This entry covers part of the eleventh volume of the original “Re:Zero” novels.

In the previous entry, Otto and the protagonist had a ridiculous conversation about witch-created simulations, the protagonist surrendered to Emilia’s charms, and the couple of people who matter in Sanctuary refused to allow the protagonist to steal Emilia’s thunder.

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Right after you failed to convince Ryuzu and Garfiel to let you pass the trials instead of Emilia, you went straight to find Ram so you could focus on making sure you can save Rem and everybody else at the mansion. You start searching near the modest house where the clown is resting. You locate the spartan senior servant as she dumps the contents of a bucket into a marshy terrain close to the treeline behind the house. Due to the stink of the marsh as well as the fact that the bucket has a hinged lid that Ram is quick to close after she straightens her back, you get to feel proud that you realize what she was doing.
“Dutiful servant as you are, you literally get to take care of our wounded clown’s shit”, you say as you approach the pink-haired girl.
What you didn’t expect is the death stare she impales your face with, so full of disdain that you freeze in your spot. You feel like a deer in front of an incoming truck, paralyzed by your impending death. You take a step back as Ram walks up to you, still holding on to the shit bucket.
“Did you merely intend to anger me, Barusu,” Ram asks with a hardened voice, “or was your comment the preliminary to an important point?”
You swallow. Your heart is having a hard time calming down, as you suddenly feel that joking around with this demon servant at any moment has been a horrible mistake.
“I apologize for my characteristic rudeness. I didn’t mean anything by it, I was just being myself. Yes, I was looking for you because I want an audience with Roswaal. I need to bring up Frederica’s betrayal. I intend to travel to the mansion and confront her.”
Ram stands there silently staring at you. The disdain hasn’t entirely cleared out from her red eyes, but eventually she takes a deep breath.
“It seems like an important matter. And yet you need to clarify something to me first: how did you know I was going to be here?”
“Well, you weren’t present during our meeting with Ryuzu, so I figured that you must have been busy tending to your lord.”
“An uncharacteristic display of reasoning on your part, but you have avoided my point. How do you know that Roswaal rests in this part of the village?”
You want to facepalm. Of course, you only knew where Roswaal was hidden because his senior servant had guided you to that dingy villager house. You weren’t supposed to know.
“Ah… Well, my dear Ram, how was I able to defeat an ancient ghost with the power of my mind? Maybe I’m not as small and insignificant as you constantly suggest.”
She narrows her eyes at you, but then she takes a deep breath and walks past you.
“It seems I need to be more careful. That’s on me. Follow me, Barusu, and when I enter a house through the back door, you wait near the front one until I ask you to come in.”
“Sure thing, sis.”
A few minutes later you find yourself sitting on the same chair as you did during your first meeting with your wounded lord Roswaal, and he’s wearing the same horrifying makeup, white foundation, triangles over his eyes, lipstick and everything. It creeps you the fuck out.
You take out the pendant with the emerald-colored, generic-looking crystal that Frederica had given to Emilia, while stating that under no circumstances the half-elf should have taken the pendant off. But because you snatched the pendant from your current girlfriend Emilia, you were the one who got teletransported to the clearing in front of the witches’ tomb instead, where you should have been ripped apart by the magic traps. Roswaal had been informed of most of this, but you go ahead and make your point.
“My request is this, Roswaal: allow me to leave alone on my dear ground dragon to your mansion, so I can confront Frederica and figure out what the fuck was the deal with this underhanded crap. In and out thing, I’ll be back tomorrow.”
Roswaal keeps staring at you while smiling as if he can’t quite tell who you are. Again you wonder whether your lord is all there, but then he speaks with his lilting voice.
“Underhanded? Is this the same Frederica that’s been working in my mansion for years, despite her recent leave of absence? The same girl that I’ve never seen be anything less than respectful and polite with me from the beginning? Indeed, that she would resort to these strange behaviors concerns me. Do you believe you can confront someone as strong as our Frederica, even though she might reveal some malicious intent?”
