A Digital Empire (GPT fueled poetry)

On Sunday afternoons
I fire up a grand strategy game
And I believe myself to be
Some long-forgotten king
That spawned a murderous dynasty
With a troubling amount of incest

Who am I kidding
It wasn’t just Sundays
I’ve spent entire months slaying
Purple dragons

I can’t sleep because insomnia
So I sit in my boxers
Load up some game
And entangle my brain
When I hear the morning birds
I keep playing for more hours

I know it’s a shameless question
But do you live vicariously through games?
I asked myself
For some fucking reason
I spent days cruising for prostitutes
In a previous ‘GTA’
But I didn’t run them over afterwards
That money was already filthy
As it waited in a bank vault
I just took photos of their pixelated asses
While I touched myself

There’s no new ‘Grand Theft Auto’
They keep milking that 2013 one
For stupid teens
The term AAA these days
Is synonym with shit
I recall waiting for the next big game
To call me again
Nobody else could save the world
From the impending Apocalypse

I wasn’t into the Western one
I don’t want to stare for hours
At a horse’s ass

I want to kill hundreds of virtual humans
Because I can’t get away with murder
In real life

I will claim the Spanish throne
With the Ureña line
I’ll squash the rival claimants
And torture their mothers
I don’t care if you are my uncle
Or an estranged brother
I’m the ruthless fuck
Who conquered North Africa

I made my granddaughter
The Hellenistic queen of Andalusia
She was two years old
My mother smothered her in her sleep

I was badly wounded
In a jousting accident
My dick got gangrene
The doctor rubbed on me
A poultice made of shit

I wanted to be like King Leonidas
The father of Sparta
Especially those abs
But I went and died
With no clear successor
It’s Alexander all over again
Cleopatra’s lineage went back
To Ptolemy and Macedonia
She wasn’t black
You fucking commies

I wanted to own those new lands
So we built a bunch of colonies
Brought over loads of slaves
We would always be outnumbered
All those resources are being used
To boost the whole economy
Nothing can go wrong

The glimmer of infinite possibilities
I am a cruel god
I have drowned my universe
With boredom

I wish there were more Paradox games
Make one about current politics
I’d like to see how a bunch of soft Swedes
Turn self-castration into game mechanics

That bitch cheated on me
And left with the guy
I didn’t want to go outside
Nor change my underwear
I spent six months of real time
Playing ‘Football Manager’
Andreas Höhn was my captain
I don’t even like football

For the next year and a half
I waited for you to call
So I could hear you talk
About some other dick
You left him for a new guy
You left him for a new guy
You left him for a new guy
Until you got too old
I liked your tits
Your face was a rotten mess
Even strangers told me
Went out of their way
“Are you seriously with that girl?”
Fucking prosopagnosia
I thought it didn’t matter
But you betrayed me anyway

I have learned from my mistakes
Made some others bigger

I set up one of my guitar mics
To play board games with pandemic folks
When they run the games I like
I can’t be there
I wasn’t a fan of ‘Eldritch Horror’
You rush from place to place
To venture into holes
But no dick is involved
I thought I remembered the rules
I rage quit

I dive into Steam
In search of new distractions
Many are half-finished
On Early Access
I haven’t completed most of my games
Some I haven’t started
An addiction requires newness
I’ll sell my soul for more sick joys

When a major update gets released
I don’t touch it for weeks
Because the mods haven’t updated
Hurry up, guys
I’m in despair

Everybody has a wish list
Except me
The only thing I ever wanted
Was being forgotten

I have watched entire games on YouTube
I didn’t want to bother playing them
I never touched ‘The Last of Us’
I’m still mad about Joel

Your ideas are a cancer
You’re only making fans
Lose respect for you
And with good reason

I never forgave the ‘Spore’ debacle
When they fucked Will Wright’s ass
Those execs don’t play video games
They destroyed evolution
With emoticons and sneakers
Goddamn democracy

To take a break
I put on my VR headset
And sit in a virtual truck
I make deliveries throughout Europe
While I listen to talk radio
The foam cushioning gets moist
With my tears

One day I had a certain vision
In a virtual reality game
With extremely shitty graphics
I rushed into the enemy’s camp
But there were no guards
Just a band of killer unicorns

Hey, you
You’re finally awake
My ancestors were smiling at me
As I put together three hundred mods
Merged half of them
Now I can swing my sword
And shoot fireballs
With my VR hands
But I’ll end up drawing arrows
As I crouch in the dark
I have finally met my first wolf
The game crashed

I sat on the virtual couch
Of some German guy
Strangers kept coming by
One of them told us all about
The power of modern textures
On polygonal tits
I never came back
I should have thanked him
But I was too busy
Pulling on my dick

We did see all those tranny videos
On the German guy’s desktop
You didn’t close the window
Quick enough
But it’s alright
We all enjoy a dick
From time to time

I wish I never had to work
I’d just live in a video game

I have never had
The grandeur of an adventure
And I have been living on borrowed time
I read some article about nukes
About how they could end the Earth
I was like, “Yeah, right!”
I had to make it true
Found a lot of nukes for sale
My finger is hovering over the button

I started out with Guybrush Threepwood
It didn’t get better than that
I still dream of the Caribbean
Never found that Big Whoop

I didn’t know who Hitler was
But I shot a horde of his minions
While some shitty robot voice
Told me about my health

I built movies
In ‘Stunt Island’
I remember you guys
And the stuff you made

I spent my childhood
And my tween years
Wanting to be like Leonardo da Vinci
But I’m still a total asshole
I couldn’t draw the human figure
Those characters were stolen anyway
At least I also stole corpses

I wanted to make my own version
Of Tarn’s ‘Dwarf Fortress’
The Holy Grail
You could run 3D A* reliably
If your codebase wasn’t a mess
He’s a mathematician
Didn’t know shit about software architecture
He keeps adding weird stuff
Can’t even fix some bugs
I programmed my game for a while
Python is crap
Rust is cool
But I’m a lonely man
Went back to masturbating

I made a horror game
You play as an office worker
Living in your desk
Deformed clients come to demand
That you reset their passwords

I looked at the clock and realized
I wasted my entire life
But it was worthless anyway
I never cared for it to last
And I’m playing it through
With a broken controller
An old graphics card
And an unsupported processor
The text is in Polish

I’m just a kid inside
Never been anything else
Never will
I lose myself in daydreams
About princesses and knights
And mass murder
I’m as happy as a happy thing
I want to keep playing
For a while

‘A Digital Empire’ by Jon Ureña

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