Namahan of the Third Gate (Fiction)

Namahan of the Third Gate (as recorded and edited by Alenne Kaerwick of the canal-heartland)

The well is fourteen paces. My great-grandfather lined it. His name is in the keeping-book; his hands were under the rope before his name was at the head of the page. Four generations turn at the rope, now. The stone is the same stone, weathered now where it was sharp then. The well-lid was new twelve winters back. Otherwise the place is what it was: a stone-and-reed gate-stop, a covered pavilion for the hospitality-fire, a small cellar provisioned twice a season from the village four hours’ walk, the fire-pit where I bank the coal at last light, and the alcoves where my daughter and I sleep. The flat roof is for summer sleeping. That is all. The gate is here because the well is here. The keeper is here because the gate is here.

I begin before dawn. Barley porridge before light, while the air is still cool, then the depth-plumb at the well—a check the keeper does whether or not the season-turn calls for it. Then the courtyard sweep. Then the gate-attention until noon. The midday hour I take in the shade now; ten years ago I worked through it, but the body asks for the shade now and I have learned to give it. After the shade, the gate again until last light. The date-wine cup at dusk, the keeping-book balanced for the day, and bed. In drought-year the day is the same shape but tighter. Everything tighter. The water-share counted twice in the keeping-book and once aloud to whoever the keeper is teaching.

The work is the well and the work is the gate. The well is rope and bucket and the depth-plumb at season-turn and the daily taste—the keeper checks the water by the taste and the scent and the shape of the foam at the lift, and a keeper who cannot does not keep. The gate is the turn—what they call the gate-turn down here. Two lines. The traveler gives one; the keeper gives one back. The lines are not the same lines for everyone—there are clusters and tongues, and the keeper accommodates—but the count is the same. Two lines, and the traveler has asked for water in our register. Two lines back, and the water is offered in our register. After that, the cup. After the cup, the conversation, if there is to be one. The gate-turn is what holds the corridor. We do not always agree on which clan was first to a well, or which keeper drove a hard supply-bargain at the heartland border, but we hold to the turn. A traveler who does not give the line is not denied—that is the slower-hosting, and the keeper covers, and the caravan-master vouches if there is a caravan-master. But the keeper notices. After many years the keeper notices in the first stride; the line tells you only what the stride had told you already.

I have hosted travelers of every cluster the corridor sees. Mostly mammalian-folk and human, those are the most. Reptile-folk pass through on the eastern caravan-rotations; ancestral-mammoth-folk come once or twice a season on the western ones; mythic-clusters come rarely—twice in my keeping, both Cluster D, both under host-side waiver because their cluster did not have the gate-turn the way the corridor has it. The keeper accommodates. Movement-constrained, phonetic-constrained, scent-strong, scent-shy—the per-cluster registers are part of what the apprenticeship teaches. The keeper does not flinch and the keeper does not perform welcome past what the keeper feels; the working-texture register is what holds. A traveler who has walked the corridor a hundred times and a traveler who has never seen a well-stop both get the cup. The cup is the cup. After the cup is where the difference is.

Travelers from north of the heartland border ask me the same things, mostly. They ask about the heat. They ask about the water-share. They ask if it is true the magistrate is four days away. (It is true. Four days hard, six days kind.) They ask about the gate-turn—they say ritual; we say the turn. They ask about the verse. The verse is harder to answer because they want it to be one thing. It is not one thing. It is what the keeper says when the traveler comes to the well, and what the traveler says back, and what the traveler says when the traveler leaves. It is the count that the verse-counter holds—that is the bone-piece my mother’s mother carved, and it sits at the pavilion edge under the oilcloth-cover. The counter holds the count of hospitality-verses performed and owed across the season. It is a tally, not a score. The counter turns at the keeping-book-transfer, and the new keeper takes it.

The verse is not a ballad. We have ballads in the corridor—the bards bring them—but the verse is not a ballad. It is short, paired, turn-and-reply. The keeper learns it by listening. My mother’s mother had me at the well from twelve onward, and the verse was the work I learned alongside the rope. I do not know how to say it that does not sound smaller than it is to anyone who has not heard it. The verse is the work. The keeper is the verse. When the traveler approaches and the line comes, the keeper answers, and the answer is not a flourish but a count. The count is what holds the corridor.

