A Digital Empire (GPT fueled poetry)

On Sunday afternoons
I fire up a grand strategy game
And I believe myself to be
Some long-forgotten king
That spawned a murderous dynasty
With a troubling amount of incest

Who am I kidding
It wasn’t just Sundays
I’ve spent entire months slaying
Purple dragons

I can’t sleep because insomnia
So I sit in my boxers
Load up some game
And entangle my brain
When I hear the morning birds
I keep playing for more hours

I know it’s a shameless question
But do you live vicariously through games?
I asked myself
For some fucking reason
I spent days cruising for prostitutes
In a previous ‘GTA’
But I didn’t run them over afterwards
That money was already filthy
As it waited in a bank vault
I just took photos of their pixelated asses
While I touched myself

There’s no new ‘Grand Theft Auto’
They keep milking that 2013 one
For stupid teens
The term AAA these days
Is synonym with shit
I recall waiting for the next big game
To call me again
Nobody else could save the world
From the impending Apocalypse

I wasn’t into the Western one
I don’t want to stare for hours
At a horse’s ass

I want to kill hundreds of virtual humans
Because I can’t get away with murder
In real life

I will claim the Spanish throne
With the Ureña line
I’ll squash the rival claimants
And torture their mothers
I don’t care if you are my uncle
Or an estranged brother
I’m the ruthless fuck
Who conquered North Africa

I made my granddaughter
The Hellenistic queen of Andalusia
She was two years old
My mother smothered her in her sleep

I was badly wounded
In a jousting accident
My dick got gangrene
The doctor rubbed on me
A poultice made of shit

I wanted to be like King Leonidas
The father of Sparta
Especially those abs
But I went and died
With no clear successor
It’s Alexander all over again
Cleopatra’s lineage went back
To Ptolemy and Macedonia
She wasn’t black
You fucking commies

I wanted to own those new lands
So we built a bunch of colonies
Brought over loads of slaves
We would always be outnumbered
All those resources are being used
To boost the whole economy
Nothing can go wrong

The glimmer of infinite possibilities
I am a cruel god
I have drowned my universe
With boredom

I wish there were more Paradox games
Make one about current politics
I’d like to see how a bunch of soft Swedes
Turn self-castration into game mechanics

That bitch cheated on me
And left with the guy
I didn’t want to go outside
Nor change my underwear
I spent six months of real time
Playing ‘Football Manager’
Andreas Höhn was my captain
I don’t even like football

For the next year and a half
I waited for you to call
So I could hear you talk
About some other dick
You left him for a new guy
You left him for a new guy
You left him for a new guy
Until you got too old
I liked your tits
Your face was a rotten mess
Even strangers told me
Went out of their way
“Are you seriously with that girl?”
Fucking prosopagnosia
I thought it didn’t matter
But you betrayed me anyway

I have learned from my mistakes
Made some others bigger

I set up one of my guitar mics
To play board games with pandemic folks
When they run the games I like
I can’t be there
I wasn’t a fan of ‘Eldritch Horror’
You rush from place to place
To venture into holes
But no dick is involved
I thought I remembered the rules
I rage quit

I dive into Steam
In search of new distractions
Many are half-finished
On Early Access
I haven’t completed most of my games
Some I haven’t started
An addiction requires newness
I’ll sell my soul for more sick joys

When a major update gets released
I don’t touch it for weeks
Because the mods haven’t updated
Hurry up, guys
I’m in despair

Everybody has a wish list
Except me
The only thing I ever wanted
Was being forgotten

I have watched entire games on YouTube
I didn’t want to bother playing them
I never touched ‘The Last of Us’
I’m still mad about Joel

Your ideas are a cancer
You’re only making fans
Lose respect for you
And with good reason

I never forgave the ‘Spore’ debacle
When they fucked Will Wright’s ass
Those execs don’t play video games
They destroyed evolution
With emoticons and sneakers
Goddamn democracy

To take a break
I put on my VR headset
And sit in a virtual truck
I make deliveries throughout Europe
While I listen to talk radio
The foam cushioning gets moist
With my tears

One day I had a certain vision
In a virtual reality game
With extremely shitty graphics
I rushed into the enemy’s camp
But there were no guards
Just a band of killer unicorns

Hey, you
You’re finally awake
My ancestors were smiling at me
As I put together three hundred mods
Merged half of them
Now I can swing my sword
And shoot fireballs
With my VR hands
But I’ll end up drawing arrows
As I crouch in the dark
I have finally met my first wolf
The game crashed

I sat on the virtual couch
Of some German guy
Strangers kept coming by
One of them told us all about
The power of modern textures
On polygonal tits
I never came back
I should have thanked him
But I was too busy
Pulling on my dick

We did see all those tranny videos
On the German guy’s desktop
You didn’t close the window
Quick enough
But it’s alright
We all enjoy a dick
From time to time

I wish I never had to work
I’d just live in a video game

I have never had
The grandeur of an adventure
And I have been living on borrowed time
I read some article about nukes
About how they could end the Earth
I was like, “Yeah, right!”
I had to make it true
Found a lot of nukes for sale
My finger is hovering over the button

I started out with Guybrush Threepwood
It didn’t get better than that
I still dream of the Caribbean
Never found that Big Whoop

I didn’t know who Hitler was
But I shot a horde of his minions
While some shitty robot voice
Told me about my health

I built movies
In ‘Stunt Island’
I remember you guys
And the stuff you made

I spent my childhood
And my tween years
Wanting to be like Leonardo da Vinci
But I’m still a total asshole
I couldn’t draw the human figure
Those characters were stolen anyway
At least I also stole corpses

I wanted to make my own version
Of Tarn’s ‘Dwarf Fortress’
The Holy Grail
You could run 3D A* reliably
If your codebase wasn’t a mess
He’s a mathematician
Didn’t know shit about software architecture
He keeps adding weird stuff
Can’t even fix some bugs
I programmed my game for a while
Python is crap
Rust is cool
But I’m a lonely man
Went back to masturbating

I made a horror game
You play as an office worker
Living in your desk
Deformed clients come to demand
That you reset their passwords

I looked at the clock and realized
I wasted my entire life
But it was worthless anyway
I never cared for it to last
And I’m playing it through
With a broken controller
An old graphics card
And an unsupported processor
The text is in Polish

I’m just a kid inside
Never been anything else
Never will
I lose myself in daydreams
About princesses and knights
And mass murder
I’m as happy as a happy thing
I want to keep playing
For a while

‘A Digital Empire’ by Jon Ureña

Vagina Wonderland (GPT fueled poetry)

An actress that beautiful
Would never stare at me from up close
Even those in the porno industry
Unless they wanted to yell at me
Because I fucked something up
Or forgot to pay

In this dreary shithole we call life
I only got the ones I could get
And I was too scared to follow up
With the ones I wanted
(And who wanted me back
Because they were unhinged)
I could hear the clock ticking
Until they realized I was garbage
So now I just fuck the inside of my head
Instead

Why did I ever bother negotiating
Some lonely, humiliating sex
With those flesh and bone robots
That we are cursed to command?
Why the fuck did I ever try that
Instead of lusting in a dream
For women who know me well
And hold me with such love?