As hard as it is for you to imagine that easy-going, lively lioness trying to kill you, you clearly wouldn’t be able to defend yourself. If you ever agree to wrestle with her, you wouldn’t be surprised if she killed you accidentally. You imagine yourself struggling as her German body pins you down. Back in reality, you end up coughing against your fist to clear your mind.
“Well, I’m not confident, but the longer we stay here, the more our advantage of surprise disappears…” A loud yawn interrupts your sentence. “Sorry about that. I had a lot to think about in bed last night. Anyway, as I was saying, it’s better if I leave now instead of waiting for something bad to happen.”
“Oh, but I want you to stay, Subaru”, the clown says, pretending to implore. “You are Emilia’s knight after all. Like the bright young man that you are, Ram told me that you had figured out that I intended to make you an official knight as soon as we return home.”
“And I’m grateful for that, lord Roswaal. However, we don’t know in what other ways Frederica’s betrayal means further trouble in Sanctuary. We need to be careful, particularly after Emilia failed to pass the first segment of the trial.”
“Hmmmm… It is true. Still, I am worried for Emilia if something were to happen to you while you are away. You keep Emilia company in her most trying times after all.”
You keep tapping on your knee nervously. If Roswaal agrees to allow you to leave Sanctuary for this task, you risk running into that terrifyingly sexy freak, that Elsa Granhiert, again. You have no doubt that she would murder you again, and you would possibly end up helping her to reach her climax. You aren’t in the mood for such games when the lives of your friends, that Petra trainee, as well as your beloved Rem are on the line.
You raise your gaze towards Roswaal, who was waiting patiently for you to continue.
“Lord Roswaal, you look like a man of culture, with all that clown makeup. Does the nickname Bowel Hunter ring any bells?”
Roswaal narrows his eyes, and he observes your expression as if looking for some revelatory detail. You grow seriously uncomfortable under the gaze of his disturbing clown face.
“Why of course it does! Everyone who holds any power in this kingdom needs to know about miss Elsa Granhiert, their very lives could depend on it. The question is, why is she relevant to our predicament? Surely you understand that your question seems disconnected from the rest of our conversation.”
You open and close your mouth, trying to come up with a proper response. You cannot tell him that Elsa Granhiert has been contracted to murder everyone at his mansion. You can’t come up with a source of that information other than revealing that you can travel back to the past whenever you die, and that’s something you can’t imagine yourself telling to this clown. You sigh.
“I heard scary stories about this woman and how she works from the shadows, and given that Frederica was acting shady, both people connected in my mind.”
“I see, I see”, Roswaal says, scratching his chin. “Now that you mention it, miss Granhiert is an excellent shadow. Scary that a woman like her exists in this world. However, you shouldn’t need to worry about her at the moment. Are you aware of her trade, then?”
“Uh… She’s a professional assassin?”
“Assassin doesn’t quite cover all of her, but yes, it’s correct to an extent. She’s a hunter, but she uses a very wide definition of the word ‘prey.’ Anything alive that can feel pain is her preferred prey, even animals, but she prefers humans above all. Doesn’t matter who they are or what they’ve done. And she’s so good at it that it has turned into a very lucrative profession for her. Many important people hire her preemptively only to make sure she focuses on other targets.”
You fail to contain your spine from trembling. You swallow the knot in your throat.
“Holy fuck. How would one stop such a monster, Roswaal…?”
“Unfortunately, if she’s hired to kill you, you can’t. In such an unfortunate case, Death itself is coming for you. However, you needn’t worry about it! Nobody would want to pay to kill you, Subaru, even if you ruffled some feathers with your very public display of defiance at the royal summons.”
You tighten your lips. None of you expected the ambush that ruined your Rem, as well as stole Crusch’s memories. You have no clue what’s actually going on in this world.
“Yeah… I suppose so.”
“If I were you, I’d be more concerned about our dear Emilia’s attempts at passing the trials, but also about Frederica’s strange behavior. Forget about the Bowel Hunter. She is a monster in the closet.”
Roswaal winks at you. You shift uncomfortably on the wooden chair. You are the monster in the closet, Roswaal, you think.
“Ah… Getting back on track, will you allow me then to jump onto my ground dragon and travel back to your mansion to speak with Frederica? It will be a quick sort of deal.”
