My whole body felt numb and paralyzed
As I lay on the BDSM bed, restrained by the cuffs.
I tried to hold on to the passage of time,
But my thoughts were swirling in a maelstrom.
The daylight dimmed in jumps.
I must have fallen asleep,
Because when I awoke, it was night.
I tried to sit upright, but I remained chained up.
I couldn’t tell properly if I was alive,
Or if I had gone to a type of hell.
Sometimes I heard cars passing outside.
I was shivering as if a fever was increasing.
I could feel the IV needle inside my arm
While it poured a drug into my bloodstream.
I needed to alert the neighbors;
I tried to cry out, but my throat was dry,
And I only managed to whisper
As if the nerves of my larynx were disrupted.
My brain must have recognized her footsteps,
Because it snapped out of its trance;
I heard the woman as she walked
Down the hallway and into the kitchen.
She opened a cabinet, then closed it again.
I heard her humming as she sang to herself.
Suddenly, she was leaning towards me.
She cupped the back of my head
So she could empty a glass of water
Into my parched mouth.
The liquid woke up my esophagus,
Then it pooled in my stomach.
The woman looked tired
Like after a long workday,
But she smiled at me kindly.
I begged at her with my gaze,
Because I couldn’t speak.
She caressed my sweaty forehead.
“Your body is adapting to the intruders,
Which haven’t started to work yet.
You will know when they do,
Because it will hurt like never before.
I’m telling you so you know in advance.
It’s a normal part of the process.
Just endure it, as I told you.
You don’t have to worry about anything.”
She fed me a bland mush with a spoon,
Which was difficult to swallow
Because my tongue was numb.
The woman wiped my mouth clean.
When she finished, she kissed my lips.
I felt her warm breath on my ear
As she whispered, “Goodnight, my slut.”
She abandoned me in the pitch black room,
Where for hours I only heard my breathing.
I was shivering, burning, freezing,
And the drugs didn’t help with my insomnia.
My whole body felt numb and paralyzed,
My throat felt raw and sore.
I kept replaying the woman’s warning
As I waited for the agony to start in earnest.
The drugs made me hallucinate;
I saw the woman standing in a corner,
With her arms raised as an electric shock
Danced on her fingertips.
Why did she chain me up like a beast?
She intended to keep me alive,
But what had she planned for me?
I woke up from a dreamless sleep
Because my bladder was full of urine.
I tried to stand up by reflex,
But I panicked as I recalled the restraints.
I was suddenly aware of my nakedness,
That my numb crotch was wrapped in a diaper.
I wanted to wait; maybe the woman
Would return to check on me,
And I would somehow plead
For her to preserve my dignity.
I knew already it was a futile hope.
The wind whistled beyond the windows
While my own panting echoed inside.
I couldn’t hold my pee in anymore,
And I finally let go.
I felt the warm liquid filling the spaces
Between the diaper and my skin.
The waste seeped into my pores.
I was disgusted, and I cried in despair
In the darkness and silence of the night.
I was alone with my shame.
I felt so dirty and worthless.
I couldn’t believe my pathetic life
Had led me to a situation like this.
I wished I had a blade to kill myself.
I woke up a second time that night,
Because I felt diarrhea coming up.
I surrendered, and relaxed my asshole,
So the liquid shit flowed out of me.
I felt it hardening in my diaper
Before I managed to fall asleep.
The woman woke me up in the morning.
Although she had restrained me,
I wanted to apologize for the mess
As she realized that my diaper was full,
Probably because it smelled.
I couldn’t feel my fingers nor my wrists.
I was completely helpless,
Like a child locked inside a closet.
“Did you sleep well?” the woman asked
As casually as if I were a friend.
Later she returned with a bowl
Filled with water, and some wipes.
“Try to sleep with your head turned,
At least slightly, or else you might choke.”
When she opened my diaper,
The stink of urine and feces filled the room.
I was ashamed, I felt nauseous,
But the woman’s face remained inscrutable.
She wiped off my crotch with water,
Then put on a fresh diaper.
I wanted to ask her questions,
Or utter any words at all,
But the woman kissed my forehead
And left the bedroom.
I lay there in the dark,
Wishing that I was dead.
I saw the woman in many forms.
She was a beautiful angel
Who protected me from harm.
She was a demon who punished my crimes.
She was a goddess who could grant me a wish.
She was a killer of men
Who had hunted me down.
She was my mother
Who gave birth to me.
