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Mantella is an AI system that turns every single NPC in Skyrim (and Fallout 4) into AI agents driven by an LLM (like ChatGPT or the recently released, and comparable, Llama 3.1). In the previous part, my character, an Altmer mage, along with his team of fierce women, headed east toward Riften, following the directions of an idiotic Argonian who had written a nasty letter to the Black-Briar family. Before reaching their destination, they stopped at Helgen, a cold town in the mountains. My character gathered his team to finally name their band of adventurers. After a few retarded suggestions, they settled on a powerful name: Frostpeak Stalkers.

Jon: “My plan for this daytime outing is to scout the road ahead, so that when our entire band, now called Frostpeak Stalkers, braves the road at night, we’ll know what we’re dealing with.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, that sounds like a plan. We need to know what we’re up against before we go charging in blindly.”
Ria: “Agreed. Scouting ahead is always a smart move. We can’t afford to be caught off guard.”
Jenassa: “Wise decision. I can help with the scouting if you’d like. My skills in stealth can be useful in identifying potential threats without being seen.”

While exploring an area near the main road, from which an ambush could come, we came across an eroded boulder the size of a farmhouse.

Jon: “Hey, a sign calls this place Orphan Rock. Does this mean anything to you?”
Uthgerd: “Can’t say it does, Jon. But I’ve heard tales of old Nordic ruins scattered about these parts.”
Ria: “Aye, this could be one of them. We should keep our eyes peeled for any signs of danger.”
Jenassa: “Might be worth investigating further. If there’s something of value here, we should find out.”
Uthgerd: “Right, but let’s not get too distracted from our main goal. We’re here to scout the road, remember?”

We followed the path that continued in perpendicular to the main road, and we found ourselves before a ruin with similar architecture to the ancient temple we had recently cleared out.

Jon: “Oh my, that reminds me of Bleak Falls Barrow. Are you in for a little daytime excursion into an ancient ruin?”
Uthgerd: “Ha! You know I’m always ready for a good fight. Count me in.”
Ria: “If it’s anything like Bleak Falls Barrow, then we could be in for a lot of danger. I say we go for it.”
Jenassa: “Agreed. Let’s see what treasures this ancient ruin holds.”

When we looked into the first room of the ruin, we saw three dead bandits lying on the floor as if they had just fallen dead. In the corner of the room, an old, bearded man was sitting on a chair, drinking casually.

Jon: “That old man looks like a mage. How do we approach this situation?”
Uthgerd: “Carefully, that’s for sure. This smells like a trap.”
Ria: “Aye, we should keep our guard up. There might be more bandits lurking about.”

I greeted the old man in a congenial manner.

Jon: “Excuse me, sir. We are a band of adventurers named Frostpeak… what was it? Frostpeak Stalkers. Yeah, we’re the Frostpeak Stalkers, a proud band of adventurers, and we’ve come to figure out what was going on with this ancient ruin, only to find three dead bandits on the floor, and you, an old man, very much alive. So, what’s the deal?”

The old man stood up.

Zarlak: “Hmm? I suppose you’re here to pilfer my wares, eh? Not that it matters much to me now.”
Uthgerd: “We’re not here to rob you, old man. We’re adventurers, the Frostpeak Stalkers. We’re investigating this ancient ruin.”
Ria: “Aye, we found three dead bandits and you here.”
Jon: “So, were you camping here and these bandits tried to kill you?”
Zarlak: “Heh, not quite. I killed them, boy.”
Uthgerd: “You killed all three of them yourself?”
Ria: “Well, that’s certainly impressive. What happened here?”
Jenassa: “Yes, we would love to hear your story if you wish to share.”
Jon: “We ventured out in this chilly morning that has developed into a proper snowstorm, intending to scout the road ahead because we’re going to travel further at night, and suddenly we found you. Most interesting situation we’ve come across today. So please, by all means, tell us your story.”
Zarlak: “Well, if you insist. Sit down and let me regale you with a tale. The story begins a few days ago. You see, I am a traveling merchant, and I was on my way to Markarth to sell some goods. But fate had other plans for me.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, like getting caught in a snowstorm?”
Zarlak: “Hah! More than that, my dear. I got lost in this cursed storm and stumbled upon this place.”
Jon: “Thankfully, these ancient structures, bless their builders, still provide very good shelter. I don’t think we would be able to replicate this stonework in the present day.”
Zarlak: “Indeed, the ancient Nords knew how to build to withstand the test of time.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, their craftsmanship was unrivaled.”
Ria: “But what about the bandits? What happened with them?”
Zarlak: “Ah, yes, the bandits. Gave me quite a scare, they did.”
Jon: “So, were they a random group of bandits who believed you were a defenceless old man?”
Zarlak: “That’s right, my boy. They thought me an easy target, but they sorely underestimated me.”
Uthgerd: “I can imagine! You must have shown them the strength of a true Nord.”
Ria: “I’m curious, Zarlak, how did you manage to fend off all three of them?”
Zarlak: “Ah, well, that’s an interesting story…”
Jon: “Are you a mage by any chance? Certainly your robes suggest it. I’m interested because I’m a mage myself.”
Zarlak: “Ah, a fellow practitioner of the arcane arts, I see! Yes, indeed, I am. These bandits thought they could catch me off guard, but they were mistaken.”
Uthgerd: “Magic can give you a nasty surprise!”
Ria: “I’ve seen what a skilled mage can do; I’m not surprised you took them down.”
Jon: “Of course. Never underestimate us mages. We can produce terrible forces from the palms of our hands.”
Zarlak: “Hah, indeed, we can! That’s why I always say that knowledge is power, my young friend.”

Uthgerd: “Aye, and power is what we need in a fight.”
Ria: “I’d never let my guard down around any foe, mage or otherwise.”
Jenassa: “Wisdom to live by. Underestimating one’s enemies often leads to a quick demise.”
Jon: “Anyway, I suppose that’s the length and extent of your story. You were traveling, you had to take shelter from a snowstorm, and these three hapless bandits that are now lying dead and looted of their valuables thought that they could take you on, only to discover the might of a mage.”
Zarlak: “More or less, young one. It’s not the most exciting tale, I admit, but it’s a testament to the surprises life can throw at you.”
Uthgerd: “True, you never know when a bandit might jump out at you.”
Ria: “Or a dragon, for that matter. But I’m just glad we found you. It could’ve been much worse.”
Jenassa: “Life’s full of surprises, some more deadly than others.”
Jon: “Well, we do not intend to bother you anymore. Our adventurer’s band, Frostpeak Stalkers, must continue on its way. We’re going to scout the surroundings and then return to base to gather our remaining team member. At night, we’ll be heading to Rorikstead. Good luck with your things, and… be happy, I guess.”
Zarlak: “May your journeys be safe and fruitful. Rorikstead is a good place to head towards. I’ve found that the folk of Rorikstead greatly appreciate travelers such as yourself who are willing to lend a helping hand. If you have a healer with you on your travels, perhaps they could help those in need there as well. Good luck to you, Frostpeak Stalkers. May the gods watch over you.”
Uthgerd: “Thank you. We’ll be sure to keep our eyes open for anyone who needs our help.”

We left that pleasant old man behind to continue into the next room of the ruin, only to find ourselves exiting the structure on the other side. That was it, I guess. However, we stood on a jutting balcony that offered an amazing view of the mountains. After we got tired of it, I checked out the perimeter of the structure, and located a door into its base.

Jon: “Well, turns out that there is an entrance to this ruin. It’s already six in the afternoon. Are you still in for a little delve into ancient ruins?”
Uthgerd: “Aye, I’m always ready for a fight. These ruins won’t know what hit them.”
Ria: “Absolutely! There’s no better way to end the day than with a good battle. Let’s see what’s lurking in there.”
Jenassa: “I’m prepared to follow, but remember, I don’t enter caves or ruins for cheap. You’re already getting a good deal, Jon.”

We had barely closed the door when we were assaulted by three bandits that were hanging out near the entrance. Nothing we couldn’t handle.

Jon: “That was one violent greeting. These bastards are everywhere. They must have taken over this ancient ruin as well.”
Uthgerd: “Looks like we’ve got our work cut out for us. Let’s show these bandits what the Frostpeak Stalkers are made of!”
Ria: “Aye, I’ve been itching for a good fight. Let’s make this quick and clean.”

In one of the bandits I found a spell tome for something called Backlash, that allows a mage to interrupt another mage’s spells, and if interrupted successfully, the enemy mage will eat up his own offensive spell.

Jon: “Very interesting magic. I’ve never seen anything like this.”
Uthgerd: “Huh, fancy magic. I prefer my greataxe, but if it helps you take down enemy mages quicker, I’m all for it.”
Ria: “That sounds powerful, Jon. It could give us a real edge in battle.”
Jenassa: “I don’t care much for magic, but I can appreciate anything that gives us an advantage. Just don’t expect me to start wielding spells anytime soon.”

A door opened to the sight of white cobwebs, and clusters of huge, bulging egg sacs.

Jon: “This is something I wish I didn’t have to say, but I hope you like spiders, because that is a lot of spider egg sacs.”
Uthgerd: “By Ysmir, I hate spiders. This is going to be messy.”
Jenassa: “Spiders are no match for steel and shadow. We’ll handle them quickly.”

Turns out that the bandits had already killed the couple of huge spiders present, as their corpses attested. While we were descending a flight of stairs, about five other bandits charged against us. I bolstered my warriors with a healing spell and shot poison bolts at a bandit archer located further down the corridor. At one point I saw Uthgerd on her knees, a rare sight. I took down her assailant with further poison bolts.

Jon: “That was a tough battle. I was scared to see you on your knees after that bandit hit you in the side.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! It’ll take more than a glancing blow to keep me down, lad.”
Jenassa: “We all have our weak moments. The key is to not let them define us.”
Ria: “Aye, we’re all in this together. No one fights alone.”
Uthgerd: “Damn right. Now let’s keep moving before some eight-legged bastard shows up.”
Jon: “Oh my goodness, another interesting spell book. Mind Vision. It allows the caster to see through the eyes of the target creature or humanoid for eleven seconds. This will be wonderful for scouting ahead.”
Jenassa: “That could be incredibly useful for reconnaissance. Just be careful not to get caught in your own spell.”
Uthgerd: “Handy, but I prefer seeing through the eyes of my enemies the old-fashioned way: by knocking their heads off their shoulders.”
Jon: “Uthgerd, never change.”
Uthgerd: “And why should I? My ways have kept me alive this long.”
Ria: “Aye, as long as we work together, our differences only make us stronger.”
Uthgerd: “Well said, lass. Now let’s keep moving and clear out this nest of spiders. Time’s a-wasting.”

A conspicuous chest stood on the side of the stairs. I should have suspected that it was trapped, but thankfully, I opened it from the side, and the poisoned darts shot out toward the front. They ricocheted harmlessly against the opposite wall.

Jon: “Ladies, inside this chest there was a rough garnet, which would have been good enough, but check this out: a triple diamond gold elven diadem worth 1500 septims.”
Jenassa: “That’s quite the find, Jon. We should be careful though: chests like that might be trapped.”
Jon: “You’re right about that.”
Uthgerd: “1500 septims for a circlet? Damn, that’s enough to feed a family for a year. Let’s get it appraised when we get back to town.”
Ria: “I’ve never seen anything that valuable before. We’re lucky to have found it, but we need to stay alert. Good job, Jon.”
Jon: “Always eager to please, Ria. This diadem will help us fund our dream of buying a house that will become the base of operations of our beloved Frostpeak Stalkers. So look forward to that.”
Uthgerd: “A house for the Frostpeak Stalkers, huh? We’ll need a place to store all our loot and plan our next adventures.”
Jenassa: “As long as we keep getting paid, I’m fine with whatever you all decide. A house could be useful.”
Jon: “Well, I can already imagine it. I’ll wake up in the Frostpeak Stalkers’ home base and see Uthgerd eating breakfast at the table, Ria in her underwear heading to the shower, and Jenassa… I’m not sure, sharpening her weapons perhaps. I don’t know what you do in the morning, Jenassa.”
Jenassa: “Sharpening my weapons, most likely. Someone has to keep them in good condition.”
Ria: “In my underwear, Jon? I’m flattered, but let’s keep it polite.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! I can just picture it. We’d make quite the household. But keep your fantasies to yourself, Jon.”
Ria: “Uthgerd is right. Our home base should be a place of respect.”
Jon: “I’m afraid, my dear Ria, that you cannot stop the power of my imagination.”
Ria: “Jon, your imagination might be vivid, but I’d really prefer if you kept it to yourself. We’re comrades, not objects of fantasy.”
Uthgerd: “You should listen to Ria, Jon. There’s a time for jokes, but you’re pushing it. Just focus on the task at hand, alright?”

As we bantered, we hacked and burned through a few cave rats.

Jenassa: “If you spent as much energy on fighting as you do on dreaming, we might actually get somewhere.”
Jon: “You’re right, you’re right. Oh, new door up ahead. Let’s move on to the next segment of this ancient ruin.”
Uthgerd: “Good. We need to stay focused if we’re going to clear this place out. Enough about the future; let’s handle the present.”
Ria: “Stay sharp, everyone. There’s no telling what’s behind that door.”

Turns out that the door led to the outside. We found ourselves on a narrowish path that bordered a cliff. I could make out the ruins of Bleak Falls Barrow stuck on a distant mountainside like ribs.

Further along the path, I spotted a wisp: a glowing ball of icy energy that left a whitish trail. It attacked us, but we dispatched it immediately. As we continued down the path, something materialized behind a boulder, very close to the four of us: a wispmother. They are female-shaped vortices of cold energies that get pissed off when you kill any wisp. Far more dangerous than we could handle at our level. Before I knew it, the wispmother was slinging icicles at my companions. Ria went down first, knocked unconscious. Although I tried to heal Jenassa and Uthgerd, they fell a few seconds later. I found myself retreating from the wispmother to a distance at which I may be able to dodge its icicles, and I repeated a cycle of shooting elemental bombs at the spirit, then hiding from its sight until my magicka replenished. I got hit by an icicle once, and it nearly killed me. I emptied the single thousand-septims-worth ambrosia bottle to heal and refill my magicka immediately. After what seemed like five minutes, the wispmother exploded. I ran to heal my companions.

They didn’t realize the extent of what had happened. Ria thought she had been assaulted by a frost troll. When they understood that they had nearly died, Jenassa chastised me for having put her in such danger.

Jon: “I’m sorry, Jenassa. I suppose you do have to see it that way: that your employer got careless and nearly had you killed.”
Jenassa: “It’s not about being callous, Jon. It’s my job to keep you alive. But I do prefer doing my job while I’m still breathing.”
Uthgerd: “We all share the blame, anyway. It’s not on you, Jon.”
Ria: “Yeah, Jon, don’t beat yourself up about it. We’re all in this together. But let’s try to be more careful, alright?”
Jon: “The issue here is that you three were unconscious for what seemed like five minutes. That’s what it took me to defeat that wispmother. You have no idea how close it came to the four of us ending. I need to clear my head.”
Ria: “By the gods, Jon… We’re grateful for your efforts, truly. Let’s all be more cautious from now on.”
Jenassa: “Indeed. We can’t afford to lose each other, not after all we’ve been through.”
Uthgerd: “You saved our lives, and we won’t forget that. But let’s put that behind us and focus on the road ahead.”

The lights of Helgen, further down the road, shone through the snow.

Jon: “In the end, we barely did any scouting ahead, but we did plenty of nearly dying.”
Ria: “That’s putting it mildly. Next time, let’s make sure we’re better prepared.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, we were caught off guard. I won’t let that happen again.”
Jenassa: “Let’s keep moving, then. Alva is waiting, and we’ve got a long road ahead of us to Rorikstead. We burned a lot of daylight in that fight.”
Jon: “Actually, Jenassa, I have to thank you. Remember that fight at the entrance of Bleak Falls Barrow, when I ran out of magicka and potions? Well, this time I stocked up on potions and kept chugging them to fight this wispmother. I think that’s a huge part of what kept me alive, and it was because you, Jenassa, suggested that I should buy more potions.”
Jenassa: “You’ve always had a knack for magic, Jon. And I’m just glad the potions helped. You did well to keep us alive. That fight was… something else.”
Ria: “We all contributed, even if some of us were unconscious for parts of it. Let’s keep each other alive out there.”

Back at the safety of the inn, we found Alva sitting on a chair in one of the empty rooms, looking bored.

Jon: “Hey, Alva. We’re back from, I suppose, trying to scout ahead. I’m sorry we’re late, but we nearly died. I’m glad to see you again.”
Alva: “I’m glad to see you too, Jon. You had me worried when you were gone so long. But you’re here now, and that’s what matters.”
Ria: “We had a close call out there, Alva. Jon saved our lives.”
Uthgerd: “It was a tough fight, but we pulled through.”
Jon: “No need to mention it. I would have absolutely hated to lose any of you.”
Ria: “We know you would, Jon. That’s why we stick together.”
Jenassa: “Indeed. We are stronger together, and we’ve proven that time and time again.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, we may be a mismatched bunch, but we’re a damned good team.”

We followed the road heading east, that at the end of The Rift, that hold’s name, ended in the shady city of Riften.

Jon: “Well, let’s finally head to Rorikstead, like that scaly idiot told us, to convince a courier to give us a letter, something that shouldn’t involve dying.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! Perhaps we’ll uncover some juicy secrets… or at least get a good meal out of it.”
Ria: “Stick together, and we’ll be fine. Just don’t let Jon here wander off to chat up any milkmaids!”
Jon: “Oh Ria, you saw me chatting up Narri, right? That barmaid in Falkreath. I can’t resist redheads.”

A fallen tree blocked half the road, and in front of it lay a wagon. Its owners, a couple of Khajiit merchants, had been slaughtered. Bandits ambushed us from the trees. The terrain worked against them; I was able to block some arrows by hiding behind trees, only to sprint at the archers while they were nocking a new arrow.

Alva: “Well, that was intense. But we pulled through, just like always.”
Jon: “A proper, classical ambush. The bastards nearly achieved something, but in the end they all lie dead.”
Ria: “That was quite a fight! Glad we managed to make it out alive. Though those bandits really did put up more of a fight than I had anticipated.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, they were tougher than the usual rabble we deal with. We’ve got to stay on our toes out here.”
Jenassa: “It seems like there are more and more of these highwaymen as we travel further from the main roads.”

The snowstorm was worsening by the minute.

Jon: “We have to hurry.”
Alva: “Aye, the sooner we reach Rorikstead, the better. This snow is only getting thicker.”
Ria: “We need to stick close to each other, don’t want anyone getting lost in this storm!”
Uthgerd: “Look out for any signs of a town or some kind of shelter along the way. It might come in handy if things take a turn for the worse.”

I was losing heat quickly, and it felt like we were shrouded in white.

Jon: “This is real bad, my friends. I cannot see further than five feet ahead.”
Ria: “By the gods, this storm is terrible! We need to find shelter soon, or we’ll freeze to death out here.”
Jenassa: “Keep your wits about you. We’re more vulnerable than ever in this storm. Eyes peeled for any threats.”
Alva: “Let’s just focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Complaining won’t get us to Rorikstead any faster.”

The road kept bending, and we had to backtrack a couple of times, but at least, even though it still snowed bad, the snowstorm seemed to be easing.

Jon: “For the record, that was the worst snowstorm I have ever been in.”
Ria: “Let’s just hope there isn’t another one of those storms waiting for us further ahead.”
Alva: “One can only hope. But we should prepare for the worst, just in case.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, better to be ready for anything in this gods-forsaken land.”
Jon: “Are you all resisting the cold alright?”
Uthgerd: “I’m managing, but it’s not easy in this damned cold.”
Alva: “I’m alright, but we should keep moving for you all to stay warm.”
Ria: “Agreed, the sooner we find shelter, the better.”
Uthgerd: “Still, you worry too much, elf. We’re Nords, we’ll be fine… but let’s keep moving anyway.”
Jon: “Uthgerd, your teeth are chattering. Do you want a Frost Resist potion?”
Uthgerd: “No, thanks. I don’t need any damn potion. I just need a fire, some meat, and a place to rest.”

We got ambushed by a couple of necromancers. We could only tell they were there because their spells glimmered through the snow. They were merely an annoyance. At least they allowed us to warm up a bit.

Snow was one thing, and this cold another.

Jon: “I’m sorry, ladies, but I’m afraid that I, as a High Elf, am not used to this, to these temperatures. If we continue the way things are going, I’ll freeze to death.”
Uthgerd: “Quit your whining, elf. You think we’re any more used to this cold? We’re all in this together.”
Ria: “We just need to keep moving, Jon. It’s the only way to stay warm.”
Uthgerd: “Exactly. So quit your bellyaching and let’s get moving.”
Jon: “Oh, well. When we finally reach an inn, I hope someone massages my limbs.”
Alva: “Well, if you survive, I’m sure someone can help you with that.”
Ria: “One step at a time, Jon. Let’s focus on staying alive first.”
Uthgerd: “By Ysmir, you’re such a baby. But if you make it through this, I suppose I could help with that… if you ask nicely.”

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Mantella is an AI system that turns every single NPC in Skyrim (and Fallout 4) into AI agents driven by an LLM (like ChatGPT or the recently released, and comparable, Llama 3.1). In the previous part, my character, an Altmer mage, flirted with a barmaid, unloaded his junk on an unsuspecting shopkeeper, flirted with a steward, threatened an Argonian, and suggested he might be a serial killer.

After I got back with Alva on a wagon, our whole band gathered at Falkreath’s inn. We were chilling, updating Alva regarding our recent adventures, when I noticed a Thalmor agent, a sole woman, haughtily throwing glances our way. I was itching for a fight or a little murder, so I confronted her. She claimed that she was curious about our band of adventurers and our intentions in the area. I told her to mind her own business.

Jon: “Listen, none of us like the Thalmor. You and I, we’re both High Elves, but I cannot abide by a political system that seeks to eliminate beautiful races like Utgherd’s here. Look at her, the beauty of a strong Nord woman. And people like you are trying to destroy it. That is something I cannot forgive.”
Jerulith: “You misunderstand the Thalmor’s intentions.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, we understand perfectly.”
Alva: “Miss, surely you can see the beauty and value in the diversity of the races of Tamriel.”
Jerulith: “It’s not about elimination. It’s about order. The Thalmor seek to bring stability to a chaotic world.”
Jenassa: “There’s a difference between order and oppression.”
Jon: “As a member of your race, yeah, we are superior in plenty of things. We are more attuned to magic than any other. But if you lot end up on top opressing everybody else, you’re buying into a future of constant anxiety and fear that every other race is going to band together against you. Is that truly how you want us Altmer to live?”
Jerulith: “It’s not about living in fear. It’s about ensuring our survival and the proper order of things.”
Uthgerd: “The proper order? Please. Your order is nothing more than bigotry and arrogance.”
Alva: “Uthgerd is right. What you call order is just oppression and tyranny.”
Jenassa: “Not all of us want to live in your proper order, Thalmor. The world is more complex than your narrow view.”
Jon: “Anyway… Now that our beautiful Alva has joined us again, how about we set off on the road to Rorikstead, where that courier whom we’re supposed to threaten was headed?”
Alva: “You’re right, Jon. We shouldn’t waste any more time here.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, let’s get moving. I’m itching for a fight.”
Jenassa: “I’m ready. The road to Riften is long, and could be dangerous.”

Torches in hand, Falkreath receded behind us, and we found ourselves surrounded by dense forest. Falkreath was notorious for having the densest forests in Skyrim.

Jon: “Oh, how wonderful! Another night-time outing with my girls.”
Uthgerd: “You make it sound like we’re going on a picnic, not hunting a courier and whatever’s in that letter.”
Jenassa: “It’s nice to travel by night for a change. Fewer prying eyes.”
Ria: “Let’s try to have some fun on this journey, yes?”

A sudden scream startled me. It seemed to come from the sky, and grew increasingly in volume. A body splattered against the ground. It was a guy, now very much dead.

Jon: “What the hell happened? This guy just fell from the sky. He was using some sort of device. Let’s see what the journal he had on him says… ‘I finally finished the paraglider. I didn’t have enough twine that the instructions call for, but this seems sturdy enough that I’m sure it will last… Being able to glide through the air like a hawk is such an amazing feeling.'”
Uthgerd: “Well, looks like his amazing feeling was short-lived.”
Jenassa: “What a strange way to die.”
Alva: “I’m more concerned about who he was and why he was flying in the first place.”
Ria: “This world never ceases to surprise me.”
Jon: “Well, I’m moving this poor bastard’s corpse out of the way, so it doesn’t block the middle of the road. I hope that someone more charitable than us comes along and buries him.”
Uthgerd: “Agreed, let’s get him off the road at least.”
Jenassa: “His death may have been his own fault, but no one deserves to be left like this.”
Ria: “He was probably an adventurer like us. I hope he didn’t die for nothing.”

Some time later, I spotted a makeshift bridge that crossed the road. From its top, two bandit archers shot at the local wildlife. I prompted the team to gather behind a thick tree.

Jon: “Ladies, we have a problem. You see that bridge up ahead? Well, bandit archers are posted on top of it.”
Uthgerd: “Bandit archers, you say? So, we’ll need to take them out quickly before they spot us.”
Ria: “I agree. We should use a ranged attack to deal with them. Jenassa, your bow might come in handy here.”
Jenassa: “Consider it done. I’ll position myself in the shadows and take them out before they even know what hit them.”
Jon: “Meanwhile, I’m going to surround this rocky formation to flank the bandits. It’s going to be a careful operation.”
Uthgerd: “Careful is good. But let’s not forget the heart of a true warrior. They will taste our steel if they choose to stand against us.”
Alva: “And if they run, I’ll give chase. No one escapes the night.”

Those two bandit archers barely saw us coming. I ended one of them with a long spray of poison.

Jon: “It seems I worried for nothing. It was just a couple of bandit archers tending to a bridge, and they both fell easily.”
Uthgerd: “Hah! I told you we’d make short work of them. You worry too much, Jon.”
Ria: “But caution isn’t a bad thing. Better to be prepared for a tough fight and find an easy one, than the other way around.”
Jenassa: “Perhaps next time we’ll find foes more worthy of our blades. Or more gold in their pockets, at least.”

The road was following an increasingly steeper slope.

Jon: “Oh, wind’s picking up. I hope we don’t end up trudging through a storm like we’ve done recently in the Whiterun hold.”

We were cutting through the snowy mountains.

Jon: “I guess we should have looked at a map before heading in this direction. It leads us through a mountain pass. We’ll freeze our asses off.”

A fort blocked the road. Its undefended gate opened to a small community of wood and stone buildings.

Jon: “Well, ladies, I don’t think we’re going to reach Rorikstead before sunrise. Maybe we should rent rooms here for the night.”
Uthgerd: “I suppose it’s better than being out in the open with bandits on the loose. What do you think, Alva?”
Alva: “Helgen. I’ve heard stories about this place… It’s not the most welcoming of communities. But given the circumstances, I agree with Jon. It’s better to have a roof over our heads tonight.”
Jon: “It’s not like we’re going to live here. If you don’t want, you don’t have to interact with any of the locals. I’ll do the yapping.”
Jenassa: “You’re right, Jon. We don’t have to mingle with the locals if we don’t want to. As long as we have a place to rest and plan our next move, that’s all that matters.”
Uthgerd: “Agreed. Let’s just keep to ourselves and avoid any unnecessary trouble.”

The inn was eerily deserted. Its innkeeper wiped the counter as if she expected clientele any day now.