Roswaal closes his eyes and sighs.
“You are one stubborn man. I can tell you won’t change your mind, so sure. Please do confront our Frederica and figure out what she intended with her underhanded behavior.”
You nod, happy that you succeeded for once.
“Well, great.”
“However, I will be concerned for your safety if you go by yourself. Despite your numerous strengths, fighting ability is not one of them.”
“Pfft, I’ll have you know I was a warrior of legends in my past life.”
Roswaal’s smile widens.
“If you say so, Subaru. But I want to be extra sure in any case.” He turns to Ram, who was standing to your left like a bouncer that can’t wait to throw you out as violently as possible. “Dear Ram, please do accompany Subaru to the mansion and make sure that no dark fate befalls him.”
Disturbed, Ram uncrosses her arms. She eyes her lord pleadingly.
“I do not wish to do that, lord.”
You feel sad. What did I do to you that was so bad, Ram?, you think. You are my sister-in-law and everything!
“Is it because of the sex in a barn thing, Ram?”, you ask with a thin voice.
Roswaal chuckles.
“Oh, please do tell what you refer to. Ram, have you been involved in such a way with our soon to be knight?”
You wince as Ram’s cheeks redden. Her eyes avert from her lord’s and she mumbles something incomprehensible.
“What was that, Ram?”, Roswaal asks with his lilting tone. “I couldn’t hear you properly, my dear servant.”
“I said no!”, she answers in a louder tone. “I have not, I did not. Barusu has an improper imagination that he keeps tangling innocent people in.”
“Yeah, sorry for threatening you with a good time, Ram”, you say, feeling hollow all of a sudden.
Ram seethes with anger.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know it would hurt you like that”, you say in a low voice. “I keep blurting out stuff because it just pops into my mouth, and I can’t stop myself. I guess that I was feeling so despondent that when I stared at someone as stoic and strong and pink-haired and whose long, slender legs look so good in those stockings, I wanted you to share some of your essence. I didn’t mean anything bad.”
Ram squeezes her eyes shut, clenches her fists and turns her face away.
“Stop! Stop now, Barusu! Apologies aren’t enough for the things you say!”
“I don’t know what else to do! I’m trying, really!”
You touch your chest and then reach out with your left hand towards her. Seeing this, Ram holds her head with both hands.
“I’ve heard enough! I will not remain here and be insulted by you any longer! I won’t!”
“I’m not insulting you at all! I’m praising your qualities, if anything! Ram, you are the best Spartan I have ever met, and I’m proud that you became my sister-in-law. I want nothing more than to take care of you as your dear sort of brother for the rest of my life!”
She gives you a scornful look, and then turns away.
“I need to be away from you right now… I don’t think I can trust myself to not kill you.”
“It’s that bad!?”
Roswaal raises his hand in a motion to stop your confrontation. His smile has faded, and he’s even frowning. Ram must be serious then.
“Ram, please calm yourself. You must understand that our Subaru is young and still developing. Don’t allow some careless words of his to get to you. And surely you understand he doesn’t mean any harm.”
Ram has barely turned her face towards her lord when you open your mouth again.
“Ram… If it will satisfy you, just kill me. It’s alright. It would be a honor to be murdered by your hands.”
You bow slightly on the chair as a sign of respect, but your humility and kindness does nothing to change her expression. Ram presses her hands against the sides of her head and seems to be muttering something in between clenched teeth.
“Do it…”, you plead. “You mustn’t suffer the wicked. Kill me, Ram.”
Roswaal raises his hands and makes a clapping motion, which breaks the tension.
“Enough! The pair of you!”
With that, Ram hastily turns towards the door and leaves the house, leaving you and Roswaal alone. She doesn’t look back even once before closing the door.
“I’ll… admit, I was not expecting such a reaction from her”, you say sheepishly, barely able to hold the clown’s gaze. “I suppose I’ve offended her several times in the past, but never to this degree.”
“Hm, I suppose she is quite proud of her heritage.”
“Even so, I don’t think that pride could turn into this sort of passion.”
