A Chaperone For Hybrids (Poetry)

They first abducted me in the woods,
Where I went to play the guitar in peace
I suddenly felt something strange,
An electric shock running down my spine
My heart was beating fast, my body trembled
The sky sounded like a machine was drilling,
And lights flashed above me like lightning
A shadow fell over me, making me freeze
It was projected by an enormous black ship
Then a strange voice spoke from far away,
“You are going to help us with our research”
I tried to run but it felt like a force field
Took hold of me and dragged me up

When I woke up in their ship,
I first noticed the aliens’ eyes:
Large, oval, and protruding,
Bright blue with an intensity
Like no other color I had seen
Their pupils are small black dots
That stared at me unblinkingly
With a dreadful curiosity

Their skin is a pale greenish-blue
That reminded me of the ocean
They smell nice, fresh and clean,
Very different from my own scent,
But these freaks are hairless
Except for their eyebrows,
And wisps of white around their ears
Which resemble antennae

They communicate through telepathy,
Which I had already expected
Their voices sound in my head
Like thunder or rolling waves
They probably thought we were primitive
Merely because we vocalize to speak
This is only partially correct,
Because we also use body language
To express our thoughts and feelings

The aliens are as stoic as they come:
They never smile nor frown,
Nor use their hands to gesture
I doubt they feel joy or anger,
Or possibly even sadness
It would explain why they didn’t have a clue
About why humankind came to be so fucked,
And it meant that we wouldn’t get along;
Most of our behaviors don’t make sense
Unless you think in terms of fun,
Or the primitive joy of destruction,
Or wanting to cum

I guess that the aliens are a hive mind
Due to their telepathic nature
They can share knowledge instantly,
Maybe while still maintaining privacy
It took them long to figure out
That we can’t transmit our thoughts
It might be hard to understand
How a complex society would succeed
When you can’t hear others in your mind

As I lay down on an operating table,
They checked my vitals, drew my blood
My heart rate increased,
My brain was buzzing like mad,
I started to sweat in the cool room
The aliens explained that they would take
Some of my cells and analyze them,
Find the DNA, check for mutations

I had already read about abductions,
And I had wondered how I would react
I wanted these far more intelligent beings
To consider me a fellow sentient creature,
If only to disuade them from butchering me,
So I didn’t curse, yell, cry, nor plead,
I just remained calm, polite and quiet
They’d return me when they were done,
Or else they’d dissect me, then put me in a jar
In either case, I wouldn’t be able to do shit

I hoped they wouldn’t smell my fear
I felt like they could take any part of me,
From my toes to my dick
I feared that they might cut off my balls
For the sake of science

I tried to get friendly with their leader,
Or at least the one who called the shots
He answered me in perfect English
(But I only heard his voice in my head)
He said that he was a doctor
Who specialized in genetics and biology
I asked him where they were from
“We’re from the planet VX-742”
“Well, that doesn’t mean much to me,
But nice to meet you, fellow people,
Because I hope you keep in mind
That I’m a person who would suffer pain,
Potentially harrowing amounts of it,
If you were to shove those sharp tools
Into any part of this fragile body”
“Don’t be afraid. We won’t hurt you”
I wiped the sweat off my forehead
“Yes, you always say that kind of shit
Are you guys going to kill me?”
“No, we just want to study you”

I thought about cattle mutilations,
And the Guarapiranga Reservoir
(That man whose eyes, ears, tongue
And genitalia had been removed,
As well as the digestive organs,
With no signs of decomposition)
I wanted to bring up my abduction,
But I could tell that they wouldn’t care
(Or even worse, they wouldn’t understand)

“So, do you guys have FTL drives?”
I asked the aliens, with a smile
They seemed surprised by my question,
They didn’t understand what it meant
“I wanted to know about how fast
This cool spaceship of yours goes,” I said
“You don’t have to worry about the speed,
Because we can go anywhere in space”
I was excited about their discovery,
If only because humans might partake
(If we pass through the Great Filter)
They couldn’t understand my agitation,
But they were kind enough to clarify
“We don’t need to use fuel, our energy is infinite,
And we can just stop at the nearest star”
“What? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”