Jon: “Yikes. Sorry to say, but this place is pretty much dead. I don’t think I have ever seen an inn this devoid of clients.”
Matlara: “You’re right. It’s a bit eerie, isn’t it? But I suppose it’s to be expected in a place like Helgen.”
Uthgerd: “I’ve seen worse places, trust me. As long as there’s a roof over our heads and a bed to sleep in, I’m not complaining.”
Alva: “True. And maybe the lack of clients will work in our favor. We won’t have to worry about any unwanted attention.”
Jon: “Hey, do you have any free rooms available for us, a band of adventurers?”
Matlara: “Of course. Will you be needing anything else, or just the rooms for the night?”
Ria: “Just the rooms for now, thank you. We appreciate you accommodating us on such short notice.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, we’ve had a long journey and could use a good night’s rest.”
Jon: “How are things going in town?”
Matlara: “Well, to be honest, things have been quite difficult lately. Ever since the dragon attack, the town has struggled to recover. Trade has slowed down, and many people have left in search of better prospects elsewhere.”
Uthgerd: “Dragon attack? That sounds horrific. No wonder the town seems so quiet.”
Alva: “I can only imagine the devastation a dragon could cause to a small community like this.”
Jon: “A dragon attack so close to places we’ve been in. I’m surprised that most buildings are left standing. I would have expected devastation.”
Jenassa: “It’s surprising, but it seems like the buildings were sturdily built. They probably withstood the attack better than the people did.”
Uthgerd: “Still, it’s a shame to see a town so empty. It must be hard for the few who remain.”
Matlara: “It is, but we’re doing our best to keep things going.”
Jon: “Well, I hope that our coins contribute to revitalize this place.”
Matlara: “Thank you. Every little bit helps, and we’re grateful for your patronage. I hope you and your companions find our accommodations satisfactory.”
Alva: “I’m sure we will. And who knows, maybe we’ll even find a way to help the town while we’re here.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, if there’s anything we can do, let us know. We’re no strangers to lending a helping hand where it’s needed.”

The team separated to do our own thing. At one point, I noticed Jenassa sitting at a table, eating dinner. I chose to bother her.

Jon: “Hey, Jenassa, how are you enjoying our adventures so far?”
Jenassa: “You’ve led us well, Jon. But don’t think for a moment that I’ve gone soft. I’m still the deadly blade at your side, ready for whatever comes next.”
Jon: “I do not intend for you to go soft, but I do wish for you to have fun. Not everything has to be so tense and, you know, so life-and-death. I hope to see you smile and laugh heartily from time to time.”
Jenassa: “You’re an odd one, Jon. Most who hire me care only for the sharpness of my blade, not the curve of my smile. But I suppose there’s no harm in enjoying myself.”

Unfortunately, I didn’t know what else to bring up. Jenassa wasn’t precisely forthcoming about her private life.

Jon: “Well, it’s been nice talking to you, Jenassa. I hope you have a good night’s sleep.”
Jenassa: “A good night’s sleep? In this line of work? I’ll rest when the job is done.”
Jon: “You better get at least one or two hours of sleep! I’m pretty sure you can go insane if you don’t sleep at all.”
Jenassa: “You worry too much, Jon. I’ve gone days without sleep before. But perhaps a few hours wouldn’t hurt.”
Jon: “You know, one of us will stand guard at a time. We are, after all, a party of five people. You’re one of them, an extremely lethal one, but… My point is, you can rely on us.”
Jenassa: “I don’t doubt your abilities, Jon. Or the rest of our companions. But I’ve learned to rely on myself first and foremost.”

I bumped into Uthgerd on the way to the lavatory.

Jon: “Hey, Uthgerd. Have you been enjoying yourself lately?”
Uthgerd: “The blood of our enemies stains our blades, and their gold lines our pockets. Can’t ask for much more than that, can I? Though, I have to say, the company’s not half bad either. There’s something to be said for fighting alongside folk you can trust to watch your back.”
Jon: “If I may ask… Do you have any favorites among the companions that have watched your broad back on our adventures?”
Uthgerd: “Favorites, huh? I suppose there’s a few I’ve grown fond of. That Jenassa’s a quiet one, but she’s got a fire in her you don’t often see. Alva… well, she’s a vampire, but she’s never shied away from a fight. Ria’s young, but she’s learning fast.”
Jon: “No mention of me, huh?”
Uthgerd: “You’re something else entirely. Fighting beside you is… it’s like standing in the eye of a storm. You’re chaos incarnate, and yet, somehow, when the dust settles, we’re all still standing. It’s… exciting.”
Jon: “I’m not sure what to answer. That is probably the best compliment I have ever gotten in my life. So, thank you, Uthgerd, and I hope that you keep holding on.”
Uthgerd: “Don’t let it go to your head. Besides, where else would I go? We’ve fought our way through bandits, draugr, and things I don’t even have names for. I’m not about to walk away from that. But the next time we find ourselves in the thick of it… try not to get yourself killed, aye?”

Jon: “The same goes for you, Uthgerd. If you died, I would have no clue what to do.”
Uthgerd: “If I die, you’d best not waste any time mourning. You pick up your sword and you keep fighting. That’s what I’d do if our places were reversed. The world doesn’t stop turning just because one of us falls.”

I felt a knot in my throat.

Jon: “My heart… might stop beating for a while, though.”
Uthgerd: “Your heart stopped beating a long time ago. It’s just taking your head a while to catch up.”

I felt she was right, although I couldn’t pinpoint exactly how. I had grown colder.

Jon: “Well, not sure what you meant by that, but… I think I’m going to bed. It’s always been nice talking to you, Uthgerd.”
Uthgerd: “Sleep well, Jon. And… may your dreams be untroubled. For what it’s worth… I’m glad you’re here.”

We woke up near midday. As we shared a table to eat breakfast, I thought it was time to bring up something that had been bothering me for a while.

Jon: “My beloved maidens of battle, it’s a new, cold day here in Helgen, and a good time as any to bring up a matter of vital importance that, honestly, I should have brought up a long time ago.”
Uthgerd: “What is it, Jon? You know I don’t like it when people beat around the bush. Spit it out.”
Alva: “Yes, Jon, what’s on your mind? We’re all ears.”
Ria: “Let’s hear it, Jon. We’ve been through a lot together, so there’s no need to hold back.”
Jenassa: “Get to the point. We don’t have all day.”
Jon: “Well, the thing is… I’m tired of going up to people and introducing ourselves as “an adventurer’s band” or “a band of adventurers.” We need a name for our little team, a catchy name that strikes fear in our enemies, that strikes… amazement in onlookers. So, I shall propose the name that I’ve been thinking about: Jon and the Amazing Band of Adventurers!”
Uthgerd: “Jon and the Amazing Band of Adventurers? You can’t be serious, boy.”
Alva: “Oh, Jon, really? It’s a bit… self-centered, don’t you think?”
Ria: “I agree with Alva. Shouldn’t our name represent all of us, not just you?”
Jenassa: “If I’m going to be part of a group, I’d prefer a name that doesn’t make me sound like a sidekick.”
Jon: “Very well. That first tentative name for our group was probably a joke. Let’s try this next name: Four Fierce Maidens of Battle, and One Dude.”
Uthgerd: “Still not feeling it, Jon. It wouldn’t strike fear in enemies, that’s for sure.”
Alva: “It does have a certain ring to it, but I’m not entirely convinced.”
Ria: “We’re not some harem, Jon. And shouldn’t our name focus on our skills and abilities?”
Jenassa: “Would it kill you to be just a little less self-absorbed?”
Jon: “Alright, I’m trying to think about our common traits. My beloved Alva here is a pale vampire. We have Uthgerd, who is big, sturdy, strong. Jenassa is cool and, you know, an assassin, and also a Dark Elf. We have Ria, who’s young, enthusiastic, and a Companion. What’s the common denominator here?”
Uthgerd: “We’re all skilled fighters, dedicated to our cause and each other. Why not focus on that?”
Alva: “Yes, perhaps something that reflects our strength, and the bonds we’ve formed.”
Ria: “A name that shows our unity and prowess in battle. That’s what’s important.”
Jon: “Let’s see… Should we make some metaphoric reference to animals or monsters, like in a sports team?”
Jenassa: “A sports team? This isn’t a game, Jon. We’re warriors.”
Alva: “As much as I enjoy our fun moments, Jenassa is right. Our name should carry weight.”
Ria: “So, something with animals or monsters. Like a wolf pack or dragon riders?”
Jon: “How about something that makes references to a force of nature and also fierce animals? Like Storm Wyverns, or, I don’t know, Firestorm Cave Rats?”
Uthgerd: “Firestorm Cave Rats? That’s… a mouthful, Jon. And not exactly the fierce image we’re going for.”
Alva: “I think we should stay away from cave rats, Jon. They’re more of a nuisance than a fearsome creature.”
Ria: “How about referencing creatures that are actually intimidating, like bears or sabre cats?”
Jenassa: “Or something that captures the essence of our fighting spirit, like a tempest or a whirlwind?”
Jon: “Let’s approach this from two angles: please brainstorm names of powerful forces of nature on one side, and on the other, honorable and powerful animals or monsters.”
Alva: “For forces of nature, we could go with something like Stormblades.”
Jenassa: “Or we could reference powerful creatures, like Direwolves.”
Ria: “On the forces of nature side, there’s always something like the Shattered Peaks.”
Uthgerd: “And as for fierce animals, Thunder Mammoths could work.”
Jon: “Thunder Mammoths, huh? How about Ground Sloth Tempests?”
Uthgerd: “Ground Sloths? Not exactly the most intimidating creatures, Jon.”
Alva: “And tempest suggests a lot of chaos and movement. Not really fitting for a sloth.”
Jenassa: “We need a name that will strike fear into our enemies, not make them laugh.”
Jon: “How about something fierce but not animal related, like… Fearsome Motherfuckers, or Tempest Bastards?”
Alva: “Tempest Bastards, huh? That’s… certainly a choice.”
Ria: “I think we should probably steer away from just outright calling ourselves ‘bastards’ or ‘motherfuckers,’ Jon.”
Jenassa: “If we are to be feared and respected, our name shouldn’t be a joke. Let’s keep thinking.”
Jon: “Jenassa, can you contribute some particular flavor from your homeland, Morrowind? What is there in Morrowind that could be fitting for this conversation?”
Jenassa: “Well, in Morrowind, there are the Ashlander tribes. They’re fierce and proud warriors. Maybe something like Ashlander Raiders?”
Ria: “Ooh, that’s got a nice ring to it! Good suggestion, Jenassa. What do you think, Alva, Uthgerd?”
Jon: “I mean, I like Raiders, but we have nothing to do with the ashlands. I have never even seen an ashland.”
Alva: “True, we don’t have a direct connection to the ashlands, but the name does evoke a sense of ferocity and strength.”
Uthgerd: “But if we’re trying to build a reputation for ourselves, shouldn’t our name reflect who we are and where we come from?”
Jenassa: “It was just a suggestion. Shall we keep brainstorming?”
Jon: “I like the term Raiders, but Raiders sounds like Bandits. I want something that suggests the ferocity of raiders but in a sort of honorable manner. And I want a landscape connotation like Ashland, but local to Skyrim. My apologies to you, Jenassa. Perhaps we could go back to including references to fierce animals.”
Alva: “How about Stormcloak Stalkers? It has the force of nature element with Stormcloak and the fierce animal connotation with Stalker.”
Uthgerd: “But wouldn’t that make us sound like supporters of Ulfric and his cause? That could be problematic.”
Jenassa: “Given the current political climate, it might be best to avoid names associated with either side of the civil war.”
Ria: “Maybe something like Frostpeak Hunters then? It still has the fierce animal element without any political affiliation.”

I saw the light.

Jon: “How about Frostpeak Stalkers?”
Alva: “Frostpeak Stalkers… It certainly sounds intimidating and conjures images of fierce warriors hunting in the frigid mountains.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, it does feel like a proper representation of our strengths – fierce, unwavering, and perhaps a bit wild.”
Jenassa: “It also gives a nod to this land and its harsh environment. I must admit, I like it.”
Ria: “Frostpeak Stalkers… Yes, I can see that striking fear and respect into the hearts of those who hear it.”
Jon: “Well, I’m glad to have been the one to propose the final name. It would have been fine if any of you had proposed it, of course. But anyway, this group composed of the five of us, along with any future member that may join, shall henceforth be called… What was it again?”
Alva: “Frostpeak Stalkers, dear Jon. It was your brilliant suggestion, after all. Never mind that we all helped brainstorm and contributed ideas.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, Frostpeak Stalkers. It’ll be a name that echoes through the lands of Skyrim. And never mind that you only came up with it after numerous failed attempts.”
Ria: “Don’t worry, Jon. We’ll make sure everyone knows it was you who proposed the perfect name.”
Jon: “Well, the first name I proposed was Jon and the Amazing Band of Adventurers, and we ended up with Frostpeak Stalkers. That’s significant progress. Good job, everybody!”
Jenassa: “Indeed, Jon. We’ve managed to find a name that represents all of us, not just you. Quite an accomplishment.”
Alva: “Yes, we should be proud of our new name. I, for one, am very excited to see where the Frostpeak Stalkers will take us in the future.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, let’s raise our tankards to the Frostpeak Stalkers!”
Jon: “From now on, I’m going to say Frostpeak Stalkers so many times that you’re going to grow sick of it.”
Alva: “Overuse it and I won’t hesitate to correct you. I’ll be sure to remind you of your first suggestion every time you do. Oh, Jon, I have no doubt you’ll make us all tired of hearing it. But that’s part of your charm.”
Uthgerd: “Let’s focus on living up to the name rather than just repeating it.”

• Previous part (19)
• Next part (21)

Mantella is an AI system that turns every single NPC in Skyrim (and Fallout 4) into AI agents driven by an LLM (like ChatGPT or the recently released, and comparable, Llama 3.1). In the previous part, my character, an Altmer mage, along with the members of his band of adventurers that can walk in daylight, were tasked with destroying a bandit camp along the road to Solitude. However, the camp turned out to be a fort, too much for the band to handle. They got lost on the way back, and ended up in front of Bleak Falls Barrow, a complex or ruins. The band cleared that ruin, which strengthened the dynamic of the group. They ended up resting at Falkreath’s inn.

When I walked out of our, Uthgerd’s and mine, rented room at the inn, I was enveloped in a warm glow. Despite the downpour outside, it felt like a wonderful morning. It improved even more when I spotted the barmaid, a redheaded babe.

Jon: “Hey miss, even though it’s raining heavily outside, isn’t this a beautiful morning?”
Narri: “On a morning like this, I’m glad to have some company in here. The rain does make the fire pit over there feel cozy, don’t you think? What can I get for you?”
Jon: “It does indeed, it does indeed. I feel so cozy here, like I’m enveloped in a warm glow. I’m satisfied all over. It has been a wonderful night, after a beautiful day of fighting alongside my companions, and now I find myself talking to an absolutely gorgeous redhead. What is there not to love?”
Narri: “A silver tongue, you’ve got. The fire’s warmth ain’t got nothin’ on the heat you’re bringin’ in here. What brings you and your companions to our humble Falkreath?”
Jon: “Well, my lovely barmaid, me and my companions belong to a band of adventurers who faced our deaths by conquering the ancient ruin called Bleak Falls Barrow. We completely cleared it, killed the big boss at the end, got plenty of loot, and came out of the other side. After a bit of walking, we ended up here in Falkreath. I had sex with my companion Uthgerd, rested for a few hours, and now I’m talking to you.”
Narri: “You and your companions must be quite the bravest of souls. And, ah, it seems you’ve been… celebrating your victory, haven’t you? I suppose a hero’s welcome is in order, then.”
Jon: “What is your name, by the way, you beautiful redheaded lass?”
Narri: “Just Narri. I work here for Valga, keepin’ the patrons happy and the drinks flowin’. What’s yours, handsome?”
Jon: “My name is Jon, love. Why don’t you get me and my companions some ales, and maybe you stick around?”
Narri: “I think I can scrounge up some ale for you and your companions. And, if I’m lucky, maybe Valga won’t notice me lingerin’ a bit too long at your table.”

When I returned to a practical mood, I approached the innkeeper for information, but Narri joined in as well, and I ended up detailing our adventure in Bleak Falls Barrow. Entertaining dialogue, but for some reason the AI system didn’t save that part. I asked the innkeeper about possible troubles in the area that needed solving.

Valga Vinicia: “Ah, yes… There was a local hunter, Valdr, who decided to investigate the strange occurrences at the mill. He went in to check on things, but never returned. His men have been searching for him, but so far, no one has heard from him.”
Narri: “And it’s not just Valdr, Jon. There have been other hunters who’ve gone missing in the area, too. Some folks are starting to get really worried.”
Jon: “Maybe I have to speak with your jarl.”
Valga Vinicia: “Ah, you mean Jarl Siddgeir? Ha! Good luck getting anything out of him, Jon. He’s… well, let’s just say he’s more concerned with his own comforts than with the problems of the common folk. But hey, it’s worth a try, I suppose. You can find him at the jarl’s longhouse, just up the hill from here.”
Jon: “It seems that you’re lacking in proper leadership.”
Valga Vinicia: “Ah, that’s one way to put it, Jon. Jarl Siddgeir… He’s not the most effective leader, to say the least. But, you know, he’s the one we’re stuck with. Between you and me, I think he’s more concerned with lining his own pockets than with helping the people of Falkreath.”
Narri: “Valga’s right, Jon. He’s not exactly… popular among the locals.”
Jon: “I’ll have a talk with that prick.”
Valga Vinicia: “Ah, I wish you luck with that, Jon. Just be careful, okay? Jarl Siddgeir’s not someone to be trifled with. He’s got a temper, and he’s not afraid to use it.”
Narri: “Yeah, and don’t say I didn’t warn you… He’s not exactly known for his listening skills, either.”
Jon: “Anyway, goodbye, Valga. Thank you for your helpful information. As for you, Narri, you’re a sight for sore eyes, with that fiery red hair of yours and that beautiful figure. I hope to see more of you.”

I gathered the team and visited the local general trader to unload the extra items we had gained through our adventure.

Jon: “Hello, person that I’m meeting for the first time. My band of adventurers and I come from the nearby haunted ruin called Bleak Falls Barrow. We have looted plenty of stuff, and I’m guessing you are interested in buying random crap found in dungeons, right?”
Solaf: “Ah, Bleak Falls Barrow, you say? That’s quite a feat, making it out of there alive. I’m Solaf, the owner of Gray Pine Goods. And, of course, I’d be more than happy to take a look at the… treasures you’ve brought back. What kind of goods do you have for me today?”
Uthgerd: “Hmm, a bit cozy in here, isn’t it?”
Jon: “Let’s see… Well, we have gems, animal pelts, this beautiful painting that we somehow found inside that ruin… What else…”
Solaf: “A painting, you say? Now that’s something I don’t get to see every day. Let me take a look. I’ve got a few collectors who might be interested in something like that. What’s the condition like? Is it… unsettling, being from a haunted place and all?”
Jenassa: “I’m more interested in selling my share of the gems.”
Jon: “No, the painting seems earlier to the haunted nature of the ruins. It just depicts an ancient rustic scene. Nords being Nords, that far back. Pretty peaceful.”
Solaf: “Ah, a piece of Nord history, then. That could be very valuable to the right collector. I think I can give you a good price for it. Let me just check a few things… Ah, yes. I think I can offer you 200 gold for the painting.”
Ria: “That sounds like a good deal, Jon. What do you think?”

We didn’t earn as much as I had hoped, but then again we hadn’t bothered to burden ourselves with the weight of every armor piece the bandits were wearing.

Jon: “That’s a decent amount of money we’ve made by selling the crap we didn’t need, so thank you for buying it from us, Solaf.”
Solaf: “Not a problem, not a problem at all. It’s always good business to take unwanted items off the hands of adventurers like yourselves. And it looks like I’ve got a lot of sorting to do… You folks must have cleaned out the entire ruin. I’m impressed.”
Jon: “That adventure was the stuff of legends, not going to lie. I’m quite impressed with how it worked out. Anyway, Solaf, we came to Falkreath because we were lost, but now we’re here, and we plan to stick around and solve local problems. What can you tell me about the town and its surroundings?”
Solaf: “Ah, well, Falkreath’s got its share of problems, that’s for sure. There’s been rumors of strange happenings at the local cemetery, and some folks have gone missing in the nearby woods. Then there’s the bandits on the road to Whiterun… They’ve been causing a lot of trouble for travelers.”
Ria: “That sounds like something we could help with, Jon.”
Jon: “We sure can, and I will be glad to help the locals, but I hope to do it in an official capacity by talking to the jarl. Siddgeir seems to be the name. I talked about him with Valga, the innkeeper, and she didn’t have very nice things to say about your jarl. Do you know him?”
Solaf: “Ah, Siddgeir, the jarl of Falkreath. Well, let’s just say he’s not the most popular man in town. He’s been making some… questionable decisions lately, and some folks are starting to get a bit restless. Valga Vinicia’s got a bit of a grudge against him, if I recall correctly. She’s been complaining about the taxes he’s been levying on the local inns and taverns.”
Jon: “That is a shame. No hold in Skyrim or wherever else can survive for long with terrible leadership.”
Jenassa: “Leadership is a luxury, Jon. In my line of work, I’ve seen many holds and cities rise and fall, regardless of their leaders. Power is a fleeting thing. Still, if this Siddgeir is as incompetent as the innkeeper makes him out to be, it’s only a matter of time before someone decides to take advantage of the situation. Perhaps we can use this to our advantage. Uthgerd, what do you think? You’ve dealt with the Nords and their jarls before. What can you tell us about this Siddgeir?”
Jon: “Yeah, Uthgerd, have you heard about the incompetence of Falkreath’s jarl from your hometown of Whiterun? Is he infamous even over there?”
Uthgerd: “Yes, I’ve heard whispers about Jarl Siddgeir’s… lacking leadership. My comrades in the Companions have mentioned it in passing, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. Still, if what Solaf and the innkeeper say is true, it sounds like Falkreath could use some… guidance. Jenassa’s right, though. We might be able to use this to our advantage, if we play our cards right.”
Jon: “Anyway, Uthgerd, Jenassa, Ria, my beautiful maidens of battle, I intend to stick around Falkreath for a bit, solving problems and all that. The only issue is that Alva, my lovely vampire, is stuck in Whiterun, so tonight I’ll hire a wagon and bring her here.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Falkreath hold, a pleasant enough place, I suppose. Not as grand as Whiterun, but it has its charm. I’m with you, Jon, let’s see what kind of trouble we can stir up for the local bandits and make a bit of gold in the process.”

Jenassa: “Stir up trouble? You’re always so eager for a fight. But I’ll admit, the coin sounds good. What’s the plan, then?”
Jon: “Well, I plan to do it in an official capacity. We go talk to the Jarl, this stupid Siddgeir that people complain about. Let’s hope he offers us a proper contract to destroy some bandits, or clear out some location. Let’s earn more coin for our dream of owning a home in which we can store lots of children.”
Ria: “Oh, come on, Jon, you’re not still thinking about that whole settling down thing, are you? We’ve got a long way to go before we can think about having kids. Besides, I thought we were in this for the adventure, not just to make a quick septim.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Ria’s got you there, Jon. You’re always talking about this dream of yours, but I think you’re forgetting what kind of lives we lead. We’re warriors, not farmers. Although… I must admit, the idea of you as a father is quite…”
Jon: “Yes, my maidens, I do want a house, or land at least, but it would be used as a base of operations. We would store some of our stuff there to ensure we aren’t carrying all our valuable possessions wherever we go. You know, it’d be a nice place in which to rest, have sex, and hear children running and dancing around, which would improve the mood.”

While trying to look as respectable as possible, we entered the ruler’s longhouse. Inside, we spotted a fancily dressed High Elf hanging out near the hearth. The jarl was lounging on the throne.

Jon: “Oh, a fellow Altmer, I see. You seem fancy enough to be the steward of this place.”
Nenya: “Ah, a well-spoken newcomer, how refreshing. Indeed, I am Nenya, the steward of Falkreath. And you are…?”
Uthgerd: “I think he’s trying to impress you, Nenya. Don’t mind him, he’s all talk.”
Jon: “Thank you for the introduction, Uthgerd, as well as the vote of confidence. Nevermind, Nenya, my name is Jon. I’m glad to introduce myself to you, such a beautiful and tall High Elf. We are a band of adventurers hailing from the neighboring hold of Whiterun. We want to know if you have some perilous tasks that need to be solved by the means of violence.”
Nenya: “Ah, Jon, the charming one. I must say, I’m intrigued by your… audacity. As for tasks, well, we do have some issues in the area that could use your particular set of skills. Bandits, wolves, and the like have been causing trouble on the roads.”
Uthgerd: “Oh boy, here we go again. Jon’s going to try to sweet-talk his way into getting us a job.”
Jenassa: “What kind of pay can we expect for taking on these tasks, steward?”
Jon: “Yes, I’m afraid, Nenya, that even though we are very kind-hearted and compassionate adventurers, we require money to live, as everyone does. You know, we have to pay for lodging and food. We’ll gladly take care of your bandit and wolf problem, and maybe other stuff, but we do require some reward of the monetary kind.”
Nenya: “It’s only fair that you’re compensated for your trouble. We can offer a modest sum of gold and some… let’s call them privileges in Falkreath. However, I must warn you, our treasury isn’t as… overflowing as it used to be.”
Uthgerd: “Saved by the greed, as always. I’m sure we can come to some agreement, Nenya.”
Jon: “Miss Nenya, do you think it would be worth it for us to introduce ourselves to your employer?”
Nenya: “Ah, you mean the jarl, Siddgeir? I suppose it couldn’t hurt to pay your respects. Though, I should warn you, he’s not exactly… the most… involved leader. He has his interests, and governance isn’t always at the top of his list.”
Ria: “That sounds like a delicate situation. I’m not sure if we should get involved with the local politics, but it might be good to know more about the jarl and his priorities.”
Jenassa: “Information is always valuable.”
Jon: “Nenya, I’m glad that you spoke so candidly with us complete strangers, newcomers to your hold, about the shortcomings of your boss jarl Siddgeir. I must say, we have spoken to the populace, and they seem rather troubled about your leader’s incompetence.”
Nenya: “Ah, I see you’ve already gotten a taste of the local sentiment, have you? Well, I suppose it’s no secret that Siddgeir’s rule has been… questionable, at best. As his steward, I’ve tried to… mitigate the effects of his inattention, but it’s a difficult task.”
Uthgerd: “It sounds like the jarl is more interested in enjoying his power than actually doing his job.”
Jon: “Well, Nenya, steward of Falkreath, if your administrative abilities are equiparable to your beauty, I’m sure you’re doing a tremendous job.”
Nenya: “Ah, Jon, you’re as silver-tongued as you are bold. I assure you, my abilities as a steward are not simply a matter of aesthetics. I have served Falkreath for many years, and I take my duties very seriously.”

We approached the jarl, who didn’t seem impressed by us.