A few hours after she went to work,
Those intruders she had mentioned
Must have begun attacking my insides,
Because I felt as if an army of ants
Were chewing on my veins
And biting their way into my organs.
My teeth clenched in fear
As the pain increased
With a terrible intensity.
My body was stiffening,
My skin was burning,
I was sweating profusely.
I wanted to vomit
And choke on it.
My stomach was riddled with holes.
It felt like my guts were melting
As the acids ate away at me.
My bowels evacuated themselves
While I writhed in agony.
I had to get used to the constant pain
As if it were the white noise of hell,
But now I couldn’t fall asleep.
I felt empty, unreal,
As if I had only imagined being alive.
This is just a dream, I told myself,
This entire nightmare of my life,
All those years I had wasted
While I felt exhausted and sick,
So alone and hopelessly unfulfilled,
Without a clue about why I existed.
I had always wanted to be useful,
To live a purposeful life;
What was I supposed to do?
Why did my parents give birth to me?
I had tried to study,
But it was like trying to read a book
While my eyes were blindfolded.
I had never been good at anything.
I thought I had gone insane,
Or maybe just hoped so.
I noticed the woman standing nearby.
She was wearing a plain T-shirt
And she ate rice from a bowl
As she stared down in disgust.
“Your man-body is a mess.
You are a disgrace to yourself and to me.”
My mouth was dry and swollen.
In the last hours I had started to feel
As if my bones were groaning in agony
And my organs were contracting slowly.
It hurt to breathe, and when I swallowed,
My foul-tasting saliva was a razor blade.
I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t.
The woman walked up to a nightstand,
Where she lifted a cell phone, mine.
“Nobody has called,” she said,
Then put down the phone again.
At least two days and nights passed.
I couldn’t tell if I slept for a second.
I was drenched in sweat,
My skin was steaming,
And my entire body was changing
As if all of my cells were resetting.
I wished for any kind of god to exist
So it would come down and kill me.
My vision had turned blurry,
But whenever the blur of the woman left,
I feared that she was abandoning me.
I wouldn’t survive this, I knew it,
And I imagined how she would dispose
Of my old and worthless corpse.
I saw her turning me into fertilizer
With which she would grow plants
On her second floor balcony.
In other daydreams, I saw my cheating ex;
She was beaming as she held a baby.
She looked down at the kid,
And I heard her say, “I hope it’s a boy!”
Then the woman appeared at my side.
Her face was stern and merciless.
She took out a pair of knives
And began to carve my chest open,
Slashing my heart and lungs.
As my blood flowed onto the bed,
She peeled off my skin like a banana.
There was no one to hear me,
No one who would help,
Just the woman, who watched silently
As I screamed in my mind.
I couldn’t stop trembling violently.
The air felt thick and heavy,
As if it were filled with water,
Or I was inhaling a viscuous slime.
The woman was standing close.
Her warm breath reeked of alcohol.
She only wore a pyjama top
While she spread her pussy lips open.
“Look at this pretty hole.
Don’t you think I should enjoy
A cock inside me,
Instead of being grossed out?”
I could no longer feel my genitals;
The whole area was numb
As if I had pressed ice against them.
Pee and diarrhea kept flowing out,
And the last time she cleaned me,
I had also squirted out blood.
My skull was shrinking,
Grinding against my grey matter.
My spine felt as if it were cracking.
“You are going to die soon, slut,”
I imagined that the woman said.
She placed her hand on my forehead
And pressed down with all her strength
Until my worthless head exploded.
Who was I?
What was my purpose in life?
Why did I have to suffer so much?
I had done nothing wrong.
I had never hurt someone this much.
I was born into this world to be alone.
Nobody cared about me.
Nothing made any sense.
The woman was wiping the sweat off my face,
And then poured water down my throat.
I stared up at her, moved my trembling lips.
She bent over real close to hear.
“P-please… I-it hurts…” I whispered
Through my cracked, dried lips.
She caressed my hair
As she gazed down with pity.
“Although it must hurt terribly, I’m sure,
Weren’t you used to pain already?
You trained your entire life, didn’t you?
But unlike all those years,
This pain will be worth it in the end.
When I’m finished with you,
You will end up thanking me.”
Maybe days later, she opened my diaper,
Then she picked up and held my dick,
Which had shrivelled up and fallen off.
She cleaned the mess of my burst balls.
“Finally,” she said, “these ugly things died.”
