The Clock Is Ticking (Poetry)

I battle against time
And the demands of society,
One that I didn’t chose,
With which I don’t identify
I go to bed at ten
Because I wake up at six
Many hours and energies sacrificed
Performing tasks I don’t care about
To earn the right to exist,
To bother trying to make a living
When there’s no living done
I’m only allowed to endure
By serving those above me
I try to keep afloat
While my boat is sinking
On a green and brown sea
With toxic sludge floating atop

A user account was locked
A shortcut doesn’t show up
Someone needs a program installed
Someone needs access to a shared folder
A printer doesn’t work
Paper is stuck in a printer
A new printer needs to be installed
Someone wants access to a website
The audio doesn’t work in an online meeting
The background color is too blue
Paint 3D lacks some buttons
An application crashes daily
A labelling printer is uncalibrated
Someone needs remote desktop access
A computer is too slow
A computer randomly freezes
A computer needs more storage space
A computer needs more RAM
Someone needs more space in her mailbox
A network cable gets pulled out
Connect the patch panel with the switch
There’s not enough bandwidth for everyone
A file was accidentally deleted
Somebody got a virus
A PDA’s battery has died
A PDA needs a factory reset
A PDA needs an updated certificate
The backup drive failed
The database crashed
A server has stopped transferring files
Someone tried to hack the system

My friends betray me
My family hates me
My wife tells me she loves another man
My cat dies
My car breaks down
My house burns down

It’s a dead-end job anyway
I can’t fucking speak Basque

I don’t want to meet strangers
I hate talking to people
I don’t want to clean up after them
I don’t want to deal with their problems
I don’t care about anyone’s needs
Their lives are nothing like mine
They live in a different reality
That I cannot ever understand

Stop interrupting me
I never get anything done
Give me a single moment of peace,
One that lasts as much as I need,
So I feel like a human again

I spend my time worrying
When I should be writing
I need hours of quiet
To be able to think
I wish I could make money
Doing something worthwhile
I dream about leaving the office
For the last time in my life,
So I can stop working full-time
And dedicate myself to writing
I already tried publishing stuff
I’m not good enough,
And nobody gives a shit
About what I have to say

I want to sleep when I feel like it,
Instead of at scheduled times
I can’t eat when I want;
An eighty years old man
Has better bowels than mine
Leaving the house means anxiety
My intestines need to be coddled
Or else they’ll keep torturing me
I want to go out when I want
I want to experience nice things
So much stuff I’d like to try,
But no time to invest in it
I’m trapped inside this body
When I’m supposed to be free
I want to stop having to struggle,
Just once in my life

I need an empty room,
And no one else around
Nobody to ask me what I’m doing,
Nobody to knock on my door
Time for nothing but thinking,
Time for nothing but being alone
A chance to recharge
Before facing another busy day
In order to write, I must first rest
The batteries of my mind
It takes too much mental energy
Just to function every day

I’m still here, although I’m dead
A walking corpse who feels pain
I’m a ghost with headaches
I’m a ghost with heartaches
I’m a ghost with chest pains
I’m a ghost with stomach aches
I’ve been haunting this world
Since I was born
I’m not afraid of dying,
I’m just tired of living,
And I don’t care anymore
I want to be left alone

Slowly but surely, all my abilities
Will fade and die away
I’ll forget how to speak correctly,
How to do math,
How to read and write,
All the skills I need to survive,
Like a computer without electricity
I’ll slowly lose everything,
Every memory I stored,
Even how to walk and talk
One day, my brain will shut off,
I will just disappear,
And no one will notice,
No one will mourn
They won’t miss me at all
When I’m finally forgotten,
I’ll be in peace

I dreamt of standing at the right angle
So I could see an opening in the wall
Once I ventured into the passage,
I found myself in an isolated space:
A field of butter-yellow, hair-like grass
In the center, an ancient, towering oak
A peaceful place with no people
Inside that space, time stood still
The sun was stuck in a permanent sunset
I heard birds singing from the tree,
And I smelled the flowers

Even if I spent a thousand years inside,
Outside the clock would remain stopped
With that amount of time,
I would read anything I pleased,
I would write every novel I wanted,
I would crystallize each scene
To the last precise word,
I wouldn’t see another face,
I wouldn’t worry about food and shelter,
I would never have to work again,
I would be able to relax,
Free to think about whatever I liked,
I would remain focused on what matters,
I’d make up for all the wasted years

The clock is ticking,
Rotting the cells away
We were dragged from nothing
So we could grow old and die

‘The Clock Is Ticking’ by Jon Ureña

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