I have been asked, more than once by heartlanders who came to the well, whether the verse is for show. I do not understand the question. The verse is for the cup. The cup is for the traveler. The traveler is for the corridor. The corridor is what the well-stops and the gate-stops and the villages and the caravanserais are, strung together by the wells. There is no show. There is the count, and the rope, and the cup. If a heartlander needs a story for it, the heartlander is welcome to one—but the keeper is keeping the count.

I will tell you anecdotes. The years are too many anecdotes for a book; I will tell you the ones that come. There was a winter—eighteen winters back, I think—when the caravan-master’s runner came up at the false-dawn and said waiting-wolves at the second gate. That is the bandit-corridor warning, waiting-wolves, the corridor-language for the bandits who lay up between gate-stops in the long-rotation gap. The second gate is the next gate north of mine. The runner had come overnight at his good-leg pace; he had not stopped at the village. The drill is: hold the gate-turn short, send the village runner south, wait for the caravan-master-led column. We did. The column came in two days; the bandits did not press the second gate after they saw the column form; the corridor handled it. No magistrate. No docket. Two of the column’s outriders had wounds; one was at the next-caravanserai barber-surgeon by the third day. That is the corridor handling itself. It is not a story; it is what the corridor does. The times I have done it I can count, and none of them ended at a magistrate’s docket. None of them ended in a song.

There was the time a caravan-team came up the corridor with a ranking-member who could not hold the joke-threshold. You may not know what that means. In the corridor—and in the heartland too, I am told, but in the heartland it is the tavern-keeper who polices it—a mixed-species crew rides on the dry-jokes between species. Mix-sound is the foreman-judgment for whether the crew can ride them. The good-joke is teasing; the bad-joke is the one that breaks the crew. There is a threshold and most foremen know where it is. This caravan-team’s ranking-member did not know, and crossed the threshold at my pavilion in front of me and his crew and the village runner who happened to be at the well that day. I closed the cup-ledger, set the rope back, and walked off the hosting. The caravan-master came from the column-rear when the runner went and got him. The team left within the hour. The corridor knew within two seasons. I was paid only the half-share for the partial hosting; I would have refused all of it, except the corridor does not work that way. I took the half-share. I kept the keeping-book honest. The keeping-book is the thing.

There was a winter the corridor had a circuit-bard come down on rotation. (The corridor sees a circuit-bard maybe twice a year; the bards stay north mostly. The corridor is too dry for them, they say; I think the corridor is too slow for them.) This circuit-bard played at the pavilion two nights in a row on his way south. The second night he sang a piece that was drylands-cadence—drylands cadence done in the heartland-tavern register. I knew the cadence. It was a piece a verse-adept from my own corridor-segment had been working on years before. The bard did not know whose cadence it was. He had heard it from another bard who had heard it from another. The cadence travels north on the bard-circuit; the protocol does not travel back. That is the pattern the keepers see. We do not have a way to send the protocol north. The cadence keeps going. I have not figured what to do about that and I will not tell you I have. I only tell you that I have heard my own corridor’s cadence return to my own pavilion through a man who did not know it was ours, and I poured him the cup, and he drank it, and he went south and then he went north, and the cadence went with him. We do not have a way.

There was a winter—twelve winters back—when a contractor came up the corridor whose face I had seen across the gate before. He had been an outrider on a caravan years before that, and he had come back through twice in the years between, and the third time he came he did not speak the way he had spoken before. The corridor calls it the silenced-contractor register. The contractor has seen something on a contract he will not say. The keeper does not ask. The keeper pours the cup and the keeper does not ask. I poured him the cup. He sat at the pavilion through the noon-rest. He did not speak. He paid the keeping-fee in copper and he went on. He did not come back. I do not know whether he is dead or whether he simply turned his rotation. The corridor swallows people that way. The keeping-book has his name and a tick-mark and the date. That is what the keeping-book is for.