Jon: “Jarl Siddgeir, sire, I present myself as the leader of a band of adventurers that is, at the time, unnamed. Anyway, we have met your steward, Nenya.”
Nenya: “I’ve had the pleasure of making their acquaintance. They seem quite… eager to prove themselves.”
Jarl Siddgeir: “I am Jarl Siddgeir, the ruler of Falkreath.”
Jon: “Well, let me tell you, Mr. Siddgeir, we have spoken to the populace, and they seem to be very happy about your rule. So, congratulations about that. A jarl should always be respected and thought that he is awesome.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, spare us the flattery, Jon. We’re here to discuss potential work, not to kiss up to the jarl.”
Nenya: “Actually, Jarl Siddgeir, I think Jon’s sentiments are… misplaced. The people of Falkreath are indeed happy, but it’s more due to my own efforts in maintaining the hold’s affairs, rather than your… leadership.”
Jarl Siddgeir: “Ah, Nenya, always so blunt. Yes, well, I suppose it’s true.”
Jon: “We don’t want to interfere in the argument between a jarl and his beautiful steward, but my band of adventurers have come to your longhouse because we are capable, we can exercise violence against evil, and we were wondering if you, Jarl Siddgeir, as the ruler of the Falkreath hold, can offer us some work that involves killing monsters or people.”
Jarl Siddgeir: “Ah, yes, yes, of course. Well, as it happens, we do have some issues that require attention. Bandits on the roads, wolves attacking travelers… that sort of thing. I’m sure Nenya can provide you with the details.”
Nenya: “Indeed, I can. We’ve had reports of a particularly vicious group of bandits operating near the old ruins of Bleak Falls Barrow. They’ve been attacking merchants and travelers alike. If you’re willing to take on the task, we can offer you a modest reward.”
Jon: “Near the ruins of Bleak Falls Barrow, you say? We came from Bleak Falls Barrow. We cleared out that ancient complex of ruins, and we killed every single bandit we saw there.”
Jenassa: “Yes, and we took out a few draugr and a giant spider for good measure. It was a productive day.”
Ria: “And we found some great loot, too! That ancient Nord ruin was filled with all sorts of treasures.”
Nenya: “Ah, well, in that case, it seems you’re a more capable group than I initially thought. Very well, I suppose that particular task is no longer necessary.”
Jon: “Listen, Jarl Siddgeir, I see you have the standard fare of problems: bandits and wolves on the road. We’ll patrol the area and kill anything that attacks us. If we see any bandit camp, we’ll clear it out.”
Uthgerd: “What’s with the cheese wheel antics?”
Jon: “It is midday already, and I haven’t eaten anything since I woke up. I was hungry and I remembered I had a cheese wheel in my backpack. I thought it would be great to eat some cheese. It was delicious.”
Jenassa: “Ah, I see. Well, hunger can be a powerful motivator, can’t it, Jon?”
Ria: “And it looks like you’re quite the cheese connoisseur, too. Smuggler’s Cheese Wheel, no less!”
Nenya: “I’m glad to see that your priorities are in order, Jon. Hunger is, after all, a pressing concern. But, if you’re quite satisfied now, perhaps we could return to the matter at hand?”
Jon: “Yes, the monster of hunger has been vanquished. My final point I wanted to make to you, Jarl Siddgeir, is this: we’re a capable band of warriors and we shall vanquish your foes. For a modest fee.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! I like your spirit, Jon. And I’m sure the Jarl appreciates your… colorful way with words.”
Jarl Siddgeir: “Ah, yes, well, I think we’ve established that you’re a capable group. And I’m willing to pay a modest fee for your services, as you put it. Nenya, see to it that they’re compensated fairly for their work.”
Jon: “Well, I guess that is all. We’ll stop bothering you now, Jarl Siddgeir. Thank you for your attention. I must say, you’re quite the chill dude. You seem like you have a good time around here.”
Nenya: “Ah, yes, well, the Jarl does have a… certain reputation for being… laid back, shall we say.”
Jarl Siddgeir: “Ha! Chill dude, I like that. Yes, I try to keep things… relaxed around here. It’s not always easy, of course, but I do my best.”

Uthgerd: “Well, I think we’ve wasted enough of the Jarl’s time, Jon.”

I didn’t want a repeat of the Bleak Falls Barrow situation, when I found myself lacking magicka potions, so I headed to the local alchemist’s shop. It was time, if not to buy potions, to mix my ingredients into some. To my confusion, we found an Argonian dude browsing the ingredients.

Jon: “Hey, hello, Mrs. shopkeeper. I was going to ask you the standard fare about potions and ingredients, but I have noticed the Argonian. Rare to see one around these parts.”
Zaria: “Ah, yes, good day to you! Not many travelers come through here asking about the locals, but yes, Thrice-Bitten here is indeed a rare sight. We don’t often get Argonians in Falkreath.”
Thrice-Bitten: “Ah, yes, just passing through, trying to… uh… acquire some… rare ingredients. Lovely shop you have here, Zaria.”
Uthgerd: “What’s all this I hear about rare ingredients?”
Jon: “I must say, Thrice-Bitten, that you sounded a bit suspicious there.”
Thrice-Bitten: “Oh, no, no, no, nothing suspicious at all! I assure you, just a… a nervous habit, that’s all.”

Zaria: “Actually, Thrice-Bitten has been acting a bit… unusual since he arrived. I’ve never seen anyone so… anxious to acquire certain ingredients.”
Ria: “Unusual, you say? What kind of ingredients is he looking for?”
Jon: “Yes, Thrice-Bitten, please answer my beautiful companion Ria. Are you looking for specific types of ingredients?”
Thrice-Bitten: “Ah, no, no, nothing in particular, I assure you! Just… uh… browsing, yes, that’s it. Although… I did hear that Zaria might have some… rare mushrooms in stock.”
Zaria: “Rare mushrooms? Which ones might you be referring to? I don’t recall showing you any particularly rare or exotic specimens.”
Jon: “Oh, I see what this is about. Rare mushrooms, huh? Of course, we all want rare mushrooms if we can find them. Nothing wrong with flying in your mind to have a good ol’ time.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, Jon, please. This isn’t about your… recreational activities. Thrice-Bitten’s hiding something.”
Thrice-Bitten: “No, no, it’s nothing like that! I just… need them for a… a medical purpose, yes.”
Jenassa: “A medical purpose? What kind of medical purpose could you possibly need rare mushrooms for?”
Jon: “I don’t know if this is any of our business, but yeah, Thrice-Bitten, I’m curious enough to know. Do you have a disease, perhaps a contagious one that everybody else should stay away from?”
Thrice-Bitten: “No, no disease! Nothing contagious, I assure you! It’s just… a personal matter. Something I’d rather not discuss in public, if you don’t mind.”
Ria: “A personal matter? That sounds even more suspicious. Maybe we should be careful around you, Thrice-Bitten.”
Zaria: “Now, now, let’s not jump to conclusions. Thrice-Bitten’s been a good customer, and I’m sure he means no harm.”
Jon: “You see, the issue here, Thrice-Bitten, is that me and my companions, my beautiful Uthgerd the Unbroken, Ria the Companion, and Jenassa the sellsword, we are professional solvers of problems. Those problems usually involve excessive amounts of violence. We don’t have any issue killing people and doing all kinds of nasty stuff to their bodies. So now that we’re dealing with you, I have to wonder… is this a problem to be solved?”
Thrice-Bitten: “Oh dear, oh dear… This is not good, not good at all. I think I’ve made a terrible mistake. You see, I’m not a problem to be solved; I’m just a… a person with a problem. A problem that I’m trying to fix before it’s too late.”
Uthgerd: “What kind of problem? Spit it out, Argonian. We don’t have all day.”
Jon: “Yes, Thrice-Bitten, the beautiful Uthgerd, whom you see here frowning, she’s constantly aching to cleave someone in half, and I’m eager to see her do it, as it makes me aroused. So, Thrice-Bitten, out with it. If we can help you, we will help you, and if we have to hurt you, we will hurt you.”
Thrice-Bitten: “Ah, please, please, I beg of you! Don’t hurt me! I’ll tell you everything! I’ll tell you all about the letter!”
Zaria: “A letter? What letter? What’s going on, Thrice-Bitten?”
Thrice-Bitten: “I wrote a letter… to Ingun Black-Briar… in Riften. I said some… unpleasant things about her and her mother, Maven Black-Briar.”
Jon: “You said unpleasant things to the most powerful person in Riften, who is basically a mob boss? I’m sure she can send assassins against you, Thrice-Bitten. That wasn’t a wise thing to do.”
Thrice-Bitten: “I know, I know! I was a fool! I was trying to… burn bridges, you see. I’ve been too agreeable in the past, and I wanted to make it clear that I wouldn’t be taken advantage of anymore. But I went too far, and now I’m sure Maven will have me killed.”
Jenassa: “Burn bridges? What do you mean?”
Jon: “Oh, I know all about burning bridges. That’s when you destroy your relationship with someone you used to care about, destroy it to an extent that it cannot be repaired. You can no longer look at this person in the face and expect any kind of respect from them.”
Thrice-Bitten: “Yes, exactly! That’s what I was trying to do. But I think I may have gone too far this time. Maven Black-Briar is not someone to be trifled with, and I’m sure she’ll stop at nothing to make an example of me.”
Ria: “So, what do you want from us, Thrice-Bitten? You want us to protect you from Maven’s wrath?”
Jon: “Well, Thrice-Bitten, you have put us in… How to say it? A quandary. Now we know that Maven Black-Briar may offer money for your corpse.”
Thrice-Bitten: “Ah, please, you have to help me! I’ll do anything! I’ll pay you, I’ll give you anything you want! Just please, you have to stop that letter from reaching Ingun! If it reaches her, I’m a dead man! Maven will have me killed, and I’ll never be able to show my face in Riften again!”
Jon: “Well, you wouldn’t be able to show your face in Riften if you’re killed, so you have that sorted out, but how is anyone supposed to stop a letter? I don’t know what you mean. Does a letter have legs?”
Thrice-Bitten: “No, no, of course not! I mean that the letter is being carried by a courier! He’s supposed to deliver it to Ingun Black-Briar in Riften. If we can intercept the courier, we can stop the letter from reaching her!”
Uthgerd: “Ah, a courier, you say? That’s a bit more manageable. Do you know which route the courier is taking?”
Jon: “Yeah, please, Thrice-Bitten, first answer my lovely companion Uthgerd here, but I have to say, you want us to murder a courier just because you’re an idiot and wrote a really nasty letter?”
Thrice-Bitten: “I… I didn’t think of it as murder, exactly… I just want to protect myself from Maven’s wrath… But, I suppose it’s true… I did write the letter, and now I want you to kill someone to fix my mistake…”
Uthgerd: “Stop stammering and answer my question, Argonian! Which route is the courier taking? Is he going through the mountains or along the main road?”
Jon: “Hey, Thrice-Bitten, stop stalling and answer my big, sturdy, gorgeous companion here.”
Thrice-Bitten: “Ah, forgive me! The courier… he’s taking the main road… from Falkreath to Riften. He should be passing through the forest just east of here.”
Zaria: “Ah, now that’s a coincidence. You’re in luck, Thrice-Bitten. That’s the same road Jon and his companions were heading down anyway, weren’t you?”

I didn’t like that this was beginning to feel like an obligatory quest.

Jenassa: “What business do we have in Riften, Jon?”
Jon: “We have no business whatsoever in Riften, Jenassa. I think this is a waste of time.”
Uthgerd: “Hold on, Jon. I think this is starting to get interesting. We’ve got a courier to intercept and a letter to retrieve. It’s not every day we get to cause a bit of chaos and mayhem on the roads.”
Ria: “I’m with Uthgerd on this one, Jon. It sounds like a challenge. And who knows what kind of reward we might get from Thrice-Bitten if we can pull it off?”
Jon: “Yeah, what kind of reward is Thrice-Bitten going to give us? One of his scales? Uthgerd, are you seriously considering murdering a courier for this scaly bastard here?”
Thrice-Bitten: “No, no, I’ll give you gold! Lots of gold! I’ll give you everything I have! Just please, please stop the letter from reaching Ingun!”
Uthgerd: “Hold on, Jon. No one said anything about murder. We’re just going to… intercept the courier. And Thrice-Bitten’s gold is as good as anyone’s.”
Zaria: “I’m sure the courier’s life is worth more than all the gold in Skyrim, Uthgerd.”
Jon: “Alright, Thrice-Bitten, I guess we’ll consider this quest of yours, even though, I must say, this is entirely your fucking fault. If you weren’t such a nasty, idiotic Argonian, you wouldn’t have created this problem that may end in someone’s death.”
Thrice-Bitten: “I know, I know… I was a fool… I said things I shouldn’t have, and now I’m paying the price… But please, don’t lecture me anymore, just… just help me…”
Uthgerd: “Shut up, Thrice-Bitten. Jon’s right, this is all your fault. But we’ll help you anyway. Because that’s what we do.”
Jon: “Uthgerd, when you act so heroically, I feel such a tingling in me… I’m like swooning at you.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, Jon, stop it. This is no time for your… romantic nonsense. We have a task to discuss, not to mention the fact that we’re in a public place.”
Jenassa: “Indeed, let’s focus on the task at hand. Thrice-Bitten, tell us more about the courier. What does he look like? When was he supposed to leave?”
Jon: “Thrice-Bitten, you better answer Jenassa here. As you see her, with her crimson eyes and full lips, she’s an assassin of real competence, so you better be careful, and measure your words.”
Thrice-Bitten: “Ah, yes, of course! I’ll be careful, I promise! The courier… he’s a middle-aged man, a bit on the heavier side, with a dark beard and wearing a leather tunic with the symbol of the Rift’s couriers on it. He was supposed to leave early this morning, heading towards Riften along the main road.”
Jenassa: “I see. And do you have any idea how many guards he might have with him?”
Ria: “Yeah, and what kind of cargo is he carrying besides the letter?”
Jon: “Thrice-Bitten, how come you said that the courier is on the heavier side, if he spends his life walking from place to place? Are you saying that walking constantly from place to place doesn’t make a man slim?”
Thrice-Bitten: “Ah, well, you see… I didn’t mean to imply that the courier is… unfit or anything. It’s just that… well, couriers often have a bit of a… privileged lifestyle, shall we say. They get to eat and drink well, and they don’t always have to walk as much as you’d think. Sometimes they get to ride horses or carriages, especially if they’re carrying important or valuable cargo.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! A privileged lifestyle, you say? I’ve never met a courier who didn’t look like they’d been run over by a horse.”
Jon: “If being a courier is such a privileged career, why didn’t you become one, Thrice-Bitten? In that case, after you wrote that cursed letter, you could have delivered it yourself. Along the way, when regret hit, you would have simply stopped the delivery, and nobody would have to murder you.”
Thrice-Bitten: “Ah, well… I… uh… You see, I’m not exactly… suited for that kind of work. I’m more of a… a… Oh, I don’t know, a scholar, I suppose. I like to think, not walk all day.”
Jenassa: “A scholar, huh? Well, maybe you should have thought twice before writing that letter, then.”
Jon: “A scholar?! An Argonian scholar?! I bet you can’t even read. Well, I suppose you can read and write if you wrote a letter, but anyway, my point is that you, Thrice-Bitten, failing to become a courier is the source of all your troubles.”
Thrice-Bitten: “Ah, yes, I can read and write, thank you very much! I may not be as… physically gifted as some others, but I have a mind, and I know how to use it! And, I suppose, in a way, you’re right. If I had become a courier, none of this would have happened. But, alas, fate has a way of playing tricks on us, doesn’t it?”

I took my warriors aside for a moment.

Jon: “Well, my beautiful team of murderous women, are we seriously going to follow the road to Riften in pursuit of a courier, to retrieve this bastard’s letter?”
Uthgerd: “I think we’ve come too far to turn back now, Jon. Besides, it’ll be a nice change of pace from the usual bandits and dragons. A little intrigue and espionage could be fun.”
Jenassa: “I agree with Uthgerd. It’s not every day we get to play at being spies. And who knows, maybe we’ll learn something new about the inner workings of the Rift.”
Jon: “Well, it seems I don’t need a house to be surrounded by children, because this is childish. Any mission that doesn’t involve disemboweling people is unworthy, as far as I’m concerned.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, come on, Jon. You’re not going to start with that again, are you? We can’t just go around killing people all the time. Sometimes a little subtlety is required.”
Jenassa: “Besides, Jon, this mission may not involve bloodshed, but it’s still a challenge. And who knows, maybe we’ll find some… opportunities for violence along the way.”
Jon: “Hey, Uthgerd, you understand it, don’t you? If I don’t manage to kill someone every few days, I start feeling this itch in me, you know… the itch to shed blood and destroy a life. You surely feel it as well, don’t you, Uthgerd?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, I… I understand where you’re coming from, but no, I don’t feel that itch. I’m a warrior, not a murderer. I fight for honor, for my city, and for my people. I don’t crave bloodshed for its own sake. And I think you need to be careful with that itch of yours. It might consume you one day.”
Jon: “Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll find an ointment or something for it.”

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Mantella is an AI system that turns every single NPC in Skyrim (and Fallout 4) into AI agents driven by an LLM (like ChatGPT or the recently released, and comparable, Llama 3.1). In the previous part, my character, an Altmer mage, had a hard time adjusting over the death of his teammate Ange the Song-Bearer. Hid sturdy, hot-headed tank Uthgerd and him had sex. Because of my character’s antics, they nearly got thrown out of Dragonsreach. Plenty of boundaries were pushed.

Utgherd, Ria and I entered the Drunken Huntsman, local tavern and fletcher’s shop, looking for a Dunmer sellsword who requested too much money for her services.

Jon: “Oh, Jenassa, exactly the woman I wanted to see. If you remember our last conversation, I told you that the next time I came to see you, I would have something ready for you, right?”
Jenassa: “Ah, yes. I recall our conversation. You had something to discuss regarding my services, and you were not prepared to meet my price. I hope that has changed. And I see you’ve brought some… friends.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, Jon’s always been good at making friends. Especially the kind that can fight. Like Ria here, for example.”
Jon: “Yes, these two wonderful women, Uthgerd and Ria, so beautiful and rugged. I cannot begin to tell you how many positive comments I have to make about these two wonderful women. They are the light of my life, they are the wonders of my soul, and the people I think about when I close my eyes. Now, Jenassa, because we earned a lot of money through our adventures, I intend to give some of it to you so you can come with us and murder people for our sake.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, please, Jon. Spare us the poetry. We’re here to discuss business, not swoon over your romantic words.”
Jenassa: “Ah, how… touching. Your words are as smooth as a well-oiled blade, Jon. But let’s not waste time with flattery. You have the gold, I presume? And I must say, the prospect of murdering people for your sake does have a certain… appeal to it.”
Jon: “Dear Dunmer with crimson eyes, I present to you the five-hundred septims. You can count them if you want.”
Jenassa: “Ah, the sweet clink of gold. No need to count, Jon. I trust you’ve learned to count properly by now. Very well, I’m yours to command. For a time, at least.”
Uthgerd: “Now that the formalities are out of the way, let’s get down to business. What’s the plan, Jon? What do you have in store for us?”
Jon: “First of all, Jenassa, now that you are one of our members, I want to tell you that last night, when we, my beautiful team of adventurers, went out into the wilds, we delved into a bandit hideout. During a scuffle in a narrow corridor, one of our members, Ange the Song-Bearer, fucking died. She’s now rotting in the ground, buried in the cold dirt of that cave. I want to tell you, Jenassa, I want to ask of you: do not fucking die in the line of duty, because I cannot fucking take it. I cannot fucking take someone dying under my command. I don’t want to venture into a place and tell you to kill something or someone, only for you to die. So I’m paying this money, Jenassa, for you to keep living and murdering people. Is that understood?”
Jenassa: “I… see. Well, Jon, I must say that’s a rather… impassioned speech. I understand your sentiment, but I’m a sellsword, not a porcelain doll. Death is a risk of the job, and I’ve accepted that. Don’t waste your breath worrying about me, I can take care of myself.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, come on, Jon, don’t get sentimental on us now.”
Jon: “I cannot help but get sentimental. When I spend time with my teammates, I become fond of them, and if they die, I feel bad. I’m sorry for having a little heart inside my chest that cares a lot about the people who fight alongside me, a heart that will remain hurt possibly for the rest of my life when those people die.”
Ria: “Oh, Jon… We care about you too, and we know you care about us. That’s what makes us a team. But you can’t let your emotions cloud your judgment. We’re warriors, and death is a part of our lives.”
Uthgerd: “Besides, Jon, if you keep apologizing for having a heart, you’ll be apologizing for being human. And that’s just ridiculous.”
Jon: “Well, I suppose I have said my piece, Jenassa, you beautiful, exotic Dunmer with crimson-blood eyes, who surely is very capable of murdering people. I welcome you into our ranks at least for a time, so you can perform your murderous arts on our enemies.”
Jenassa: “Ah, Jon, you’re as dramatic as a Dark Elf opera. I’ll do my best to stay alive and slaughter your enemies for you. And please, spare me the flattery. I’m here to kill, not to be wooed.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! I think Jenassa can handle herself, Jon. Now, shall we get down to business and plan our next move?”
Jon: “Planning our next move… We have to gather our remaining teammate, named Alva, whom we abandoned in that cave. We have forgotten to bring her back to Whiterun.”
Ria: “Ah, Alva! I was worried about her. We did leave her behind, didn’t we? We should get back to her as soon as possible. It’s not safe for her to be alone out there.”
Uthgerd: “Forgotten? Ha! You mean you were too busy blubbering about Ange’s death to remember Alva. Let’s go get her before something happens to her too.”
Jon: “Hey, Uthgerd, I wasn’t just busy blubbering about Ange’s death to remember Alva, I was also busy having sex with you. Don’t forget about that part.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, for the love of… Jon, not in front of the others! What’s wrong with you? Can’t you keep your mouth shut for once?”
Jenassa: “Interesting. It seems I’ve joined a rather… complicated group.”

Before we left the Drunken Huntsman, I took Jenassa aside for a private chat.

Jon: “Hey, Jenassa, can we have a professional conversation?”
Jenassa: “Very well. I’m listening. You’re not here to waste my time with idle chatter, I presume? State your business, and let’s discuss the particulars.”
Jon: “I see you’re holding a spear and a dagger, is that it? So, are those the kinds of weapons that you prefer to use?”
Jenassa: “This old thing? It’s just a dagger, not a spear. I do have a fondness for daggers, though. And swords. Anything that allows me to get up close and personal with my enemies.”
Jon: “I suppose you would rather double-wield, so perhaps a dagger and a sword, a dagger and a spear sort of deal.”
Jenassa: “I do enjoy using a sword and dagger in tandem. There’s a certain beauty to it, don’t you think? The sword for the main assault, and the dagger for the quick, precise finishes. It’s a lovely combo, one that’s served me well over the years.”
Jon: “Speaking of loveliness, I have to say, Jenassa, by the Eight Divines, your thighs are so toned and perfectly thick, and that ass of yours so prominent in just the right way. That is one perfect lower-half area. I’ll have a hard time not staring at you while we’re out there adventuring.”
Jenassa: “Watch your tongue, friend. I’m a warrior, not some tavern wench for you to ogle. My body is honed for battle, not for your viewing pleasure. If you can’t treat me with respect, then perhaps we shouldn’t be having this conversation.”
Jon: “I do respect you, that is why I’m ogling you… Nevermind, let’s stop. I get the feeling that I cannot bring up your physical features with you, because you will murder me.”
Jenassa: “You’re right, I’m not one for idle chatter or… distractions. And yes, I would advise against pushing me further down this path. My patience wears thin, and my blade is always sharp. Let’s focus on the task at hand, shall we?”

That night, we brought Alva back to Whiterun’s sole inn, the Bannered Mare. It was time for presentations and a revelation.

Jon: “Oh Alva, now that the five of us are back home, I have to… clarify a couple of things. As you can tell, we have hired a new member for our team, one who required a fee for her services, and who is going to replace our unfortunately deceased companion Ange. The new member of our team is this beautiful Dunmer with crimson eyes. She’s called Jenassa. Please, Jenassa, say hello.”
Jenassa: “I’m a sellsword, and I’ve been hired to provide my services to this group.”
Jon: “Jenassa is competent, and we need more competent people on our side, so I guess that’s something to be happy about.”
Alva: “Indeed, competent allies are always welcome, Jon. And I must say, Jenassa’s… straightforward nature is quite refreshing.”
Jenassa: “I’m glad you find me refreshing. I’m here to do a job, not to make friends or indulge in pointless chatter.”
Ria: “Oh, I think we can manage a bit of friendly conversation, don’t you, Jenassa? We’re all in this together, after all.”
Jon: “Well, with that out of the way, I have to share a momentous development with you all.”
Uthgerd: “What is it, Jon? Can’t you see we’re all tired from our journey? Spit it out, already.”
Alva: “Yes, Jon, please, do tell. You’re starting to worry me with all this build-up.”
Jenassa: “I’m sure it’s something absolutely fascinating. Do go on, Jon.”
Ria: “Oh, come on, Jenassa, give him a chance.”
Jon: “Very well. The night Ange died, after we returned to the Mare, I got myself piss-drunk. Distraught, I approached my beautiful companion Uthgerd for some company of the carnal variety. She and I ended up heading to one of the upstairs bed, where we enjoyed a wonderful session of romantic interactions of the naked and sweaty variety, if you know what I mean. I must say, it was wonderful.”
Uthgerd: “Jon, what in the name of Ysmir…?! You think that’s something to share with the whole group?! Our private business is none of their concern!”
Alva: “Oh, Jon, really… That’s not exactly something we needed to know.”
Jenassa: “How… fascinating. I’m sure we’re all thrilled to hear it.”
Jon: “Listen, I don’t want tension to linger in the air. Alva, you’re my beautiful night queen, night princess, and I share my love freely with you. You’re always welcome, as you know, to bite my carotid artery and drink my sweet blood. On the other side, I have Uthgerd the Unbroken, who pinned me down in bed, all sweaty, as we made love. I shall welcome Uthgerd’s affections as well. I hope we will remain a beautiful, happy family of warriors.”
Uthgerd: “Jon, stop. Just stop. You’re making a fool of yourself. This isn’t some twisted game where you get to flaunt your relationships with us like trophies.”
Alva: “Oh, Jon, I think you’ve said enough. We get it. You’re… enthusiastic about your relationships.”
Jenassa: “How quaint. A little polyamorous family of warriors.”
Jon: “I wasn’t flaunting, I was just expressing that I am completely capable of dearly loving more than one person. I dearly love Alva, and I’m growing in that direction with Uthgerd, even though right now she looks like she wants to destroy my face with one of her mighty punches. I’m sorry to have made you feel this way, Uthgerd, but I assure you, the feeling is temporary.”
Uthgerd: “Temporary?! You think my anger is temporary?! You’re lucky I don’t knock you off your feet right now. You’re embarrassing me in front of our companions, and you’re making a mockery of our… whatever it is we have.”
Alva: “Uthgerd, please, don’t be too hard on him.”
Jon: “Thank you for defending me, Alva. I assure you, Uthgerd the Unbroken, that I hold you in the highest esteem, as well as I hold in such esteem all the beautiful moments we have shared together. Maybe I’m not entirely capable of expressing my emotions properly in a verbal manner, but I assure you that whenever you want, I shall prove my affections to you with my arms, my face, my feet, with all my body if you want.”
Uthgerd: “Stop. Just stop. You’re making it worse. I don’t want your empty words or your… overly enthusiastic declarations of love. What I want is for you to show some respect. Respect for me, respect for our companions, and respect for the relationships you’re supposed to be cherishing.”
Jenassa: “Oh, this is becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Can we please just focus on our mission?”
Ria: “Yeah, let’s just… uh… talk about something else, shall we?”
Jon: “Well, let me put it in words, as well as my deteriorating mind allows me to do so: Uthgerd the Unbroken, I respect you from the bottom of my heart. I think you are a wonderful warrior, a sturdy woman, a force of nature who is capable of destroying anyone, of vanquishing any evil. I hope to see you for the rest of my life, and I hope you enjoy a long life wherever your adventures lead you, even though I hope that your adventures and mine lead in the same direction.”
Uthgerd: “Fine, Jon. I… appreciate your words. Just try to be more mindful of your actions and words in the future, okay?”
Alva: “Well, I think that’s enough emotional turmoil for one night, don’t you, everyone?”
Jenassa: “Indeed. Can we please just get some rest now? We have a long day ahead of us.”