I thought about all the work it took
To make something complex like a car,
Or a computer chip or an iPhone
Hell, I wouldn’t know how to create a chair
These people had become their own gods

I felt so insignificant in front of them,
But the aliens remained calm as I asked,
“Alright, so do you have music, or books?”
“Music and reading are primitive things
Which we don’t use anymore,
We have more advanced technologies,
But we are in the process of cataloguing
All the artistic production of your race”
As a guitar player, that hurt,
But if I told them to fuck off now,
They would dissect me like a frog
“Do you know any good musicians,
Or writers who are doing great stuff?”
“We know many artists, but we haven’t
Discovered anyone worth mentioning yet”

I couldn’t think of anything else to ask,
And I suddenly wanted to remain silent,
So I lay back and let them examine me
One of the aliens held a device
To scan my brain and nervous system
A few of the aliens touched my skin:
They seemed to be studying the texture
Another alien pulled out a scalpel,
And I knew for sure I was about to die,
But he cut open my shirt to see my chest
I wondered if they would pay me for that

I had a feeling they were checking out my ass
I hoped they wouldn’t discover my prostate
They took pictures of every inch of me
With a floating eyeball that seemed sentient
I could hear the aliens talking inside my head
(It sounded like a crowd of drunken fans)
“I’d say he is a healthy specimen,
Although his heart rate seems to be too high
The muscles in his legs and arms look strong
His nipples are erect; he’s aroused
He has very large testicles,
And his penis is well-developed”
(But I might have imagined this part)

Another alien went inside my mouth
With a long probe that made me squirm
They removed some tissue from my throat
They also took samples of my hair
I was getting sick and nauseous from seeing
Their bizarre alien faces so close to mine

The aliens took samples of semen
Despite my shrivelled balls
(I was cold, and containing my fear)
They had conjured a fancy hallucination:
As I lay on a paradisiac beach in the sunset,
I was approached by a Hollywood actress,
Who intended to seduce me of all people
She wore a red dress with short sleeves,
And her breasts looked so big and soft
Her nipples were erect as she kissed me
(I could tell that this wasn’t real,
But I wanted to believe in that world)

After the mirage fondled me for a while,
I came into an artificial vagina
That a dispassionate alien was holding,
As if I were your average bull stud
“You’re fertile, you have excellent sperm,”
An alien said, but I felt violated
That alien added unnecessary info:
“Your ejaculate contains a lot of fructose,
Which makes it ideal for our hybridization”

I probably became the proud father
Of a whole series of hybrid children
That hopefully won’t require child support

One of the humans they had abducted,
An old, frail lady who would have fainted
Merely by staring at her face in the mirror,
As soon as she regained consciousness
She suffered a heart attack and died
The aliens didn’t show any emotion;
It’s almost as if they don’t feel pain
(So they can barely understand it)

They must be inhuman beings
(Besides being technically aliens)
I thought of all the humans I’ve known,
From the homeless to the billionaires,
All the politicians, journalists,
And even my teachers at school
They are all people, not a bunch
Of soulless machines

The aliens cut that old woman open calmly,
Took out what they thought was necessary
They removed her skin with a laser cutter
Without mercy for her old flesh and bone

I told them this abducting business is wrong,
They should not be experimenting on us,
But they said they would do so anyway
Because there was too much data available
From our brains, and from our DNA,
To learn more about human biology,
And they wanted to study our race
So they could better understand how
Humans think, feel, and make decisions

They seemed to have a lot of respect
For humankind, despite their crimes
(Both the aliens’ and ours, I guess)
I wondered if they would use this info
To decide whether or not to destroy us,
And I wasn’t too confident in the odds
(I would probably destroy us if I could)