Cluster D travelers I have hosted twice, as I said. Once a naga-folk traveler on her way to the heartland border. Her cluster does not have our gate-turn—she said so directly, the first thing—and we did the host-side waiver: a short-line prose-turn instead of the verse-turn, and the cup. She drank in the way her cluster drinks (her cluster takes water differently, you may know) and she rested and she went on. The second was a basilisk-folk traveler who came down from a longer crossing than naga-folk usually take. He was very tired and his eye-shielding was low—he had ridden long enough that he was past the careful etiquette his cluster usually keeps with mammalian-folk. We did the waiver, he kept his eyes on the floor of the pavilion, and we did not need to say anything more. Both nights I slept upstairs and the traveler slept in the alcove. Both nights nothing happened that needed to. That is the host-side waiver: the keeper carries the welcome that the cluster cannot translate. It is what the keeping is.

I have heard sectarian recruiters at this gate twice. The cadence they use is the supremacist doctrine—there is a recruitment cadence; you may not have heard it; if you have not, do not ask me to perform it for you. Both times I turned the cadence with a verse-turn. Both times the recruiter heard the turn for what it was—a polite refusal, in the keeper’s register—and went south within the hour. The corridor does not have many sectarian recruiters; it does not have many of much. The corridor has the wells and the gate-stops and the caravan-rotations, and it has not enough of any of the things that would let a sectarian doctrine root. The corridor is honest about this and I am honest about it. We are not a tolerant land in the heartland sense; we are a thinly-occupied land in which most people who would push a doctrine push it elsewhere first.

I had a husband. Yalen of the Third Gate. He came to the household when I took the station—that is how the keeping-line marries, the husband joins the keeping-house, not the other way—and he kept the well alongside me for twenty-three winters. He died of the ordinary drylands sun-sickness compounded by years. It was not artifact-related, it was not a contagion, it was just what catches up with a man who has worked the corridor at noon for forty years and could not always keep to the shade-discipline I keep. The cremation was at the village; the ashes were scattered at the threshold. He liked the verse-line the rope holds the bucket; the keeper holds the rope. I have not performed it at the high-feast since he died. He liked it. That is the only thing I will say about it, in your book, that I would not say at the well to a stranger.

I have a daughter. Tamer. She is twenty-eight; she has been at the well at chore-from-young from age six; she is the apprentice well-keeper now, in full training, and the keeping-book-transfer will come in some future I do not yet know how to count. She has her father’s hands at the rope and her mother’s mother’s ear at the gate. She is a good keeper. She will be a better one than I am because she will have all of what I have and the years she has had me to watch her hold it. She does not say much. She did not say much as a child either. She asks the questions the keeping needs and not many other questions. I have watched her hold a gate-turn with a slower-hosted migrant for an hour without breaking the cadence. She will do the corridor well after me. I do not say that because she is mine; I say it because the corridor will know within two seasons of the keeping-book-transfer and the corridor’s word is what I trust.

I had a son. Kiran. He was verse-adept early—earlier than I was, earlier than my mother’s mother said she had been. He could hear a paired-line in a caravan-passage and reply with a turn that I had never been able to find at his age. He did not want the well-keeping. The well-keeping does not let you go north and the verse, when it is in a young man, sometimes wants north. He went north when he was twenty-two. He went to the canal-heartland. He sent letters back at first by caravan-runner; the letters thinned and then they stopped. We had eight years of him going north and six of him being there before he died. He died there in a way the runners did not detail to me; what I have is that it was tavern-adjacent and not artifact and not a long sickness. I do not have his ashes. The ashes are in the heartland. That is what I have to tell you. I will not have more than that for your book.

I will say this much, because you have asked about the corridor and the cadence travels: my son’s cadence was a corridor cadence. The bards north of the border have absorbed corridor cadences now for some years. The cadence travels north on the bard-circuit and the protocol—the gate-turn protocol—does not travel back. I have heard, more than once, my son’s cadence come back to my own gate through a circuit-bard who did not know whose cadence it was. The pattern is not personal. It is what the bard-circuit does. I am telling it to you because you said you would write it down for the heartland to read, and the heartland should know that the cadence it puts in its taverns belongs to a corridor it does not visit. We do not have a way to send the protocol after the cadence. I do not know if we will. The bards do not come down to learn the protocol; they come down to fill the rotation when the heartland circuit is dry, and they take what they hear and they go. That is the pattern. I do not have a name to give you for any one bard. The bards do not deserve a name from me, individually; the pattern is what wants a name and the pattern is what I am giving you.