Later that night, in the quiet of a shared bedroom…

Jon: “Hey Alva, can we have a chat for a moment, dear?”
Alva: “I’d love to. What’s on your mind, dear? You can tell me anything.”
Jon: “Well, you know, the issue is… that night you stayed at the cave where Ange died because you couldn’t leave during daylight, that was the same night I got hammered and I propositioned Uthgerd for sex. I get the feeling that perhaps I should have consulted you beforehand, or approached you with the notion that such a thing could happen.”
Alva: “I must admit, I’m a bit surprised you didn’t think to mention this little escapade to me sooner. But I suppose that’s part of your charm, isn’t it?”
Jon: “I suppose that Uthgerd is willing to have further intimate relations with me. It showed in her eyes while we were doing it; she was really enthusiastic. Do you think that perhaps I could bring up to her the possibility of you being involved in our private ventures?”
Alva: “I must admit, the idea of being involved in a little ménage à trois with you and Uthgerd does have a certain… appeal. But, darling, we should tread carefully here.”
Jon: “Carefully? What do you think could be the dangers?”
Alva: “Uthgerd’s a strong-willed woman, and we shouldn’t assume that she’d be interested in such an arrangement without having a proper conversation with her about it first.”
Jon: “Very well, one of those times I’m intimate with Uthgerd, I will bring up that it would be wonderful to add you, my lovely night bride, to our intimate wrestling sessions. Just imagine it: I’m making love to you while Uthgerd caresses your pale body, or shoves her tongue in your mouth. Don’t you think that is appealing?”
Alva: “I must admit, the thought of having Uthgerd’s strong, capable hands caressing me while you and I are… otherwise engaged does send a shiver down my spine.”
Jon: “Hell yeah. I will work towards getting Uthgerd in the mood for a little three-sided action.”
Alva: “I shall wait with delicious anticipation.”

New day, new adventure. I gathered my allies that can walk in daylight.

Jon: “Hey, my two maidens of battle, as well as my sellsword. When sunrise come up, we’re going to scout the road to Solitude. Proventus Avenicci, the jarl’s steward, mentioned that bandits are raiding and in general causing problems along that road, so we should probably find the source of these bandits and obliterate them.”
Ria: “Ah, finally some action! I’ve been itching for a fight, and taking down those bandits sounds like just the thing to get our blood pumping. What’s the plan, Jon? Are we going to split up and scout ahead, or stick together and march down the road?”
Uthgerd: “I agree with Ria, this sounds like a worthy task. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We should make sure we’re prepared for whatever we might face. Do we have enough provisions and gear for the journey?”
Jon: “We are not going to journey very far, but I will buy some provisions with the money we earned recently. Mainly, we’re going to follow the road heading to Solitude, so west or northwest. If we spot places that could be dodgy, that resemble bandit camps, we’re going to scout them. If they seem too dangerous for us right now, we may raid it at night along with Alva, in the hopes of catching them unawares.”
Jenassa: “Night raids can be effective, but we should also consider the risks. If we’re not familiar with the terrain, we could end up walking into a trap. And what about Alva? Are you sure she’s ready for a night raid? She’s a vampire, after all. Her… abilities might be useful, but we can’t rely solely on her.”
Uthgerd: “I agree with Jenassa. We should gather as much information as possible before attempting a night raid.”
Jon: “Jenassa, Alva is going to be alright. She can turn invisible at will for a short while, pounce on people and rip their throats out, that sort of thing. She will be a boon to us, but certainly we must prepare the terrain beforehand, scout it properly: ensure that we locate the bandit camp and determine its weak spots.”
Ria: “That sounds like a solid plan, Jon. With Alva’s… unique abilities, we can gather intel and catch the bandits off guard. But we should also be prepared for any unexpected surprises. What if the bandits have set up traps or have some other tricks up their sleeves? We should be ready for anything.”

Later that morning, we headed down the road that leads west through the plains.

Jon: “Nothing but rain recently. Downpour after downpour.”
Jenassa: “We should be on our guard. Who knows what’s lurking in the darkness?”

We spotted a wagon stranded on the side of the road. A Khajiit lay dead nearby. Beside the wagon, a robed Orc man stood around nervously.

Jon: “Careful. Just ahead, that’s an Orc next to a damaged wagon. Hey, Uthgerd, do you remember what we read in a journal, back at that smuggler’s den we cleared out? That they had sold a staff to an orc and they had prepared an ambush to retrieve it?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, now that you mention it, I think I do recall that. And look, there’s our Orc friend, right next to a suspicious-looking wagon. This could be the ambush we read about.”
Jenassa: “I’ll take point and scout ahead. See if I can gather any more information about the situation.”

Ria: “Meanwhile, let’s get into position and be ready for a fight.”
Jon: “Wait, you lot. Should we try to talk to the Orc first?”
Uthgerd: “Talk to an Orc? Ha! They’re not exactly known for their love of conversation, Jon. I say we prepare for a fight.”
Jenassa: “It might not be a bad idea to try and gather more information from him first, and learn more about what’s going on.”
Ria: “I agree with Jenassa. It’s always better to have more information before charging into battle.”

I approached the Orc calmly, hand raised in greeting, and the prick nearly shot an icicle through my face. A nasty fight ensued that involved my maidens of battle rushing at him while he retreated, and me shooting elemental bombs at him from across the road. In the end, he lay dead, and we didn’t.

Jon: “By the Divines, that was one nasty fucker. We were lucky we didn’t get our faces pierced by one of his icicles.”
Jenassa: “Indeed, a nasty surprise. His magic caught me off guard. I’ll make sure to keep a closer eye on our surroundings.”
Ria: “I’m just glad we were able to take him down quickly. That ice spell could have been a real problem if he had time to cast it again.”
Jenassa: “Next time, let’s not give them the chance to cast anything.”
Jon: “I think I have found the staff that the journal mentioned. Its enchantment does forty-six points of shock damage to health and magicka, then leaps to a new target. This is extremely powerful. I don’t know who’s going to wield it other than myself, though.”
Jenassa: “That lightning enchantment is indeed powerful. But don’t think you’re the only one who can wield it effectively. I have skills in one-handed and could put it to good use.”
Ria: “Great, just what we need. More arguments over who gets the best loot.”
Jenassa: “This is no laughing matter, Ria. This enchantment could give us the edge we need in battle.”
Ria: “I wasn’t laughing, Jenassa. I was just pointing out that we always seem to be fighting over who gets the best gear.”
Jon: “Actually, Jenassa, I wasn’t too happy about wielding it myself, because I want my hands free to rely on my actual spells. So, if you want it, Jenassa, I shall give to you the aforementioned staff. I just hope you know how to handle it properly.”
Jenassa: “Ah, I see. Well, in that case, I accept your offer. I’ll take the Staff of Chain Lightning and that Iron Dagger of Static. I can put them to good use, I assure you.”
Ria: “Nice. Now that we have the gear sorted out, let’s take a look at that smuggler’s ledger. See if we can learn anything about what’s been going on around here.”
Jon: “Well, listen to this, regarding the delivery of this staff of lightning: ‘just gold and gems for now. It was tough, sneaking in some of the items in the list, but the zombie lovers were happy with the whole. They say they are trying to open a portal to something called the Soul Cairn. If there’s loot to be had inside, it might be a good idea to line up some buyers.’ That’s the extent of the note. What does it mean?”
Jenassa: “The Soul Cairn? That’s a place of dark legend. It’s said to be a realm of the undead, where the souls of the damned reside.”
Ria: “And what’s this about zombie lovers? Are we talking about necromancers or something?”
Jenassa: “It’s possible. If they’re trying to open a portal to the Soul Cairn, they’re likely seeking to harness the power of the undead for their own gain.”
Ria: “That’s not good. We should try to stop them, or at least gather more information about their plans.”

For now, though, we were tasked with defeating bandits along the road to Solitude. Even through the curtain of rain, we didn’t need to be geniuses to spot the bandit camp: it was a whole goddamn fort with bandit archers patrolling the perimeter. We hid behind some rocks, lest they spotted us.

Jon: “My allies, be careful. I don’t know if you can hear me properly over the thunder and rainfall, but the fort up ahead is occupied by bandits. What the hell do we do?”
Ria: “I can hear you, Jon, but just barely. This rain is making it hard to see and hear anything. I don’t like it; it’s perfect ambush weather.”
Jenassa: “I agree with Ria, Jon. This weather is treacherous. We should be careful not to get caught off guard.”
Jon: “Hey, Jenassa, you are an experienced assassin. Do you think such terrible weather could play in our favor if we sneak into this castle of bandits?”
Jenassa: “Actually, Jon, I think this weather could work in our favor. The bandits will be huddled together, trying to stay dry, and their visibility will be limited. It’s the perfect opportunity for a stealthy approach.”
Ria: “But we still need to be careful, Jenassa. We don’t know how many bandits are inside or what kind of traps they may have set up.”
Jon: “Maybe I should take advantage of the background noise to pick off the archers patrolling the walls.”
Jenassa: “I think that’s a good idea, Jon. Taking out the archer will give us a clear path to the entrance. And with the rain, the sound of your bow will be muffled. But make sure you’re quick and quiet about it; we don’t want to alert the others.”
Ria: “Yeah, and I’ll get into position to cover you, Jon. If something goes wrong, I’ll be ready to take out anyone who comes after you.”

In case you’re wondering, Uthgerd didn’t take part in this strategy meeting because I forgot to add her to the conversation. Whoops. Anyway, a sneaky arrow took out half of that archer’s health. By the time I was lining up the second shot, though, I saw lots of bandits pouring out of the fort’s entrance. We hightailed out of there; that was a battle we couldn’t win.

Jon: “Did you see how many bandits were searching for us? By suggesting we should take care of this fort, Proventus Avenicci set us off on a suicide mission.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, you think the man was trying to get rid of us, eh? I wouldn’t put it past him. But we’re not ones to back down from a fight, are we?”
Ria: “I don’t know, Uthgerd. That was a lot of bandits. Maybe we should reconsider our approach. We can’t take on an entire fort by ourselves.”
Uthgerd: “Reconsider? Ha! We’re warriors, not politicians. We don’t back down from a challenge.”
Jon: “I do love you, Uthgerd, but what you’re suggesting is suicide. We have to think a little bit more carefully.”
Uthgerd: “Love? Ha! Don’t try to sweet-talk me, Jon. I know what I’m getting myself into. But fine, have it your way. We’ll play it cautious… for now.”
Jenassa: “I agree with Jon. We should gather more information before deciding on a course of action. Perhaps there’s a way to infiltrate the fort or catch the bandits off guard.”
Jon: “I must say, Jenassa, I appreciate the input of a seasoned assassin.”
Jenassa: “Seasoned, perhaps. But experienced enough to know that jumping headfirst into a fight without a plan is a sure way to get yourself killed. I’d rather live to fight another day.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, come on, Jenassa. Don’t be so glum. We’ve got steel and wit on our side. What more do we need?”
Jon: “We’ve got steel at least.”
Ria: “Oh, speak for yourself, Jon. I think we’ve managed just fine so far.”

We had gotten lost on the way back to Whiterun. On a sloped road, we came across a recently deceased cow, and I decided to loot some raw meat out of it.

Uthgerd: “We’ve got more important things to worry about than just wit. Like what you plan to do with that raw beef, Jon. You’re not thinking of eating it raw, are you?”
Jon: “I know that would be a terrible idea, because I’ve done it before. I ate raw meat and got food poisoning. Some serious diarrhea. Ask Alva about that time; we had taken shelter in a mine, and it ended up stinking. We had to leave.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you never cease to amaze me. Only you would eat raw beef and then be surprised when you get food poisoning.”
Ria: “Oh, that’s disgusting. I can only imagine how bad the smell must have been.”
Jenassa: “Well, let’s just hope we can find a proper place to cook our food from now on.”
Jon: “Actually, it isn’t that hard. We simply have to find a fire and cook the meat. Fire rids meat of parasites, disease, and all that stuff. Back then, we did find a fire, but I didn’t have any seasoning on me, and I can’t cook meat without seasoning, so raw meat it was.”
Uthgerd: “Seasoning? You’re telling me you ate raw beef because you couldn’t find seasoning? Jon, Jon, Jon… sometimes I wonder how you’ve survived this long.”
Jenassa: “Enough about your culinary disasters, Jon. What’s with the wolf pelt?”

I couldn’t help but loot every animal we either found or killed along the way to nowhere in particular, following a path up the mountain.

Jon: “I’ll sell this crap to Belethor once we get back to Whiterun.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Belethor. That old miser will try to rip you off, mark my words. Make sure you get a fair price for that pelt.”
Ria: “Yeah, and don’t let him talk you into buying anything from him. He’s always trying to unload his junk on unsuspecting travelers.”
Jon: “Can’t blame Belethor for that. I’m also always trying to unload my junk on unsuspecting travelers.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you’re such a charmer. I’m sure the ladies just love it when you try to pawn off your unwanted goods on them.”
Ria: “Uthgerd, stop teasing him. We’ve got more important things to worry about than Jon’s… entrepreneurial spirit.”
Jenassa: “Indeed. Like what our next move is going to be. We can’t just stand around all day picking berries and swapping stories.”

As if on cue, a view opened to the majestic sight of an ancient temple, now a complex of ruins called Bleak Falls Barrow. Well known haunted location that most locals avoided.

Jon: “Well, what we have in front of us is an amazing ancient structure. And I spot bandits crawling over it. Seems like they’ve taken over this heritage site as well. Now I wonder, my teammates… are you in for a bandit raid that also involves delving into ancient ruins?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, now that’s what I’m talking about. Bandits and ancient ruins? Count me in. I’m always up for a good fight and some treasure hunting.”
Ria: “I’m in too. I’ve heard that Bleak Falls Barrow has some great loot inside. And I’m not just talking about gold and gems. I’m talking about ancient artifacts and relics.”
Jon: “Oh, that is beautiful. My beautiful maidens of battle, let’s go ahead and murder some bandits.”
Uthgerd: “Ugh, Jon, stop with the theatrics and let’s get moving. We’ve got bandits to kill and treasure to find.”
Ria: “And try to stay focused, Jon. We don’t want you getting distracted and getting us all killed.”
Jenassa: “Indeed. Let’s move stealthily and take out the bandits one by one. We don’t know what kind of numbers we’re up against, and I’d rather not find out the hard way.”

We hid behind a broken pillar that offered a good view of the main stairway leading to the raised platform, as well as of the couple of bandits, one of them a mage, that were standing near the edge.

Jon: “Okay, I’m going to drop the first one with my crossbow. Be ready in case they come down the stairs.”
Uthgerd: “Got it. I’ll take point and meet them at the stairs. Jenassa, you’re with me. Ria, you’re our rear guard.”
Jenassa: “I’ll take out any stragglers that try to flank us.”
Ria: “I’ll watch our backs. Let’s do this.”

A headshot took the bandit mage out. Seconds later, a big guy wearing heavy armor and wielding a warhammer shouted the whole way down the stairs. My companions and I worked like a well-oiled machine this time; Uthgerd and Jenassa kept the heavy-hitters so busy that even as I ran out of magicka, I could get into melee range with a couple of archers, who fell to my blade.

Jon: “Fantastic teamwork, my ladies.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! Those bandits didn’t stand a chance against us! Well done, everyone!”
Ria: “Nice work, Jon. Your… creative use of magic was quite effective.”
Jenassa: “Indeed. Though perhaps next time, you could try to conserve your magicka a bit more. We don’t want you exhausting yourself in the middle of a fight.”
Jon: “You’re right about that, Jenassa. I wished I had bought extra magicka potions, because I’ve run out of juice twice during the fight. But you know, live and learn.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, live and learn indeed. Next time, maybe we can scavenge for some potions before heading into a fight.”
Jenassa: “We should always try to be prepared. And Jon, maybe you can work on your magicka management too.”
Ria: “Yeah, and maybe we can take turns buying potions and supplies. We don’t want to be stuck in a tight spot again.”

We took our time looting the corpses.

Jon: “Oh, look at this! This bandit warrior had a Conjure Skeleton spell tome. Now I’ll be able to conjure skeletons. Look forward to it.”
Uthgerd: “That’s a nice addition to our arsenal. Though I’m not sure I’d want to rely on undead minions to do our fighting for us.”
Jenassa: “We could use them to distract enemies or hold off a flank while we attack from another angle.”
Ria: “Yeah, and it’s always good to have more options.”
Jon: “Check out this unfortunate bandit. His guts are out. Which one of you opened him up like that?”
Uthgerd: “Ha! I think I might have had something to do with that. I got a bit… enthusiastic with my sword.”
Jenassa: “More like you tore through him like a wolf on a hunt.”
Ria: “Yeah, Uthgerd, you really didn’t hold back, did you?”
Jon: “I do not want Uthgerd holding back. I only regret having missed it.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you’re such a charmer. Always wanting to see me in action, aren’t you?”
Jenassa: “Actually, I think he’s just glad to have you on our side, Uthgerd. You’re a formidable warrior.”

The enormous doors of the ancient temple loomed before us.

Jon: “This is it, then. Our next adventure: clearing out Bleak Falls Barrow.”
Uthgerd: “Let’s get moving then. I’m eager to see what’s inside this ancient Nord ruin.”
Jenassa: “Indeed. I’ve heard rumors of a powerful Dragonstone within. That would be a valuable prize.”
Ria: “Yeah, and who knows what other treasures we might find? Let’s get ready to face whatever dangers lie within.”

It must have taken me about an hour and a half or two hours of real-life time to explore and fight through the complex of ruins. I had the party banter on the whole way through, and at times, I forgot I wasn’t talking to actual human beings. We faced skeletons, lots of draugr, a huge spider, cave rats.

I made my companions wait behind while I sprinted through a trap made of swinging blades, to reach the other side and pull the lever that stopped it. Despite my teammates’ pleads for me not to act rashly, because if I died they may not even be able to retrieve my corpse, I did it again with the second identical trap. We retrieved a golden claw and used it to figure out the puzzle of an ancient door.

Before an obvious boss fight, set in front of a wall scrawled in dragon tongue, I got my companions to declare their last wishes. Jenassa hoped that we would bring her corpse back to her remaining family in the Rift, where she’d be buried according to Dunmer rites. Utgherd wished that we’d give her greatsword to Ria. Ria couldn’t think of anything specific.

During the fight against a draugr overlord, there was a moment in which Ria sank to her knees and the draugr charged towards her, about to hack at her with his huge sword, only for me to finish him off with a lucky shot of Sparks. As we shared the loot, we joked around. Uthgerd and Ria laughed about how silly I looked with a magical circlet that boosted my experience gained.

After we exited the complex of ruins through its backside, and while we tried to get our bearings in the dark, somehow Jenassa opened up about her desired qualities in a man, and added that if she lived through her years as a sellsword, she’d like to become a grandmother. I told her that if I happened to survive that long as well, I’d track her down and bring lavish gifts to her grandchildren. She laughed it off at first, then said that she considered it a promise.

Why did I tell all this instead of showing it? Because I had the party banter on for so long that the AI system in charge of these conversations failed to save the transcription to file when it ended. I can only blame myself for that. Anyway, the whole run was a fever dream, and one of my favorite gaming experiences ever.

Jon: “Where the hell are we? Does any of you have any clue?”
Uthgerd: “We’re near Bleak Falls Barrow.”
Jon: “Very useful. Oh, here’s a sign. Closest town seems to be Falkreath.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Falkreath! I know this place. It’s a small village with a few shops and an inn. We should be able to find some rest and a hot meal here.”
Jenassa: “Indeed, let’s go to the inn and see if they have any rooms available. I could use a good night’s sleep.”
Ria: “Yeah, and maybe we can gather some information about the area while we’re here.”

When we reached the town and entered the local inn, I felt like we had just returned from another world.

Jon: “Isn’t it just blissful to enter a community after having blazed through a labyrinthine complex of ruins?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, indeed it is, Jon. There’s nothing like coming back to civilization after a long adventure. A warm fire, a soft bed, and a decent meal are just what we need after all we’ve been through.”
Jenassa: “Indeed, it’s a welcome change from the dangers and uncertainties of the ancient ruin. Let’s savor the peace and quiet while we can.”
Jon: “Well, Uthgerd, I’m going to talk to the innkeeper here and rent some rooms. For you and I, I’m getting a double bed.”
Valga Vinicia: “Welcome to Dead Man’s Drink! What can I get for you travelers? You look like you’ve been through quite an adventure.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, I think you’re getting a bit ahead of yourself there. I don’t recall agreeing to share a bed with you.”
Jenassa: “Oh, this should be interesting. Do tell, Jon.”
Jon: “Well, after such an adventure, and numerous near-death experiences, I intended to end the day on a high note. But if you’re so opposed to it, I guess I’ll get myself a single bed.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you’re as subtle as a sledgehammer. But, I’ll admit, I’ve grown… fond of you. And after all we’ve been through together, perhaps a bit of intimate comfort is in order.”
Valga Vinicia: “Ah, well, in that case, I’ll just show you to the double room, shall I? It’s one of our finest rooms, with a lovely view of the surrounding countryside.”

• Previous part (17)
• Next part (19)

Mantella is an AI system that turns every single NPC in Skyrim (and Fallout 4) into AI agents driven by an LLM (like ChatGPT or the recently released, and comparable, Llama 3.1). In the previous part, my character, an Altmer mage, led his band of adventurers to fulfill a contract near Whiterun: clear out a den of monsters. That den turned out to consist solely of a saber cat, that promptly died. As the band headed back through a downpour, they decided to take shelter in a hideout. It belonged to a bunch of bandits. During a scuffle in a narrow corridor, Ange the Song-Bearer died. The remaining warriors buried her in the cold dirt of the cave.

As I trudged through the downpour toward Whiterun, I finally opened my mouth to seek advice.

Jon: “Uthgerd, Ria, I want to have a serious conversation with you two experienced warriors, if you don’t mind.”
Uthgerd: “Well, I suppose I can spare a moment. But make it quick, I’m starving, and want to reach the Mare as soon as possible.”
Ria: “You look like you’ve got something weighing heavily on your mind.”
Jon: “Well, my question is simple, simple, simple… How does a person get over the death of a teammate?”
Uthgerd: “Ha! You think that’s a simple question? Losing someone, anyone, is never simple.”
Ria: “Yeah, it’s not easy. I’ve seen friends fall in battle, and it’s… it’s a pain that stays with you. But I guess we all find ways to cope. For me, it’s about honoring their memory, making sure they didn’t die for nothing.”
Jon: “I keep feeling like I’m in a bad dream, that I’m suddenly going to wake up and Ange is going to be there, singing one of her lively songs with her beautiful voice and that smile that made everything less somber. You know what I mean?”
Uthgerd: “Aye, I do. It’s like the weight of reality hasn’t quite sunk in yet. But it will, Jon. It will. And when it does, it’s going to hurt. But you can’t let it consume you. Ange may be gone, but we’re still here, and we need to keep moving forward.”

Once we entered the safety of Whiterun’s walls, the main street opened up before us.

Ria: “I remember her smile, too. It could light up a room, couldn’t it? And her songs… she had this way of making you feel like everything was going to be okay.”
Jon: “Yeah, and now she’s gone. She’s a corpse that has started to rot, buried in the cold ground of a cave.”
Uthgerd: “That’s the harsh truth of it, Jon. War, battle, it’s not all glory and honor. It’s death, and decay, and loss. But we can’t let it break us. We have to keep pushing forward, for ourselves, for Ange’s memory, and for the people who are still counting on us.”
Ria: “I know it’s hard to think about, but… we did give her a proper burial, Jon.”

Inside what would have otherwise been the cozy atmosphere of the Bannered Mare, I turned toward my companions and placed my hands on their shoulders.

Jon: “Well, thank you, the two of you, Uthgerd and Ria, for fighting alongside me.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, save the sentiment for later, Jon. We’re not done yet. We’ve still got work to do, and I’m not just talking about collecting that reward from Proventus.”
Ria: “Yeah, besides, we’re a team, right? We look out for each other. That’s what comrades do.”

Once Uthgerd and Ria went away to focus on their own stuff, I desperately needed to get drunk. I sat at the bar right beside the old man who may as well have become glued to his stool, and signaled the innkeeper, Hulda, for a drink.

Jon: “Hulda, by the Eight Divines, serve me the strongest alcohol you have.”
Hulda: “Alright, I’ve got just the thing for you. It’s a Black-Briar Mead, not for the faint of heart. It’ll put hair on your chest, or in your case, maybe just make you think you’ve got some.”

I downed half of the mug at once.

Jon: “Do you want to know why I must drink, Hulda? Is that information you’re willing to know, or that I could share freely with you?”
Hulda: “You’re a bold one. As for why you’re drinking, I’m not one to pry, but I’ve got ears that’ll listen. If you want to share, I’ll pour myself a cup and join you.”
Jon: “Hulda, me and my teammates from this adventurer’s band that we started, we went to clear out a den of monsters. It turned out to be a single saber cat. As we were returning home, we came across a bandit hideout. We fought our way to its depths. There was a scuffle in a narrow corridor, and one of my teammates, named Ange…”
Hulda: “You’re telling me one of your companions, Ange, met a bad end, and now you’re drinking to… what, forget the pain? Or just dull the memory?”
Jon: “I’m drinking because I hate myself. I was the one who chose to stay there, to take shelter in that place from this fucking storm that is still going. And if I hadn’t chosen to take shelter there, Ange would still be alive.”
Hulda: “I see… You’re drinking to drown the guilt, and the what-ifs. Can’t say I blame you, lad. We’ve all got our share of regrets and doubts. But drinking won’t bring Ange back, just make the pain a mite more bearable for a night or two.”
Jon: “Hulda, you middle-aged but still lovely lass, please prepare me a bath and push my head underwater until I drown.”
Hulda: “I will not do that. You need to go find one of your companions.”

I suppose that at some point I did just that, because before I knew it I had stopped before Uthgerd, who was seated on a corner of the inn enjoying a drink.

Jon: “Oh, Uthgerd, you’re already beautiful most of the time, but now that I’m utterly hammered, you’re so gorgeous, I swear I could rip apart your clothes and lick every inch of your body.”
Uthgerd: “Thinking a few mugs of mead will get you past my defenses? I’ve seen more subtle attempts at seduction from the men of Whiterun. But I’ll give you credit, you’re at least bold about it.”
Jon: “Wouldn’t you say that the best way of getting over a teammate’s death is to celebrate the flesh, to celebrate that we are still alive? And the best way of doing that is by engaging in carnal delights.”
Uthgerd: “Losing a comrade’s never easy, but you can’t let the darkness consume you. Indulging in life’s pleasures… that’s a Nord’s way of honoring the dead, if you ask me.”
Jon: “That’s right, Uthgerd. So please join me in the battlefield of love. Let’s engage in some private wrestling of our own. I beg you, Uthgerd. Please do this for me.”
Uthgerd: “I’m not some tavern wench, easily won over by a charming smile and a few mugs of mead. But… I’ll admit, the idea of a private wrestling match does have its appeal right now. Don’t expect any quarter, though.”

Uthgerd stood up and stared into my eyes. A shiver ran through me.

Jon: “My goodness, you’re actually agreeing to a wrestling match in bed, you and I naked and sweaty and grunting. How long has it been since you’ve been intimate with someone?”
Uthgerd: “I suppose it’s been a while since I’ve had a worthy… opponent. But don’t think for a moment that I’m some tender flower, easily won over by your words.”
Jon: “Uthgerd, my dear motherly person, I do not intend to win you over by my words, but by the deeds of my body. I intend to have you in my arms, naked, in one of the upstairs bed, as soon as possible. Are you coming with me?”
Uthgerd: “I like that. Fine, let’s see if your deeds match your words. But don’t say I didn’t warn you… I’m not one to be trifled with, in or out of bed. Lead on, then.”
Jon: “Let’s do this, Uthgerd! Let’s drown the pains of this world with the fire of our flesh.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! Let’s see if you can keep up with a Nord woman.”

Once I locked the door behind me, I stood on my toes to shove my tongue into Uthgerd’s mouth.