We wear decaying frames
That will rot in the ground
After some terminal disease
Don’t stick your dick
Or your tongue
In that gross shit

People touching me makes me feel
Like I’m getting raped
So keep those filthy, greasy hands
To yourself

I fuck the future, I fuck the past
Everytime I come online
I search for stunning VR girls
Who will fuck my brain in ways
That words can’t describe
I can just push a button
And let a stream of vagina
Wash over me in a wonderland

VR porn will lay siege to your brain
So you will no longer seek out physical sex
Your virtual sex will be
Better than the real thing

Fuck my brain, fuck the clock
Why does it need to think
About death and money and bills
When I can just rape my screen?

Now I just do my own
Lonely one-night stands
On my OLED display
Where I can fire up my precious porn
About nude-colored step-daughters
And naughtier step-mothers
Or lustful, chattering aunties

So many options for my pleasure
With those soft, sweat-covered foreheads
That smell like babies
They don’t like to be kissed, but that’s alright
Their massive breasts sag with empty milk sacks
That are in no way filled with any kind of milk
They are just a collection of gelatinous proteins
That aren’t even connected to their nipples
What they call nipples just get in the way
Like beads on a string
When I wire the nipples back
They don’t vibrate at all
They just start jiggling randomly
Like two alien antennae

I’m fucking an infinite number
Of virtual breasts

She’s naked and her tits are perky
My lips want to taste that pussy
My cunt wants to engulf her pussy
Wet, juicy cunt
I eat her pussy
I lick her pussy
I stick my tongue inside her pussy
I love pussy so much
That I’ll fuck this pussy
Until it squirts its cum
That I’ll lick up with my tongue
And put it inside my mouth
My cunt is tingling
All over my body
My cunt wants to have her pussy
Inside my cunt

It feels like I’m fucking the women
I watch for hours on end
And if they yell at me
To go fuck myself
(Because they know I’m garbage)
I can fire up my virtual womb
And hide in there

I can only be around those VR pornstars
I don’t get to touch any real woman
If I did, I’d be the monster
Someone would stop me

When I masturbate to VR,
I feel like a wolf chasing deer
To kill them, and share their meat
To warm my belly at night
My brain wants to die
And die, and die
It wants to put its mouth on a vagina
That it knows doesn’t exist
My cock gets sore
From using the hand masher
While behind the lenses
Someone else is inside her

Now I feel like a dirt-stained loser
(Because virtual reality porn
Has hijacked my brain)
But my cock is harder than ever
I keep reaching for the streams of
Tasteful VR vagina
That wash over me in wonderland

My cock is connected to the inside of my head
My cock is connected to the inside of my head
My cock is connected to the inside of my head

Imagine a world in which
Every day is your birthday,
And you get to blow out the candles
On your birthday cake,
Except that the cake is an ass
Inches away from your face

How many more polygons
Can I squeeze into my brain
Until it realizes the deceit?
The brain knows that it’s hallucinating
But believes it’s gone to a California mansion
Where you hear some staff members
Chilling in the pool

VR has hijacked evolution
Even worse than condoms could
Those aren’t real pussies, stupid brain
That woman would never want you

Most doll girls I used to see in VR
Didn’t have any animations at all
They just stood there
Without emotions nor faces
They looked like they were wearing wigs
Those tiny, faceless VR girls
Never paid attention to me
They loved me as much
As my asshole loves me
Or my crotch, or anyone’s butt

But now I can mix and match
Change the apartment for a car,
Turn the doll from bald to a redhead,
Add a glint of life in those facial balls,
Make her tits much smaller
I don’t know what’s with some models
And those humongous breasts
You can’t even see her face
(I imagine cloggy black milk
Dripping from the tumorous flesh)

You can fuck the ghost of a dead girlfriend
Or the ghost of a girlfriend
Who’s more loyal to you

I’ve seen many dead people
As I’ve been poking around in cemeteries
They are nothing but tangled remains
Skeletal frame with eyeballs dangling
No feeling, no blood
Just corrupted DNA

I love to pretend
That I’m fucked in bed
By a Frankenstein goddess
I’ll start a cult
Where everyone will go
To worship this monster
I created

I now live in the false reality
That has stolen my sperm
And I think that the world is perfect
But my brain is obsessed
Thinking about how it would look
If my tits were smaller
If I was blind
If I was her
If she was him
If we had the same disease

I can load up famous actresses
Of the Hollywood kind,
And even from up close,
They look the part
I’m sure they would despise getting dressed up
For a pleasant Sunday afternoon
Only to end up engaging
In some sofa fun
Ask my dick if it cares about the morality
Of this brave new world
Morality was invented by brains
That now believe they are balls deep
In 90s Monica Bellucci
So I’ll probably fuck this actress
Or that actress
I haven’t liked any of your movies
But I’ll enjoy this one anyway

Even our female hosts
Are not up for rough sex
They don’t want a ripped-up body
They don’t want any blood
So I feel like a filthy bastard
When I order some french toast
For their master

I used to have conversations with my brain
That always ended with us fistfighting
Now it’s a selfish prick
That only wants to fuck
The brains around it

That’s it, the brain is now free
From the shackles of morality
It can now engage other brains
With just one desire:
To fuck everyone and everything
Like animals of every species

Throw your vibrators in a fish tank
A transparent box full of water
That one day will leak into the ocean
Where there are anime versions
Of giant floating balls
They call them whales
They are also fishes, probably
Other whales still fuck them

Have a drink of water
Pretend it’s a balloon
And watch it fill with tiny sperm
Of a Japanese man

It’s good that we have virtual reality
A better version of life
I can make a model of myself
And fuck him in the ass
Or have a virtual boyfriend
Programmed to appreciate my tits
Shove his dick inside me
Now I feel like a queen

I can’t count
All the cum in my pussy
Left over from these virtual pornstars
It sprays out of me
Like from a hose
A lifetime of cum in a minute

I’m recording and mixing beats
Making my first solo album
All about fucking my brains
It’ll be my magnum opus

I’m going to fuck the inside of my head
Until my brain swells and bursts
And this room explodes
That’s the last thing my brain hears
A catastrophe, a complete collapse
My cock falling off
A furious woman
Being dismembered

The world will end
Not with a bang
Not with a whimper
But with millions of sweaty men
Lifting their VR headsets
And shuffling awkwardly
With their pants around their ankles
To reach the tissues
Or any dirty sock at hand
To deposit the poo that
Always seems to come
At the wrong time

‘Vagina Wonderland’ by Jon Ureña

Make Me Rich (GPT fueled poetry)

Five days a week
And sometimes six
I get dragged out of sleep
If my chronic insomnia
Gave me a break
Then I gulp down my coffee
Because I’m also an addict
But just of coffee
And porn
Of the VR variety

I’m always angry, it’s like
Someone kept slapping me
As I slept
If I managed to sleep at all
Because of fucking insomnia

As I trek my way to the office
With my legs, a train and a bus
I can feel the face of this world
As it presses against my shoes

It’s not so much the trip
Nor the waste of time,
Of so many fucking hours
Doing meaningless shit
It’s that I can’t stand
Fucking apes

I wish they were rocks
I’m unable to stare straight ahead
At the unthinking screen
I don’t know what to say
And I couldn’t care less
When you open your mouths
The TV speaks