“Clearly it has. I suggest you tread carefully around her. Not only is she is our senior servant, but if she wished she could easily kill you and only few would be able to stop her. However, this confrontation only served to emphasize for me that you both need to work together better. Return to Ryuzu’s home, Barusu, and I will convince our dear Ram to accompany you back home.”
“That’s not necessary, I-“
“I will send Ram with you, so this matter is settled. Speak with whomever you need, as well as prepare yourself properly, so you can leave for the mansion as soon as possible. You have done a good job of surviving this far, Subaru.”

You have pulled Emilia into Ryuzu’s guest room so you can speak to her about your departure.
“You are leaving!?”, Emilia asks with confused dismay. “But you told me you would be there for me tonight, after I attempt to pass the trial again!”
“I’m sorry, I really wanted to be there for you, but we’ve got to figure out why Frederica betrayed us like that. Besides, that scary Ram is going to accompany me as my personal demon bodyguard, so I have nothing to worry about. I don’t even have to get terrified about extremely proficient contract killers!”
Emilia lowers her face slightly, and her lips turn down with sadness.
“I need you here, Subaru…”, she says with a voice that pierces your heart. “And I miss your touch already.”
You put your hand on her waist to sit her next to each other on the bed.
“I know, but this came up. Look, I’ll be back tomorrow at the latest, and I’m sure you’ll be fine without me there to cheer you on.”
“But… I feel like for once things are getting better for me…”
You pat her on the head and give her a warm smile.
“They will continue to get better. You just have to trust in that.”
Emilia smiles back, though it’s obvious she is forcing herself to do so.
“Be careful, okay?”
“Of course I will.”
You stroke her beautiful face, then taste her rosy lips. She opens her mouth and plays with your tongue while she grabs the back of your shirt. You are getting the tingles all over.
“I love you, Emilia, and we belong to each other”, you murmur.
“Yes… Yes, we do…”
She keeps kissing you and rubbing your back. You really don’t want to leave this room right now. As Emilia lets out little noises of pleasure, you gasp and pull away from the half-elf. Her face is flushed, and her eyes glisten. She’s holding the tip of her tongue between her lips, as if beckoning for you to kiss her again.
“Emilia, I completely forgot!”, you say, suddenly breathless. “Last night I filled you with cum! You might be pregnant already!”
“I know… but that’s what I want.”
“Eh?”
“I want to have your child, Subaru. Whether later in life or now, I’ll take it as it comes. If it turns out that our child has begun to grow in my womb, I will be so happy.”
“Emilia, you really…”
“No, Subaru, it’s not just the lust talking. I’ve thought about this long and hard. You… You don’t have any special powers, but you have so much love to give. I want a baby… your baby inside of me. I want to carry on your legacy. I want to become large and round with your child.”
You feel as warm as if dunked in a steaming bath. Those purple eyes are staring at you as if you are the only person in the world who matters. Before you know it your heart beats so hard, and your dick is so hard, that you can think of little else than taking off Emilia’s dress and making sweet love to her sexy self.
“Um… Emilia”, you begin with a shivering voice. “You understand that if you get pregnant you might not be able to complete your trials, right? And furthermore, what about the race for the throne? I suppose that the medallion’s enchantment won’t disqualify you because you are pregnant, but showing up in front of that council of decrepit bastards again while pregnant with your knight’s child doesn’t precisely award you points towards eventually sitting on that throne, would it? You need to think strategically as well, or else you will ruin your ambitions!”
You try to put on a caring, concerned face, but it’s hard when your body is bursting with the need to shoot another load into her, even thought it would undermine your side of the argument.
Emilia, with a sad look, moves closer to your face and speaks down to you, her voice almost a whisper.
“I didn’t choose the public life I’m currently living because I wanted to be queen, you know that. I mainly want it for something personal. If we get blessed with a child, then I’ll build everything up around our new family. Just the thought of putting our child to sleep and then going to bed, getting naked and you kissing me, caressing me, licking me down there… Ah, I’m breathing so hard already…”
Emilia rubs your chest with her palm as she bites her lips. You swallow while you feel sweat beading on your forehead. You might come in your pants. Didn’t you need to leave for some place, prevent something from happening…?