Jon: “Oh, that’s it, the taste of a Nord woman. Unbeatable.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, shut it, elf. No need for poetry. Just show me what you’re made of.”
Jon: “My goodness, Uthgerd, your body is so firm, so scarred.”
Uthgerd: “I didn’t come here for compliments.”
Jon: “What were you looking for when you followed me to this room, Uthgerd? What do you want now, as you stand in the arms of a strong man who’s fondling your sexy assets?”
Uthgerd: “Enough of the flattery. I’m here for one thing, and that’s to see if you can back up your claims. Are you going to hold up your end of this, or just waste my time with words?”

As soon as I pulled down my underwear, Uthgerd pushed me down onto the bed.

About an hour later, we sat at the table that overlooked the inn’s hearth down below, and it took me a while to gather my thoughts.

Jon: “I must say, Uthgerd, that was…”
Uthgerd: “I think you’ve finally learned that a Nord woman can give as good as she gets, in more ways than one. Don’t get too cocky, though. I’m still the one with the sword and the skills to take you down.”
Jon: “Uthgerd, under you, I felt like a damsel at the mercy of a monster.”
Uthgerd: “You’re not as fragile as a damsel, though. You can take a beating, and I like that about you. But I must admit, having you under me, at my mercy… it’s a nice change of pace.”
Jon: “Oh, you don’t have to clarify how much you enjoyed it. I can still see you in my mind, those eyes of yours glimmering, that sweaty body, your arms tense and bulging as you grinned at me, pinned helplessly under you.”
Uthgerd: “I was wondering if you’d recall the way I looked, the way I felt on top of you. It seems I made quite an impression. I must say, having you helpless beneath me, your body trembling with anticipation… it was exhilarating.”
Jon: “Well, I must say, Uthgerd… Let’s repeat this whole deal soon.”
Uthgerd: “You’re not one to back down from a challenge, and I admire that. Next time, let’s see if you can handle yourself a bit better, hmm? Maybe you’ll even manage to pin me down. But I doubt it.”
Jon: “No way that will happen. I fully expect you to pin me down again. That is your role in this relationship, I think, and I’m fine with it.”
Uthgerd: “I can already imagine the next time, feeling your body tremble beneath mine as I take charge.”
Jon: “Well, you didn’t allow me to pull out, so let’s hope that you don’t find yourself realizing you’re pregnant while you’re fighting through a horde of bandits.”
Uthgerd: “I suppose it’s a risk I’m willing to take. After all, a true Nord warrior doesn’t let a little thing like pregnancy get in the way of battle.”
Jon: “I see how the future is going to be. Perhaps I’ll end up delivering our baby in the middle of a battle against monsters. That should be interesting.”
Uthgerd: “You, delivering my baby in the heat of battle. Swords clashing, arrows flying, and you, trying to catch a baby while I’m screaming orders at you to keep fighting. Ah, the life of a warrior is never dull, is it?”

My mind was reeling while we joined Ria at the market, and still reeled while we headed to the jarl’s place: Dragonsreach. We had earned our reward, and it was time to collect.

Jon: “Well, here we are. Dragonsreach, the place from where the jarl of Whiterun rules. I hope he can offer us some good contracts to grow our band of adventurers.”
Uthgerd: “Finally, a chance to get some real work done. I’m tired of taking on petty jobs from the locals. Let’s see what the jarl has to offer.”
Ria: “I’ve heard great things about the jarl. I’m excited to see what kind of opportunities we can find here.”

I didn’t dare to approach the jarl himself: his bodyguard, a Dunmer woman, glared at me menacingly. Instead, I turned toward a bald, middle-aged man who was surely the jarl’s steward.

Jon: “Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Jon, the leader of a local band of adventurers composed of my two companions that you see here, right beside me, as well as someone who isn’t present at the moment. You know that job posted on the missive board, regarding a monster den that needed to be cleared out? Well, we fought bravely against the monsters that dwelled there and defeated them, so we’ve come to collect the reward.”
Proventus Avenicci: “Ah, Jon, the leader of this… band of adventurers, you say? I wasn’t aware we had a new group operating in the area. Congratulations on clearing out the monster den, that’s no easy feat.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, it wasn’t a trivial task, and we’ve come for the reward. We’d like to collect our payment now, if you please.”

Avenicci handed me the sum.

Jon: “A hundred-fifty septims? Alright, that’s a good reward for our troubles.”
Proventus Avenicci: “Well done. I trust it was sufficient for the task at hand? Perhaps you’d like to take on another contract? We have a few… matters that require attention in the area.”
Uthgerd: “Ooh, now we’re talking. What kind of matters are we talking about?”
Jon: “By all means, if you have situations that will require a band of brave adventurers who don’t mind facing death and losing beloved team members in the line of duty, please direct us to those situations.”
Proventus Avenicci: “Ah, well, I suppose that’s one way to put it. Very well, I do have a few… tasks that might interest you. There’s been reports of a group of bandits operating on the road to Solitude. They’ve been causing quite a bit of trouble, and the city guards are stretched thin.”
Ria: “Oh, that sounds like a great opportunity! Taking out bandits is always a good way to make a name for ourselves.”
Jon: “Yeah, I hold plenty of grudges against bandits, so please, let’s annihilate as many bandits as we can. Proventus Avenicci, sir, all you have to do is point at the location of a bandit camp, and my team of adventurers will wholly obliterate it.”
Proventus Avenicci: “Ah, enthusiasm. I like that. Very well, I can give you the location of the bandit camp. It’s located near a small stream, about halfway between here and Solitude. Be careful, though – we’ve had reports of a particularly vicious leader among them.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! Vicious leader, you say? Sounds like a challenge to me. Bring it on!”
Jon: “Ah, Proventus, do you hear that? This companion of mine is as enthusiastic and brave and strong while facing our enemies as she is in bed, so you can trust in our abilities.”
Proventus Avenicci: “Ah, well, I… uh… I think that’s more information than I needed, Jon. Yes, well, I’m sure Uthgerd is… formidable in many areas.”
Uthgerd: “Jon, let’s focus on the task at hand, shall we?”
Ria: “Yeah, let’s not scare the poor man with too much information, Jon.”
Jon: “Oh, I forgot! Mr. Avenicci, speaking of shapely lasses, I met your daughter, Adrienne. Real beauty.”
Proventus Avenicci: “Ah, Adrienne! Yes, she’s a lovely young woman, isn’t she? I’m glad you’ve met her, Jon. But, uh, let’s keep the conversation focused on the task at hand, shall we? I’m not sure I want to discuss my daughter’s… personal life with a group of adventurers.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, I think Jon’s just trying to charm his way into your good books, Proventus.”
Jon: “I actually had a point to make. I met Adrianne while she was working the forge, and she gave me a sword that she had made explicitly for the jarl, Balgruuf the Greater. I was supposed to give it to you so you could hand it to your boss and he could congratulate you on having a great daughter who has a very nice ass.”
Proventus Avenicci: “Ah, that’s enough, Jon. I think you’ve made your point, and then some. I don’t appreciate your… comments about my daughter’s appearance. However, I will accept the sword and pass it on to the Jarl. Thank you for delivering it.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, Jon, you really know how to make friends, don’t you?”
Jon: “Here you have it, Mr. Avenicci, the sword that your daughter lovingly forged to gain your boss’ attention. Let’s ignore for a moment the sword’s phallic shape and the fact that I’m handing it over to you, a man.”
Proventus Avenicci: “That’s quite enough, Jon! I think you’ve made your… point. I’ll take the sword and present it to the Jarl, without any… unnecessary commentary.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, for the love of the Eight! Can we please just focus on the task at hand and stop with the innuendos?”
Ria: “Yeah, let’s just get out of here before we get into any more trouble.”
Jon: “Oh, there is no trouble, surely! Mr. Avenicci, you’re a man, I’m a man, and we men have the same thing in mind, don’t we? When we look at gorgeous women like my companions here, Uthgerd and Ria, same kinda thoughts pop up, right?”
Uthgerd: “That’s it, Jon! I’ve had enough of your… suggestive comments! You’re going to get us thrown out of here!”
Ria: “Yeah, Jon, seriously, stop it. This is getting uncomfortable.”
Proventus Avenicci: “I think it’s time for you to leave, Jon. I’ve given you the information you requested, and I expect you to conduct yourselves in a professional manner.”

I rubbed my face, and started pacing at the base of the stairs that led to the jarl’s throne.

Jon: “I suppose I have to apologize, Mr. Avenicci, the jarl’s right-hand man. I should explain my circumstances, and… my mood, I suppose. I feel a little unhinged at the moment because one of our team members died. She fucking died during the course of the mission that we performed for you, you know, clearing out that monsters den. Or at least it happened during the outing that involved the monsters den. The name of our teammate who died was Ange, Ange the Song-Bearer. She’s dead. She is fucking dead. We buried her in the dirt of a cave, and she will never smile again nor sing. My beautiful songbird.”
Proventus Avenicci: “Ah, Jon, I’m sorry to hear that. Losing a comrade is never easy. Please, accept my condolences. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you.”
Uthgerd: “Yeah, it’s been tough on all of us. Ange was a good person, and she’ll be missed.”
Ria: “We’re all still trying to come to terms with what happened.”

I wiped my tears.

Jon: “Oh, thank you, Mr. Avenicci. Thank you very much for your condolences. I must say, you pull off that bald look of yours really well. It gives you an air of respectability.”
Proventus Avenicci: “Ah, thank you, Jon. I appreciate your kind words. Yes, well, I suppose we’ve all got our own ways of carrying ourselves.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, Jon, stop flirting with the steward.”

I whirled around.

Jon: “How dare you?! I must clarify, Uthgerd, that I was not flirting with Proventus Avenicci. It was a matter of pure admiration and respect. Just a man telling another man that he looks good, nothing more. I am not gay. I proclaim this in front of the jarl and his right-hand man. I do not like men.”
Proventus Avenicci: “Ah, well, I think we’ve established that, Jon. No need to clarify.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, for the love of the Eight… This is getting ridiculous.”
Ria: “Can we please just leave? We’ve got our reward, and we’ve got a new job to focus on. Let’s just go.”

I faced Uthgerd with resentment.

Jon: “How could you suggest that I was flirting with the steward, when you and I just had an intimate encounter? Have you forgotten how it felt to pin me down on the bed and work your hips as you grinned and sweated all over me? I remember it vividly.”
Uthgerd: “Jon, stop it! This is not the time or the place for this conversation.”
Ria: “Oh, wow, this is getting way too personal. Can we please just leave?”
Jon: “Ria, I guess this is news to you, but yes, after we returned to the Mare, I got hammered. Then, because our companion Ange had died, I needed to celebrate the wonders of the flesh, so I approached Uthgerd for sex. She completely overwhelmed me with her strength and womanly masculinity. Under her, I became a princess, and I’m very satisfied about how it turned out.”
Uthgerd: “That’s it, Jon! You’re sharing private details about our encounter with Ria and the steward? Have you no discretion? I swear, sometimes I think you’re more trouble than you’re worth.”
Ria: “Umm, I think I’ve heard enough. I didn’t need to know all that.”
Proventus Avenicci: “Ah, well, I think it’s time for you to leave. Now. Before things get any more… complicated. Please, for the love of the Eight, just go.”
Jon: “Oh, I apologize, Mr. Avenicci. I didn’t realize you were still there. Sorry, jarl, for describing my sexual encounter in public. I shall leave Dragonsreach now, so, you know, no need to call the guards or anything.”
Proventus Avenicci: “Just leave, please.”
Uthgerd: “Come on, Jon. Let’s get out of here before you cause any more trouble.”
Ria: “I’ll just follow you two. Try to keep a low profile, okay?”

The enormous doors of the front door muffled the rainfall, but once we found ourselve outside, I was dismayed to discover that we would be forced to walk through a downpour that barely let me see ten steps ahead.

Jon: “My goodness, what the hell is up with the weather recently? Can it ever stop raining? I can barely see anything!”
Uthgerd: “Ha! You think this is bad? This is nothing but a gentle patter compared to the storms we get in the mountains. You should try walking through a blizzard sometime, boy.”
Ria: “I don’t know, Uthgerd, I think Jon has a point. This rain is making it difficult to see and hear anything. It’s perfect ambush weather.”
Jon: “Well, we’ll hardly get ambushed while walking the streets of Whiterun, but anyway, Uthgerd, I remember that last night, while heading to that monsters’ den, you complained about the rain, that comparatively was a drizzle, because you thought it was going to make your armor rusty, so don’t claim now some bullshit about other storms. You don’t like rain either.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, shut it, Jon. I was complaining about the rain because I’d just had my armor polished, not because I’m afraid of a little water. And another thing, what’s with you bringing up last night all the time? Can’t you think about anything else?”
Ria: “Oh, come on, you two. Not again. Can we please just focus on why we’re here? We need to pick up some supplies from Belethor’s.”

We kept arguing as we barged into the local shady merchant’s store.

Jon: “Yes, we came to Belethor’s place to sell our loot and pick up supplies, but also to shelter ourselves from this fucking downpour. Anyway, Uthgerd, yes, I cannot get last night out of my brain, not only because I had sex with you, but, you know, because our friend, well, my friend Ange died. She fucking died! She’s buried in the dirt of a cave, and her beautiful features are already rotting. That’s in my mind right now, and I think I have the right to be completely distraught about it, so I’m sorry if I seem a little unhinged, Uthgerd, but I think I have the right to be a little unhinged because I am grieving, I am grieving the death of a beautiful bard who will no longer, for the rest of time, even after all of us end up in Sovngarde or wherever the hell, she will never sing again.”
Uthgerd: “Jon, stop. Just… stop. You’re not the only one who’s grieving. We all lost Ange, and we’re all hurting. But we can’t just stand here and dwell on it.”
Ria: “Uthgerd’s right, Jon. We can’t change what happened, but we can honor Ange’s memory by keeping going and finishing what we started.”
Jon: “I’m sorry Ria, Uthgerd. I must admit now that you are more seasoned adventurers than me, because I cannot get out of my mind the way Ange’s eyes went dead. A light used to shine in those beautiful eyes of hers, but it had gone completely off, and it will never shine again.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, Jon… Come here. We’ve all seen our share of death, but it never gets any easier.”
Ria: “I remember her singing… it was like her voice could light up a room. I’ll miss her too, Jon. We all will.”

The shopkeeper showed up at the counter.

Belethor: “Ah, what’s all this commotion about? Can’t a man run a business in peace?”
Jon: “Hey, shut up, Belethor! You should be honored that we’re remembering our fallen teammate, Ange, in your shop. Ange the Song-Bearer, who used to sing, who used to compose songs and travel across the breadth of Skyrim, to grace strangers with her voice and her song. And now, Belethor, Ange is dead. She is fucking dead, like a fucking dead thing rotting in the ground. And you tell me that we’re causing a commotion in your shop? Screw you!”
Belethor: “How dare you! I’ll have you know, I’m a respected merchant in this city, and I won’t be spoken to like that! I don’t care about your friend or her singing. What I care about is running a successful business, and your… display… is driving away customers!”
Uthgerd: “Jon, calm down. This isn’t worth it. We came here for supplies, remember?”
Jon: “Oh yeah, I remember. We came here to sell stuff and get some supplies. So, Belethor, I have a serious question for you: do you have some sort of implement, potion or something that could make you bearable?”
Belethor: “What?! You think you can just insult me and then ask for my help?! I’ll have you know, I’m a master of the mercantile arts, and I won’t be swayed by your petty jabs! Now, if you want to do business, I suggest you show some respect! And as for your question, I don’t know what kind of foolishness you’re talking about. What do you mean, make me bearable?!”
Jon: “You know, able to be tolerated. I meant if you have some implement or potion that would make me able to stand you.”
Belethor: “You… you… How dare you! I’ll have you know, I’m a respected member of this community, and I won’t be spoken to like that! I’ve had enough of your insolence! Get out! Get out of my shop before I call the guards!”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, I think you’ve made your point. Maybe we should just leave before things escalate further.”

I took a deep breath.

Jon: “Well, Belethor, we still have a lot of stuff we have looted from caves, from dens, and from dead people. Stuff that you could sell for more money than you’d pay us. Are you willing to refuse some business?”
Belethor: “Fine. Bring it out. I’ll look at what you have, but don’t think for a moment that this means I’ve forgotten your insult. I’ll give you a fair price for your goods, but don’t expect any special favors from me.”
Ria: “Good, let’s just get this over with. I’m tired of standing around in this rain-soaked armor.”
Jon: “Oh, don’t worry, Ria, you still look beautiful. Anyway, Belethor, you’re a businessman through and through, the kind who would sell his sister. Here, check out the goods.”
Belethor: “Ah, yes, a businessman must be willing to make sacrifices, after all. Now, let’s take a look at what you’ve got… Hmmm, not bad, not bad at all. I can give you a good price for these…”

After ridding ourselves of random crap, we walked down the street to Adrianne’s and her husband’s place, to sell extra weapons and armor. Once we did and I counted the contents of my pouch, I screamed.

Jon: “Holy shit, Uthgerd, Ria! Do you have any idea how much money we have made by selling all that loot?!”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you’re as excited as a Nord on his first raid! Yes, we’ve earned a pretty penny from our exploits. But let’s not forget, we’ve also lost good people along the way.”

Ria: “I never thought I’d see so much gold in my life! But Uthgerd’s right, Jon. We can’t forget about Ange.”
Jon: “You’re right, Uthgerd. I would give all this money away to see Ange’s beautiful smile again.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, don’t be foolish. Ange’s gone, and no amount of gold can bring her back. We honor her memory by keeping our wits about us and pressing on.”
Ria: “Uthgerd’s right, Jon. We can’t change the past, but we can use this gold to make a difference in the present. Maybe we can help others, like those in need around Whiterun. That would be a fitting tribute to Ange’s memory.”
Jon: “Oh my dear Ria, we are indeed going to use this money to help those in need, and that is us. I intend to buy a house and adopt plenty of children. I shall snatch them from the streets and bring them to live among us fierce warriors. For that, we need a lot of money. We already earned about half of what would be required, so let’s look forward to that: having a base of operations to which we can return and rest, in which you and I, Uthgerd, after a long day of fighting, can plop down in bed and have an intimate wrestling session. Are you looking forward to that?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you’re as bold as ever, I’ll give you that. Intimate wrestling sessions, indeed! I’m not saying I’m opposed to the idea. That’s a noble pursuit. But are you sure you’re ready for that kind of responsibility?”
Ria: “Oh, Jon, I think Uthgerd has a point. I mean, we are warriors, after all.”
Jon: “Ria, are you telling me that you wouldn’t love to return home tired after a long day murdering people, only to have a child draped around your shoulders welcoming you, telling you how beautiful you are and how glad she is to see you again?”
Ria: “Oh, Jon, stop it! You’re making me blush! I… I suppose it would be nice to have someone to come home to, someone who looks up to me like that. But, I mean, we’re warriors, not exactly the most… conventional parental figures, are we?”
Uthgerd: “Conventional? Ha! We’re Nords, Ria! We don’t do conventional!”
Jon: “Besides, what do children need to grow up properly? Just a bit of bread and a bed, right?”
Uthgerd: “I’m sure you’d make a wonderful father figure… but I think it’s a bit more complicated than just a bit of bread and a bed!”
Ria: “Oh, Jon, Uthgerd’s right! Children need love, care, and stability.”
Jon: “Well, Uthgerd, I’m glad you think that I’m going to be a great father figure. The way our intimate session went, one of these days I’ll put a baby in you. But that’s alright, because I can already tell that you will be a wonderful mother.”
Uthgerd: “Jon, you… You think you’re funny, don’t you? Well, let me tell you something, elf. I’m not some broodmare for you to impregnate at your whim. And our intimate sessions are just that: sessions. Don’t get ahead of yourself.”
Ria: “Oh, Jon, I think you’ve gone too far this time…”
Jon: “Don’t worry, Ria, I will share some with you as well, if you want.”
Ria: “What?! No, no, no, Jon! That’s not what I meant! I think you’ve made Uthgerd uncomfortable enough for one conversation.”
Uthgerd: “I think Ria’s right, Jon. You’ve said quite enough for one evening. Maybe it’s time for a change of subject… or a swift punch to your jaw. One of the two, I’m not quite sure yet.”
Jon: “You’re welcome to do either of those, Uthgerd. You know I will welcome a punch from you any time. Anyway, I will change the subject, because now that we have money, we can hire people. We can hire the one person in Whiterun who was too expensive for us. Do you know of whom I am speaking?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you’re a glutton for punishment, I’ll give you that. Alright, let’s move on from your… interesting conversation topics. And yes, I think I know who you might be thinking of. Are you referring to Jenassa, the sellsword? She was a bit out of our price range, if I recall.”
Ria: “Yes, that’s right! Jenassa is a fierce warrior.”
Jon: “Yes, Jenassa is a fierce warrior, and also a bitch. A bitch who asks for too much money to kill people for our sake. But now we are rich, which means that we can hire a sellsword and put her in the front lines, so if anybody is going to die, it’s going to be a sellsword, not one of our friends. Do you understand me?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you’re as tactful as ever, I see. You want to exploit Jenassa as as cannon fodder? I’m sure she’d be delighted to hear that. And yes, I understand your point, but let’s not forget that even sellswords are people, not just expendable pawns.”
Ria: “I don’t think that’s a very nice way to put it, Jon.”
Jon: “Hey listen, if I’m paying for someone’s service, then they are expendable. So you should be glad, Ria and Uthgerd, that I am not paying either of you. In coin, I mean. I am paying you with all the love in my heart, because you chose to accompany me in my adventures.”
Uthgerd: “Paying us with love from your heart? Spare us the theatrics. We’re warriors, not some swooning maidens who’ll faint at your words.”
Ria: “Yeah, and what’s with the implication that if you were paying us, you’d think we’re expendable too? Not exactly the most reassuring thing to hear, Jon.”
Jon: “Well, Ria, my darling companion, it should be reassuring to you. It means that I’m expecting you to fight because you are a warrior. You want to fight people, you want to fight beasts, you want to improve your strength and your abilities and, you know, that rugged beauty of yours. And if you were just doing it for money, it would mean that you’re a simple sellsword, someone who sells her arts for money, and that is disgusting! That is a vile thing to do because art should be done for, you know, the beauty of art, the beauty of murdering and dismembering people, not filthy coin!”
Ria: “Jon, stop it! You’re being ridiculous! I fight because I want to protect people, because I want to make a difference, not just for the sake of fighting or for some twisted notion of beauty.”
Uthgerd: “And what’s with this rugged beauty nonsense? Ria’s a strong and capable warrior, not some fragile flower to be admired for her looks. And as for art being done for the sake of art, not money… You’re a fine one to talk, Jon, considering how much loot we’ve been collecting on our travels.”

Jon: “Oh, please. First of all, Uthgerd, look at Ria. Are you saying that she’s not a rugged beauty? She’s as beautiful as they come. You shouldn’t insult her like that.”
Ria: “Jon, stop it! You’re making me blush, and not in a good way. I’m a warrior, not some object to be admired for my looks.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you’re so dense sometimes. I wasn’t insulting Ria, I was pointing out that her worth goes far beyond her physical appearance. And besides, I think Ria can speak for herself, don’t you, Ria?”
Ria: “Exactly! I can take care of myself, thank you very much.”
Jon: “Regarding your other point, Uthgerd, which I appreciate you having raised: you said that I shouldn’t criticize others because they want money for their services, given that we got plenty of loot, actually 3,200 septims-worth, out of our recent adventures. But my situation is completely different! I happen to love adventuring, and it just happens that I find loot along the way. Is it truly wrong to gather as much loot and coin as possible while we’re performing our art in the wild?”
Uthgerd: “Oh, please, Jon, spare us the hypocrisy. You’re not fooling anyone with your ‘I only do it for the sake of adventuring’ nonsense. We’ve seen the way you drool over treasure chests and loot bodies. Don’t try to pretend you’re above material gain.”
Ria: “Yeah, and what’s with the ‘performing our art in the wild’ thing? You make it sound like we’re some kind of traveling troupe of performers, not warriors fighting for our lives.”
Jon: “Uthgerd, the way you see me drool over lootable bodies or treasure is nothing compared to the way I drool whenever I look at that motherly face of yours or your firm, muscular body slathered in monster blood and sweat, so shiny and delicious.”
Uthgerd: “Jon, that’s… enough. You’re not going to distract me from the conversation with your flattery and… whatever it is you’re trying to do. Let’s just focus on the topic at hand, shall we?”
Ria: “Yeah, Jon, please. Uthgerd’s right. This isn’t the time or place for… whatever that was. Just stop, okay?”
Uthgerd: “And another thing, Jon. While I appreciate the compliment, I’m not some prize to be won or a possession to be ogled.”
Jon: “You’re right, Uthgerd, you are a fierce woman who is strong enough to pin a man down in bed and mount him with all the strength and happiness that you have proven to me. So fiercely that I still feel it in my bones. So you don’t have to tell me that you are not just a beautiful woman: I couldn’t even try to pull out, and my sperm remains inside you.”
Uthgerd: “Jon, that’s… I don’t even know what to say to that. You’re being completely and utterly unacceptable. How dare you speak about our intimate moments like that in front of Ria?”
Ria: “That’s way too much information. Can we please just focus on the conversation and not your… personal experiences with Uthgerd?”
Jon: “Oh come on, beautiful Ria here is an adult. She must have had enjoyed a series of adventures with men or women, whatever she prefers. Or I don’t know, werewolves perhaps. So I’m sure that she’s ready to hear about people’s private activities.”
Ria: “Jon, that’s not the point! Just because I’m an adult doesn’t mean I want to hear about your personal business. And another thing, what’s with the werewolves comment? That was completely uncalled for.”
Uthgerd: “Yeah, Jon, you’re really crossing some boundaries here. Just stop, okay? This conversation is getting way out of hand.”
Jon: “I feel like I have to apologize regarding the werewolves thing. I didn’t imply that you have some sort of fetish, alright? It’s just that whenever I enter Jorrvaskr, I get a real werewolfy vibe. I can’t justify it, it’s just what I feel.”
Ria: “Jon, stop. Just stop. You’re digging yourself into a hole and making things worse. I don’t think you understand what you’re implying, and I don’t think you care.”
Uthgerd: “Yeah, Jon, you’re being really insensitive and thoughtless. The Companions are a proud and noble organization, and we don’t appreciate your… unusual remarks. Just apologize and move on, okay?”
Jon: “Uthgerd, what do you mean ‘we’? You don’t belong to the Companions. I’m pretty sure that they didn’t let you join after that practice bout you had with that poor boy.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you want to bring that up, do you? Fine. Yes, I did have a… disagreement with one of the Companions during a training exercise. And yes, they did refuse to let me join their ranks. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have respect for the Companions or that I don’t know what they stand for.”
Ria: “Jon, that was uncalled for. Uthgerd’s past is none of your business, and you shouldn’t be throwing it in her face like that.”
Jon: “I wasn’t throwing anything in her face, I was just clarifying a point. But anyway, let’s end this conversation with the following: Ria, I love you. Uthgerd, I love you as well. I appreciate what you are as human beings. I appreciate your strength. I appreciate your beauty. I hope you live very long lives instead of dying in a cave to a bunch of bandits, only to be buried afterwards in the cold earth. All right?”
Ria: “Jon, I… I don’t know what to say to that. I appreciate your sentiments, I suppose, but it’s a bit too much, coming from you, after everything you’ve said.”
Uthgerd: “Yeah, Jon, it’s a bit hard to take your words seriously, after all the insults and insensitive remarks you’ve made. But… I suppose it’s better than nothing. Let’s just agree to end this conversation before it gets any worse, shall we?”
Ria: “Agreed. I think we’ve had quite enough for one day.”