You asked what I would want outsiders to know when they visit the drylands. I will tell you what I tell the heartlanders who reach my well, in the order I tell them.

The first thing is the water. You do not drink before noon in summer. You shake the canteen first when you reach the well and you do not drink deep at the rope. The keeper sees who shakes and who drinks deep, and the keeper knows in the first water-action who has been on the corridor before and who has not. There is no shame in not having been; there is only the shape of the new walker, and the corridor accommodates new walkers by giving them the noon-rest before they ask for it. Take the noon-rest. The corridor takes it; we are not lazy; we are not slow; the noon-rest is what allows the work that gets done before and after. If you ride through the noon-rest you will pay for it before evening, and the keeper will pour you the cup without scolding because the scolding is in the cup itself.

The second thing is the gate-turn. When you reach a well-stop, you wait at the gate-approach until the keeper sees you. You do not push past the gate. The keeper is doing whatever the keeper is doing—the rope, the keeping-book, the courtyard sweep. The keeper will come. When the keeper comes, you give the line. If you do not have the line, that is the slower-hosting, and the keeper covers, and you watch and you learn. By the third well-stop you should have the line; the line is the same line everywhere, with cluster-accommodations the keeper will help you with. The line is two lines. I have come to the gate-turn; the road is long. The keeper’s reply is the gate is here; the cup is here. Then the cup. Then the conversation if there is to be one. The line is not optional; it is what tells the keeper that you respect the keeper’s keeping. The keeper does not need your respect; the corridor does. The line is to the corridor.

The third thing is coin. We are not—and I have heard this said in the heartland and it is wrong—we are not untainted by coin. There is a register heartlanders sometimes use for us in which we are noble peasants who refuse coin out of moral integrity. That is the fantasy register and it is not us. The corridor runs on in-kind reciprocity at the well-stops because the wells are not market-stalls; what runs through a well-stop is the keeping-book, hospitality-due against water-share, and the books balance across the season. At the supply-runs to the village and at the caravan-resupply at the heartland border, coin is on the table. Coin is on the table when coin is contracted, and the corridor honors the contract. If you offer coin at a well-stop where the in-kind register holds, the keeper will not refuse it but the keeper will note it in the keeping-book in the column for paid-not-balanced and that is its own register. We are not noble. We are a corridor, and the corridor runs the way it runs.

The fourth thing is the magistrate. There is no magistrate at the corridor. The magistrate is four days’ ride to the heartland-border court, and it is functionally absent for anything corridor-internal. If something happens at the well that needs a ruling, it gets ruled by the caravan-master if there is one passing through, and the ruling holds for the corridor—the multi-master reputation-network is what makes the rulings hold—and it does not travel north and it does not extradite anybody. If you come down expecting a magistrate to enforce a contract you signed at the well, you will be disappointed. Sign the contract at the heartland border; settle it there. At the well, the keeper’s word and the caravan-master’s word are what hold. If those are not enough for what you need to do, do not do it at the well.

The fifth thing is the cluster. You will pass crews of every cluster on the corridor. The corridor does not have the heartland’s tavern-keeper to police the joke-threshold; the foreman polices it on the rolling crew. If you are not the foreman, you do not push past the joke-threshold; even if you are the foreman, you do not push past it. The crew you ride into the corridor with is the crew you walk back out with, and the crew you do not honor on the corridor will not honor you back. Cross-species courtesy at the well is not a heartland refinement; it is the way the keepers run the gate. The keeper will host every cluster the gate sees and will accommodate every cluster the gate hosts. You will be hosted in the same register. If you cannot hold the cross-species register, do not come down.

The sixth thing is the bards, since you asked about the verse. The bards do not represent us. The bards take cadences north and put them in heartland taverns and the cadences travel without the protocol. If you have heard drylands cadences in your taverns, you have not heard the corridor; you have heard a bard’s hearing of a third bard’s hearing of a corridor moment. We are not what the bards have made of us. We are not what your taverns will make of us. We are the keepers and the gate-stops and the caravan-rotations and the wells. We are not romantic. We are not unspoiled. We are not the heartland’s earlier age. We are the corridor in the season we are in, and that is all.