The woman gazed at me steadily,
Like an owl sizing up its prey.
My expression irritated her.
“What? Were you so fond
Of these unimpressive bits?”
She squeezed my shrunken penis
As if she wanted it to pop.
“Manhood is a useless thing.”
She tossed my detached dick
Into the trash, on top of the diaper.
She calmed down,
Wiped my tears and sighed.
“You were a man, but that’s over.
You were no longer needed.”
She returned to my cell phone,
Which she had kept charging.
“Nobody has tried to contact you,
Although you’ve been gone for weeks.
You had already ceased to exist.
You are perfect.” She chuckled.
“The other men came and went,
But with you, I was blessed.”
“You don’t need your old phone,”
She said, then took it out of the room.
Wherever she went, I heard loud cracks,
Then something hard hitting a bin.
Even my mind had gone numb.
I was done, nothing mattered.
I was a disposable commodity,
A worn out rag,
A piece of garbage,
An empty shell
That had served its purpose.
No more pain, no more suffering.
I just wanted to sleep
And dream about a beautiful woman
Whose body was like an angel’s.
The woman who had abandoned me
In the real world,
While in my dreams she gave birth
To a divine female child.
Days, or weeks, later,
The hair on my torso fell off,
My shackled arms had slimmed down
And now were muscleless and graceful.
My entire body felt slender
As my hips grew wider and rounder,
And two mounds protruded from my chest.
I thought I was dreaming,
Because all the pain ceased.
I lay there confused for minutes.
I tried to sit upright,
But my arms tugged on the chains.
I babbled like a baby learning to speak,
And I heard quick footsteps coming my way.
The woman appeared on the doorway.
Her face brightened up,
And she let out a noise of delight.
“Ah, finally! What a trial, huh?”
She hurried up to me and kissed my hair,
Then she pulled out the IV catheter.
She wiped off the hole with alcohol.
“W-why have you done this to me,”
I spoke through my alien mouth.
“You’re going to be fine,” she said,
“Now you can finally begin to live.”
She looked so thrilled to see me,
And was quick to take off my cuffs.
I tried to push her away
And jump off the bed to flee,
But my legs gave way beneath me.
I fell onto the floor with a crash.
I felt as if I had endured chemo.
She patted me on my head,
Her smile full of joy.
“You need to be careful,
You are as weak as a child,
And you’ll need time to recover.”
She picked me up by my armpits
And she half-carried me to the bathroom.
I thought she was going to throw me
Headfirst into the toilet,
But instead she lifted my chin
So I would look at myself in the mirror.
I didn’t find myself in the reflection.
I was staring at a high school aged girl
A few centimeters smaller than the woman,
Who stood behind me as she undressed.
The girl looked like a live-size doll
Whose owner had dressed with a diaper.
The girl resembled some relative
Of the unsightly man I knew myself to be,
But when I stared into those altered eyes
I was horrified at the gaze I recognized.
The woman hugged me from behind,
Pressing her warm breasts against my back.
She wrapped my arms around me,
And caressed my breasts and tummy lovingly
As she rested her chin on my shoulder.
I shivered warmly from head to toe.
“Look at you, you are gorgeous,”
She cooed as she breathed deeply.
Her stiff nipples were poking my skin.
She slid one hand down to my crotch;
The mirror reflected a fresh slit,
Which was getting warm and gooey.
“Your eyes are still red and smarting,
And you look like you need serious rest,
But otherwise, your body is perfect.
You can now be proud of yourself,”
The woman stated triumphantly.
I dug into my face with my fingers.
“T-this can’t be, it’s impossible.
I must have lost my mind.”
The woman grabbed my wrist,
And pulled down my arm.
“Hey, don’t claw at your face,
Which is now a precious thing.
Anyway, there’s an explanation:
A myriad of tiny teeny machines
Have reached every part of your body
And have reshaped it entirely
Until it became this miracle of flesh.
I want to explain more, truly,
But those NDAs are very severe.”
I was stunned, and I stared open-mouthed
At the strange girl I had been made into.
The woman turned me around,
Then pressed my body against hers.
Her heart was pounding on her chest,
And I could smell the wetness of her sex.
She had a smile plastered in her mouth
Like that of a birthday girl
Who had been gifted a pretty puppy.
She stroked my hair and face,
Then she rubbed her cheek along mine
As her hands roamed my body freely.
“I’m going to take care of you so well,
Now that you’re mine,” she murmured.