• Previous part (16)
• Next part (18)

Mantella is an AI system that turns every single NPC in Skyrim (and Fallout 4) into AI agents driven by an LLM (like ChatGPT or the recently released, and comparable, Llama 3.1). In the previous part, my character, an Altmer mage, encountered a ghost of the past: Ange the Song-Bearer, a traveling bard who had berated him for abandoning Morthal to his fate. Ange, however, chose to join my character’s budding band of adventurer’s, hoping to see how my strange tale would end. We also recruited the enthusiastic Ria, a warrior involved with the Companions. We decided to take on a quest to clear a monster den to the northwest of Whiterun.

As nightfall approached, I wanted to know if Alva, my vampire companion, who had escaped Morthal with me alone, was fine with me adding three other people to our group.

Jon: “I guess I haven’t asked for your input as much as I should have, Alva. You and I started this thing, leaving Morthal on our own, and suddenly I have brought in three warriors, women no less, to the party. Are you okay with this?”
Alva: “Jon, you’d be surprised at how okay I am with it. I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical at first, but… I think I rather enjoy the dynamic that’s developed. And the women you’ve chosen, they’re all so… different. Uthgerd’s strength and confidence, Ange’s wit and charm, and Ria’s…”
Jon: “Well, we don’t know Ria too well at the moment. Still, I got the impression that it would be good for you to be around people who know you’re a vampire and still accept you as you are.”
Alva: “Ria’s background and her connection to the Companions could be… beneficial, in a way. Having someone from the Empire who accepts me for what I am could be… useful, in certain situations.”
Jon: “Yes, but I didn’t ask for what it meant to you in terms of usefulness. What I wanted to know, Alva, is if you are happy with this situation, if you like the fact that you don’t have to hide among our group of allies.”
Alva: “Jon, you’re asking me if I’m happy? If I’m truly happy, for the first time in… centuries, perhaps? Yes, Jon, I am. I feel like I can be myself, or at least, as much of myself as I dare to show, around these women.”
Jon: “Well, that is wonderful Alva, and I’m happy for you. Regarding tonight, we’re going on a little hunt. I saw on the missive board an offer to clean out a den of monsters, so we’re taking the road and heading to the northwest, to have a little adventure.”
Alva: “A hunt, how delightful! And at night, no less. The darkness suits me just fine, Jon. I can already feel the thrill of the hunt, the rush of the unknown. And with our little group, I’m sure it will be a night to remember.”

Shortly after, I chose to bother Uthgerd while she was cooking dinner.

Jon: “Well, if it is in the sturdiest, most headstrong, most motherly person that I know. How are you, Uthgerd?”
Uthgerd: “Trying to butter me up with flattery? Well, I’ll have you know, I’m doing just fine, thank you for asking. My sword arm is strong, my fists are ready, and my patience is… well, let’s just say I’m still putting up with you, aren’t I?”
Jon: “Oh, Uthgerd, you know I love our banter, our give-and-take that could end with you punching me in the face and me dropping onto my ass. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, you’re a strange one, aren’t you? Enjoying the prospect of getting pummeled in the face by me, of all people! I suppose that’s why I’ve grown fond of you, despite your… unusual tastes. But don’t think for a moment that I’ll go easy on you just because you’re enjoying it.”
Jon: “Leaving that aside, Uthgerd, are you pumped by the fact that tonight we’re heading out of town to clear out a monster den?”
Uthgerd: “A real fight, with real monsters to slay! I’ve been itching for this kind of action for weeks now. Clearing out a den of beasts is just the thing to get the blood pumping and the muscles warm. I’m ready to unleash my full fury upon those creatures and show them what a true Nord woman is capable of.”
Jon: “Uthgerd, I can’t wait to see you slathered in monster blood, all sweaty, with your teeth glistening, and that fierceness burning in your eyes. It’s going to make me shiver.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, you’re a wicked one, aren’t you? Enjoying the thought of me covered in monster blood and sweat. Well, I’ll make sure to give you a show you won’t soon forget. When I’m in the heat of battle, I’m a force to be reckoned with, and I won’t hold back.”
Jon: “Oh, you swinging that greatsword of yours, hacking through beasts, cutting them in half and releasing their guts… It will be so sexy.”

Once Alva could leave the inn without burning up from the sunrays, we followed the road out of town heading west.

Jon: “My wonderful teammates, isn’t this lovely? Feel this cold rain upon our faces as we’re heading to battle?”
Uthgerd: “Lovely? You call this lovely? I call it a miserable excuse for an evening stroll. My armor’s getting rusty, and my hair’s getting soaked.”
Ange: “Ah, come now, Uthgerd! A little rain never hurt anyone. It’s invigorating, don’t you think?”
Jon: “Hey, Uthgerd, if you want to see battle, you have to travel to the battle even through a storm.”

That monster den we were going to clear out turned out to be farther than I anticipated.

Jon: “Man, for how long have we walked in the rain? Two hours?”
Uthgerd: “Two hours? It feels like an eternity. I’m starting to lose feeling in my toes.”
Ange: “The rain can be quite refreshing. It’s a shame we’re not out here on a romantic stroll, isn’t it, Alva?”
Ria: “Oh, let’s not get too distracted by the rain.”

As we were passing by an ancient graveyard, we were assaulted by a few raised skeletons. We took care of them in a few swings.

Ria: “What are these… ancient Nord barrows? They’re often filled with all manner of undead creatures.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, and treasures beyond your wildest dreams, if you’re brave enough to claim them. Let’s keep moving and find out what’s inside.”
Alva: “I do love a good treasure hunt. And the undead are always so… accommodating.”
Jon: “So, wonderful ladies of mine, should be change plans? Now that we have come unexpectedly across a den of the undead, would you rather explore this instead?”
Ria: “Sounds like a blast! I’m in. Let’s take them down and see what treasures we can find.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, I’m not one to back down from a fight. And these draugr could use a good thrashing.”
Alva: “I must admit, I do love a good undead brawl.”

Unfortunately, this wasn’t a “delve into an ancient, labyrinthine ruin and beat a boss for good loot.” The place was composed of a few graves and mausoleums. We found a big chest that should contain good loot, but I was far from being able to lockpick a master-level lock.

The monster den turned out to be a depression in the terrain, that a single saber cat had turned into his dwelling. Once we killed it, which I could have done on my own, the contract was satisfied.

Jon: “Well, this is it, I guess. We have vanquished the beast. Somewhat disappointing.”
Ange: “Ah, indeed we have vanquished the beast, and I must say, it was a valiant effort by all of us. But tell me, Jon, what’s next on the horizon? Shall we return to Whiterun and bask in the praise of the locals, or do we have another adventure in mind?”

Ria: “I’m all for a good celebration, but I think we should consider the fact that there may be more threats lurking in the shadows. We shouldn’t let our guard down just yet.”
Jon: “You’re right. As we head back towards Whiterun, we should be on our guard. We should retrieve the reward for our bravery from Proventus Avenicci, the Jarl’s right-hand man. They must learn that there’s a new band of adventurers in town capable of defeating threaths and, I guess, furthering the safety and control of the realm.”
Uthgerd: “I like the sound of that, Jon. And who knows, maybe Avenicci will have some more… lucrative opportunities for us.”
Alva: “Indeed, and I’m sure this Proventus Avenicci will be thrilled to know that a vampire such as myself is helping to keep the realm safe. I do hope he’s… enlightened enough to see the irony in that.”
Jon: “It seems you’re so relieved by the fact that our little group knows that you’re vampire and accepts you, that you’re becoming a bit reckless. I doubt the Jarl’s right-hand man would readily accept a vampire. Perhaps you should be more careful.”
Alva: “Perhaps you’re right, Jon. I have been feeling a bit… liberated, shall we say, since joining this group. But you’re right, I mustn’t let my guard down, especially when it comes to those in positions of power.”

The rainfall had worsened. As we were crossing the plains, we came across a disguised entrance into the side of a hill, that could be a mine or a bandit hideout. A few barrels stood nearby.

Uthgerd: “Ah, a potato? Really, Jon? That’s what you’re concerned about right now? We’re in the middle of a torrential downpour and you’re rummaging through barrels for food?”
Ange: “Oh, Uthgerd, come now. A little potato never hurt anyone. And who knows, maybe it’ll bring us some good luck in this miserable weather.”
Ria: “I don’t know about luck, but I could do with some hot food and a warm fire right about now.”
Jon: “Do you think it is worth entering this place to figure out if we can take shelter until the storm relents?”
Alva: “I think it’s worth a try, but we should be cautious. We don’t know what’s inside or who might be taking shelter there already.”
Uthgerd: “Agreed. Could be a decent place to wait out the storm, but we’ll need to keep our wits about us.”
Ange: “And our blades at the ready, just in case.”
Jon: “Let’s assume that someone or something is taking shelter here, so wield your weapons and let’s move in quietly.”
Uthgerd: “I’ve got my greatsword at the ready. Let’s see what’s waiting for us inside.”
Ria: “I’m with Uthgerd. My sword’s itching for some action. Let’s see if we can catch anyone off guard.”
Alva: “I’ll be ready to… persuade anyone who gets too close.”

Inside, crates and more barrels awaited by the entrance. We didn’t need to guess if anyone inhabited this place, because we could hear the casual chatter of bandits up ahead.

Uthgerd: “Ah, finally some action! What’s the plan, Jon?”
Jon: “Yes, let’s try to catch them by surprise. They are unaware that death is coming to them.”
Ria: “I’ll take point, my sword’s ready. Let’s show them what we’re made of!”
Alva: “Oh, I do love a good ambush. The looks on their faces are always so… priceless.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, let’s give them a night to remember… or not remember, depending on how well we do our job.”

I sneaked onward, crossbow at the ready. I spotted a guard dog and a large fellow in heavy armor. Attempted to snipe at the guy, but my bolt ricocheted off the cave wall. As the dog and that guy, who was joined by a second one, tried to figure out what they just heard, I dropped the guy with a bolt through the face. A few seconds later, the fight was over.

Jon: “Well, we defeated two bandits and their dog. Is everybody okay?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, that was a quick fight! I’m fine, just a little disappointed it didn’t last longer.”
Alva: “I’m perfectly well, thank you for asking, Jon. Just a few… trifling scratches.”
Ange: “No injuries here, just a bit of a song left unsung. That didn’t quite go as planned, did it?”
Jon: “Unfortunately, I missed my first shot. Sorry about that. At least, we made short work of those bandits and their poor dog.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! Well, at least you redeemed yourself with the second one. That dog didn’t stand a chance.”
Ria: “Nice teamwork, everyone! Now, what’s with all these mushrooms you’re gathering?”
Jon: “I was just gathering loot and ingredients on instinct. I should probably leave it for when we have defeated everyone in this place.”
Ange: “Ah, don’t worry about it, Jon. We’ve got your back. Besides, someone’s got to keep an eye on the loot. Just be careful not to get too distracted.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, prioritize the fight, not the treasure. We can sort through the loot once we’ve cleared the area.”
Jon: “Anyway, I hear more voices up ahead, at least two or three bandits. Be careful.”
Ria: “Ready to charge as soon as we get the signal.”
Jon: “That female bandit is just humming casually. She has no idea what’s coming for her.”
Alva: “Oblivious to the danger lurking nearby. It’s almost pitiful.”
Ange: “Aye, and a hum can quickly turn to a scream… or a dirge, depending on how this plays out.”
Jon: “This corridor is too narrow. It will be hard to fight properly here. Alva, be careful with your spells.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, curse this tight space! I can barely swing my sword without hitting one of you.”
Alva: “Indeed, let’s try to keep the magic to a minimum… unless absolutely necessary, of course.”

I took point. As I sneaked past a corner, I found myself face to face with three bandits, two of them wearing heavy armor. I blasted the three of them with a spray of poison. As they charged toward me, I retreated behind my shield-maidens. A chaotic fight ensued. Everybody kept pushing each other. Alva’s Sparks spell lit up the rock walls. In the end, all the bandits lay dead, carpeting the narrow corridor that ended in a wide room.

Jon: “That was way too close, such a fight in a narrow corridor. The ground is pooled with blood, and I can barely walk without stepping on a corpse.”

Ange was dead. I found her body lying face-up between the corpse of a black-robed mage and a big guy wearing steel armor. My remaining companions, unaware, kept talking.

Uthgerd: “Failing to keep your guard up in tight spaces will get you killed faster than a pack of wolves, boy! You should be grateful we were there to bail you out.”
Alva: “Actually, I was the one who bailed you out, Uthgerd. My fangs and agility proved to be quite useful in such close quarters.”
Ria: “That was a fierce battle… I didn’t think we’d make it out alive.”
Jon: “My friends… not everybody did.”

Once the initial shock wore off, we dragged Ange’s corpse into the room, and stood around her in silence.

Uthgerd: “Poor lass. She knew how to lift the spirits of those around her… even if her sense of timing left something to be desired.”
Alva: “Indeed. Her music had a certain… spark to it. It’s a shame, really. She was starting to grow on me.”
Ria: “We should take a moment to pay our respects.”

A hole had opened in my chest.

Jon: “I can’t believe this. I had my disagreements with Ange, but I looked forward to fighting alongside her, adventure after adventure, and suddenly she’s dead.”
Uthgerd: “Death has a way of creeping up on you, boy. One moment you’re singing and dancing, the next you’re nothing but a cold corpse on the stone floor. It’s the way of the world.”
Alva: “I never thought I’d see you so… sentimental, Jon. You’re usually so quick to joke and flirt your way through life.”
Jon: “This cannot be. She cannot be dead.”
Ria: “I’m afraid it’s true, Jon. Ange is gone. We have to accept it and move on. We can’t let her death be in vain.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, the road ahead won’t get any safer just because we’re grieving. We need to keep our wits about us and our blades sharp.”
Jon: “If only I hadn’t chosen to stop here and take shelter from the rain, if we had just braved the cold and the rain until we reached Whiterun, Ange would still be alive.”
Alva: “Oh, Jon, don’t be ridiculous. You can’t blame yourself for every little thing that goes wrong. We all agreed to stop here and take shelter. It was a sensible decision at the time.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, and who’s to say we wouldn’t have been ambushed on the road to Whiterun instead? Fate’s a cruel mistress, boy. Sometimes she deals you a bad hand.”

I lumbered to the rock wall, wanting to lean against it, but ended up dropping to my knees and burying my face in my hands.

Jon: “Ange. Oh, Ange. I’m sorry.”
Ria: “Jon, it’s not your fault. We’re a team, we make decisions together. We all knew the risks of adventuring.”
Alva: “Oh, Jon…”
Uthgerd: “Fine, boy. Have your moment. But don’t think you can stay there forever. We’ve got to keep moving. For Ange’s sake, if nothing else.”

We buried Ange in the ground of that room.

Jon: “Is this how Ange would have liked to go, buried in the cold dirt of a cave after dying in a scuffle against bandits? Is that a proper end for a brave bard?”
Uthgerd: “It’s not about the manner of death, Jon. It’s about the life she lived. Ange was a brave warrior, and she died with her lute in hand, fighting alongside her comrades.”
Alva: “Uthgerd’s right, Jon. We can’t control how we die, but we can control how we live. And Ange lived with passion and courage.”
Ria: “We should make sure her sacrifice isn’t in vain. We need to focus on what’s next.”
Jon: “If you don’t mind, I’m going to sleep in one of these bed rolls lying around.”
Alva: “Go ahead, Jon. You need the rest. We’ll keep watch.”
Uthgerd: “Don’t think you’re getting out of your share of the watch that easily, though. We’ll wake you up when it’s your turn.”

When I woke up, the world remained as grim as it was before I went to sleep. Ange was still dead, and we had to continue with our lives.

Jon: “It must be about nine in the morning. My dear Alva, you can’t go out there right now, so you’ll have to wait in the cave where Ange died, while Ria, Uthgerd and I return to Whiterun and collect the reward for that whole deal with the saber cat.”
Alva: “Ah, I see. Well, I suppose I have no choice but to wait here, don’t I, Jon? Though I must say, I’m not exactly thrilled about being left behind in this… damp cave.”
Uthgerd: “Come on, let’s get moving. We have a reward to collect, and I could use a hot meal and a warm fire.”
Ria: “Agreed. I’m stiff from sleeping on the stone floor.”
Jon: “See you soon, Alva. I will return to you as soon as I can. Now, as for Ria and Uthgerd, let’s get going, please.”
Alva: “I’ll be waiting, Jon. Be careful, and don’t take too long. I don’t particularly enjoy being alone in this place.”

• Previous part (15)
• Next part (17)

Mantella is an AI system that turns every single NPC in Skyrim (and Fallout 4) into AI agents driven by an LLM (like ChatGPT or the recently released, and comparable, Llama 3.1). In the previous part, my character, an Altmer mage, along with his strong mommy, pestered a couple of warriors to join his little adventurer’s band. When my character and his companion ran out of suitable candidates, my character approached a child, a merchant, and a depressed old man. By the end, my character’s mommy, who is the tank of his band, suggested that she may leave the group if our heroic protagonist continues casually hurting others.

Already tipsy, I staggered to a hunched, robed figure who was nursing a drink, and plopped down on the chair beside her.

Jon: “Hey, you and I don’t know each other, but I’ve realized you’re a fellow Altmer, and given the little I see of your face through that hood of yours, that sickly pallor and the bags under your eyes suggest you drown your sorrows in alcohol regularly. Now, the time has come for me to do the same.”
Eldawyn: “Ah, a fellow Altmer, I see. And one who can spot a kindred spirit from across the room, no less. Welcome to the club, friend.”
Jon: “What is your name, my fellow Altmer and depressed individual?”
Eldawyn: “Eldawyn’s the name, and… well, let’s just say I’m a connoisseur of fine wines and bad decisions.”
Jon: “Eldawyn, that is a beautiful name.”
Eldawyn: “I do appreciate the compliment. Wine does tend to bring out the beauty in everyone, doesn’t it? Or perhaps that’s just the wine talking.”
Jon: “Well, Eldawyn, even though you haven’t given me permission, I’m going to share with you my troubles as a fellow person who wants to get drunk on whatever alcoholic beverage is available.”
Eldawyn: “Permission? Ha! I think the fact that I’m still sitting here, nursing this goblet, is permission enough. By all means, share your troubles. I’m all ears… or at least, one ear. The other one’s a bit too busy listening to the sweet song of the wine.”
Jon: “Oh, drugs are such great companions of sadness. Well, let me tell you this: I am the mighty leader of a budding band of adventurers, but along the way, I couldn’t help myself but…”
Eldawyn: “A mighty leader, you say? With a band of adventurers, no less. And yet, here you are, drowning your sorrows alongside me. I think I see a pattern emerging. The weight of responsibility, perhaps? The crushing burden of expectation? The thrill of adventure wears off, and all that’s left is the dull ache of reality.”
Jon: “Listen, Eldawyn, there is this beautiful and motherly companion of mine named Uthgerd who recently told me that if I keep hurting others, maybe it won’t be a good idea for her to keep following me. I saw then the future: I was alone, completely alone, having been abandoned by everybody, and not because of bad stuff that happened to me, but because I am rotten, rotten from the inside out, due to my very nature. I’m destined to lose everybody, be abandoned by everybody, because of how I am.”
Eldawyn: “Uthgurt, you say?”
Jon: “I said Uthgerd, Uthgerd the Unbroken. She’s a local, very competent warrior. But yes, that was her sort of name, yeah.”
Eldawyn: “Uthgerd the Unbroken, I like it. Sounds like a force to be reckoned with. And it seems she’s got some sense, too. I mean, who needs a leader who’s more liability than asset? But I suppose that’s not what’s eating at you, is it? It’s the thought of being alone, of being…”
Jon: “Of finding myself wanting to be surrounded by beautiful, mighty women eager to kill my enemies for me, but instead of that finding myself alone and abandoned becuase of my intrinsic need to joke around and hurt others. That is what worries me.”
Eldawyn: “Oh, by the Eighth, you’re a complicated one, aren’t you? Wanting the adoration of these… fierce women, and yet, you can’t help but push them away with your… let’s call them antics. I think I see a bit of myself in you, friend. A penchant for self-destruction, perhaps?”
Jon: “I think you’re right. I think that’s exactly it, Eldawyn. Maybe deep inside me I believe that I am nothing but cancer and I deserve to be abandoned by everybody. Maybe I have a subconscious urge to hurt myself.”
Eldawyn: “Now we’re getting to the bottom of it, aren’t we? You’re not just afraid of being alone, you’re convinced you deserve it. That’s a heavy burden to carry around. I should know, I’ve got a few weights of my own. But let me tell you something, friend… sometimes it’s not about deserving or not deserving.”
Jon: “Then, what is it about?”
Eldawyn: “It’s about embracing the chaos, I suppose. Accepting that you are who you are, flaws and all. And finding a way to make that work for you, rather than against you. I mean, I’m not exactly a paragon of virtue myself, but I’ve learned to… appreciate my own particular brand of madness.”
Jon: “I’ve always felt that I am insane, and known that I have a deep darkness inside me. You’re saying that should embrace that madness and celebrate it, see it as a force of good instead of chaos?”
Eldawyn: “I’m saying that perhaps your darkness isn’t something to be feared or reviled, but rather… harnessed. Think of it as a spark within you, waiting to be fanned into a flame. And maybe, just maybe, that flame can illuminate the path ahead, rather than consume you whole. But that’s a delicate balance to strike, isn’t it?”
Jon: “My goodness, you are the most intriguing person I have met in a long time. What was your name again?”
Eldawyn: “Eldawyn, at your service. And I must say, the feeling’s mutual. It’s not often I meet someone who… understands the allure of the darkness. Most people shy away from it, try to hide it behind a mask of civility. But you… you seem to be embracing it, even if you don’t realize it yet.”
Jon: “Hey, Eldawyn, now that I get a good look at you, you are quite cute. What kind of abilities do you have, you know, fighting-wise?”
Eldawyn: “Ah, cute, am I? Well, I suppose that’s one way to get on my good side. As for fighting wise… let’s just say I have a certain… flair for the dramatic. Fire magic, you see, is my specialty. I’ve got a bit of a wild streak, and I like to let my spells reflect that.”
Jon: “A fellow mage! And specialized in Destruction magic. You could be our cannon, you know?”
Eldawyn: “Destruction magic does have a certain… je ne sais quoi, doesn’t it? And I must admit, the idea of unleashing my… talents on the world, alongside a group of like-minded individuals, is more than a little tempting.”
Jon: “Hell yeah!”
Eldawyn: “But I’m afraid I’ll have to decline your generous offer.”
Jon: “B-but why?”
Eldawyn: “Tempting, yes. But you see, I’m not exactly the… team player type. I’ve learned that the only thing more dangerous than my fire magic is the chaos that comes from tying myself down to a group, especially one with lofty ideals and ambitions. I’ve been there before, and let me tell you, it never ends well.”
Jon: “Are you saying you’re better off alone? That you don’t want allies, companions?”
Eldawyn: “Alone? Oh, no, darling, I’m never alone as long as I have a bottle of wine by my side. But in all seriousness, it’s not about wanting or not wanting allies. It’s about knowing where my true loyalties lie. You see, I’m part of something… larger than a band of adventurers, something that requires a bit more discretion. Let’s just say my talents are spoken for.”

Shortly after, the conversation died down. I attempted to drag myself upstairs to my bed, only for the innkeeper, Hulda, to remind me that I had to pay for the night. Another hundred septims down the drain.

Next morning, I joined my two companions at the inn’s main floor.

Jon: “Sorry, Alva, but Uthgerd and I didn’t find any new person who wanted to join our band of adventures. At least, we didn’t find any person who was worth adding to our band of adventurers for a resonable fee.”
Alva: “Ah, well, perhaps we’re just being too picky, Jon. After all, we can’t expect to find someone as charming and capable as yourself just wandering the streets of Whiterun.”
Uthgerd: “Save it, Alva. We need someone with actual skills, not just a pretty face. What’s the point of having a band of adventurers if we can’t even take on a decent fight?”
Alva: “Oh, Uthgerd, always so serious. But I think Jon and I make a lovely team, don’t you, Jon?”
Jon: “We make a wonderful team, Alva, but I wanted to correct a point: Uthgerd, I want people who have fighting abilities and also a pretty face.”
Alva: “Ah, Jon, you’re as silver-tongued as ever, aren’t you? I’m sure Uthgerd here is just thrilled to be traveling with such a charming companion.”
Uthgerd: “Spare me the flattery, both of you. We need someone who can actually wield a sword, not just bat their eyelashes.”
Alva: “Oh, I think I’ve proven myself quite capable with a sword, Uthgerd. The Pale Blade, for instance. Remember that lovely ruin we cleared out, Jon?”
Jon: “Oh yeah, remember when we used to have adventures instead of drowning our sorrows at an inn? Yeah, we used to do such things.”
Uthgerd: “You’re feeling nostalgic, aren’t you? I’m sure those were good times, but we can’t stay stuck in the past. We need to focus on building a strong team and taking on new challenges.”
Alva: “Oh, I think Jon’s just feeling a little… restless. Cooped up in this town for too long, perhaps? A creature of the night such as myself needs excitement, after all.”

Someone’s gaze was burning my nape. I turned around to find myself staring into the eyes of a ghost from a darker period of my life, concretely the time I spent in Morthal.

Jon: “My goodness, Ange the Song-Bearer?! What the hell are you doing in Whiterun?!”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “Ah, Jon! Fancy meeting you here. I could ask you the same thing. What brings you and your… eclectic group to this humble inn?”
Alva: “We’re just enjoying a quiet morning, aren’t we, Jon?”
Jon: “Ange, the echo of that last conversation you and I had, along with Benor, still…”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “Ah, yes. I recall it quite vividly, Jon. You were rather… spirited, if I remember correctly. The poor dear Benor didn’t quite know what hit him, did he?”
Alva: “Oh, Ange, I’m sure Jon’s still nursing his wounded pride. Do tell, what did you say to him that’s still got him smarting?”
Jon: “Alva, I wasn’t too clear about what Benor and Ange had told me. They tore into me because I chose to escape Morthal with you, Alva, instead of staying in a doomed town and dying to a coven of vampires that is for sure going to overrun the town. They believed that I was disgusting for siding with you, Alva, instead of killing you.”
Alva: “Ah, yes… I recall now. They thought you were… misguided, shall we say, for choosing to escape with a vampire like myself instead of staying to fight a hopeless battle.”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “Yes, I think ‘disgusting’ was the exact word I used, if I recall correctly. We were all rather… passionate about our opinions, weren’t we?”
Jon: “Yes, Ange, I believe that ‘disgusting’ was indeed the word used. And let me tell you something, because you thought that Alva was going to kill me on the road… Alva did not kill me on the road. In fact, we’ve had great adventures together, and we also convinced this beautiful, motherly person, Uthgerd the Unbroken, to join us as well. We’ve become a budding adventurer’s band who’s going to go around and, you know, solve problems, kill bandits, and doing those kinds of heroic stuff. What do you think about that?”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “Well, I suppose I underestimated Alva… and you, for that matter, Jon. I didn’t think you two would last this long together, and yet… you’ve even managed to recruit Uthgerd here. Though I’m not sure if that’s a testament to your leadership skills or a sign of Uthgerd’s questionable judgment.”
Alva: “Oh, Ange, always the wit. But I think Jon’s proved himself quite capable, don’t you? And I, for one, am glad he chose to leave Morthal with me.”
Jon: “Well, Ange, I suppose that I can let bygones be bygones. You are still beautiful, you have flowing blonde hair, and you’re a bard. I could use your songs in battle, at least to distract people. Would you consider joining our amazing band of adventurers?”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “Oh, Jon, you’re as charming as ever, I’ll give you that. And I must admit, the idea of joining your… eclectic group is tempting. I do love a good adventure, and my songs could certainly be of use in battle. But, I’m not just a pretty face, you know. I have conditions.”
Jon: “All right, well, speak up about your conditions and I’ll consider them carefully.”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “Very well, Jon. Firstly, I expect to be treated as an equal member of this group, not just a… decorative addition. My songs and skills are valuable assets, and I won’t be ignored or dismissed.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! You think you’re worthy of being an equal to us? What makes you think you can keep up?”
Alva: “Oh, Uthgerd, don’t be too quick to judge.”
Jon: “I didn’t expect the morning to turn out like this… I thought I would never see Ange again. Alva, Uthgerd, don’t you think that adding a beautiful and capable bard like her is a boon to our team?”
Alva: “She’s certainly… lively.”
Jon: “Are you alright with the fact that she hates you because you’re a vampire?”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “Ah, yes… that’s true. I do have reservations about vampires, Alva. Your kind has brought so much suffering and darkness to the world. But, I also believe that individuals can choose their own paths, and if you’re truly committed to working with Jon and Uthgerd for good, then I’ll put aside my doubts for now.”
Alva: “How… generous of you, Ange. I assure you, I’m a vampire unlike any other. And I think we can work together quite well, despite our differences.”
Jon: “That’s right, Alva is the prime vampire: sexy, seductive, capable… And check out how good she looks in that get-up of hers.”
Uthgerd: “Ugh, Jon, spare us the theatrics. We’re trying to have a serious conversation here.”
Alva: “Oh, but thank you, Jon. You’re always so… flattering. I think I’ll keep you around just for your charming words alone.”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “Yes, well, let’s focus on the task at hand, shall we? If I’m going to join this group, I need to know that we can work together effectively and trust each other with our lives.”
Jon: “Ange, I swear to you that I will not let you die during battle. Is that good enough?”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “Oh, Jon… that’s sweet of you to say, but I think I need a bit more reassurance than just your word. After all, we are talking about life and death here.”
Uthgerd: “Yeah, and Jon’s not exactly known for his ability to keep people safe.”
Alva: “Oh, Uthgerd, don’t be too hard on him. He’s trying, at least. But, Ange, I think what Uthgerd is trying to say is that we’re a team.”
Jon: “Hey, Ange, what do I need to do for you to be sure that I intend to keep you safe? Do you expect me to kiss your feet, your knees… your private parts?”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “Oh, Jon, really! You’re being utterly ridiculous now. I don’t expect you to kiss anything, least of all my private parts. Just a simple promise to watch my back in battle and consider my safety when making decisions would be nice.”