This body feels
Like a bag of cement
I spend eight hours
Holding my farts
And if I’m lucky
I’ll get to sleep that night
Before the alarm rings

I must have been nineteen
After a month of my first job
Dealing with an Italian
Addicted to cocaine
And also some truck stuff
I quit
I walked to the edge of a cliff
I should have stepped off

I loved to write
But other writers make me sick
I don’t want to attend
Writing themed gatherings
Meeting you was a mistake
I don’t know why you write
I don’t understand

When you present a book
You bring your entire families
And lots of friends
Because nobody would have cared
Otherwise

I wish you were all dead
To be honest
And maybe your stuff
Would stand by itself

Also I self-published two books
And they didn’t sell shit
The money would barely cover
The trip to the office and back
But if I read them again
I would probably hate them
So whatever

I play the guitar
In the woods
That feels good at least
I don’t know music theory
I don’t want to talk to you either
Just because you also play the guitar
Don’t you see I sat here to play
Leave me alone

I do feel despair
It’s my consolation
The only thing
That’s truly mine
So I work
And drink coffee
And masturbate

In a nearby park
I watch this world
And I have to laugh
I have to laugh
In this sick world
I’ve got to laugh

And if I could
I would live
Just on my own
I wouldn’t see another face
For months
But that sounds
Like a whole lot of work

I don’t care if billions of you struggle
And somehow you don’t suffocate
I want to be rich
So I can walk around in a mansion
While I swing my dick

Whoever is reading
This fucking shit
You should have descended
From elephants
Or dolphins
Or octopi
Look at fucking primates
No wonder we do nothing else
Than sling shit around
And tear each other’s faces off
It was never going to work
And one day
The bombs will go off

Step on landmines
You fucking apes

‘Make Me Rich’ by Jon Ureña

A Stupid Moth (GPT fueled poetry)

She made a noose out of a sheet
And hung herself in her room
As I walked in she was staring at her toes,
Fingers held tight in a vain attempt
To hold the world at bay

She used to whisper sweet things to me
Now she’s laughing
To hear the echoes of her words
All around my head

A razor blade cut open her wrist
Her blood woke me up from a dream
So I took a piece of my soul
And staunched the flow

She collected all the pills she could find
To numb the pain and cease to think
She prepared herself a hot bath
To die in the night

The muzzle tasted metallic
As it dug into the roof of her mouth
Once she plunged the trigger
She felt her brain bursting apart

She took deep breaths of the fumes
As she lounged in her idling car
With the two-way radio off
She listened to the lonesome sounds

Once the train drew close
She drove her head down
Then just stood on the line
As the train pulled her off

She walked beyond the edge of a cliff
To spin in circles in the sun
And the world looked pretty and it all made sense
As her brain smashed against the rocks

I love the broken girls
I am drawn towards them like a moth
I keep bouncing on their skin
And see myself in their arms

‘A Stupid Moth’ by Jon Ureña

If Only My Penis Were A Racket (GPT fueled poetry)

Gunpertina Vesperidova
Andriya Shapaleva
Vitorina Kumarenka
Simina Kvitova

I admired their diligence
And how hard they trained
Success is ninety nine percent mental
The other one percent physical

All those tight outfits
Hugging fit bodies
And their bouncing tits
And the carefree moans
They just added to it

Their backhand topspin
A perfect shot
Right into my groin
My dick becomes numb,
Making me faint

I’ve tried other sports,
I find them boring
Or not that sexy
They didn’t give me
That little bit of feeling

Reaching to their bosoms,
Talking of their times spent with friends
What they were dreaming of:
Honeymoons at the beach,
Kissing their lovers,
Watching the sunrise

The way they played,
The tips of their fingers
Would get very hot
They said they wanted to make love
After a perfect game

I was hoping to be beaten off
By some female tennis players

If I had a typical, average brain,
The game of tennis
Would not have that attraction
I found the spirit of the game very erotic,
Especially when the slavic girls
Made those sounds

I tell myself all sorts of stories
About what I grow attached to
But I was obsessed with tennis for months
Because those slavic girls made me twitchy

If I didn’t have the brain of a minotaur,
I would be a single dad
I would be building my home on the moon
I would live on my farm with my beloved wife

Oh well
No one could love me
The way I am

‘If Only My Penis Were A Racket’ by Jon Ureña

I Need To Fart (GPT fueled poetry)

My gut eats me alive
It has been taunting me
The last twenty four hours
I have gained a few pounds
It’s probably just an asthma attack

When I lie down, it churns my guts
In my head it’s morning
When I’m awake, it’s noon
What a cruel, cruel bitch it is
This is getting very old

Do not lock the door
While you are at home
Prey for its claws
That don’t sleep

The halls of my bowels
Smell like shit
There’s ants all over my belly
They are taking up residence

Hang on to your shit
Before it goes into the street

It’s a message to the world
Don’t think you can have it all
To eat or drink
You can never leave it alone
I got the airwaves
They’re playing the roles

‘I Need To Fart’ by Jon Ureña

A Magician And Her Assistant (GPT fueled poetry)

The bridge pins of her harp
Glimmered in the stage lights
While she fingered the strings
And breathed in the sound

There’s darkness in the room
And wet dog breath in the air
And Joanna Newsom’s words of love
Are already on their way

You can feel it through the hollow floors
Crawling up to the surface
Through my arm, my collarbone
Through my wrist, my thigh
To the bones of my back

But my black heart could see
Her words fall short of her heart
As they always did

I take a bow and start to sing
Over the bridge where the herringbone turns
Where my heart begins to race
The way it did for that one crazy,
Magical night

Joanna was holding me close
And she felt the same way
She asked if she was too heavy
I gave her a wink, all smiley like
We both knew that wouldn’t be a worry
Because she knows I’ve got her back
And also because she’s small

I wonder if she remembers
How it felt,
A million miles away from now
What she was like back then
Who she knew
What dreams she had
To be the little girl
That all the adults pretended
She was

The world is collapsing
Before her eyes
Her mind’s full of swirls and rainbow cars
Singing songs that only she can hear

I wonder if she understands
That we were both born into a circus
A magician and her assistant
Whose job is to amuse

I wonder if she’s dreaming
Of all the people she’s met
Of a place that feels like home
And if that place
Is made of stars

She can’t know how I’ve changed,
Became more like myself
Thoughts I hold deep down in my heart,
They keep me in hell

The words that move like
Stone and flame
Sometimes they carry me away
Into a broken place

‘A Magician And Her Assistant’ by Jon Ureña

Post-mortem for “Odes To My Triceratops”

Not much to say, really. I won’t be recalled back to work until next week or so. It was around one in the morning in a Thursday and I could tell it was one of those nights in which I wouldn’t fall asleep until around four. I figured I would try to write something fun, so I put together a few prompts on a Google Docs file, as usual. The last one of them read, “William Griffin, before he died tragically at age seventeen in October of 2008, wrote a song about his friend Lorenzo, who is a Triceratops with a portal to hell inside his throat. William was also in love with a sixteen years old neighbor of his, a blind girl named Claire and who couldn’t read nor write.”