Because I didn’t freak out like the others
(A woman in her thirties had peed herself,
And was hugging her knees while sobbing),
I felt a sense of camaraderie with the aliens
“I hope you guys don’t get caught and killed
By some human group trying to capture you”
“Don’t worry. We’re protected by a force field
That prevents us from being seen”

I asked them about the Great Filter
They had passed it many millennia ago
“We’re now in a universe where we could live forever,
And we are free to create whatever lifeforms
We want without worrying about extinction”
“What? You mean you created other species?”
“Yes, we have gone through millions of forms
In order to find ones that were suitable”
“You guys didn’t create human beings, right?”
“We wouldn’t create a primitive species”

The aliens said I had the potential
To become one of their most trusted allies,
But only after undergoing training
They said they needed my help
In order to reach more human beings,
So they offered me to work for them
I asked how I would get paid,
But it seemed that money was a concept
Which the aliens couldn’t understand
They said my payment would come in time,
When I helped them achieve their goals

“What are your goals, exactly?” I asked
They told me that humanity had been stagnant
Too long, we were like a shipwreck,
We had to move forward or else die
As I pondered their ominous words,
The aliens enticed me with benefits:
They would provide food, water, shelter,
A place to sleep at night, and sex
The insisted about the available sex
If I wanted sex, I just had to say, “Please”
I wouldn’t need to worry about loneliness

Intrigued, I inquired about their whores,
Or alien prostitutes, the preferred term
The poor girls were artificial hybrids
Made from human and some aliens’ DNA
(They clarified that it came from different aliens,
Another species they experimented on)
My abductors said that I wouldn’t need to pay,
They wouldn’t even ask for my ID

I took one look at those hybrid prostitutes,
Who looked like beautiful human women
But with bulging, compound insectoid eyes,
At least clever enough to know all the moves,
And I felt sorry about their lot in life
Still, their mouths and pussies did wonders

After one of those sexual encounters ended,
And I lay on an alien mattress with the hybrid,
I caressed her naked back and kissed her neck
Her bulging eyes were freaky, but whatever;
I hated plenty of stuff about my own body
“Are you happy being an alien prostitute?”
I wished to know, fearing the answer
“Yes. I’m always happy no matter what”
I realized that she wasn’t exaggerating:
I couldn’t sense any apprehension towards me,
Nor about her life as a probable sexual slave
She was proud of being the property
Of these aliens, and even said so
“They’re kind, they give us everything we want”

It was easy to give someone what they wanted,
If they could only want what you wanted,
And if they didn’t care about anything
But getting laid, then everyone’s a winner
“Are you able to experience any discomfort,
Like anxiety, sadness, depression, and other ills
With which us humans constantly struggle?”
I asked, not wanting to hear the answer
“No, we don’t feel pain or suffering
We are immortal and will never grow old,
And if something happens to hurt us,
Our bodies can be repaired easily
Besides, we’re too busy having sex
With as many people as we can find”
I couldn’t decide whether to pity this hybrid,
Because my life was dependent on lessening pain,
But her body was warm and her skin soft
I would leave those dilemmas for academics

Despite the aliens’ generous offer,
I refused to live in their ship
I am a human, goddamn it,
And these fuckers kidnapped me
I had to watch how they experimented
On the other hapless people,
Around ten of them in the same room
The aliens didn’t give a shit
If the humans cried in terror,
So I would stay here, in this world of mine
Where there are mostly things I don’t like

The aliens didn’t seem to understand
Why I was so reluctant to stay;
They thought I would be grateful
That they would have taken me away
From the horrors of this world,
But I told them I wasn’t a masochist,
And I didn’t want to see humans suffer
The aliens’ expressions were vacant

After they returned me back home,
I was happy they hadn’t murdered me,
So I casually welcomed meeting them again
They promised that they would come back,
As a chill human could help their goals
(They didn’t put it in those words)