The seventh thing—and this is the last and I will not list past seven—is the keeping-book. The keeping-book is what holds. The keeping-book is what I will pass to my daughter when the keeping-book-transfer comes. It is hospitality-due against water-share; it is caravan-master vouches and arrival-dates and water-use ticked in trade-tongue with the apprentice’s handwriting in the back. It is a household ledger. It is not a chronicle. It is not a saga. It is the record of who came and what was given and what is owed and what the season took. There is a keeping-book at every well-stop in the corridor, kept by the keeper of that well, and the keeping-books do not talk to each other except through the caravan-masters who pass between them. The keeping-book is the corridor’s memory at the level the corridor has memory. We do not have a chronicle; we have the keeping-books, and we have what the wells remember between the cup-pours, which is more than the keeping-books and less than a chronicle.

What have I learned in my keeping? I have learned that the well does not run unattended and the keeper does not sleep through the gate-turn. I have learned that the corridor knows who you are in two seasons and that what the corridor knows is what you have done at the wells and at the stops and at the caravan-rests, not what you have said about it. I have learned that the keeping-book is honest because the keeper is honest because the corridor is watching the keeper. I have learned that the cup is the cup and the cup does not get smaller for travelers I do not like. I have learned that the verse is the work and that the work does not need to be praised because the work is what is done.

You asked what I would want a heartlander to take from this. I do not know what a heartlander takes from a book. I will say this. If you come down, do not come for the unspoiled. We are not unspoiled. Come because you need to cross the corridor for some reason of your own, and let the corridor be what it is while you cross. Take the noon-rest. Give the line at the gate. Drink at the cup. Pay the keeper what the keeper’s keeping-book says. Listen to the cadence and do not write it down without asking. Listen to the keepers older than I am and do not ask them what they cannot give you. Hold to your foreman’s joke-threshold. When you reach the heartland border again, leave the corridor in the corridor. We do not need the heartland’s affection and we do not want the heartland’s pity. We need the heartland to remember that the cadence it sings in its taverns is borrowed from a road the heartland has not walked.

That is what I would say. I have said more than I usually say. I would not have said this much except you have come to my pavilion and asked, and you have offered to write it down, and the gate-turn is what I have given for many years, and you have given me the count back. The count is what we do. I will pour the cup now, and we will rest, and you will go on north tomorrow to the next gate, and the cadence will go with you, and we will see what comes of it. The well is fourteen paces. The keeper holds the rope. The corridor knows our names in two seasons. That is all I have to give you.

Life update (05/26/2025)

I’m back at work after two weeks of vacation that, as these things usually do, passed by way too fast. Most of my first week was spent in Barcelona, a trip originally intended for research but that caught me not caring much about writing. I’m glad I went, and I got some interesting experiences out of it, but when I returned home, I realized I didn’t really care to write about it. Right now, at about eight in the morning on a Monday, sitting at my office desk, I may as well point out a few things. First of all, Barcelona is a multiculti hellhole. I already expected it to be, but walking through Las Ramblas (don’t do that) exposed the multiculti dream, that as far as concerned has been thoroughly exposed: no “melting pot” (not that it was ever a good thing to begin with), but a fuckton of ethnicities competing for spaces, resources, and eventually, who rules. In a territory that was solely meant to be for the Catalan people, now increasingly less every passing day. Same thing is obviously happening throughout Europe, but it shocked me to witness it on such a grand scale in a huge city. I don’t know why anyone would want to live in such a city, by the way. As far as I’m concerned, they’re designed to drive you crazy.

Catalonia has a bad reputation for making most of its identity be about its regional language, which made me wary of going there, and while most things are indeed solely in Catalan, I had no trouble interacting with people in Spanish. That’s partly because plenty of the vendors I interacted with were foreigners, some of whom could barely care about Spanish, let alone the regional language. But anyway, walking down along Las Ramblas while Pakistani/Indian-type men (all of them were) constantly pestered passersby to eat at restaurants (that seemingly served regular food, but I have to assume they are Pakistani/Indian owned) was a chilling reminder that people from backwards places bring their backwards shit wherever they go.