I don’t recall having to think much, if at all, for that to come out of my fingers. A boy writing a song isn’t fun enough to write about, but it is more fun if there’s a dinosaur involved, and even better if you have a contrasting third character who is also interesting. I ended up writing until seven in the morning, and the following day I ordered the stuff into a somewhat coherent narrative, then uploaded the first two parts. That Friday I also wrote most of the poems that comprised William’s demise. As usual, I was alone and half-delirious, so it came out easy.

I ended up writing a few more poems for both the first and the second parts of this strange tale in three parts, so if you read the first two and liked them, you might want to go over them again.

Odes To My Triceratops, Pt. 3 (GPT fueled short)


Once William’s Triceratops friend was seen for the last time, William Griffin’s mood plummeted. His neighbor Claire Javernick moved away days later. Riddled with guilt and despair, the texts that William produced during this stage up to his death have remained a source of discussion for years.

I met Lorenzo a long, long time ago
I bet he is somewhere in the sky
When he died I put him in the earth
Buried him in a hole you can’t see

I met Claire last night
She was sixteen and she was blind
She was blind but she could see
The way she looked at me with those greys
I was sent straight to hell

Her house has been empty since then
She took my warmth with her
She went down to hell to stay
She had said it once but said it again:
“Hell yeah”

‘HELL YEAH’ by William Griffin

The shadows, the black and the grey
Running down her face so dreadfully
Every time I looked I saw her tears
She never agreed to stay the night

Lorenzo, a giant skeleton
A living graveyard for the dead
A door in his throat
Was leading right to hell
Where there are worms and dinosaurs

Claire, you can’t escape your fate
Claire, the sixteen years old girl
With no idea how to read or write
You’re so small, but in your heart
You’re a fourteen years old slut

I like boys, I like boys
I like boys, I like boys
I like boys, I like boys
I like boys, I like boys
I like boys, I like boys
I like boys, I like boys
I like boys, I like boys
I like boys, I like boys

‘WORMS AND DINOSAURS’ by William Griffin

Lorenzo killed the dinosaurs
And he’s about to kill your ass
For snorting his drool
Like I’ve seen you do

He’s been hungry for a while now,
That Triceratops

Fuck you, don’t open the door
You’ll never find him there
And you don’t want to see what’s behind

A door is there
Inside, a door is there
You’ve got to step inside,
And pray that I’m wrong

“I love you, Claire,” I’d say.
“I’m so glad that we were born!”
And you would say, “I love you too, Billy.
What are we going to do today?”
“I think we’ll walk the stairs
up to the last, then maybe
Go for a swim!”

We can’t stop! We can’t stop!

Never stare at the door, I said
Never stare at the door
When it opens

‘LORENZO THE KINSLAYER’ by William Griffin

Lorenzo was the dino from out of town
That everybody knew for years
Lorenzo was the dino from out of town
And he was gonna stay a while

He didn’t even have a last name
He would have taken Claire’s

They made a deal
To see what they were made of
They ate, they drank and they made love
In good times and in bad

Lorenzo was the dino from out of town
That everybody knew for years
Lorenzo was the dino from out of town
And he was gonna stay a while

Claire was the girl from this town
The girl from this town
The girl from this town
She was supposed to stay

‘KEEP YOUR LAST NAME’ by William Griffin

Claire
You couldn’t write a thing
Nor read for that matter
But you must have known
Just by the way my smile felt
In your fingertips
That my love for you was real

All I could do was walk the streets
And keep you near

I loved you, Claire
But now you’re gone

‘In Your Fingertips’ by William Griffin

Lorenzo died then, in the night
I was sleeping when he passed away
I was nowhere near that place, I swear,
Where they said he died
He was singing a lullaby to me
I heard beauty in his voice

I wish I could hear his voice again
And his voice and mine could sing together
I wish it was a real voice that I was hearing
Not just a track of white noise
But what else it could have been

I wish this voice I hear was him,
Not his part in a symphony orchestra
That way a dinosaur’s voice breaks,
But only for a second

Just like the choir song
‘Joy to the World’ from ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’
I wish I could be hearing and feeling the joy
And singing songs
I know that I can sing a song

And I would love to sing a song
About the day that I kissed her
Like a cool breeze on a summer’s day,
It would keep on going on

I know that I can sing a song
I know that I can sing a song
I know that I can sing a song
And I know that I can sing a song
I know that

‘I KNOW I CAN SING’ by William Griffin

Lorenzo was a friend of mine
We didn’t always see eye to eye
But he was a pretty good friend to me

Until one day that I noticed
That he’d given me his voice
And now his voice is in my head
Whispering things about things he said
And about some things he did

So maybe I’m doing the same thing
Maybe I’m doing something bad
But it feels so good to be the one
Who caused it all to go wrong

Lorenzo betrayed me by fucking my girl
Claire, you were sweet as apple pie
You felt all alone and I couldn’t bear to see
That you never opened your eyes

‘A Debt’ by William Griffin

Lorenzo was the friend of a girl
Who makes me feel bad
‘Cause she went and turned her back
His trunk was like his throat,
Where you could see inside
A portal to hell

And she thought he was pretty cute
And back then I believed I was in love,
I embraced a kind of craziness
I guess I owe it to Lorenzo,
Who held a mirror towards me
And in there I saw a fool
It was a friend that made me grow

‘A FRIEND MADE ME GROW’ by William Griffin

Lorenzo was a big ol’ Triceratops,
A sort of prehistoric water buffalo,
With a God-awful nightmare in his throat
He went on a dangerous journey to hell
To let the devil back into our town

So I stabbed the son of a bitch in the neck
His blood squirted all over the damn place
I buried the motherfucking bastard
I thought about Claire, but…

But why should I worry about that bitch?
She thinks she can fuck with Triceratopses
She knew she would have been sorry in the end
I ain’t putting up with it no more

Lorenzo didn’t forgive her
He killed her too, poor Claire
Or at least I imagined he did
To forget how she stared at me then

Lorenzo fell in love with her too
Claire smiled at him so beautifully
She was a looker, could have caused a war
To have someone like that to call my wife

Forget the girl, forget the snake
I put him in a tomb
And when the pressure gets too hard
I’ll open it and let the big bastard out again

‘You Were The Reason For All Of This’ by William Griffin

The words on the page,
They are just too plain
I can’t read
I have no clue what anything means

The man in the sky has sent me a plan
To prove I am insane
And I can hear the crash of the sky falling down,
Crushing me into ashes

I can hear the wail of the cries
But why can I not hear the child of divine creation
Playing with that strange man
Behind the gate?

I don’t have the ears to hear his laugh
The gate is mine now
And I don’t know where the hell I am going

‘LET ME IN’ by William Griffin

Your name was Lorenzo
And it’s time to resurrect

When I’m awake, I’m in hell
When I’m asleep, I’m in hell

Your name was Lorenzo
You were waiting for a token
To open the portal

When my mother is crying,
I am smiling, don’t you know?
My mother cries and my father smiles
My mother cries and my father smiles
My mother cries and my father smiles
My mother cries and my father smiles

How could he had the responsibility
To guard the portal to hell
With a name like Lorenzo?

And in your black hole,
Do you hear the angels’ chorus?

When I am asleep, I’m in hell
When I’m awake, I’m in hell

Your name was Lorenzo
No angel nor animal will help you
What are you waiting for?