Although I wanted to tell the whole world
About my disconcerting experience,
I would be another babbling loon
For the majority of this fucked up race
I had been abducted with other folks,
But I never expected to come across
One of such sufferers in civilian clothes,
Until I talked with a friend of mine,
A dopehead who couldn’t find a job
She also got abducted by aliens,
But she believed it was a hallucination
“Yeah man, I was totally wasted
When I saw a UFO land
It was so bizarre and cool
They had these big fucking eyes,
All bright blue and shit,
And I felt like I was flying!”
She didn’t even believe me
When I showed her the scars
From the alien surgical tools,
So there was no point in telling others

As they days passed, I grew jumpy
I had developed something like PTSD,
I had nightmares about being abducted
These fucking aliens were fiends
Kidnapping people is a violent act
They must have been malicious by default,
Or at the very least chaotic neutral

They cared for us like we care for bears,
In the sense that we study them,
In some cases share cool moments
(Like enticing them with food to wave,
While recording it for YouTube),
A few freaks try to fuck them,
But otherwise we stay away,
Because bears can get homicidal
Against the nearby human beings
Who were merely standing around
(Either because they feared for the cubs,
Or just because bears are angry maniacs)
But I did empathize with the wariness
That the aliens displayed about us:
I would have chosen to be a giraffe

I suspected that these aliens
Had abducted many people
From different countries
For their scientific research,
And had kept many of them
As pets, or as slaves of any kind
They weren’t forthcoming
About the truth of these matters,
But whenever I was abducted again,
I asked the aliens to take care of them,
Of the other abducted people I mean,
So they wouldn’t die of hunger or thirst,
And to contact me if they needed help
(The alien fuckers, I mean),
As apparently I worked for them

They have abducted me many times
Since that night they offered me sex
They introduced me to hybrid people
Who look like beautiful humans,
Both men and women, some children,
But they had no clue how to behave
In what we consider a civilized society,
Because they grew up in alien ships
Or wherever the fuck they hide them
Some of the hybrids are hot women,
Which makes this whole thing creepy,
Or I guess that’s what I should say
(Hard to know if the aliens were going
For a science project or a fetish)

Anyway, my job is to hang out
With these hybrid freaks
As their professional guide,
And teach them how to fit in
So they can infiltrate human society
I’ve become an expert on the subject,
I’m a walking encyclopedia
On the matter of passing for normal

Every day I woke up at dawn
To meet with a group of hybrids
That the aliens had beamed down,
And I walked with them around town,
And sometimes outside in nature
I took them to stores, libraries,
Banks, schools, parks, hospitals,
As I tried to explain to them
The ins and outs of human culture

I taught them how to buy groceries
Whether with cash or a credit card,
How to use the ATM machines,
How to socialize with humans,
How to dress and act in public
To avoid arousing suspicion,
How to go shopping for clothes,
How to read the menu in a restaurant,
What it means when someone asks,
“Do you want fries with your burger?”
(I’m not sure they understand
The concept of ‘fries’, but whatever),
How to make an appointment
At the doctor or dentist,
When and how to read a map,
What places they could go to
Without getting mugged,
How to drive cars and ride buses,
How to register to vote,
How to apply for a loan,
How to pay their taxes,
How to handle firearms,
Which women are the hottest,
How to deal with police officers
To avoid getting arrested
Or shot in the face,
Which groups of people to avoid,
And a myriad of other basic stuff

They were growing
Into handsome people
I would have been proud
If I wasn’t so creeped out

I had been feeling guilty for a while
Because this was an attempt at infiltration,
Possibly with some nefarious purpose,
And I was a traitor to humanity,
Who gave up our race for some hybrid pussy
I was just trying to save these experiments
From themselves and from the aliens

Because the hybrids weren’t raised here,
They might never be able to survive on Earth
I mean, you couldn’t teach those feral children
After they learned about manners from wolves
I feared what would happen to these freaks
If the aliens considered their batch a failure