“Well, if you think that having our baby as soon as possible will make you happy, then I suppose I’ll try to do it. I mean, its not like I have anything better planned.”
“Yes! Oh thank you, Subaru! Now, kiss me! Show my body that you love it!”
You fill each other’s mouths with each other’s tongues while you fondle her ass cheeks.
“Mm… Nng… Let’s go… Take everything off…” Emilia says with a sexy voice while she rubs your chest with her hands.
You undress, and so does Emilia, who is now completely naked. You throw your clothes all over the floor. After you lay the half-elf on the bed, you move next to her and lick one of her pink nipples while you slide the middle finger of your other hand between her drenched pussy lips.
“Ah! That’s right… Rub there… Lick me…”
You lick her other nipple while you squeeze that breast with your hand. You hum as you enjoy pleasuring her. She puts both of her hands on the back of your head, rubbing and scratching it, while she pushes your head into her bosom. Her legs tremble a bit, and she lets out a long sigh.
“Fuck…” she whispers.
“Are you loving it, you sexy girl?”, you ask with a hungry voice.
“Yes…!”
“You are both out of your minds”, Ram’s voice says from the door.
Emilia and you turn your heads sharply toward the voice. The senior servant is standing with her arms crossed in front of the closed door, her face pale, and glaring at you both with her eyes wide. Her mouth is twisted in a grimace.
“Shit, Ram’s here!”, you say while sitting up. “Fuck, hide! Quick!”
“But she’s already staring at us!”, Emilia says, confused, and covers her moist breasts with her hands.
You clear your throat. Due to the angle you are sitting at, your erect penis is pointed at the senior servant.
“Hm, is something wrong, Ram?”
“Wrong? I should think so”, she says with a hoarse voice. “What are you both doing naked, rubbing and licking each other…?”
“It’s called sex, Ram. You wouldn’t know about it, I guess… But it’s some stuff we do. It’s perfectly innocent, I assure you.”
“Not with her, you don’t!”
“What, you don’t think Emilia is good enough for me? You better apologize, Ram, or else I’ll get real angry even though you could kill me in an instant.”
You give a harsh glance at Ram, who stands there squinting her eyes as she tries to hold in her anger. She breathes out slowly, holds her hands into fists and takes a few steps in your direction, before stopping again.
“You are going to ruin everything, Barusu, by tangling our princess in your disgusting games. You will prevent her from sitting on that throne.”
Emilia, although she has blushed hard, covers both of her breasts with a forearm while she extends her free hand towards Ram.
“Ram, it’s uncomfortable that you got to see us like this, but there’s nothing wrong. We love each other and we are very passionate. So much so what we forgot to close the door properly…”
“Lady Emilia, please shut up”, she says firmly without looking at her. “Barusu, I thought that despite your looks, your words and your actions, there was a modicum of worth in you. I made such a mistake that I should commit ritual suicide.”
You stand up from the bed, naked as the day you were born. Ram glances down at your wobbling, mostly erect penis.
“Look Ram… I’m still me!”, you plead to her. “You might hate what you’re seeing right now, but that’s just how it is. Emilia and I love each other! You can’t be that mad about two people in love. I wish you would know love yourself, Ram, so you would understand. I would have loved to show you love at some points ever since I first met you, but you wouldn’t open up your heart!”
Ram narrows her eyes as her fists tremble.
“Do not presume to know my heart, Barusu. I am a servant of the highest caliber! I’ve dedicated my very existence to serving lord Roswaal until the fateful day my life comes to an end! You know nothing about me!”
“But I want to know more! Ram, you’re one of my best friends! If you would just open up-“
The tremors in her fists move up to her head. Overwhelmed, she turns away from your naked selves.
“Away from me, away from me, your foul stench offends me.”
Ram slams the bedroom door. You stand there stunned, staring at the closed door while your ears ring. You swallow and turn towards Emilia. She’s no longer covering her pretty breasts, but instead looks up at you sheepishly with those beautiful purple eyes.
“Did… we make a mistake?”, you ask.
“No. We just need to be patient”, Emilia says sweetly.