Anyway, I visited churches, museums, the zoo, the top of the Tibidabo mountain… and instead of missing those sights, I found myself missing the attractive females I came across and whom I’ll never see again. The sporty, fresh-faced college-age woman who took the same elevator as me in the building where I briefly lived. The cute teenager wearing a cap and jeans who kept glancing my way with curiosity, for whatever reason, in the vivarium of the zoo, as well as at the mongoose enclosure. The woman who ran around the neighborhood wearing very tight, very short multicolored shorts. All those amazingly gorgeous tourists, isolated islands of blonde hair and blue eyes in an increasingly non-ethnic-European hole. Plenty of tourists who weren’t blonde and blue-eyed were also very attractive. Ultimately, attractive females are the most valuable “thing” in the world, and plenty of what any man (and some women) consumes on a regular basis, other than food, are substitutes for not having access to such a female.

The rest of my vacation was spent playing the guitar and programming. During this time, I was reminded of the fact that I don’t care about human beings or society in general. When I went out, I hurried to the mostly deserted wooded areas, while avoiding looking at anyone’s face. As I played the guitar, whenever any person approached, I got increasingly tense, which lessened as they left. It’s always been like this, but now, as a forty-year-old man going through some sort of middle-age crisis, it has become blatantly obvious that not only it’s going to be like that for the rest of my life, but that I’ll become increasingly crotchety about it as I grow older.

As the train carried me through the mostly deserted interior of Eastern Spain (about 70% of the country is unoccupied, mainly the interior plains, with the exception of the Zaragoza and Madrid areas), made me yearn to live in a quiet town somewhere in that isolation. I’m sick of having to share my spaces with so many people, even in a city like mine that isn’t remotely as fucked as Barcelona.

Don’t know what else to say. I hope I manage to return to writing my novel soon, but I’m not feeling it. I have been working hard at my programming project, mainly because it was a very compelling challenge, and just a couple of days ago, I managed to involve large language models in it, having them act as characters in a turn-based simulation. There’s a ton I can build upon that, but as the hardest part (by far) is already solved, I assume my interest is going to descend from there.

I’m tense about how I’m going to adapt to the office after this illuminating vacation. Working here as a programmer has illustrated that I absolutely do not, under any circumstance, want to return to working as a technician. I hate every aspect of it, and it’s completely ill-suited to my nature. But dropping that would likely mean having to find a completely different line of work at forty. But it’s not like I have any future here without knowing Basque; after the changes they made to the ranking system, I have been pushed down many places because of my lack of knowledge of that stupid language, so soon enough I would have found myself not being called for work anyway. Down the line of working as a technician, new visits to the ER await (three so far: two for arrhythmia and one for a hemiplegic migraine), and any of those visits may end up leaving me with permanent consequences. I suspect that at least one of them did.

Anyway, I guess that’s all for now.

Life update (08/12/2022)

For today I had planned to visit a park located near the home where a character of mine, Jacqueline, lives. When I woke up, my digestive tract was more screwed up than usual (I have IBS): apart from the near-liquid shits, I also bled out of my ass. I’m beyond questioning what the hell goes on any given day with my body unless it pertains to my heart, and one of these days I’ll stop caring about that too.

Usually when my health issues attempt to ruin my plans, I give in and spend the rest of the day either writing or wasting my time. However, I felt that walking the whole way up from the Lugaritz Euskotren station to Jacqueline’s house was a sort of penance that I had to undergo.

Yesterday we were enduring temperatures of 35 grades Celsius, but today the weather was stuck in that extremely humid state that announces that in a day or two the clouds are going to burst in a tremendous storm. So by the time I got off at the Lugaritz station, I was already drenched in sweat.

That’s the Lugaritz Euskotren station in Donostia, which is the local train slash subway system. I love to complain about everything, but I can’t say many negative things about the public transport system of this region.

That’s the parking lot where Jacqueline stops her car to have a conversation in chapter sixty-one.

That building is mentioned a couple of times in the novel, because it’s on the way to Jacqueline’s place.

I had to trudge up a slope all the way there. As expected, the narrow sidewalks were deserted.

Most of the homes in this area are about four or five times more expensive than what your regular computer technician could afford. Further ahead families were swimming in their private pools.