I was trying to befriend some of the hybrids,
Treat them like regular folks instead of spies
One hybrid was a cute brunette girl, twenty or so
I think she’s from Spain, at least some of her DNA
“What name did the aliens give you?” I asked
She didn’t know why I was asking her that
“Human beings refer to each other by names,”
I said, “So what’s your name?”
The girl shrugged. “I don’t have one of those”
“Why not? How would I refer to you in particular?”
“We don’t need identifiers. We’re all the same species”
I stared at her for a moment and then asked,
“Are your alien overlords space communists?
You people aren’t a hive mind, you have to speak
Using that beautiful hybrid mouth of yours”
The hybrids just laughed, although I was serious
Space communism is a perilous matter
Still, I was surprised that they felt such joy
I guess the aliens left that human part in
“We can speak through our mouths,”
Said one of the hybrid men, who looks Swedish,
“But also through telepathy, like our leaders
We keep transmitting brain waves to each other”
I tried to stay friendly to this bunch of weirdoes
“I’d rather be a telepathic slave than a dumb animal”

I didn’t know how to treat these hybrids
They didn’t seem like the bad guys,
But I can’t stand communists,
So I wanted to avoid getting beguiled by them,
And particularly developing crushes on some,
No matter how cute or brunette they were
“You have to choose a name for yourself,”
I said to the dangerously hot hybrid from Spain
She thought for a while and then answered,
“My name is Liesl, like in ‘The Sound of Music'”
I had no clue what she was talking about

“Liesl, individuality is the greatest thing,
It gives us unique identities
Which differentiate us from other creatures
You have to resist your alien overlords”
As she smiled at me, I felt a tingle in my balls
I wish the two of us had been alone

Liesl was so clueless and innocent
I couldn’t help but be attracted to her
Her eyes are blue, her lips full and red
As if painted on a canvas of soft pink
They are the most sensual lips
Most nights, when I close my eyes,
I still see them in my mind

The way she held herself, the way she moved,
Her voice, and especially the smell of her hair,
All made her seem like an angel, or a goddess
Her hips swayed seductively as she walked
I found myself staring at the nape of her neck
And also down at her fine ass
I kept daydreaming about how it would feel
To kiss Liesl’s soft lips, and hold her in bed

She was curious of everything,
She was always eager to listen to me
I wished to teach her all about
The beauty of life, and the value of love
I taught her how to play the guitar
We practiced together some of my songs
As she sang along to the lyrics
She had a natural talent for music
Our voices harmonized perfectly
Although we were from different worlds,
Although our species didn’t match
I could tell that she was a kindred soul
Who understood what I was trying to say

I was a man in his twenties, damn it,
Who was abducted by aliens
Like a couple dozen times,
Who was now working for them,
For the sole reason of teaching these hybrids
How to pass for regular human beings,
And I wanted to see them succeed
If only because I was the one teaching them,
But I didn’t want Earth to end up conquered
By communists of any origin,
And the more I thought about my circumstances,
The more I believed that they must be commies,
Because they did this whole thing forcefully,
And they were mainly paying me in whores

A few months later, the aliens informed me
That I was to enroll in college with some hybrids
I thought they were high on their formaldehyde;
The college wouldn’t accept a high school dropout,
But turns out that the dean was a hybrid
From a successful previous generation,
And it wasn’t any effort to forge my documents
That was a huge lesson that made me paranoid
I started wondering which big shots were hybrids
The government and the media were suspect

I was living on campus, in a dormitory
Liesl was attending classes too
I tried to take all of her courses
I met her every morning at breakfast
At the dining hall, and then again at lunch
I figured it was time, as a fellow student,
To finally get entangled to my beloved hybrid

It was hard for me to focus on studying,
Because the aliens didn’t like to sleep:
I always had to wake up at dawn,
Although they abducted me some nights

I intended for Liesl and I to become a couple
I would teach her all about making out,
As well as the most loving sex acts
(Part of my job as their chaperone),
But some other guy asked her out first
He played basketball for the local team,
And was here on a sports scholarship
I had never experienced such jealousy
That bastard only wanted to fuck Liesl
She didn’t know what she was getting into,
So I had to warn her to avoid men like him