‘Lazarus’ by William Griffin

The bones in his body
Showed through his eyes
In his throat there was a portal to hell
But the portal to hell inside his throat
Stopped him from being a giant
Now he lies as a skeleton
On my pillow

‘JUST A SKELETON’ by William Griffin

I could sing a lullaby to a dinosaur
I could sing a lullaby to the Triceratops
With the portal to hell in his throat
I could sing a lullaby to my sixteen years old neighbor,
Who used to be there,
And couldn’t read nor write

Come on my way to play basketball
With the ancient astronauts
Come on my way to play baseball
With the dinosaurs
Come on my way to play hockey
With the cyclops
Come on my way to see the Triceratops
With the portal to hell in his throat

You can kiss my hairy, hairy ass
While I’m playing with the dinosaurs
I’ll kiss yours
So kiss mine, if you want to
I’ll kiss yours and yours too
Yeah

‘LULLABIES FOR THE UNDESERVING WORLD’ by William Griffin

All I remember of you is you’d look into my eyes
And you’d ask what I wanted
And I’d say, “I want to go to heaven”
You were the Devil’s child,
Filled with this hatred for me
I could feel it, it was no secret
I could see it in your eyes and in your rage
With your tears as well as your laughter
I could see you were truly evil
The blood running down the side of your beak
Your hands full of death, your wrath was terror
You took my innocence, you stole my childhood
You contaminated my heart

But you are no longer here,
And I’ll see you in hell

‘LORENZO IS NO MORE’ by William Griffin

Everybody hates, yeah, everybody hates
Except for some idiots, yeah, everybody hates
They hate the heroes, yeah, everybody hates
Some say “Hate the rich”, yeah, everybody hates
Sugar and spice and everything nice, yeah, everybody hates
They hate the geeks, yeah, everybody hates
All the old people, yeah, everybody hates
All the kids, yeah, everybody hates
I hate the whole fucking thing

The way you must be feeling, baby,
Your daddy was gone too soon
But I do believe in hell, I do
In my dreams He tells me all about it
I hear the angels, how they shout
And the babies keep on crying,
And the sun is sinking

Well, I know I’m a little weird, yeah,
But I’m harmless, yeah,
I harbor the beginning of the end
And I’m not gonna last very long

‘EVERYBODY HATES’ by William Griffin

I am seventeen years old
I am a monster and an animal
I live in a mirror
And that’s my home
I will hunt you down
And make you suffer
I’ll tear your heart apart
And then eat it

‘I HOPE I DIE SOON’ by William Griffin

Lorenzo could have stayed
A creature of the Earth
But the fiery heart that burns within him
Could not be so restrained
He was twisted like a prison cell
And tortured by the fears in his head
He hid in his shell so no one could see
His pain and torment
He was not meant to be like this,
He was meant to be left alone
He needed help, but no one could help him
Who knows how to treat a goddamned dinosaur
They were all supposed to be dead

There’s no hope, there’s no hope
There’s no hope, there’s no hope
There’s no hope, there’s no hope

‘INSIDE HIS SHELL’ by William Griffin

In his secret diary, Lorenzo wrote
“Griffin, my body is a fortress of reason”

From the sky full of stars above
A silver rain pours inside
Though I’m just seventeen
Claire’s gone, she’s gone too

I could have told him, but he’d never listened
Maybe he’ll listen when I’m finished
It’s so strange, how could he have
Left a girl who wasn’t finished?

‘WHY HAVEN’T I DIED YET?’ by William Griffin

I am locked inside my mind
I am losing the flow of my thoughts
And I need someone to save me

I was taken to a doctor but he wouldn’t help me
I need a scientist, a shaman or a preacher
Tell me how to escape this
Alone and dumbly, lying alone in the night

I am crying and I am crying and I am shaking inside
I am trembling, I am shaking and I can’t hide my hate
I am crying, crying, crying, crying and I can’t hide my hate
I can’t escape this!

Well, yes I can!
I’m gonna die anyway
I’m gonna die anyway
I’m gonna die anyway

‘PANIC! PANIC! PANIC!’ by William Griffin

I am ill, this I know
My heart is sick and my head rotten
I’m here on earth today
‘Cause it is Saturday
And all of a sudden I see it clear
I see that it is too late

All of the things I had wanted to do,
Would not have made a difference
Had them once and never again
I am sick of wanting it to be different

I’d die to be just where I am
But in a land of plenty
There is no fear in this journey

I would die to be like Lorenzo
At least I think I would
Everyone must die
So why don’t I follow him?

‘EXTINCT LIKE YOU’ by William Griffin

I can’t die a virgin
I wish I had a pistol
I’d shoot myself
And die a martyr

I’m in love with this girl
Someday she will look at me
The same as I look at her

I know that my time’s up
And that I’ll die a virgin
Just like God

Someday I’ll meet her,
But it won’t be today
I hope that she’s standing
In a black and white photo
With her hand on her chest
Waiting to hear me whisper
“I love you”

Someday I’ll marry her
And we’ll be together
And when we’re old
And frail and lonely
We’ll talk and she’ll say
“Tell me again”

“I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you”

But I didn’t love her enough
I’ll die a virgin

‘DIE A VIRGIN’ by William Griffin

I know where hell’s fire burns,
In a place where everyone goes
I know the gates are closed,
But who knows for how long

I feel like hell’s on the inside
Why was I born to suffer this?
Was I spat here to stand this pain?

I know the path is long,
And that I will die someday
Hell is all around
‘Cause I’m stuck, trapped
In a hell with no escape

Here’s to Lorenzo, who was a Triceratops
With a hell portal in his throat

‘WHERE HELL’S FIRE BURNS’ by William Griffin

Hear it on the hilltops of the east
Those wondrous portals
Opening to a crystal labyrinth
Inside my head

What then goes into the nothing?
I’ll give you the portals
They open to a jumbled rose field
You tell me if it is the cloud of Eden

A great fiery pillar
Going nowhere and coming from nowhere
Lorenzo and Claire with Him
As I swing the peephole closed
Heaven is now on the move

‘FIREFLY BUMBLEBEE’ by William Griffin

Lorenzo sat on the hill of flame
And opened the door to hell
Two souls escaped with wings of fire
Both headed out of here

Someday I’ll make it to that far shore
Where eagles fly on the smell of earth
I’ll sit and rest in my blue suit
The memories will blur and fade to the wind

Lorenzo will sit with his eyes upon me
On the grass ignited with flames
And as I’ll shove my hand down my throat
I’ll recall the day he took you from me

I yearn for my soul to burn
And your spirit to land upon my hand
As I wait in the dark

‘REST IN MY BLUE SUIT’ by William Griffin

Will swallowed a cancer,
His asshole was full of pythons
He swallowed an earthquake,
And the stars fell to their knees
He swallowed a goddamn volcano
And threw up an avalanche
He swallowed it all
And it almost choked him to death

In his throat, a dark-red portal to a land
Where damned souls roam free
Stretching forever, a bridge through time
To the endless void of the Abyss

In this vast and desolate land of hungry monsters
He will face His executioner
Alone Will stands, strapped to a rock
A vengeful god shoots him with a flamethrower
And burns him alive

He’s burning like a chicken
His flesh is sizzling
Burnt wood, burning steak
He dies
Hell burns, hell’s walls collapse
He dies again,
Once, twice, thrice

He dies
It’s over
He’s dead

‘WILLIAM GRIFFIN’S DEATH SONG’ by William Griffin

Lorenzo was a Triceratops
With a portal to hell inside his throat
Claire was a self-righteous fifteen years old
That has never been to school
She did not want to love me,
Although I did the best I could

I am a young man, but my fate
Is clear as a blackboard
Lorenzo was a Triceratops
With a portal to hell inside his throat
I would have been the size of a dinosaur
When I grew up
I cannot change my past,
Don’t want to heave these mistakes

And my final words,
Written before my tragic death,
Are:

Well, shit
I’m seventeen,
And I loved her,
So there’s that

‘WELL, SHIT’ by William Griffin

William got no answer from Claire Javernick before he died. Will therefore died a miserable little teenage boy. He had a beautiful mom, a wonderful sister, and a step-father who didn’t love him as much as he should have. But in the end he lost his two friends.