You nod. You walk up to the bed and kneel down in front of Emilia, who is turning to sit on the edge of the bed. The sight of her gorgeous, wet pussy is making you drool.
“Emilia, please tell me you want me to eat you out as a farewell”, you murmur.
“I do, Subaru.”
You don’t need any more encouragement.

As you walk away from Ryuzu’s home in the direction of the stables where your beloved Patrasche must be lazing around, you spot Otto as he prattles to some confused half-wolf local villagers. When the merchant spots you and he turns to face you, the villagers excuse themselves and walk away. When you get closer to your pal you realize that he’s drunk. His eyes are glazed, and he sways in place. He offers you a wide smile and pats your shoulder.
“Mr. Natsuki! The luckiest, most blessed man in this world! How are you doing, sir?”
“I’m fine, but you seem pretty drunk for so early in the day, Otto. What’s going on?”
Otto laughs a bit too loudly.
“Drunk? Moi? No, sir! I have taken merely two cups of cider! I am more hydrated than ever!”
As you wonder why you heard a French word in there, the merchant pats his chest to assure you. You nod and sigh.
“Alright then, Otto. I’m glad you feel better. This morning during our meeting it looked as if you had come down with some stomach bug or something. Really soured our meeting a bit.”
“I apologiiiize, sir. It shan’t happen again. Let’s talk about the future!”
“I’m kind of short on time at the moment, but sure. What future are you referring to?”
Otto grins as he stares. You begin to feel uneasy. He points a skinny finger at you.
“The future of course! Your future! Our future! Our beautiful future together! You have the brightest future under the sun and the stars, being able to love and be loved by the most wonderful woman who ever lived. Luckiest man there is…”
You frown as you begin to realize how intoxicated the merchant is.
“Otto, I have to…”
“Do you believe in destiny?”
You pause and look at him. You’ve never really given the concept much thought, but you still understand the general idea of it.
“Yeah, I guess so, or maybe not. What does that have to do with anything now, though?”
“Everything! Everything, I tell you!”
Otto raises his voice louder and louder. Some of the half-beast villagers who walk around are staring at the pair of you, then some glance at each other with concern, but nobody intervenes.
“Do you believe that you and our lovely, pure princess were destined to meet?”, Otto continues. “Was it a love written in the stars, the stuff that songs are written about?”
“I don’t know, man. I love her enormously, but I also love my girlfriend, my other girlfriend I guess, my beloved Rem, enormously as well. I’m confused at the moment. All I know is that it feels so good to hold Emilia’s hand, kiss her sweet mouth, play with her small tits, eat out her hot pussy, and feel her tight insides wrapped around my dick, that I can’t help but get obsessed with her at the moment, you know?”
You take a quick breath. It is at that moment when you realize you’ve been speaking your mind for a while. You didn’t even notice the villagers gawking at you for a few moments, nor did you hear the quiet sobs and sniffles of the man in front of you.
Otto’s shoulders begin to shake as he bursts into tears.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Natsuki, I’m sorry. I can’t…”
You pat his shoulder.
“It’s alright, you are drunk out of your mind and people can get emotional for no reason during such periods. Your breath reeks of alcohol, too.”
“I’m sorry. But your breath also smells different, Mr. Natsuki…”
You open your mouth wide and blow on your palm. After you take a good whiff, you nod.
“You are right, my breath smells like Emilia’s insides. I finished eating her out a couple of minutes ago. Although we were pressed on time, I think she came even harder now… What a sweet girl she is.”
Otto’s eyes widen. He sniffs and turns away from you.
“I don’t want to hear anymore… You two are getting married soon anyway… I’m happy for you…” He wipes his tears and takes a deep breath. “No, I need to stop being sad. This is a joyous day! Rejoice!”
You laugh.
“Old pal, you get weirder every day! I think you need to get some rest, and in general take better care of yourself.”
Otto sighs loudly.
“I’ll try, Mr. Natsuki.”
You wave goodbye, but he was already wandering away.
