I’m in a transitional period: my current job as a programmer will end in September, and for legal reasons they can’t extend it (even though my boss would if he could). That means that the very day after, I could get called to work as an IT technician at the hospital, a job that has put me in the ER three times due to stress. I worked about seven years at it. It was a “frog sitting in heating water” situation; it took me working as a programmer to realize that I can’t continue working as a technician anymore. These days I don’t even greet the people at the office. I keep my head down, do my job, talk to my boss when I’m required, then go home. And it’s sustainable. I don’t want to search for another job, of course, but I will need to get another job before I’m recalled as a technician.

In my spare time, I keep programming my Living Narrative Engine app. I envision a future in which you could run Claude 4 Sonnet-level AI in consumer hardware, perhaps a dedicated mini-PC, and this app of mine would allow me to play through campaign-level stories with LLMs as the other characters. If I program it to that extent, it would be able to do so right now, but I’d have to pay for the LLM usage. It’s also great for erotica, which happens to turn me on more than any other stimulus.

I don’t really feel like writing anything. I’m extremely lethargic at the moment, and I only chose to write these words because I’m waiting for Claude Code to finish implementing something. Reaching my forties has hit me hard. I’m aware all the time of the monster inside me. There’s really no point in trying to relate to others. I keep to myself, hoping that nobody looks my way to annoy me. Can’t stop some strangers from doing so, though; this Friday, as I was waiting for the bus at seven in the morning, some woman in her perhaps late twenties berated me for cutting in line, even though I was there when she arrived, and I had been waiting for fifteen minutes. She seemed to believe I had gotten off a bus only to cut in line to enter the other arriving bus. I wanted to give her a piece of my mind, particularly due to the tone she was using, but ultimately it wasn’t worth it. Yet another instance of that fact that virtually every human interaction is detrimental to my life.

Anyway, I’ve been feeling like the following video for a while. Let’s see where the road takes us (apparently in circles).