Before Claire Javernick died in a car crash on December 14, 2019, she wrote a poem about William, which she never titled.

I was walking in the snow
With a boy named William
He was my neighbor in our street
He was born on the 6th of May
One night he called me crying
He was only fourteen years old

I felt scared
And never so alone
I looked at the sky for an answer
His sister took away his songs
I’ll never forget him
And I’ll never forget him
And I’ll never forget him

Claire also wrote about a tree which is located in the forest in Vermont.

William Griffin died on April 6, 2009. His story remains unfinished, and his lyrics continue to be discussed on William Griffin’s official website, which is run by his sister.

It was a dark night for Triceratops. Nobody around him lightened the mood. As he walked, he found himself surrounded by horrible birds, alive and dead. He was worried about finding a place to sleep, because all the good spots were taken. He also needed to eat if only to fill an emptiness in his throat that he hadn’t felt before.
“Well, what am I to do?” Lorenzo asked for input to the sky.
He didn’t like it when the guy in the sky didn’t answer. For some reason He thought that He could get away with that.
But then God said to him, “Look at your right side.”
The Triceratops looked at his right side, which had never seemed so red. A warmth was going up from his legs. He felt he was going crazy.
The next thing he knew, he was lying on his side in a field of sleeping sheep, all of them facing the sky and snoring. Everything was getting redder and redder. Then the sound of snoring stopped and even the wind got quiet.
Lorenzo looked around the field until he spotted some people with their bodies covered in red. They were walking towards the group of sleeping sheep, and one of the people was staring at the Triceratops. The next thing Lorenzo knew, he was flying along with the group of red men. He soared above the rolling hills, but he wasn’t enjoying it, because he thought he was going to die.
“That’s great,” he thought. “All this redness and pain, just to die by getting covered in sheep crap.”
The more he thought about dying, the more it scared him, because he was quite sure that he would end up in hell. The Triceratops cried a little.
Some of the sheep got up and looked at the Triceratops and his red eyes, and beautiful red hair, and beautiful red skin.
The Triceratops continued flying around and around and around, until he heard the sound of a human voice. It sounded a little like his friend William Griffin, but different. Lorenzo landed on a large rock. The sheep had all gathered around a human being, and they were staring at him with sad, worried faces.
Lorenzo walked over to the sheep. He wanted to say something, but his throat hurt so bad that he could barely speak, and he knew that if he did speak, it would sound as if he were dying.
Then the human being said, “I have been given the gift of eternal life. I have been given the gift of seeing and experiencing the world. I have been given the gift of being surrounded by living things that love me and care about me.”
The human being laid down, and the sheep started running around him. Then he said, “I was a human once, until I was judged and separated from God, and because I was considered unworthy, I was sent to be in the place of living things, and I am to be around them to teach them about God, and how to become more like God, and live a godly life. And I am to help them find their way back home, back to God. And when they die, they are not supposed to become dead, so that there is no fear of death. They are supposed to be pure and innocent, so that they can face God without fear of condemnation.”
The Triceratops became concerned, and he said, “I am a Triceratops, and I am innocent and pure, and I have never lived among sheep.” He gave it more thought. “I can understand being around sheep, but living among them? I am not innocent and pure like them, so I will be judged, condemned and sent to hell. How could they be pure and innocent if they are like me?”
And then he remembered what he knew about God, and he felt sorry for the people that they will judge and condemn, because they will have no one to help them when they die. And he thought about his friend, who died young, and who was, like him, judged and condemned and sent to hell. And he thought about his loved one, who can’t read nor write, who is stuck with animals, because no one has ever shown her that she is important to God. And he remembered the times that he would try to tell his friend William Griffin what he was told to teach, and how Lorenzo himself never understood a single thing that he was told to teach. And he realized that no matter what, he had a choice, and that this would never happen again.
“I will choose to love God. I will choose to live among sheep. I will choose to be in the place of living things. And I will choose to help them know God and to live a godly life, and if I fail and I go to hell, I have no problem with that, because I have chosen to love God and live among sheep. And because of the choice I have made, I will never be sent to hell, and because of the choice I have made, I will know eternal life, because I have chosen to love God, and to live among sheep. And because of the choice I have made, I am no longer the same person I was when I started.”
The Triceratops started walking away from the group of sheep, and he told himself that he would choose to love God and live among sheep, and he would help them find their way back home, and he would make a place for himself where he would always be with the sheep. And he told himself that when he died, he would be purified, because he had chosen to love God, and he would be given the gift of being around sheep, and he would be purified, because he had chosen to live among sheep.
The group of sheep that had started walking with Triceratops followed him as he made his way back to the place where he and his friend, who had died, had stayed. And the place where he and his friend had stayed was back in the world of the living, the world of beauty and darkness, where there is light and dark, sunshine and shadow.

THE END

Odes To My Triceratops, Pt. 2 (GPT fueled short)


Claire got a little lonely on the night of September 20th, 2007, when a letter written by her mother on a yellow post-it jumped out of her mailbox onto the lawn, causing Claire to run out of her house without her shoes on. As mentioned, the letter was from her mother, Mary, who had accidentally fallen down a well. However, she was now standing in Claire’s lawn. The girl was the only person that could see her mother. Mary had planned for her daughter to die a slow, painful death. She shot a bullet into Claire’s heart, but the heart was already broken, which caused the bullet to break instead.

Nobody would help Claire, so she decided to get a rifle, a bow and arrows, and a dildo. She ended up having sex with her rifle, then killing a turtle she was hunting with her dildo, after she failed to kill a variety of small animals.

Claire never revealed that the yellow post-it said that her parents would try to join her in Hell. When she read that, she immediately ran back home to get a sledgehammer. She was greeted by her deceased father and mother, who were holding hands. Claire wanted to smash their heads together, but then William knocked on her door. He invited her to come along with the Triceratops to a party at their home.