She kissed my lips, my cheeks, my neck,
While her hands squeezed my ass.
She whispered in my ear,
“I’m going to love you until you die.”
A warm sensation was spreading in my waist.
My skin was tingling, and I wanted for her,
This woman who had tortured me,
To grab my breasts and suck on them.
I felt like a passenger in my own brain.
Before I knew it, I was sitting in the tub.
The woman had climbed in behind me,
And was setting up a warm bath.
I felt like a defenseless child
As she washed my body with soap,
Then scrubbed my hair with two shampoos.
I sat still as a statue
And let her do whatever she wished.
After she rinsed me with warm water,
She dried me off with fluffy towels
That smelled of flowers and strawberries.
She used a brush to smooth my hair.
“So beautiful and silky,”
She said softly as she caressed my head.
She put her hand on my nape
As she guided me, both still naked,
Into the bedroom where she had tortured me.
She only stopped touching me
To sit comfortably on the edge of the bed,
Then patted her toned thighs and said,
“You need to relax. Come over here.”
She was so attentive and glad to have me,
That I had no clue how to handle it.
I lowered my gaze and shuffled up to her,
Then sat down on the matress.
She kissed my neck, and whispered in:
“Lie down on my lap, sideways.”
I did as she ordered, and rested my face
On her toned, shapely thighs
(Which were moist with perspiration
And smelled nicely of soap),
But with my back to the woman.
My heart was beating hard,
I had to breathe through my mouth,
And goosebumps were spreading
All over this new body.
“Don’t be so shy,” the woman said,
“You have to turn the other way.”
I gulped, obeyed her and looked up.
Her face was full of lust,
And she had a huge smile.
“You are such a pretty girl.
I’m going to make you happy.”
I became aware of the scent of her pussy,
Which was warm and damp with sweat.
My mouth flooded with saliva
While I stared at her glistening lips.
Her clit was peeking out
As if asking to meet my mouth.
She cupped the back of my head.
“Why are you making me wait?
You know what you have to do.”
I closed my eyes as she pulled me in,
And when her pubes tickled my nose,
I probed her pussy with my tongue.
I licked and sucked and slurped
While she fondled my bare ass cheeks.
Back when I was a man,
This woman had been guarded,
But now she was moaning freely.
“You are going to make me come quick,”
She praised me in a hoarse voice.
She had destroyed my penis and testicles,
But I was devoted to pleasuring this woman.
I was screaming in my mind
While my tongue swirled around in her insides
And she threaded her fingers through my hair.
I could feel her orgasm building
Through her tendons and her muscles.
I sucked on her clit as she writhed,
Until she finally came all over my face
In a cascade of hot, sticky liquid.
It took her a while to recover her breath.
“Oh, you’re so good at this, and I needed it.
You see, just because I’m beautiful and rich
Doesn’t mean that I don’t need a good pet
To keep my pussy wet all the time.”
She told me to sit up so she could stand up.
“Lie down on your back,” she ordered me.
Again, I obeyed, and my head sank in her pillows.
A surge of tears was pushing against my throat;
I felt completely helpless and lost.
I crossed a forearm over my face,
So I could spare myself the sight of her.
I felt how the woman climbed onto the bed,
And planted her feet on both sides of my torso.
Then I held my breath in surprise
When I felt a warm liquid splash on my stomach.
I looked up: the woman was peeing on me,
As her wide smile displayed her white teeth.
It was so absurd that she would sully me like this
After she had given me a bath carefully,
That I only stared up at her chuckling self,
And she took the opportunity to step forward
So the stream of piss doused my face.
I raised my hands defensively
As plenty of piss got in my mouth.
“W-what the fuck?” I complained,
But I felt too weak to defend myself.
“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it,”
She said as she stepped back.
“Did you like the taste of my urine?”
She asked as she smirked at me.
I only shook my head;
I was afraid to even look her in the eyes.
The room smelled pungently of ammonia.
She chuckled happily and patted my chest
As she climbed down from the bed.
I was rubbing my eyes and containing tears
When I felt her grabbing my left wrist,
Then fastening a cuff around it.
I knew better than to resist,
And I barely had any strength to spare.
Once I lay there with my arms spread wide,‘You Choose Who Owns You, Pt. 2’ by Jon Ureña
The woman crouched next to the bed
And dragged out a black chest
From which she pulled out a bottle of lube
And a large, purple strap-on dildo.