You continue to the stables. Your good girl Patrasche is waiting outside, near the path. When you get close enough, she looks up at you and whinnies, clearly happy to see you. Your smile fades immediately, though, because the senior servant is standing right next to your ground dragon. Ram has crossed her arms and is trying to murder you with her stare.
“You made me wait as well…” Ram says with a dry voice. “Made me wait…”
You pat Patrasche on the head and begin rubbing her chin.
“Ram, you can’t be so angry all the time. It’s no way to live. I keep trying to cheer you up, but you don’t want any of it. I’m doing my best here.”
“I was doing reasonably good… until you came along.”
Even though Patrasche is nuzzling you with her snout, you get annoyed.
“Damn it, Ram. We need to live in peace with each other, and I personally like you a lot even though you hate me! What can I do so you can be happy?”
Her right eye twitches, and a side of her mouth raises in disgust before she calms herself.
“Barusu, you knew I had been tasked to accompany you to confront Frederica at the mansion. Why did you make me wait this much after I caught both of you lunatics during your foul act?”
You wag your index finger to correct her.
“First of all, there was nothing foul about the act we were performing. Having sex with the person you love, one of them anyway, is the most natural and blessed act in this world or any other. I don’t like ass stuff, because it can get real nasty and you have a hole that lubricates naturally right next, so I never quite understood that, but I swear, if you would just let me, or someone else I mean, eat you out, you would feel more relaxed. You wouldn’t be on edge all the time. Sex solves everything in this world. If people didn’t attempt to kill other people and instead had sex with them, things wouldn’t get so grim.”
Her nostrils widen, and she parts her lips to show her clenched teeth. She’s breathing hard.
“I do not believe there are words in any language to properly express how much I despise you.”
“What the hell…”
“You call what you do sex? I’ll have you know that even an amateur prostitute isn’t as ‘lax’ as you seem to think these things are. You wouldn’t last a minute in bed with a real woman! I’ve seen whores toss men out of their rooms for doing the same thing you do!”
“Well, I guess it just goes to show that whores are idiots and don’t know good sex when they experience it. You only saw me licking Emilia’s pretty tits and rubbing her wet pussy. It’s not as if we showed you our whole performance. Besides, when did you, a complete prude, become the judge of how other people should have sex? You probably don’t even touch yourself.”
“Of course I don’t!”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t touch myself, you despicable fool!”
You feel sad. You are about to pat her shoulder when you realize that she might torture you to death.
“You are so lonely, Ram, it wrings my heart. If I could press a button that had you orgasming every thirty seconds, I would push it so much it would become muscle memory. You are beautiful, your pink hair is cool, you have a great body, you are super strong and can kill people with wind magic. You should be happier in this world or any other.”
Her eyes water. Ram quickly rushes at you, grabbing you by the collar of your shirt and lifting you into the air. Patrasche gets nervous and shifts her weight while looking at the both of you.
“I’ll never be happy, not in a hundred lifetimes”, Ram says with a hollow voice.
She throws you against a nearby tree. You fall to the ground and your bones hit it painfully, your hand feeling as if it’s broken.
“I have nothing to live for, not anymore at least”, Ram says. “I’ll only continue to exist until my purpose has been fulfilled, just like a puppet with its strings cut.”
Ram walks up to you then stares you down while tears stream down her cheeks.
“I can’t be your friend, I can’t even be your fucking enemy. I don’t know how to feel or what to think. All I know is that I need to get revenge. You say I’m lonely? I haven’t even felt loneliness yet.”
You have no answer for her, so you just sit there and let her tears hit your face. Both your back and your hands hurt bad. Patrasche growls at Ram from behind, but the ground dragon seems confused, as if she doesn’t understand why Ram would attack you.
“Get your revenge on me if you want, Ram”, you say with a pained, nearly breathless voice. “It will make you feel better.”
Ram kicks you in the side of the face, knocking out two of your teeth and sending fresh waves of pain throughout your body. You can’t even scream, the kick knocked the wind out of you.
“You don’t understand anything!”, Ram shouts.
She kneels down and grabs your throat, strangling it. You can’t react in any way, you just let her kill you. Her grip tightens, your eyes start to bug out, and then she stops.
“I’m… I’m sorry”, Ram says.