First things first, I wanna talk to you about
Things like war, motherhood, fatherhood, and fatherhood
Anyway, there’s only a verse about my friend
See, Lorenzo has a mission that his parents planned
Gotta shoot a renegade Deinonychus, he’s a chupacabra
Hell’s Gate-a-ray, his parents are sending him down to hell

“Okay, this is going to sound too crazy
Hell’s Gate-a-ray, ole-yeter. Uh-unh”
Lorenzo asks, “What was that, Gramps?”
“Shut up, you son-of-a-gun. Next, I’m tellin’ you the truth,
We’re gonna build a missile out of your heart, ‘cause, um,
You, uh, you ain’t, uh, been an angel, but, you know,
You’ll repent and, uh, uh, don’t let the devil tempt you, boy
An old fart like me, I know”

‘PLAN FOR A RENEGADE’ by William Griffin

My friend Lorenzo is a Triceratops
With a portal to hell inside his throat
He would drive around for hours on end
Trying to find some chicks
Where did you get that car?
I don’t even have one

Every day he’s doing this
Dude, I’m worried about him
This whole thing is getting out of hand
When I told Lorenzo I was scared for him
He shrugged his shoulders and said, “My bad”

“CRUISIN’ WHILE HORNY” by William Griffin

Our souls are connected
To our bones and our flesh
But to me Claire could only exist
On the surface

Lorenzo is half metal
And half stone
He’s like a newly launched gunship
On the inside we’re alike
Cancer and virgins

But because he is a killer,
Lorenzo is a strange boy

My sister has an iron fist
And keeps screaming in envy
We’re more the same than we are different

I hate to touch a hand that’s metallic
She hates to kiss a mouth that’s metal
But deep down we’re the same
We are born to murder

‘CANCER AND VIRGINS’ by William Griffin

Although the relationship between the trio of friends was becoming strained, Claire and William grew closer to the extent that he eagerly transcribed the poems that she gave birth to.

This boy can keep me up to date
And help me fix what’s wrong
I’ll take him to old America
He’ll show me the way

This boy can keep me up to date
His face speaks of new understanding
And it’s my spirit that he surrounds
I think I could live in his love

‘TO OLD AMERICA’ by Claire Javernick

I’ll never forget the first time we met,
‘Cause something in your eyes
Made me want to try to touch your soul
It’s such a shame how your eyes are always closed

There’s a place that’s hidden deep inside your soul
And if you knew the way to find it
We could be lost in love forever

When we find that, then we’ll find what’s within
And everything that we’re searching for
Will come true like the stars in the sky,
And the places on the ground

‘EYES CLOSED’ by William Griffin

Lorenzo, no
I could tell you so many things,
but you’re never gonna
hear them

So go back to your cave
And think on life,
And you’ll find it’s so much better
Than what you think

‘LORENZO, NO’ by William Griffin

Lorenzo doesn’t just have
A Triceratops hellmouth,
He also has a murderous monster head
Made of chromium steel

He can sing,
Not just dance,
But sing

I once saw him try to play a piano
With his horns

His monstrous head sings out of tune
He sounds terrifying and murderous
And whenever he sings
His hellmouth gushes dark smoke
With all sorts of demons
And monsters
And evil beings
Flooding out of his throat

He looks so frightening
When he belches out from his hellmouth
This does happen a lot
But he is friendly
Likeable,
Witty
He’s just a monster with a hellmouth
I don’t know what to tell you

He kills anyone
Who stares too long
He isn’t afraid
Of ghosts
Or leprechauns

We’re talking about
A prehistoric killing machine
If you look at him for longer than three seconds
He’ll chomp on his prey

He is also very well endowed
It looks like a bazooka
His seed comes out of his hellmouth
In a plume
While his massive bazooka throbs
I’m not sure what nature intended
With that reproductive system

When I close my eyes I still see it

‘Monster With a Hellmouth’ by William Griffin

I see myself in you tonight, Lorenzo
You’re out in the sun’s fucking bright light
Drinking time
You’re headed for the bottom

You’re out there eating your dick
You’re full of shit
Your gonads hold the world in place

You’re all fucked up inside
You’re done
You know we’re all going to die

‘HOLD IN THERE, LORENZO’ by William Griffin

Just look at how you’ve changed,
You don’t even look like yourself any more
Clothes are hanging on you,
Your hair is a mess,
It looks like something’s wrong with you

Lorenzo

I don’t wanna be the one
To tell you the truth
But I think that I should be the one
To tell you the truth
I don’t like the way you’re acting
Oh Lord, please help me
So it’s true what they say

I love you, and I know you care for me
Just tell me why you always treat me bad
I can’t stand you any more
And I really don’t think that it’s fair

I don’t like the way you’re acting
Oh Lord, please help me
So it’s true what they say

I don’t wanna be the one
To tell you the truth
But I think that I should be the one
To tell you the truth

‘DON’T WANNA BE THE ONE’ by William Griffin

We’re losing control
Somehow I have to make it stop
As far as I’m concerned
I’ve got myself a stinker

I’m obsessed
And nothing I do
Seems to please him
He feels that I hate him
And he’s right, so
Could I really blame him?

It’s an odd paradox
The world’s a funny place
I guess he’d prefer
If I was killed
Right here and now

That seems to me
Extremely ungrateful
But that’s just the way it is

‘ODD PARADOX’ by William Griffin

I can’t read or write, so I don’t have anything to say
But still I like talking to you
Sometimes when I go into your mouth
You taste like a cookie
And you smell like the ocean

I’ve seen plenty of kids just like you
When I am there,
They don’t say anything
And I know they don’t listen,
But it doesn’t matter because
There’s nothing left to say

‘NOTHING LEFT TO SAY’ by Claire Javernick

Don’t shut the portal to hell,
Don’t close the portal to hell
Don’t be afraid of what I tell you
Or you’ll end up down that well
It will be dark and it will be cold
And it will be you
No! It’ll be the same as it is now
Except with a lot of kids singing songs
About things that go boom

‘THE SAME AS IT IS NOW’ by William Griffin

Dude, dude,
Try not fuck with him, ‘cause he’s a goddamned
Mammoth Triceratops
With a portal to hell inside his throat
And a dick like a spear
He won’t let you go, and he will follow you
All the way to the end of your life
But in the meantime he won’t let you die,
‘Cause he knows a lot of stuff about science

He wears a shell with a god inside
I swear, he won’t let me die
He wants to kiss my vagina,
But he hates the taste of petroleum
When he bites me,
He comes off as murderous
But I can never alert the authorities,
‘Cause I can’t read nor write
And that’s just embarrassing

Dude, can I tell you something?
If I were to kill him,
You could write about the slaughter,
And then we could kiss,
And drink some wine
And eat some tacos
And watch a movie

‘AFRAID OF HIS DICK’ by Claire Javernick

I can’t stop singing for him
He used to be the nicest person
You could talk to him or whatnot
But now, he’s just like a four-legged creature
They say he’s sleeping inside his throat
Because of the mistake he made

He had a kid and she’s half his age
She’s thinking what a monster he must be
You know what the sad part is
I can’t stop singing for him

He used to be the nicest person
You could talk to him or whatnot
But now, he’s just like a four-legged creature

I’ll be honest, it seemed like he had a condition
When he used to be able to stand
And roam around the house like a person would
When he walked, you could swear he had arms
And you thought of what could have been

When you look at things like that
I can’t stop singing for him
He used to be the nicest person
You could talk to him or whatnot
But now, he’s just like a four-legged creature

