I want to squeeze the external hard drive between my thighs and rub my pussy with it until my leaking juices ruin its internal electronics, but instead I open the drive in the Explorer window and check the contents. When I read the name of the second folder, I do a double take. Why would there be a folder named ‘Misc’ next to the one that contains all the videos that Jacqueline filmed of us?
I open the extraneous folder. The window displays MKV files labelled from one to eight. As the operating system generates their thumbnails, they reveal that the videos feature naked women other than Jacqueline and I. They seem to be pleasuring themselves.
I double-click on the first one. I’ve barely registered the stranger’s long locks of buttery blond hair when I realize that I’ve lain on the same flamingo pink comforter.
I feel a small earthquake in my gut. My blood runs cold while I gawk at the video, unable to register the woman’s languorous movements except as the random shifting of colored shapes.
Why would this woman have been masturbating on camera in Jacqueline’s bedroom? No, I already know my girlfriend has fucked through the equivalent population of an entire apartment building, or neighborhood, or city. She’s an omnivorous sexual beast who thrives on the pleasures of the flesh. But why would she include the videos of those people in the external hard drive she intended to give me? She must have copied the folder deliberately; she named it in relation to the one that contains the videos she recorded of us fucking.
My stomach tightens with dread. Was Jacqueline trying to hurt me, to humiliate me?
I pause the video, then I roll my chair back and take a deep breath. Tomorrow, when I meet my beloved again, she’ll bring up the contents of her external hard drive, even the videos she included of other women. I suspect that she’ll ask me if I enjoyed them. My girlfriend wanted me to watch, so I’ll have to endure my jealousy and go through the recordings.
I restart the video and focus on the screen. This blonde, possibly of Swedish descent, belongs on a Californian beach from back in the seventies. Her tanned skin gleams in the soft lighting. She’s lying on her back while she strokes her long, sand beige legs, then she moves her hands up to her chest and fondles her breasts. She rubs between her fingers the pink nipples that poke out from her pink-brown areolas.
I hear myself breathing hard as I stare at those swaying tits. I imagine her sensitive little nubs bursting with pleasure as she squeezes and pinches them.
The blonde slides her legs apart, displaying her shaved, honey-colored pussy. As her fingers circle the clit, she reminds me of a cat rubbing her whiskers with her paws. Her head lolls back for a while, then she gazes up at the camera through half-lidded eyes. She licks a corner of her mouth in a twisted smile as she spreads her swollen, moist labia for the audience.
The rest of the clip consists of the blonde in a trance, arching her back, grunting and producing swishing sounds as she fingers her pussy. The way her crotch has been dripping onto the comforter, widening a darkened patch, makes me wonder how many women’s fluids that fabric has absorbed.
I close the video, then rub my eyes with my palms. My skin has heated, a drop of sweat is rolling down my back, and my crotch is tuned to white noise. I’m running a fever that only an orgasm can cure. I’d also like to eat chocolate ice cream.
I attempt to breathe through my nose, but it takes me a few seconds to calm down. Are women like this Swedish blonde the kind of supermodels that Jacqueline got used to fucking? Compared to that babe, I’m a runt. Her curves are the stuff of legends, while my body looks at best like the result of shoddy genetic engineering. I can’t compete with such women. I don’t even want to compare myself to them, it hurts too much. I’m just a simple spinster with simple needs: I like breasts. Big, round, juicy breasts with pointy nipples. I want to grab them, fondle them, suck them. I want to sink my face between two colossal mounds of tit-flesh, then squeeze them together so their milk gushes into my mouth until my stomach bursts.
In the second video, someone has shifted the camera tripod closer to the headboard of Jacqueline’s bed, to focus on the upper half of an Asian woman’s body. She’s lounging back against a collection of fluffy, faux fur pillows. The turquoise one held my head during my first date with Jacqueline, when I lay sideways on her lap.
I’m admiring the woman’s glossy, dark black hair, gathered in two loose ponytails that cascade down her naked chest. Her breasts are small and firm, but they stand out like two exotic fruits.
