the mysteries of the universe

Some dimensions were alternate versions of Earth,
And the researchers got to meet their own selves,
Many of who had taken different paths in life
One of those Earths was entirely populated
By murderous clones of Dr. Grayson Munchkin
The professor was overwhelmed by a primal fear
And ordered his team to flee home immediately
Munchkin spent days in his lodgings pondering
How such a horrible dimension came to be
His mind started getting filled with images of gore
He gave up after he felt his sanity slipping,
But then, one day, an image popped into his head
Of a certain scientist named Niels Bohr
This, however, had no relevance to his plight

With a few portals operating twenty-four-seven
And many researchers running around like crazy,
Munchkin’s team had trouble funding new expeditions
They sold off on the black market some exotic artifacts,
And new expeditions were motivated by monetary gains

A few researchers went into an ore-rich dimension,
But they were greedy and dug too deep,
Which unleashed a horde of demons
An entire building of the university got destroyed,
And those trapped inside were slaughtered
Soon after, a traumatized researcher shot herself
That coordinate was forbidden and Munchkin decided
To go into hiding for several months

Some researchers warned Dr. Grayson Munchkin
That the portal network was becoming unstable,
And if it collapsed onto itself, it would cut off
Everybody’s access to parallel universes,
Alternate histories, and alien civilizations
Munchkin intended to exploit the network to its limit

A few months later, some dimensional coordinates
Were severed from the portals permanently,
And two whole teams were stranded there
One of them included Ruth, ‘the Forest Scientist’
She was forced to live in a cave with an angry bear
Her old team members, including Gail,
Had been killed by the demons, but Ruth survived

Dr. Grayson Munchkin remained disappointed
He had explored many dimensions without finding god,
Or anything resembling a being of such powers
With the network becoming unstable, time was running out
He decided to lead most expeditions, taking bigger risks
To see if the network could reach farther and further

In a dimension where the animals teleported wildly,
He noticed that they kept drinking from milkish lakes
Munchkin dared to drink the liquid, and as he did,
The professor passed out, and he fell into the lake
When his students found him, instead of having drowned,
Munchkin remained in a trance-like state that lasted a week

When Munchkin returned home, he had gained a power:
Whenever he blinked, he travelled in time uncontrollably
It sent him either minutes to the past or to the future
His colleagues could only watch helplessly

Munchkin tried to figure out how to get rid of this power
Desperate, he turned himself in for questioning
The policeman turned out to be himself, who berated him
For refusing such a gift from the gods of the multiverse

Munchkin kept exploring other worlds with his students
When one of the freshmen got eaten by a huge bat,
Munchkin travelled back in time five minutes to save her
That made him quite popular among the ladies

Then, Munchkin focused on mastering this ability
To travel to any point in history, even other dimensions
He learned to open literal doors in the fabric of spacetime
Through a form of meditation he called a ‘quantum key’

Munchkin realized that his eyes could work like cameras
He peered into other dimensions to see if they were good
The professor started to explore many alternate Earths
Where the course of history had been more to his liking
In one dimension he found creatures that worshipped Satan
And where the human inhabitants burned for eternity

The press had gotten ahold of some of the cat-folk women
Who cheerfully explained all about their home dimension
The cat was out of the bag, now the government knew
And suddenly the myriad of disappearances and deaths,
Including some blown up corpses of random students,
Had convinced some government officials to intervene

Meanwhile, Munchkin kept travelling in time at will,
As well as exploring other dimensions with his mind
He felt little connection with human beings anymore
His research had become an obsession with him

Munchkin told himself that his powers came from god,
And now the press kept mentioning him and his work:
He was the great man who created dimensional portals
The world was eager to listen about his discoveries,
But it wasn’t long before people started asking questions
About his motives, his behaviors, his decisions
And the truth became clear for them: Dr. Munchkin
Was a sick fool who had lost control over his mind
Munchkin just laughed, and said that everyone’s reactions
Were typical of the average people who couldn’t understand
That he was doing something important for humanity

Mr. Munchkin had become convinced to fight
On the side of mankind against terrible evils,
And that his purpose would be fulfilled
When human beings were saved from their sins

Munchkin’s wife divorced him and moved to another city
She didn’t want anything to do with a madman,
But she had no choice, because he kept trying
To force her into bed whenever he was nearby

Pressured by the government goons,
The college shut off the portal network
Due to the dangers it put the citizens in
But the president of the United States
Wanted Mr. Munchkin away for good
He had already been indicted on numerous charges
And the feds were going to lock him up forever

The university administration gave Munchkin a farewell
Although they accused him of creating a monster,
The dean was telling him that he had done a great service
When the FBI broke into the college gymnasium
As they pointed their guns at Munchkin, he stripped down
And pissed all over the podium while laughing
He told them to suck his interdimensional cock
And then he vanished into thin air

Dr. Munchkin disappeared: he travelled to the past
He decided to stop at 11,700 years before his present
The glacial conditions of the Younger Dryas had ended
And it was time for the traumatized humans to arise

Dr. Munchkin travelled around the primitive world
Uniting isolated communities with talented sculptors
He told them all about god, and the powers given
They were granted for a noble, holy purpose:
To allow humanity to try again, to build something better
From the nightmarish chaos that they had created

‘Interdimensional Prophet’ by Jon Ureña

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