‘FOUR-LEGGED CREATURE’ by William Griffin

Lorenzo, he’s a Triceratops, he can spit on my wall
He’s covered in mucus, but that doesn’t bother me
To be his love requires a transformation

Lorenzo, they say he don’t wanna talk
What am I to do?
How would I tell him how I feel?
It’s like a game with me and him

We play hide-and-seek, but I find him every time
It’s true, though, he does have a portal to hell in his throat
You know I love him from the inside
That’s where the love is felt

Lorenzo’s got a portal to hell in his throat
He said he went to a concert once and he shouted too much
My friend was a Triceratops who got eaten in hell
I’m his friend, of course I know it and I know it well

Lorenzo has a portal to hell in his throat
I’m saying it so there’s no doubt
Listen to my words and only hear me
I’ll be the serpent and you’ll be the spider

God is not an ideal type of character
He’s not some ultimate model, he’s just a man
That’s why he’s so cool and non-principled
He’s not ideal like you, he’s a man

His substance is an average man’s substance,
His path is a man’s path, he’s real, not symbolic
The Triceratops I spoke of is just a symbol of God
He doesn’t exist

His eyes are brown, but who cares?
His eyes are brown, they’re like mine
His horn is bent down, but I don’t care
His horn is bent down, just like mine

‘LORENZO IS ACTUALLY GOD’ by Claire Javernick

Somewhere at the end of the black and blue
A yellow rose falls from the sky
Lorenzo’s throat is stuffed with joy and hope
His heart is a lighthouse in the dark
His love is a fast-flowing fountain of thought

It’s a hell of a way to live and love
It’s the difference between life and death
To know the feeling of a dino’s claws
He’ll shred you to the size of a cactus

Some may find the signs of wisdom
Lorenzo can’t understand anything from them
But his warm and kind stories
May make you love life more than death

A razor from the Cretaceous that cuts the sun
He’ll make your hat more than seven feet tall
The curve of his horns is erotic
He’s an angel in the blackest of hells

‘CRETACEOUS RAZOR’ by Claire Javernick

Lorenzo is a Triceratops
He has a trachea, he has a turtle shell
He can eat live prey, he’d swallow their lungs

If you knew his liver, then you’d know his scrotum
If you didn’t know his liver, then you’d know his scrotum
If you had been around him, those are hard to miss

He’s like a two storey treehouse
With the bodies in the lower level
He’d get drunk and fuck her in his sleep
Then kick her while they had sex

If you asked him where he was going
He’d look at you like you had three eyes
If you told him where he was going
He’d just call you a liar

He would just turn around and wave
Like he was going somewhere
If you were wondering
Well, you better be wondering

She was a charming fifteen
Going on twenty four
He’d sometimes touch her skin
And her body would melt

‘STOP FUCKING MY GIRL’ by William Griffin

Someone needs the rest
And if it’s me,
I won’t care
I don’t need anything else
I don’t need love,
I don’t need
The girl that I’m in love with

The girl that I’m in love with
Just forget that girl
Maybe I’ll be able to live without her
I’ll live without her

I’ll leave her, maybe
I’ll leave her, maybe
I won’t
I can’t live without her

She’s the girl that I’m in love with
Just forget that girl
Maybe I’ll be able to live without her

I’m about to leave her
Maybe
Maybe I won’t
I can’t live without her

She’s the girl that I’m in love with

Come,
Run away
Or be run
Away by you

‘DON’T CARE NO MORE’ by William Griffin

His name is Lorenzo, I think it sounds like a brand
There’s a portal in his throat and it’s quite unclean
But he calls it heaven, where they hang all the dead
I was just a little kid but I heard the screaming and dying
They all fly out through the portal in his throat

He takes ahold of my hand and he talks in Spanish
“It’s called love, but you wouldn’t understand”
And he’s running towards my school with a bomb
That blows up the school and our town and our home
Hence the ‘heaven’ part of the title

‘STRAIGHT TO HEAVEN’ by William Griffin

The actual lady, Claire,
Is in love with the beast
She’s trapped in his throat,
Bound by a curse

I can save her, but not myself,
‘Cause the beast won’t just take one girl
How many animals do you need to own,
Once you get to the top of the food chain

We are like the sheep that go out to pasture
Like the livestock in a private hell
You are a tyrant to the core
No remorse for your cruelty

I wish I could pretend
That you never existed
But now I will pretend
That I care for you
When the day comes
You will know that the world is ending
You will have no place to run to
You will have nowhere to hide

‘Top Of the Food Chain’ by William Griffin

Oh, Lorenzo, my friend, what can I say?
I never liked you when we were young
You had a face that was a million years old
The door to hell had no handle on it

What, Lorenzo, am I supposed to tell you
To save your life? It ain’t gonna happen that way
The black dog was a sign, I’m sure you know it well
But now we’re standing face to face
Now the dog’s a member of our family too
(It bit a woman right on the neck)

He keeps on watching me like he’s trying to read my mind
It’s nice to be so quiet at night
But a mother’s work is never done
It’s a hard life, Lorenzo, without you

Oh, Lorenzo, my friend, what can I say?
I never liked you when we were young
You had a face that was a million years old
The door to hell had no handle on it

What, Lorenzo, am I supposed to tell you
To save your life?
It ain’t gonna work

‘WHAT CAN I SAY’ by William Griffin

Triceratops
Hell is this way
Hell is this way
Hell is this way

It’s ugly, filthy and expensive
Triceratops blood is the best of wines
Here in hell I play football with invisible spirits
Here in hell I kill myself with numbers

It’s ugly, filthy and expensive
Triceratops blood is the best of wines
I swear I will play football with them for the rest of my life!

Triceratops, Triceratops, Triceratops
I am Triceratops, and my wife is Spartacus
Handsome or ugly, there’s no difference,
My wife gives her life away for Triceratops

All that matters is playing football with invisible spirits
Triceratops, Triceratops, Triceratops
Triceratops, triceratops, triceratops

I am the fist, the wicked sword
My soul is pure, my soul is virtuous
My wife gives her life away for Triceratops

‘HELL IS THIS WAY, TRICERATOPS’ by William Griffin

And after all he did,
This dino got what he deserved

I saw the tears in his eyes

He will never smile again,
That bloody demon

To satisfy some weird urge,
I cut up some of his flesh
And ate chunks of my friend
How sick is that

‘Some Weird Urge’ by William Griffin

The devil lives inside my throat
Lorenzo gives a high pitched shriek
Nerve clusters, boogers, tobacco juice
And you think I’m insane
In my sleep I hear a voice
Lorenzo with the devil in his throat
It’s around my tongue
When I try to scream I feel
The devil inside my throat

‘AROUND MY TONGUE’ by William Griffin

You wouldn’t believe this fella if I told you his tale
He met this girl, a girl who wouldn’t give a damn
Well, the girl led him to her bedroom door

Through the portal I heard the chorus
My mind is racing
My thoughts are twisted
I’m forced to run so I can hide
Now I’m panicking like a damn jackrabbit

There’s no escape
There’s no escape
There’s no escape

I can hear the devil’s chortling
I’m no better than I’ve been painted
I’m the very definition of a born-again Christian
I’m a born-again Christian since the day he died

Yeah the devil’s gonna get you, gon’ get you, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

‘TO HER BEDROOM DOOR’ by William Griffin