She laughs, which startles me. She grins as she speaks to someone behind and a bit beside the camera.
“Oh yeah, I love to watch them squirm,” she says in Spanish.
Although she keeps talking, I can barely retain the words, as if I caught part of a familiar song on the radio but I would need a long moment to recognize it. I must have missed some context, because the woman is relating eating broccoli to anal sex.
She bends over and reaches towards the center of the mattress. Her fingernails are painted a shiny wine red. When she lies back on the pillows, she’s wielding a wand-like device. She turns it on so it vibrates, then she cycles through the settings until the massager buzzes in an alternating pattern.
As if someone had asked a question, the woman smirks and answers that she’ll have to cut it off in twenty minutes, because she has left potatoes cooking in the oven. She shifts her ass further up on the mattress, revealing a dense nest of pubic hair. She grabs a bottle of lube from the nightstand, then she opens the cap and squirts a dollop onto the head of her massager.
My palms have turned clammy, and my nipples are growing erect. I fast forward through the video; I fear that Jacqueline will appear and join this Asian streamer that is hotter and more confident than me. Thankfully, the remainder of the clip consists of the woman chatting with her audience, or writhing in pleasure as the vibrator glides around her erogenous zones.
I get off my chair and pace around the office to calm down. My warm pussy is aching for attention; this must be the longest that I’ve stared at videos of such attractive ladies without pleasuring myself. I shan’t allow them to seduce me.
Once I dare to sit down and continue torturing myself, I double-click on the third video. A girl, whose body only technically could belong to an eighteen-year-old, is lying on a lemonade pink quilt, a familiar one that features unicorns in a variety of energetic poses, drawn like they would appear in a storybook. Her smooth, pearl white skin spattered with freckles clashes with her wavy mane of burgundy hair. The cluster of tiny brown spots across her cheeks would by themselves make her heart-shaped face look flushed. As the only garment she’s wearing, she has enveloped the lower half of her slender legs in knee-high, striped socks, that are white and hot pink.
Lost in pleasure, the girl is biting her round lower lip or releasing high-pitched moans. A trickle of drool dribbles from a corner of her mouth. Her nipples are hard little stones. Her ass twitches as she heaves herself with the heels of her feet, arching her hips off the mattress, to ram a candy red, jelly dildo into her drenched pussy, making squelching sounds, smearing her juices across her thighs.
Although the wall behind the bed is covered in a green screen that, through computerized magic, has been turned into the bedroom of some debauched duchess, the quilt alone reveals that this video was recorded in Jacqueline’s spare bedroom. I can’t hold that thought; I’m transfixed by how the girl’s coastal cartilages and her abs protrude from her slim tummy as she wriggles and breathes raggedly.
The girl leers sideways at the camera. When she parts her lips, a curtain of saliva slides to a corner of her mouth.
“So fucking good,” she purrs. Her breath is coming in gasps. “I think I’m gonna cum. Don’t you wanna see me cum?”
A drop of sweat slips into my eye, irritating it, and I realize that my right hand has pushed into my panties and is sinking two fingers into my soaked hole. My heart is racing, my legs are shaking. This girl is a goddess of porn: beautiful enough to make me nauseous, so depraved that my clit throbs.
“Wh-what should I do?” I mumble.
The girl smirks as a glob of saliva dangles from her lower lip.
“Whatever you want! Suck your own tits. Finger your ass. It’s all you, baby girl.”
I whimper. The musky scent of my arousal is driving me wild. My pussy is squeezing hard enough to cut off circulation to my two fingers and turn them necrotic.
The girl moans and gasps. Her glazed eyes are rolling back. Her clit has become a bumped-up nub: hard and distended and sticking up. As she thrusts the dildo inside her, the squelches of her pussy and her juices mingle into a muddled, wet sound.
“Yes, keep playing with yourself until I cum. Oh, fuck! I wanna see your fingers in your pussy while I cum on my dildo!”
