I’m dealing with insane levels of apathy at the moment. As I mentioned before, I became unemployed earlier this month, after nine months working as a programmer for the Basque public health organization. They couldn’t extend my contract for legal reasons. I knew that the moment I became unemployed, the same organization might call me to return as a technician, but working in IT had sent me to the ER thrice for arrhythmia and a supposed hemiplegic migraine that I suspect was a minor stroke. I’m honestly afraid of working in IT again, as I know that it would end the same way. I’m 52% disabled, partly due to so-called high-functioning autism. I suspect my disability percentage should be higher due to other health issues that I didn’t have or that hadn’t been diagnosed back in the day. Anyway, as an autist, I simply shouldn’t be dealing with an office with the noise pollution of a schoolyard, or with completely unpredictable tasks, or with nurses and doctors, whether in person or with phone duty. My health, physical and mental, should be my main priority from now on.

That means I need to get a new job. Today, after a whole week, I have managed to open the document that contains my curriculum, and added some new info there. It’s spotty as fuck, as I spent half of my twenties, if not more, as a hikikomori of sorts, and/or writing and playing the guitar. I doubt anyone would hire me directly from my CV, so I have to lean into protected jobs (by law, big organizations are supposed to hire a percentage of disabled people). I’m perfectly capable of doing the job; in fact, in my experience, I’m usually more capable than other programmers at the same level. But the social aspect is what has buried me: in my last job in the private sector as a programmer, my direct boss (another programmer, the only person I worked with directly) defended my work, but I wasn’t hired after the internship due to the judgement of a non-technical supervisor, who said that I wouldn’t fit in the team. They knew I was autistic; the local organization that helps autistic people had arranged that internship for me.

Anyway, in a couple of hours I’m heading to my general practitioner to explain the situation. She should end up writing a report that indicates that due to my disability, I should be exempt from job offers as a technician, and that the public system shouldn’t penalize my ranking for it. That’s because they might offer me a job as a programmer, and I would want those. Well, “want” is a very generous word for it. I only work for others because of money. I hate the whole process. For the entire last contract as a programmer, that ended about a week ago, realistically I shouldn’t have had to go to the office at all. I could have done all the work remotely, far more efficiently. I only recall about four meetings that would have required my physical presence (and even so, those could have been done remotely).

I only feel like sleeping for a long time, which likely means I’m going through depression. But I’m also struggling with the “what’s the point” of it all. I need money so I can eventually escape somewhere that will be the least affected, at least until I die, by the ruin of society. I feel that our entire civilization was derailed when Rome fell, and ever since, we’ve lived in this alternate, bizarre timeline in which nothing is at it should be. The whole ethos of Europeans turned on its head. Weakness, meekness, and forgiveness praised instead of strength and self-determination. The sole existence of a government is to protect its people against foreigners. Now we pay taxes and obey the law so we can be flooded and replaced by foreigners who hate us. You can even be thrown in jail, among invaders, if you complain about it.

And wait until they get real serious about digital ID, which was their plan to begin with. Part of the 2030 agenda. Digital ID opens the door to a central digital currency, which is programmable. That means that they could block your accounts for types of purchases, amounts, areas where you’d buy, etc. Don’t want people to buy more than X of meat a month due to “climate”? Block purchases. Don’t want people to move out of their 15-minute designated zones? Only allow purchases in the designated zones. And of course, if you protest against the government, your bank account is frozen, if not emptied entirely. This is not hypothetical: it’s already being done in parts of China. That’s the whole point of it all: turning every non-elite individual into a prisoner whose sole purpose is to dutifully pay to make others richer (and finance Israel’s wars). In case it’s not clear enough: digital ID should be rejected at all costs. And the cost will likely be your job, your bank account, your health. But mass non-compliance, and probably some people hanging from poles, would put an end to it, and send a good message to the next traitors that would attempt it again.

These are dark, dark times. I don’t think the average person is even aware of what’s happening. Illegals on boats killing half of the passengers before they reach our coasts, only for our government to offer the murderers support and distribute them throughout the territory. Muslims coming over explicitly to rape underage European girls and convert them to Islam. Your own government burying murders and mass rape in order to appease the new voting blocks, who are committing the crimes. Putting these people in the armed forces (police and army). Plenty of the rapists in the industrial-scale defilement of underage British girls were policemen, and not of the local kind. Perhaps the worst part of it all is that there are many, many ethnic Europeans that justify, defend, and even promote the total ruin of their civilization and of the future of their kind. It’s impossible for me to leave the house and keep my mental peace intact, as I see it out there every day.

Not sure if there’s much else to say. I think it must come to a point in which we should separate physically. If you welcome that ruin, live with it, but you’re prohibited from crossing over to our side when you realize you’re suffering the consequences of your decisions. In the past, the sane ones would move to another continent, to new lands. The fact that we can’t do that anymore is a huge part of the disaster we’re stuck in.