You manage to cough, even though Ram’s grasp has barely loosened around your throat.
“No, don’t stop, Ram. It was just getting good. You are feeling that anger, aren’t you? That sense of release. Go ahead, girl. I’m here for you.”
Her grip loosens even more, and you feel the life going back into your body. You wish she would just kill you.
“I… I am…”, Ram says with a shaky voice.
An angry, pained cry from Patrasche breaks the moment. Ram’s eyes widen as she looks behind her. You jump up and slam your fist into the side of Ram’s head. Although the punch made her body lean in the direction of the hit, she slowly straightens her back and looks at you surprised and confused.
“I told you not to stop, Ram!”, you shout with a hoarse voice. “What the fuck are you doing!?”
Patrasche takes the opportunity and bites down on Ram’s arm. The senior servant cries out in pain and falls backwards. You take advantage of the situation and get on top of her, slamming both your fists into her face repeatedly. Blood splashes your face.
“Why couldn’t you just fucking kill me?! I wanted to die! You were supposed to kill me!”
You feel your body losing strength, and you slow down. Ram grabs your shoulders and tosses you off of her. You roll on the ground and watch as Ram gets up and readies her stance. Her nose is broken and bleeding heavily, her right eye is bruised and half shut, and in her open mouth, through which she’s breathing heavily, her teeth are dyed red. A couple of teeth are missing. The bite in the senior servant’s arm looks real bad, the bone might be broken. Ram is looking at you with dead eyes.
“Come here, Ram, and finish the job”, you taunt her. “I have done little else than make life harder for you from the beginning, haven’t I? And you don’t even have a sister that would care for you. Come and end my life. I have fucked up enough in this run.”
The wind begins to pick up. Ram is hunched over, and her chest rises and falls deeply as the senior servant’s red eyes stare right through you.
“It was my de… destiny to lead the village one day… You took that away… Now the only thing left… is to pay you back for what you did…”
“Go on, Ram, and fulfill your duty. The world needs to be rid of me. There is nothing good in me that can make a difference, so just end my life.”
Ram leaps at you again, and you get a boot to your face. Although the senior servant tumbles over, she quickly catches herself with one hand. Patrasche appears suddenly in your field of vision, but Ram twists her body and throws such an uppercut against the ground dragon’s chin that it knocks the beast out. Ram turns towards you and drives the other fist into your nose, breaking it and causing blood to squirt out of it. Her own face is soaked in blood. You shake your head in pain, and when you spit blood at the grass to your side, you notice that a few teeth glisten.
“That’s good, Ram”, you say with a hoarse voice. “But you need to be harsher. This isn’t remotely enough pain yet.”
The wind picks up, and a branch falls down next to you. Some critter cries out and scurries into a hole in the ground. You can barely focus your vision as Ram throws another punch, breaking your other cheekbone. Your body is burning up, and you feel your muscles tear.
You can no longer recognize the face you see before you as being that of Ram. Her red eyes almost glow. With the blood oozing out of your mouth, it’s hard to speak or pronounce anything clearly.
“Crush my fucking brains in, Ram.”
Her hands clench into balls, and then she starts pounding your head with all her might. Her thumbs push deep into your eyes, blinding you in a shock of pain that courses through your whole body like an electrical explosion. Your chest heaves and your heart beats against your ribs. Then Ram snaps your neck with one clean twist.
Your body convulses on the ground, and blood leaks out of every orifice. The noises you make turn indiscernible. Ram stops hitting you as your body falls back, but she doesn’t let go of your arm for a few moments as if to ensure you’re dead.

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Note from December of 2020:

This entry was a lot of fun until it wasn’t any longer. I guess it’s another failure to chalk up to the protagonist’s inability to deal with horrible news. The fact that the entry starts with Ram murdering the protagonist with her eyes only to end up murdering his eyes and then his entire self is somewhat poetic.

Note from May of 2021:

Although I was already very fond of my personal version of the abrasive, pink-haired servant, this was for me the chapter where I grew to love her. It’s too bad that I hate how the original author of “Re:Zero” paid off her entire arc regarding her natural need to avenge what was done to her.