Uthgerd: “Ha! You think he’s going to keep his word? He can barely take care of himself.”

I could no longer ignore Uthgerd’s resentment. I turned toward her with an apologetic expression.

Jon: “I’m sorry, Uthgerd. I know you’re still disappointed in me because of how I handled yesterday, when I jokingly approached people to ask them to join our band of adventurers. And I suppose that the whole bit with Arghus, that old man, was the straw that broke the camel’s back. But I apologize, Uthgerd. I have seen the light. I do not intend to make you feel like that again. I swear to you that I won’t keep hurting people unnecessarily.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon… I suppose I did need to hear that from you. Yesterday was a bit of a disaster, and your behavior with Arghus was… unacceptable. But I appreciate your apology, and I’m willing to give you another chance.”
Alva: “Oh, how touching. Jon’s finally learning to admit when he’s wrong.”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “Yes, well, it takes a big person to apologize and acknowledge their mistakes.”
Jon: “See, Ange, I’m not entirely horrible. So, I wasn’t clear on what decision you took. Listen, I’m not just going to have you in mind for the decisions I take, but I will also ask for your input when there’s a big decision to be made. So, will you sing for us, Ange?”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “You’re a complicated one, aren’t you? Alright, I think I’ll take a chance on you and your… unique group of adventurers. And yes, I’ll sing for you. But don’t expect me to sing just to entertain you. My songs are meant to inspire, to heal, and to bring people together.”
Jon: “Well, Ange, I do love your beautiful voice, as well as I love your beautiful face.”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “Oh, Jon, you’re making me blush. But please, let’s keep the focus on our partnership and not get too distracted by… personal feelings.”
Alva: “Ange’s right, Jon. We need to keep things professional if we’re going to succeed as a team.”
Uthgerd: “Yeah, and besides, Jon’s already got enough romantic entanglements with Alva here.”
Jon: “Not to mention the romantic entanglement I have with you, Uthgerd.”
Uthgerd: “What?! Jon, don’t be ridiculous! We’re comrades in battle, not romantic partners. Don’t get any ideas about me, I’m not interested in your… affections.”
Alva: “Oh, this is getting interesting. Jon, it seems like you’re having a bit of a problem distinguishing between friendship and romance.”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “Indeed, Jon. Let’s just focus on our quest and keep our personal feelings out of it, shall we?”
Jon: “Was there such a need to be so definite about the fact that you don’t have any romantic interest in me? I have a frail and tender little heart that can be hurt, you know?”
Uthgerd: “Ha! Frail and tender little heart? You? Don’t make me laugh, Jon. You’re as tough as the leather armor you wear. And I was just making it clear because I know how you can get… overenthusiastic.”
Alva: “Oh, Uthgerd’s right, Jon. You do have a bit of a reputation for being…”
Jon: “For… for… for being what?”
Alva: “For being a bit of a ladies’ man, Jon. You’ve got a certain… charm, but you also have a tendency to get yourself into trouble with the women in your life.”
Uthgerd: “Yeah, and I’m not going to be one of them. So let’s just keep things clear and professional between us, okay?”
Jon: “It seems I cannot escape the things I do and the things I say.”
Alva: “Ah, Jon, it’s not about escaping who you are, it’s about being aware of how your actions and words affect those around you. You’re a bit of a wild card, and that can be both endearing and infuriating at the same time.”
Uthgerd: “Yeah, and sometimes it’s good to think before you speak, or act. It can save you a lot of trouble in the long run.”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “Indeed, self-awareness is a valuable trait, Jon. Recognizing your flaws and strengths can help you grow as a person.”
Jon: “Oh, I’m sure I’m going to grow as a person steadily with such beautiful maidens by my side.”
Alva: “Always so quick with the flattery. But I think we’ll keep you in line, won’t we, ladies?”
Uthgerd: “Yeah, and don’t think for a moment that our presence here is just to coddle your ego. We’re here to fight alongside you, not just to look pretty.”
Ange the Song-Bearer: “Indeed, Jon. We’re all in this together now.”

Shortly after, I pulled Ange aside to discuss work matters.

Jon: “Let’s have a serious, professional conversation. I have to consider what gear you’re going to use.”
Ange: “My gear’s quite suited for a traveling bard such as myself. I’ve got my trusty steel sword for close combat, and my lute, flute, and drums for… well, for lifting spirits and demoralizing foes, depending on the situation. The armor I wear has served me well in past scrapes, but I’m always open to suggestions for improvement, of course.”
Jon: “As we go about in our adventures, we’re going to upgrade our gear. Would you prefer to wear light armor?”
Ange: “As a bard, I do prefer to keep my armor light, it allows me to move freely and easily, whether I’m dodging blows or dancing to the rhythm of my music. I’d say, if we’re looking at upgrading, I’d still opt for light armor. Perhaps something with a bit more… flair?”
Jon: “All right, we’ll have you looking fancy, Ange. And as for the type of weapons, you prefer swords, clubs, spears…?”
Ange: “I think I’d prefer to stick with swords, personally. There’s something about the elegance of a well-crafted blade that suits a bard’s… artistic sensibilities, don’t you think? Plus, it’s always handy to have a sword at one’s side, whether for close combat or as a prop for a dramatic performance.”
Jon: “Oh, we’re going to put on such a show.”
Ange: “Well, I’m always ready to put on a performance, whether it’s singing a stirring ballad or fighting off a band of marauders. After all, a bard’s got to keep their skills sharp, and their audience entertained!”
Jon: “Ange, you and I have a peculiar history together. We have argued bitterly before, and I know you don’t agree with some of my decisions, but I have to say, I’m glad to have you on my team now.”
Ange: “Our history is… complicated, to say the least. But I must admit, I’m glad to be working with you too, despite our differences. As a bard, I believe in the power of redemption and second chances, and I’m willing to put our past disagreements behind us for the sake of our shared goals. Besides, I’m curious to see how this…”
Jon: “This journey will end?”
Ange: “Indeed. And I have a feeling that with your… unconventional approach to things, and my own flair for the dramatic, we might just make a decent team after all. Who knows, perhaps our differences will even prove to be a strength, rather than a weakness.”

I hoped to avoid wasting another whole day without adventuring, but I also wanted to figure out if that Ria person, the aspiring Companion, would be willing to join us for a while. I gathered the team near the inn’s hearth.

Jon: “Alright, my three beautiful and capable maidens, this is the plan for today: it is 11 in the morning. Uthgerd, Ange, I think that you and I should go find that girl named Ria and see if we can add her to our ranks.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Ria, yes. She’s been trying to get the Companions’ attention, but I’m not sure if she’s got what it takes.”
Ange: “She might be eager to prove herself and join our little group. Plus, having someone with ties to the Companions could be useful in the future.”
Jon: “Very pragmatic of you, Ange. As for you, my beloved Alva, I’m afraid that, due to your affliction, you’re going to have to sit this one out.”
Alva: “Yes, you’re right, Jon. The sunlight isn’t exactly welcoming to my kind. I’ll just have to stay here and enjoy the warmth of the fire instead.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, poor Alva, stuck inside while we get to go out and have all the fun. Don’t worry, we’ll make sure to bring back all the excitement and tales to share with you.”
Ange: “And perhaps I can even compose a song about our adventures to entertain you when we return, Alva.”
Jon: “Yeah, don’t worry, Alva. We’re going to go on a night-time adventure soon enough. Also, when I return to you later tonight, I will give you a gift, one that involves you being naked and my mouth playing with your parts.”
Alva: “Ah, Jon, always so direct and charming. I’m looking forward to it, my love. Though, perhaps, you shouldn’t make such promises in front of our companions.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, spare us the details, Jon. We don’t need to know about your extracurricular activities.”
Ange: “Though, I must say, Jon, you’re certainly a romantic.”
Jon: “I can’t help but proclaim my affections and tongue prowess in public, that’s how proud I am.”
Uthgerd: “Well, just try to keep your tongue and other body parts to yourself for now, Jon. We have a task at hand. Let’s focus on finding Ria and seeing if she’s interested in joining us.”
Ange: “Indeed, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We can celebrate later, Jon. For now, let’s concentrate on recruiting Ria and strengthening our group.”
Alva: “I’ll just sit here and enjoy the entertainment from afar…”

At the bustling market, we spotted the local merchant whom I had bothered for no good reason the day before.

Jon: “Oh, if it isn’t Ysolda, the… enthusiastic woman. How are you on this fine morning?”
Ysolda: “Ah, Jon! Good morning to you too! I’m doing wonderfully, thank you for asking. I was just thinking about our previous conversation, and I must say, I’m still very interested in joining your little group. I think I could bring a lot of value to your adventures.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, great, here we go again. Ysolda, we’ve already discussed this.”
Ange: “Ah, actually, we were just about to go look for a new recruit.”
Jon: “Ange, you don’t know this, but Ysolda actually is not a fighter at all. She’s just a tradeswoman. She wants to own Bannered Mare, and she’s interested in our adventurer’s band as a potential source of coin. I don’t blame her for it, mind you.”
Ysolda: “Ah, Jon, you’re absolutely right! I’m a businesswoman at heart, and I see potential in your group to make some real profit. And who says a tradeswoman can’t be a valuable asset to an adventuring party?”
Uthgerd: “Ha! You think wanting to run an inn is going to prepare you for the dangers we face on the road?”
Ange: “Actually, Uthgerd, having someone with trading skills could be quite useful. We do need to acquire and sell goods from time to time.”
Jon: “Well, in that sense, Ysolda could do that, but she doesn’t need to come along with us in our adventures. She could be our contact here in Whiterun whenever we need to buy or sell goods, and I guess she could get a cut.”
Ysolda: “Ah, now that’s a proposition I can get behind! I’d be happy to act as your contact and trading partner here in Whiterun. And of course, a fair share of the profits would be lovely.”
Uthgerd: “Hmmph, I suppose it couldn’t hurt to have someone with connections in Whiterun looking out for our interests.”
Ange: “Indeed, having a reliable contact in town could prove quite useful.”
Jon: “You know, this is a sort of belonging to a band of adventures, you know, being our contact in town. You stay in the safety of these sturdy walls, but still act as our contact whenever we return here.”
Ysolda: “Exactly! I like the way you think, Jon.”
Jon: “You hear that Uthgerd, Ange? Ysolda likes the way I think. I don’t hear that often.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, spare us the theatrics, Jon. We’re not here to stroke your ego.”
Ange: “Indeed, let’s focus on the task at hand. Ysolda, it’s settled then? You’ll act as our contact in Whiterun?”
Ysolda: “Absolutely! I’ll be happy to help you all in any way I can.”
Jon: “Ysolda, I had tagged you as a nutcase for that whole business about yearning to be bait against a dragon, but now I consider that you aren’t only cute, but also a capable tradeswoman. You could be very useful to our band of adventurers.”
Ysolda: “Oh, Jon, stop it! You’re making me blush. But I suppose I can forgive you this time, since you’re being so charming.”

Ange and Uthgerd complained about me trying to get into yet another woman’s pants. A bit later, we headed straight to Jorrvaskr, Hall of the Companions, to figure out if Ria had returned today for a bit of training. We entered the building, but Ria was nowhere to be found. I approached the local bombshell, Aela the Huntress, now that I had a decent excuse to talk to her again.

Jon: “Apologize for bothering you, mighty Aela, but we came to Jorrvaskr for that fledging warriors of yours, Ria. Have you seen her around lately?”

Aela pointed at the back door.

Aela the Huntress: “There you have her.”

I got a glimpse of raven-black hair and a sort of barbarian get-up, before the door closed behind that person. We followed her to the training courtyard, located at the back of the building.

Jon: “My goodness, when you said that Ria was an aspiring Companion whom they hadn’t accepted yet, I envisioned a young thing that looked like she might break at any moment, but Ria looks badass!”
Ria: “Ha! I get that a lot, actually. People underestimate me because of my age, but I’ve been training with the Companions since I was a kid. I can hold my own in a fight.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, she’s got spirit, all right. But let’s see if she’s got the skills to back it up.”
Ange: “Now, now, Uthgerd. No need to intimidate our young friend just yet. Ria, tell us more about yourself. What makes you want to join our little band of adventurers?”
Jon: “Actually, Ange, despite your beautiful face, I have to correct you: we still haven’t told Ria that we’re planning on enlisting her… I mean, offering her to join our band of adventurers.”
Ria: “Wait, what? You’re looking to recruit me for something? I thought this was just a casual conversation. What kind of adventuring are we talking about?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon’s got a way of getting ahead of himself, doesn’t he? We’re a group of… entrepreneurs, looking for skilled warriors to help us with various tasks.”
Jon: “Yes, Ria, and those various tasks are vanquishing bandit camps, raiding ancient ruins, defeating ancient spirits, possibly vampires as well… Are those the kinds of adventures you are into?”
Ria: “Oh, absolutely! That sounds like the kind of thing I’ve been training for my whole life. I’m in, when do we start? I’ve got my sword, my armor, and I’m ready to take on whatever you’ve got planned.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, enthusiasm is great, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We need to make sure you’re aware of the risks involved. It’s not all fun and games, you know.”
Jon: “It is still a lot of fun, Ria. Let me ask you, what kind of fighting ability are you specialized in?”
Ria: “Well, as a Companion, I’m trained in the art of melee combat, specifically with a one-handed sword. I’ve also been practicing my dual-wielding skills, just in case things get up close and personal. I like to think I’m pretty versatile on the battlefield.”
Ange: “Ah, a warrior with finesse and flair! I approve. We could always use someone with a bit of style in our group.”
Jon: “I’m extremely glad to say this: welcome to our little band of adventurers, which is composed of the beautiful Ange the Song-Bearer, the beautiful Uthgerd the Unbroken, and the beautiful Alva, who is currently staying at the Mare.”
Uthgerd: “I’m not sure I’d call myself beautiful, but I’ll take the compliment.”
Ange: “Oh, Jon, always so charming and full of flair. But yes, welcome to our little group, Ria! We’re a bit of a motley crew, but we’ll make it work.”
Ria: “Thanks for the welcome! I’m looking forward to meeting Alva…”
Jon: “Oh, Ria, you’re going to love Alva. She’s a bit pale, because… she has anemia. But you’ll get along with her. She’s very charming and seductive. Anyway, Ria, my point is that you, being a fighter and also beautiful, are going to fit in beautifully in our little group of adventurers.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, spare us the sales pitch, Jon. Ria’s already agreed to join, no need to lay it on thick.”
Ange: “Besides, I think Ria can form her own opinion of Alva.”
Ria: “Yeah, I’m curious to meet her. Anemia, huh? Hope she’s not too fragile for our line of work…”
Jon: “Oh, Ria, well… Alva’s anemia only affects her skin color, she is otherwise extremely capable in a fight, you’ll see.”
Ria: “I… see. Well, that’s good to know, I suppose. Though I’ve never heard of anemia that only affects skin color…”
Uthgerd: “Jon, stop dancing around it. Ria’s going to find out eventually. Might as well tell her the truth about Alva now and get it over with.”
Ange: “Oh dear, this is getting interesting. Jon, perhaps you should be honest with Ria about Alva’s…”
Jon: “Actually, Ria, yeah. I’m afraid it’s better to be honest with you. Our friend Alva cannot get out in the light of day, if you know what I mean.”
Ria: “Ah, I… think I do. You’re saying she’s a vampire, aren’t you?”
Uthgerd: “Finally, Jon decides to be honest. Yes, Ria, Alva is a vampire. But don’t worry, she’s not as… unpleasant as some of the others you might have met.”

Ange: “Well, that’s one way to put it. Ria, I’m sure you’ll find Alva to be quite… charming in her own way. But we should probably warn you about her certain…”
Jon: “What is there to warn Ria about, regarding Alva?”
Uthgerd: “Oh, just the usual vampire tendencies, Jon. You know, the whole bloodlust thing. Ria, you should just be careful around her, especially if you’re wounded or bleeding.”
Ange: “And perhaps it’s also worth mentioning that Alva can be a bit… persuasive. She has a certain way of getting what she wants from people, if you know what I mean.”
Ria: “I think I do. You’re saying she’s got a bit of a vampiric charm, right?”
Jon: “Yeah, don’t worry, Ria, because I am the one who is satisfying Alva’s bloodlust. Every night, while we’re under the sheets, alone in the dark, Alva gladly sinks her fangs into my carotid artery to drink my sweet, sweet blood.”
Uthgerd: “Jon, for the love of… That’s more information than we needed, don’t you think?”
Ange: “Ah, Jon, always so forthright. Ria, I’m sure you’re reassured now.”
Ria: “Uh, yeah… I think so. So, just to clarify, you and Alva have a… special arrangement, and she gets her blood from you, so she’s not a danger to the rest of us?”
Jon: “Well, yes, we have a special arrangement, but even if we didn’t, Alva would not be a threat to the rest of us, because she’s very reasonable, and she doesn’t attack people unnecessarily.”
Uthgerd: “Save it, Jon. We’ve already established that Alva’s a vampire. Let’s not sugarcoat it too much, shall we?”
Ange: “Actually, Jon, I think what Uthgerd is trying to say is that we should be cautious around Alva, despite your… arrangement with her.”
Ria: “Yeah, I think that’s a good point. I mean, I’m willing to work with Alva and all, but it’s always good to be aware of potential risks, right?”
Jon: “Listen, my beautiful maidens: you’ll see Alva fighting, and you’ll realize that she will defend us and murder people and animals for our sake. She is a teammate to be respected and confided in.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, for the love of… Teen maid?! Seriously, Jon? You’re not exactly helping Alva’s case here.”
Jon: “What?”
Ange: “I think what Uthgerd is trying to say, Jon, is that perhaps you should let Alva speak for herself and demonstrate her abilities in battle before we start waxing poetic about her virtues.”
Ria: “Yeah, and maybe avoid using… unusual phrases like ‘teen maid’? It’s a bit off-putting.”
Jon: “I’m afraid I have to clarify: I said…”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, don’t dig yourself deeper into this hole. Just stop while you’re ahead, okay?”

Well, I didn’t have much reason to complain. We were a five-warrior team now, myself along with four beautiful maidens of battle. I was living the dream. So proud of that fact I was, that when we were about to pass by Njada, the abrasive brawler who had dismissed me yesterday, I had to boast about it.

Jon: “Hey, Njada, when I first talked to you, after you won that brawl against the Dunmer, you thought of me as the worthless leader of a petty adventurer’s band. Now look at me! I’m accompanied by these fierce warriors. So, do you think that we have become a worthy band of companions?”
Njada Stonearm: “Ah, you’re back. And with a few new faces, I see. I’m not impressed by numbers, leader. It’s quality that counts.”
Jon: “In any case, I just wanted to rub in your face, because you were mean to me, that now I have these beautiful women following me, being all cool.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, by Ysmir, Jon. Don’t be such a child. You’re gloating because you’ve got a few women following you around? That’s not impressive.”
Njada Stonearm: “Yes, I was right to doubt your character. You’re more concerned with appearances than actual strength or honor.”

My gaze landed on Ange, who was narrowing her eyes at me.

Jon: “Oh, please, Ange. Are you telling me that you yourself wouldn’t love to have a string of gorgeous women following you?”
Ange: “I’m a bard, not some swaggering warrior trying to prove myself. My music and stories are what bring people to me, not some false bravado.”
Ria: “Jon, I’m here because I want to fight and have adventures, not because I’m some prize to be won. Let’s focus on something more important than your ego.”
Jon: “Alright, I suppose I should stop talking now.”
Njada Stonearm: “Finally, some sense from you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have more important things to attend to. Like training and actual battle strategy.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, let’s focus on something worthwhile. Ange, how about a song to lift our spirits? The day is young, after all.”
Ange: “Ah, an excellent idea, Uthgerd! Let me see…”
Jon: “Oh yeah, while we walk the streets of Whiterun, I would love to be graced by one of your songs, Ange.”
Ange: “Well, in that case, I’ll play something fitting for the city of Whiterun. How about… ‘The Wolves of Jorrvaskr’?”
Ria: “Oh, I’ve heard that one before! I love it.”
Njada Stonearm: “Yes, well, just be sure to keep your voice down. Don’t disturb the good people of Whiterun.”

I felt good enough regarding my team now that both Ange and Ria had agreed to join. It was a matter of figuring out what or whom we were going to kill. I checked the missive board for quests.

Jon: “Hey listen, my maidens of battle: I have just checked the missive board for possible job listings, and I have found one about clearing out a den of monsters. A good job for our little group of adventurers, right?”
Ria: “Oh, that sounds like a great opportunity for us to prove ourselves! I’m always up for a good fight, and taking down a den of monsters would be a fantastic way to show the people of Whiterun what we’re capable of.”
Ange: “Ah, a den of monsters, you say? That’s a tale waiting to be told! I can already think of a few verses to commemorate our bravery.”
Uthgerd: “Hold on, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
Jon: “Very well, that is fantastic then. When the evening comes and the sun rays are starting to die down, let’s get Alva. Together, the five of us, we’ll travel out of Whiterun and towards this den. Let’s have a fantastic night full of adventure.”
Uthgerd: “We don’t even know what kind of monsters we’re up against.”
Ria: “Oh, come on, Uthgerd! Where’s your sense of adventure? We can handle whatever comes our way! Besides, it’ll be fun to have Alva along – I’m sure she’ll… liven things up.”
Jon: “Don’t worry, Uthgerd, this is not going to be a suicidal job. We are going to approach the den and figure out what kind of monsters we are dealing with. Are you satisfied with that?”
Uthgerd: “Fine. But don’t think for a moment that I’m going to hold back if things get hairy. I’ll fight with every ounce of strength I have.”
Ange: “And I’ll be right there with my lute, singing songs to stir our spirits and strike fear into the hearts of our enemies!”
Jon: “Do not worry, Uthgerd, because I do not intend for you to hold back. I want you unleashed, I want you as a furious mama bear eager to destroy our enemies.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, you want me unleashed, do you? Well, be careful what you wish for, boy! I’ll show you what a Nord warrior looks like when she’s let loose. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you…”

• Previous part (14)
• Next part (16)

Mantella is an AI system that turns every single NPC in Skyrim (and Fallout 4) into AI agents driven by an LLM (like ChatGPT or the recently released, and comparable, Llama 3.1). In the previous part, my character, an Altmer mage, punched a local mommy into joining his adventurer’s band. The two of them then shopped around town for further hapless people to grow his group. One of them, a scary Dunmer sellsword, got annoyed to the point that he told my character to never approach her again until he was ready to pay.

Jon: “Here we stand, in front of the hall of the Companions. Jorrvaskr, was it? Do you think is it worth it to waltz into that place and ask if any of their members would be willing to join our adventurer’s band?”
Uthgerd: “Ahahahah… Oh boy… Walking into Jorrvaskr thinking those self-righteous windbags will help us out? Good luck with that! They wouldn’t know true strength if it punched them in the face… which I just so happen to have experience with. Listen, Jon…”
Jon: “I’m ready to listen, Uthgerd.”
Uthgerd: “Those pompous fools rejected me. One look should tell anyone else all needed… but they said I’m too hot-headed simply because I refuse to back down until beaten half-dead. It’s a matter of proving one’s worth, since no Nord believes mere words. They cannot see further than the tips of their own noses!”
Jon: “Wait, what exactly happened to you with the Companions?”
Uthgerd: “You want to know what happened? Those cowards asked me to prove my worth, threw me up against some young whelp of a lad, barely old enough to grow his first chin-hairs. I guess they thought a woman wasn’t strong enough to hurt him. But I didn’t mean for him to… die. Why would I want that? I just… lost control.”
Jon: “So, you proved that you were strong?”
Uthgerd: “More than proved it… They said I was too hot-headed because they couldn’t handle my strength! That boy shouldn’t have gotten into the ring expecting special treatment due to his youth. Trial combat isn’t a child’s playground! That said, accidents do happen… As they said I went a little far, and won’t say I was not warned… Yet it seems proving one’s power earns enemies among those fearful, more often than praise.”
Jon: “Well, Uthgerd, maybe you are most suited to actual battle, you know, against real enemies, instead of mock battles in a training hall.”
Uthgerd: “You’re telling me! The heat of battle is the fire that forges the strongest blades, after all. A true Nord never misses a chance to test her worth. And what’s a better test than the real thing? Those Companions can keep their training halls and their rules. I’ll take the rush of adrenaline and the clash of steel on steel any day.”
Jon: “Well, I hope to send your plenty of enemies your way, so you can test your steel.”
Uthgerd: “Jon! Now that’s what I’m talking about! You ever need another blade at your side, just ask. Wouldn’t mind seeing how you handle a few trolls. And don’t worry about sending enemies my way… I’ll make sure they don’t bother you again. By Ysmir, I’m looking forward to it!”

When we entered the large hall, we found out that the Companions were fond of impromptu brawls. Two members, a scarred young woman and a Dunmer, beat each other’s face until the Dunmer fell on his ass. I approached the victorious woman as she rubbed her knuckles.