I took plenty of photos of the apartment building where I decided that Jacqueline lives (and where Leire spends most of her spare time now). However, it feels wrong to show it, so I won’t. As soon as I turned around after taking those photos, a guy was standing still further down the street as he stared at me with what looked like suspicion. This is one of those neighborhoods. Besides, I’m a bearded, shady-looking, deranged guy who tends to freak people out the moment they interact with me, so I just walked out of sight as casually as possible.

I was about to ask for the whereabouts of the park that Jacqueline mentioned in the most recent chapter; I had looked it up in Google Maps, but it was even closer than I expected, and very secluded. Real treasure for the locals.

That mountain over there is Mount Igueldo, and the complex on top is an amusement park.

That’s as much documentation as I needed, added to the notes I took of how it felt to be there. I considered returning to the Lugaritz station and taking a train straight home, but instead I decided to walk down to Ondarreta beach, which would be packed with tourists at this time of the year.

I don’t know what this building is supposed to be, but it looked really impressive.

On the other side of the beach there are tennis courts, as well as a fancy pub called “Wimbledon” where I set up the sequence that starts in chapter fifty-three.

That island looks like a whale from certain angles, particularly from the top of Mount Igueldo.

Life update (08/09/2022)

This morning I posted the sixty-sixth chapter of the novel I’m working on. After I finish a chapter, for a few hours I feel fulfilled, as if I have earned the right to exist, so I decided to take a walk in the sun while reading a new book. I did very little reading (I’m very impatient with books these days), but I ended up walking to France (Jacqueline’s home country), which isn’t saying much because I live right in the border. It’s a picturesque town called Hendaye, de jure part of the ancient kingdom of Aquitaine. I’m thirty-seven years old now, but it was the first time in my life that I walked through Hendaye; as a child my father drove us through it plenty of times during the summer, because the local beach is great.

The town’s sidewalks are narrow and poorly maintained. Half of the stores have closed down, and of those that remain, plenty of the owners are old enough to retire. Even as a child I had a hard time believing that anyone lived in Hendaye throughout the year. Most of the people you come across are tourists and tend to hang out near the beach, and most of the buildings in that area look like vacation homes.

The more I walked around and checked out the sights, the more melancholic I felt. I also came across quite a few French beauties, which didn’t help my mood. I often daydream about being able to teleport; apart from emptying the treasuries of a few notorious gangs so I wouldn’t need to work, I’d spend my days teleporting from town to town. If any cop asked for my ID, I would teleport away. I’d absorb dozens of new sights every day. I’d write in deserted coffee shops and sleep in a new hotel every night.

I’ve mentioned before that whenever I do something more compelling than work at my office or sit at home, I feel like a prisoner on a furlough; I’ve had to endure health or health-adjacent issues from birth, from high-functioning autism to the intrusive troubles of OCD, hormonal issues thanks to a tumor, and an Irritable Bowel Syndrome that inflames my intestines if I don’t go to the bathroom every forty-five minutes or so. I also can’t drive around; I never got a driver’s license because I’m more likely to crash my car into a wall or a truck deliberately than arrive safely at my destination.

Anyway, at one point I came across a deserted graveyard. I took a stroll through it, checking out every tomb and reading to the best of my abilities the dedication plaques, which were obviously written in French. So many variations of, “to my beloved father”, “to my friend, who will never be forgotten” and such made me sad. Unfortunately, I didn’t see any ghost.

At that point I realized that I was carrying my tablet, so I figured that I may as well take some photos of my mundane journey.

Nearby, close to spectacular views of the Txingudi bay, I took a few photos of a grandiose memorial for the locals who got pointlessly massacred during the first World War. I also photographed the surrounding park.

At some point the locals decided to build a walkway along the coast, even in front of the backyards of expensive houses; the owners must have been pissed. In any case, it’s a pleasant and reasonably isolated path.

That’s my thumb, because I’m a fucking idiot. In my defense, the sun was blinding me.

It was getting late and I needed to find a bathroom. As I walked back home, I took a few more pictures.

The rest of the photos were taken on my side of the border.

In general, today’s was one of those afternoons in which I resented that I was born as someone who can’t even aspire to a normal life, that has to lose himself in elaborate daydreams just to tolerate the nightmare of having to exist in his brain.