Her intoxicating voice turns a light switch on in my brain. I’m aware of every quantum of the electricity coursing through my body and of the blood pumping through my heart. The hair on my nape is bristling, my free hand is gripping the edge of my seat. A drop of sweat slides from my nose and lands on the girl’s open lips, a glistening bead that her tongue lazily sucks into her mouth.
Jacqueline must have made a million euros solely from this lady’s videos, whose pussy I’d love to bury my face in. I’d probably lick her asshole too. I wish I could be an astronaut instead of such a pervert, but I can’t get myself out of this mess.
The girl pumps the dildo faster and faster in a jerky rhythm. Her eyelids flutter, she lets out little groans of pleasure. Her face morphs into an expression reminiscent of a bucking horse.
I’ve lost all sensation in the fingers of my right hand. My pussy has sucked it in up to my wrist, stretching my insides into a tangle, and keeps inching toward the elbow. I feel like my waist is being torn in half.
The girl’s moans and groans have escalated into wails. Her whole body shudders and contorts, and her muscles contract in spasms, as she releases the pent-up pressure by spraying her girl-cum all over her thighs. The hot, acidic fluid dissolves the skin of her inner thighs, that ooze blood. She gasps for air as the spasms of her orgasm keep wracking her body. Her wails transform into gurgling sounds, her eyes turn pitch black. The girl rolls her head back, and from her open mouth gushes a torrent of semen that paints her face and hair daisy white.
Panicked, I yank my right hand back, and with its wet index finger I push the button that turns the monitor off. I jump to my feet then stagger away from the desk. I make the mistake of closing my eyes; the girl is out cold, lying in a pool of bubbling cum, her neck twisted. If I killed this maiden with my maladroit masturbation, I’ll never forgive myself.
I’m drenched in sweat, my heart is beating in my throat, and my nostrils dilate with the deep breaths I’m forced to take. I stare down at my small hand, its slim wrist and thin fingers coated in juice. I rub my sore digits to stimulate them lest they grow more numb and fall off.
Am I in a pimp-fucking, pimp-dating situation? Did Jacqueline convince these women, and girls, to come to her apartment and masturbate so she could take a cut of the profits by selling the videos online? With such goods, no wonder she could afford to move to a quiet neighborhood in the hills of Donostia. She can probably afford to buy Luxembourg.
Did Jacqueline share the videos with me because she sought my approval? Does she want an accomplice?
I wipe the juice from my fingers on the backrest of Jordi’s chair. I need a break, and a shower. I want to crawl into a large, comfortable bed, but I’m far from any home.
I’ll buy a sandwich from the vending machine and leave the building for some cold air. Maybe I’ll forget about Californian blondes, haunting Asian beauties, redheaded teens, and monster-sized jelly dildos.
Author’s note: I’ve listened to Nine Inch Nails as I wrote part of this chapter, that turned out to be maybe the most sexually explicit of all the chapters I’ve ever written, which is saying a lot for me.
Yesterday I was forced to remember that I was shat out into this shitshow exactly thirty seven years ago. Naturally I spent the entire day bummed out. I went out to print some dividers for the Marvel Champions card game, then I forgot to take back the pen drive from the store. I tend to forget everything if I don’t write it down or attach it to my body somehow; my brain doesn’t work very well. Then I sat at a coffee shop and studied for an hour or so, because I have to pass a heavy public examination in a few months that will determine if they’ll keep calling me to work. Not that I want to work, but you know how it is.
I’m enjoying Marvel Champions quite a lot. Far less mathsy and punishing than the Lord of the Rings LCG, and less infused with dread and chaos than the Arkham Horror LCG (AH used to be my favorite, but I grew to dislike the way you constantly feel like you’re treading water. Besides, if you leave a campaign for a while and then return, you feel lost). Marvel Champions, their third LCG, takes the best parts of both games and streamlines the general experience. They also decided to add plenty of particular cards for each hero, which gives them a lot of personality. I’m not a big fan of superheroes, particularly what Disney is doing to Marvel as part of the overall marxification of Western culture, but it’s still about superpowered people punishing bad guys, which is cool.