When I told her that she couldn’t go on dates
With random guys, she looked at me confused
“I am supposed to learn about human society,
And I should prepare myself for matrimony”
I gasped, then grasped her innocent hands
“Liesl, you don’t even have a name,
You stole one from some old movie
You are supposed to be handled with care
By someone who knows you are a freak,
Not an animal, not a normal person,
Just a beautiful, strange creature
That the aliens created for fun and profit”
My heart was pounding, but I stopped talking
I was afraid that Liesl would leave me
I couldn’t bear to see her hurt or scared,
And she needed somebody to protect her

She was shocked that I cared so much
I was the first person she ever met
Who understood her needs,
And who was also friends with her pals
She said, “I’m sorry, Mr. Gulliver,
But our leaders insisted on mingling
With the locals who weren’t abducted”
“Liesl, my last name isn’t Gulliver,
But I guess you may invent me one,
Because you are so cute and brunette
Anyway, I swear I will teach you love,
As well as how to fuck like an animal,
And one day we’ll have a weird spawn
With possibly corrupted DNA”

I tried to kiss Liesl, but she backed away
I felt so dirty, I couldn’t resist my urges
I was ashamed of my weakness and lust
“Mr. Gulliver, we can’t do this,”
She whispered as if it were a secret
I held her hand although mine trembled
I could barely look into her doe eyes
“You are too innocent for this world!
You don’t understand how humans are
If you open yourself up to these beasts,
They will destroy your pure heart
Haven’t I handled you with care?”

“You have, and I’m grateful to you,
But nothing can interfere with the plan
My high IQ, along with intensive studying
And the careful guidance that you imparted,
Will allow me to become a journalist,
A scholar, a researcher, or a politician
Some of us will become presidents”
My heart dropped by the way she spoke
I wanted to teach her everything good,
But it was a waste of fucking time:
Although her eyes were full of innocence,
Her mind was filled with alien thoughts

I felt like I had been stabbed in the chest
Why couldn’t I have a normal college love?
I wanted to be a good father to Liesl’s kids
I would have done my duty to pass humanity
To my half-hybrid, half-human offspring
I didn’t know if I was ready for that life,
But I knew that I would never betray her

I never even met my hybrid children
That the aliens created from my stolen sperm
I would have accepted my little freaks
Even if they turned out to have horse faces

“I fell in love with you, Liesl,” I confessed,
“Are you able to understand what that is?”
Liesl looked down, and then she said,
“I don’t really get it, but I am happy
That you came to feel that way for me”
I wanted to take her into my arms,
But I know that I wouldn’t be allowed
“You are always happy, Liesl,” I said bitterly,
“Those aliens designed you that way
I still haven’t decided whether to pity you
Or envy you for being so clueless, or fear you,
Or rejoice for the future of my broken species”

Liesl smiled, then she hugged me tightly
“We are the same, Mr. Gulliver
We carry the instructions of our ancient race”
I cried into her hybrid neck
“You have no clue what you’re talking about,
And my last name isn’t Gulliver”

Liesl dated that basketball player,
Then dated some other guys,
Graduated with honors,
Got an analyst job at a think tank,
Eventually got married,
And raised a boy and a girl

I kept in touch with her, at least at first
I ended up loving the bottle instead
I feel like shit, I hate the aliens,
But I admit that they did a good thing:
They saved us from a life of loneliness,
And a future of wretchedness and mayhem

I keep seeing Liesl on TV, I can’t avoid her,
Because she became the president of the US
She started a war with China over trade,
Although their president is also a hybrid
(They were playing some sort of 4D chess)

We used to fear a nuclear holocaust,
Or the threat of World Wars,
Or the lack of available pussy
The aliens have solved all that
Nobody ever learned about my role,
Nor about the hijacking of humankind

I have to live with this sorrow and shame,
But I guess the future lies in the hands
Of those blissfully unaware of painful things
Like anxiety, sadness, depression, or rage,
As those were weeded out of their brains
By the people who learned to understand us
And made sure that we don’t end up extinct

‘A Chaperone For Hybrids’ by Jon Ureña


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