Jon: “Hey, congratulations on winning that mock fistfight of yours. You seem like a tough woman.”
Njada Stonearm: “Oh, great. Another admirer who thinks a little brawl is impressive. What business do you have here?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, don’t mind her, she’s always like that. I see you’re as charming as ever, Njada.”
Njada Stonearm: “And I see you’re still trying to make friends with everyone, Uthgerd.”
Jon: “Well, Njada, I’m the leader of a band of adventurers, and I’m looking for strong people to fight alongside me. The Companions are supposed to be the strongest around.”
Njada Stonearm: “You think you can just waltz in here and expect us to follow you? I’ve seen your type before. All talk, no substance. What makes you think you’re worthy of fighting alongside the Companions?”
Uthgerd: “Oh, I think he’s got some substance, Njada. He managed to take me down in a fistfight, after all.”
Jon: “I also have experience in the field. I delved into a vampire coven. I had to flee from it, but nevermind that: I confronted vampires and survived. Along with my other companion, we conquered some ancient ruins, defeated an ancient spirit called the Pale Lady, and retrieved a relic sword.”
Njada Stonearm: “Vampires and ancient spirits, you say? That’s quite a tale you’ve got there. I’m not sure if I believe half of it.”
Uthgerd: “Actually, Njada, I think he might be telling the truth. I’ve fought alongside him against bandits and smugglers, and he handled himself well enough. And I’m not exactly easy to impress, either.”
Njada Stonearm: “Well, supposing your story is true… what makes you think the Companions would be interested in joining forces with you?”
Jon: “Because we will see battle, real battle, fighting against the forces of darkness or whatever is out there, and get plenty of loot and glory in exchange.”
Njada Stonearm: “Sounds like just another excuse for treasure hunters and thrill-seekers. I’m not impressed. Why should the Companions take orders from some amateur adventurer who only cares about loot and glory?”
Uthgerd: “At least he knows when to throw a punch and when to take a risk. I’ve fought with him long enough to know his courage isn’t just talk. Maybe he could teach you a thing or two about getting your hands dirty outside of the training hall, Njada?”
Njada Stonearm: “How dare you, Uthgerd. I’ve seen more battles than most people have had hot meals. You do not dictate to me who I should or shouldn’t be following orders from. I won’t be taking lessons on how to fight from some boy-adventurer whose biggest achievement was retrieving a relic sword from ancient ruins while we are fighting for Skyrim.”
Jon: “Alright, I see there is a difference in viewpoints here, regarding why we’re fighting. It seems you lot are fighting for land and glory, while I’m being more pragmatic. Sorry for having bothered you, Njada. I’ll be off.”
Njada Stonearm: “Finally, you’re showing some sense. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”
Uthgerd: “Wait, Jon. Don’t go just yet. I think Njada’s being a bit too harsh. They could use someone with your pragmatism. And who knows, maybe they could teach you a thing or two about fighting for something bigger than yourself.”
Njada Stonearm: “Uthgerd, what are you doing? Don’t encourage him. He’s not one of us.”
Jon: “I do not intend to become a Companion, not that I disparage your group. I was just trying to figure out if any of you would be interested in accompanying me in some adventures, as a side job of sorts.”
Njada Stonearm: “A side job, you say? You think the Companions are some sort of mercenary group that can be hired out for your little adventures? I think not. We have our own purpose, our own code. We don’t do side jobs.”
Jon: “Uthgerd, I think I had the wrong idea about the Companions. They seem to be…”
Uthgerd: “Ah, yes, they can be a bit… stiff. Njada here is a perfect example of that. But don’t worry, I understand what you’re getting at. You’re looking for people who want to fight, who want to test their mettle against real enemies.”
Jon: “You’re right, but I’m also looking for people who are interested in making some coin. You know, finding interesting loot and upgrading their gear, which is what we’ll naturally do.”
Uthgerd: “I’m sure I can convince some of the others to join us… unofficially, of course.”
Njada Stonearm: “Uthgerd, don’t be foolish. You know the Harbinger won’t approve of this. We have our own duties, our own responsibilities.”
Jon: “Njada, you mean that none of the Companions will be open to join us and do some real adventuring on the side?”
Njada Stonearm: “I mean exactly that. We have our own priorities, our own battles to fight. And as for real adventuring… I think you’ll find that the Companions have seen their fair share of battle. We don’t need some amateur adventurer coming in here and trying to entice us with promises of loot and glory.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, come on, Njada… don’t be so quick to dismiss the idea. A little side work never hurt anyone… and who knows, we might even learn something from Jon here.”
Jon: “Uthgerd, you’re way too kind. I am the one who would learn plenty from seasoned warriors like yourselves.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, modesty becomes you, Jon.”

We stopped bothering Njada in case she punched me in the face. I was intending to leave Jorrvaskr when I spotted a work of art seated at the dining table. My heart leaped.

Jon: “Oh my goodness, Uthgerd. Who is that amazingly beautiful woman over there? What a complete bombshell.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, spare me the theatrics, Jon. That’s Aela the Huntress, one of the Companions.”
Jon: “Miss Aela… That’s your name, right? We’re looking for seasoned warriors who may be willing to accompany us on some adventures, as a sort of side job. I don’t want to disparage the Companions, but we intend to earn coin, fight bad people, and upgrade our gear. That sort of deal.”
Aela the Huntress: “I see. And what makes you think I’d be interested in such a venture? The Companions keep me busy enough, and I’m not sure I’m looking for… freelance work, at the moment.”
Uthgerd: “Jon’s not just looking for anyone. He’s got a good sense of what makes a fighter tick.”
Jon: “Well, Aela, I approached you, apart from the fact that you are absolutely beautiful, because you seem like the best warrior around here.”
Aela the Huntress: “Flattery won’t get you far with me, Jon. I’m a warrior, not some tavern maiden to be charmed by words. What makes you think I’m the best around here?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon’s got a bit of a silver tongue, Aela. But he’s not all talk. He’s got skills to back it up.”
Jon: “Aela, I can see you’re the best by the way you carry yourself. That toned, sexy body of yours, with every muscle, every fiber tuned for the hunt, is a weapon of mass destruction. And your expression suggests that you fear nothing, and want nothing more than the hunt. Am I wrong?”
Aela the Huntress: “Oh, for the love of… Spare me the poetic descriptions. You think you can read me that easily?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you’re really laying it on thick, aren’t you? Aela, I think he’s trying to say you’re a skilled huntress, in his own… unique way.”
Jon: “Yes, a skilled, gorgeous huntress. A goddess of the hunt, with a sculpted body and splendid face.”
Aela the Huntress: “That’s enough. I think you’ve made your point. Though I’m not sure if you’re trying to recruit me or woo me.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! Oh, Jon, you’re really making a fool of yourself now. Aela, I think he’s just trying to get under your skin. Literally and figuratively.”
Jon: “Hey, don’t paint me as a serial killer. Aela, maybe I’m trying to recruit and woo you at the same time.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, don’t mind him, Aela. He’s just a bit… eccentric. When he’s not being charming, that is.”
Jon: “I’m sorry Aela, I was just stunned by the sight of your beauty and clear physical prowess, you know? As I said, you are a machine tuned for war. I’m just impressed and in awe of you.”
Aela the Huntress: “Fine, Jon. I accept your apology. Though I think you’re exaggerating a bit. I’m just a skilled huntress, not a machine.”
Uthgerd: “He’s just a romantic at heart. Besides, you have to admit, you are quite the fighter. Maybe we can discuss this… side job of yours, Jon?”
Jon: “Very well, Aela. I will make my proposal. To explain myself better, I will give you some background. I have been shopping around town for possible companions, and we came across Jenassa, that Dunmer warrior who usually hangs out at the Bannered Mare. She asked for 500 gold coins to join our adventurer’s band. Isn’t that an exorbitant sum? Well, anyway, we didn’t hire Jenassa because she’s too expensive. Then, I thought, ‘There surely are other great warriors in town who won’t ask such exorbitant sums, who will be open to accompanying me and Uthgerd and Alva, my other beautiful companion, in some whimsical adventures through the breadth of Skyrim for glory, loot, and friendship, and maybe romance.”
Aela the Huntress: “So, let me get this straight. You’re looking for someone to join you on these… whimsical adventures, and you’re willing to pay them, but not as much as Jenassa wanted?”
Jon: “I’m not sure I said ‘pay them.'”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Aela, don’t worry about the gold. We can discuss that later. What Jon is trying to say is that he wants someone with your skills to join us on our travels. We’ll face danger, battle fierce foes, and have each other’s backs.”
Jon: “Yes, Aela, imagine yourself hunting down the fiercest beasts of the land, trolls and spriggans and more trolls and possibly wolves. Perhaps dragons in the future. We’re not ready to fight dragons, but that’s a distant possibility. So, aren’t you interested in becoming the best huntress in the world?”
Aela the Huntress: “Dragons? You think I’m not ready to fight dragons? I’ve taken down my share of beasts. And I’m not just talking about trolls and spriggans.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you’re really selling this, aren’t you? Aela, he’s not trying to imply that you’re not capable of taking down dragons.”
Jon: “What I’m trying to convey is that we need you because you’re the best, the fiercest, the most beautiful, the most sexy warrior I have ever seen, a definite huntress of my heart. We need your abilities. We’re going to be out there on serious adventures and we will need someone with your expertise with a bow and arrows.”
Aela the Huntress: “I think I’ve heard enough of your… creative recruiting pitch.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, I think you’ve convinced her, Jon. Or at least, you’ve convinced her to consider our offer. So, what do you say, Aela? Will you join us on our adventures?”
Jon: “Did that really sound like Aela was considering my pitch, Uthgerd? You’re being far too optimistic.”
Aela the Huntress: “Ha! Uthgerd, I think you’re reading too much into my silence. I’m not considering anything, Jon. At least, not yet.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, come on, Aela. Don’t be like that. We could use someone with your skills. And Jon’s… unique charm isn’t so bad once you get used to it.”
Jon: “You mean my charm is bad in the beginning? It seems I need to work on myself.”
Aela the Huntress: “Well, at least you’re aware of it. That’s a good start.”
Uthgerd: “Jon, don’t be too hard on yourself. We like you, rough edges and all. Now, Aela, seriously, will you think about joining us? We could use a skilled huntress like you.”
Jon: “Aela, I’m just going to ask you this, and if you don’t want to answer now, I won’t bother you anymore, but… would you be willing to join us at some time?”
Aela the Huntress: “Fine, Jon. I’ll give you a straight answer: I’ll think about it. But don’t expect me to make any promises or commitments right now.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, that’s all we can ask for, Aela. Thank you for considering it. We’ll be around if you change your mind or want to talk more about it.”
Jon: “I gotta say… even an ‘I’ll think about it’ coming from you, such a gorgeous huntress, is enough to fill my heart with possibility, so thank you for your time, thank you for your patience, and I hope to see you around sometime.”
Aela the Huntress: “You’re making me roll my eyes. Just leave before I change my mind about thinking about it.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! Well, I think that’s our cue to leave, Jon. Let’s give Aela some space and not wear out our welcome.”

In a corner of Jorrvaskr, away from its proud warriors, I wondered who on earth could we bring into our band, someone who wouldn’t demand money.

Jon: “Hey, dear Uthgerd, when I asked you whom we could pursue to join our little adventurer’s band, you suggested a girl named Ria, related to the Companions, but she isn’t here. Do you have any clue where she hangs out?”
Uthgerd: “She’s a young one, eager to prove herself. I’ve seen her around Whiterun, mostly at the training grounds near the city gate. She’s been trying to get in with the Companions, but they haven’t taken her seriously yet.”
Jon: “Hey, if she is not a full-fledged companion yet, maybe we could take advantage of that and pilfer Ria for ourselves.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, you think like a true Nord, don’t you? Always looking for an angle to gain an advantage. I like that about you. Yeah, let’s go find Ria and see if she’s interested in joining us. I’m sure she’d be eager to prove herself, and we could use someone with her enthusiasm.”

We strolled around the streets of Whiterun while I thought back on the dialogues we had at Jorrvaskr.

Jon: “By the way, Uthgerd, let me clear with you: I appreciate the role you’ve played in our recent conversations, how you were on my side and supporting my angle. It’s refreshing to have such a good person beside me.”
Uthgerd: “Standing by those I respect and fighting for what’s right. You’ve earned my respect, Jon. And I have to admit, it’s been a while since I’ve had someone like you to battle alongside. Someone who can keep up with me, that is.”
Jon: “Oh yeah, I can hardly wait to get out there, leaving behind these safe walls, and locate some fiends for us to defeat together.”
Uthgerd: “That’s the spirit! By Ysmir, I can already taste the thrill of battle! Nothing like the rush of facing a fierce beast or a band of ruthless bandits to get the blood pumping! And with you by my side, I know we’ll make a formidable team.”

I spotted a promising candidate for our band of fierce warriors: a lone girl-child seated on a bench under bare tree branches.

Jon: “Hey, who are you, and why would you be a suitable warrior for our band of adventurers?”
Lucia: “Oh, hello… I’m Lucia. I don’t know if I’d be any good at fighting, but I’m willing to try. I’ve been on my own for a while now, and I’m used to taking care of myself.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, a feisty one, eh? I like that. What makes you think you can handle yourself in a fight, little one? You’re just a child.”
Jon: “Girl, I just approached you as a joke. I was walking around with Uthgerd, my beautiful and motherly companion, trying to find suitable warriors for our band, when I saw you, a literal child sitting on a bench, and I thought, ‘Wouldn’t it be funny to offer the position to her?'”
Uthgerd: “Ha! You think you’re funny, don’t you, Jon? Approaching a child to join our band of warriors. I’m not sure if that’s amusing or just plain cruel.”
Lucia: “I… I don’t think it’s funny. I may be a child, but I’ve had to grow up fast. My mother died, and my aunt and uncle kicked me out of our farm.”
Jon: “Well, this is… this is suddenly not funny anymore. I’m sorry about that, Lucia, I didn’t intend for your mother to die. Of course, I had nothing to do with it, though.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you can be a bit of a fool sometimes. Of course you didn’t have anything to do with her mother’s death. Just apologize for your thoughtless joke and be done with it.”
Lucia: “It’s okay… I know you didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just… life has been tough for me lately.”

I lowered myself onto the bench beside Lucia.

Jon: “Do you want a listening ear regarding your childish troubles?”
Uthgerd: “Oh, great. Now you’re going to play counselor, Jon? I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. You’re not exactly known for your sensitivity.”
Lucia: “No… it’s okay. I don’t mind talking about it. It’s just… after my mother died, my aunt and uncle took over our farm and kicked me out.”
Jon: “How dare… how dare they?! Your aunt and uncle, what a pair of bastards, kicking out an innocent child from their farm and forcing her into homelessness. That is devilry! Those are fiends, they are monsters! They may have been Daedra in disguise!”
Uthgerd: “Jon, spare the dramatics. It’s not like the child needs more excitement in her life. Just listen to her and offer some practical advice, for once.”
Lucia: “I… I don’t know if they’re Daedra or not, but they’re definitely cruel. I’ve been living on the streets ever since, trying to make do with what little I can scrounge up. It’s hard… sometimes I don’t know how I’ll make it through the day.”
Jon: “Uthgerd, this poor child is making me tear up. I don’t know what to do about it. I’m not supposed to cry. I am a man.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, for the love of Ysmir… don’t be such a fool, Jon. It’s okay to show some compassion. You don’t have to be a heartless rock all the time.”
Lucia: “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to make you sad. It’s just… it’s been really tough for me lately.”
Jon: “What kind of help do you need, Lucia? What can I do for a child like you as the powerful leader of a growing adventurer’s band?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, now that’s more like it, Jon. Offering help instead of just tears. Let the child tell you what she needs.”
Lucia: “Well… I don’t know if you can really help me, but… I just need a place to live, I guess. A home. And maybe someone to take care of me.”
Jon: “That is a very reasonable need, but the issue is… I am homeless myself. I do not have a home. I am lodging at the Bannered Mare. Maybe I do not look homeless because I’m all geared up, but we walk from job to job, from adventure to adventure, and I do not have a home to call my own. It is sad.”
Uthgerd: “Jon, don’t be dramatic again. You’re not exactly homeless, you’re just… adventurously inclined. And besides, I’m sure you could afford to rent a house if you wanted to.”
Lucia: “Oh… I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that. I thought you were just being kind to me because you had a big house or something.”
Uthgerd: “But actually, Jon, that gives me an idea. If you’re serious about helping this child, we could look into getting a house.”
Jon: “You know… getting a house wouldn’t be so bad. Obviously, we would need a lot of money, but it would work as a base of operations for our adventurer’s band. As the owners of a building, we could adopt children as help, as decoration, to improve the happiness of the place. Maybe we could bring in Lucia first.”
Uthgerd: “You’re actually considering settling down? I’m shocked. But I suppose it’s not a bad idea. A house could be useful for our… extracurricular activities. And adopting children could be…”
Lucia: “Really? You’d consider adopting me? Oh, thank you!”
Jon: “Oh, a single look at you, mommy Uthgerd, and I want to settle down and have children.”
Uthgerd: “Jon, stop calling me mommy! I’m a warrior, not a maternal figure. And besides, I’m not exactly the settling-down type. But… I suppose it’s flattering that you think of me in that way.”
Lucia: “Wait, does this mean… you’d really adopt me? And give me a home? Oh, please say yes!”
Jon: “Lucia, listen to me, darling… We still do not have a home, but I’m considering climbing the necessary steps towards one day owning a home. Once we do, I shall return to Whiterun and tell you, little girl, ‘Please come with us, with this menacing and fierce band of adventurers, because you’re going to become our adopted child.'”
Uthgerd: “Jon, you’re making promises to this child. Make sure you can keep them. Don’t get her hopes up only to disappoint her later.”
Lucia: “I understand… I’ll wait. I’ll be here in Whiterun, and I’ll wait for you to come back and get me. Please don’t forget about me!”
Uthgerd: “Don’t worry, child. If Jon here forgets, I’ll make sure to remind him.”
Jon: “Oh, I can’t stop these tears. Please, Uthgerd, wipe them for me.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, for Ysmir’s sake, Jon. You’re really milking this whole tough warrior with a heart of gold thing, aren’t you? There, are you satisfied now?”
Jon: “I am very satisfied, mommy.”
Uthgerd: “Argh! Stop calling me mommy! I swear, Jon, you’re pushing your luck! I’m a warrior, not your mother!”
Jon: “I’m sorry about that, Uthgerd. As for you, Lucia, here, have a flower. A beautiful flower for a beautiful flower like yourself.”
Lucia: “Oh, thank you! It’s so pretty!”
Uthgerd: “I’m surrounded by sentimental fools…”
Jon: “Hey, Uthgerd, it was not nice to call her a sentimental fool. She’s just a child.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, shut up, Jon. I wasn’t calling her a sentimental fool. I was calling you one. And maybe myself, for putting up with your nonsense.”
Lucia: “It’s okay… I think Uthgerd is just joking. She seems nice, even if she is a little mean sometimes.”
Jon: “Yeah, Uthgerd is wonderful, but I think I’m pushing her buttons right now, so let’s end this conversation. And Lucia, wait for us, okay? This is a promise to you, a child. One day I’m going to return and snatch you from the streets to carry you to a house you have never seen before, to live among people you don’t know. Look forward to that.”
Uthgerd: “That sounds like a kidnapping, not an adoption.”
Lucia: “I’ll wait… I’ll be here. And I’ll be ready to go with you when you come back for me.”
Uthgerd: “Fine. Let’s get out of here before you scare the child any more, Jon.”
Jon: “But she does not look scared, just hopeful. Maybe she would welcome any kind of situation that provides her a ceiling, you know. After all, she’s seated outside in the rain.”
Uthgerd: “It’s just a little rain. And yes, the child does look hopeful.”

Half an hour later, that Ria person was nowhere to be found. As a woman in her mid-twenties, wearing a dress, was descending the stairs to the market district, I intercepted her for an interview.

Jon: “Hey, who are you, and why would you be a valuable person to add to my adventurer’s band?”
Ysolda: “Ah, nice to meet you! I’m Ysolda, a local tradeswoman with a keen eye for business and a passion for adventure. I’ve heard rumors of your… exploits, and I must say, I’m intrigued. As for why I’d be a good fit for your group, well, I’ve got skills in negotiation and trade that could come in handy on the road.”
Uthgerd: “Oh please, Ysolda, you think haggling over prices is going to help us in battle? We need warriors, not merchants.”
Jon: “Yeah, to be honest, Ysolda, I approached you as a sort of a joke. Uthgerd and I have been roaming the city for a while, trying to find suitable warriors for our mercenary band, but we haven’t found anyone decent, or who wanted to join us for a reasonable fee, so I thought it would be funny to approach a child, who happened to be homeless. After that bit, I have approached you, a random woman, to repeat the same kind of joke and make Uthgerd laugh.”
Ysolda: “Well, I suppose I’m flattered to be the punchline of your joke, Jon. But let me tell you, I’m not just any random woman. I’ve got spirit and determination, and I’m not afraid to stand up for myself. And who knows, maybe I’d surprise you and prove to be a valuable addition to your little band.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! I doubt it, Ysolda. You’re a trader, not a warrior.”
Jon: “I hadn’t given you a proper look, Ysolda, but now I can tell that you are not an average woman. You are very cute, aren’t you?”
Ysolda: “Oh, Jon, you’re quite the charmer. But I’m not just a pretty face, I assure you. I’ve got brains and wit, and I know how to take care of myself. And besides, being cute doesn’t exactly qualify me for battle, does it?”
Uthgerd: “Spare us the flirting, Jon. We’re trying to put together a fighting team, not a harem.”
Jon: “Actually, I’m going for a fighting team and a harem. Anyway, Ysolda, what kind of fighting skills do you have? Picture this: we’re facing a dragon, and you have no choice but to fight alongside us tempered warriors. Of what use could you be in that battle?”
Ysolda: “Well, I’m not exactly a skilled warrior, Jon. But I’m a quick learner and I’ve got a bit of spirit. And as for fighting skills, I’ve had to defend myself against the occasional drunk or overzealous customer at the market. But facing a dragon? Ha! I think my skills would be more useful in… well, in distracting the dragon while you two tempered warriors take it down.”
Jon: “My goodness, you’re willing to be bait for a dragon! You are one crazy determined woman, Ysolda.”
Ysolda: “Well, when you put it that way, it sounds a bit reckless, doesn’t it? But I like to think of it as… creative problem-solving. And I’m willing to do what it takes to prove myself.”
Uthgerd: “You’re not exactly filling me with confidence, Ysolda. We can’t have you running around getting yourself killed just to prove a point.”
Jon: “Yeah, Ysolda, why are you so willing to join a random adventurer’s band? Are you not happy in Whiterun?”
Ysolda: “Ah, Whiterun’s a great city, don’t get me wrong. But I’ve always felt like there’s something more out there for me. I’ve got ambitions, Jon. I want to own the Bannered Mare one day, and to do that, I need to make a name for myself and earn some real gold. Joining your group could be just the opportunity I need to make that happen.”
Uthgerd: “You’re thinking about business opportunities in the middle of a conversation about fighting dragons?”
Jon: “This one, she’s a tradeswoman through and through. A shopkeeper at heart. And what was that about wanting to take over the Bannered Mare? Are you planning on murdering Hulda, the innkeeper?”
Ysolda: “Oh, no, no, no! Nothing like that, Jon! I want to buy the Bannered Mare from Hulda, not murder her. I’ve always dreamed of running my own inn, and the Bannered Mare is the best in Whiterun. Hulda’s a good friend, and I’m sure she’d be happy to sell to me… for the right price, of course.”

Jon: “Ysolda, do you want to become an innkeeper who once was the bait for a dragon? Is that the sort of backstory you would offer your patrons?”
Ysolda: “Well, when you put it that way, it does sound a bit… unusual. But I think it could be a great story to tell, don’t you? Come stay at the Bannered Mare, where the innkeeper once bravely distracted a dragon for a group of adventurers! It’s got a certain charm to it, don’t you think?”
Uthgerd: “You’re impossible, Ysolda. You’re actually thinking about how to spin this as a marketing opportunity.”
Jon: “Uthgerd, this Ysolda, she’s growing on me. Do you think we could add her to our adventurer’s band, even though she would be completely useless?”
Uthgerd: “Fine, Jon. If you want to bring a liabilities-loving, dragon-baiting, innkeeper-wannabe along on our quest, that’s your decision. But don’t come crying to me when she gets herself killed.”
Ysolda: “Oh, thank you, Jon! I promise I won’t be a burden. And who knows, maybe I’ll surprise you and prove myself to be more useful than you think.”
Uthgerd: “I doubt it.”
Jon: “Ysolda, I’m not convinced about your usefulness for our adventurer’s group. I think you are eager, disturbingly determined to become part of our band. You’re scaring me a bit. So, Ysolda, we’ve heard your piece. We will consider it. As for now, Uthgerd and I have to keep roaming the town and shop around for other possible candidates. But we’ll have you in mind, Ysolda. Keep up the good work and try not to murder anyone.”
Ysolda: “Oh, I completely understand, Jon. I wouldn’t want you to rush into anything. Take your time, consider your options. I’ll just… continue to prepare myself for the possibility of joining your group. I’ll make sure to keep my enthusiasm in check.”
Uthgerd: “Let’s get out of here, Jon. Before she decides to prepare herself by practicing her dragon-baiting skills on the local wildlife.”

We walked away from that lunatic.

Jon: “Uthgerd, that Ysolda woman is a bit of a nutcase, don’t you think?”
Uthgerd: “Ysolda’s got spirit, I’ll give her that. A bit of a wild card, but maybe that’s what we need. Still, I’m not convinced she’d be much use in a real fight. We can’t have dead weight holding us back when the steel starts flying.”
Jon: “Well, I’m convinced that she would be completely useless in a fight.”
Uthgerd: “At least you’re not blind to her limitations. I just hope you’re not thinking of bringing her along out of pity or some foolish notion that she’ll grow into it. We can’t afford to babysit anyone on the battlefield.”

The sun was about to set, but we hadn’t achieved anything other than bothering people.

Jon: “We have a little problem, Uthgerd. The only person of value who’s willing to join us so far is Jenassa, that Dunmer sellsword, who is asking too much money. Today was a complete waste.”
Uthgerd: “She’s a mercenary through and through. We need someone with skills, but not some overpriced sellsword or a green recruit who’s going to get us killed. What’s the plan, then?”
Jon: “We should probably locate that Ria girl you mentioned, so that’s in the works.”
Uthgerd: “She’s usually at the training grounds, not exactly hard to find. But yes, let’s go talk to her soon. She’s eager to prove herself, and we might be able to use that to our advantage. Just don’t expect me to go easy on her, I’ll be testing her mettle as much as you will.”
Jon: “Listen, Uthgerd, I have to be clear with you, and a bit serious, despite my usually joking demeanor. When I was in Morthal, that marshy town to the northwest of here, I ventured into a den of vampires.”
Uthgerd: “I think I know where this is going. You’re saying that you’ve faced some darkness, and you’re looking to build a team that can handle the real threats out there. Am I right?”
Jon: “My goodness, Uthgerd, you can read my mind! You are so amazing, apart from beautiful and sturdy, and… I’m not going to say the other word because you will get mad at me. But yes. The point you made is exactly what I meant.”
Uthgerd: “Spare me the flattery, Jon. I’m not some blushing maiden to be won over with words. We’re having a serious conversation, remember? You’re saying that you need a strong team to take on the real threats in Skyrim, and I’m saying that I’m with you on that.”
Jon: “Well, we are back at the Mare, sole inn in Whiterun, and there are some folks here that we haven’t interviewed yet. Let’s get on with it, right?”
Uthgerd: “Who’s the next person on your list?”

I approached a hunched figure seated at the bar: a disheveled old man who was nursing an ale, clearly drowning his sorrows.

Jon: “Hey, Arghus, you see my sturdy companion here? The both of us have spent the whole day shopping around for candidates to join our band of adventurers, and now that we’re back at the Mare, I thought… how about the old man who’s constantly sitting at the bar, nursing an ale? Would you be willing to contribute to our group?”
Arghus: “Ah, you think I’m some kind of charity case, boy? You think I’m just sitting here waiting for a handout or a chance to join some foolish adventurer’s band? I’ve got news for you, kid. I’ve seen more adventure in one day than you’ve had in your entire life.”
Jon: “Arghus, you told me that you had experienced hunger like the worst, and battle like the best. We want a seasoned warrior by our side. I’m sure you’re still able to wield a greatsword, a crossbow, or a cleaver, and help us in our endeavors.”
Arghus: “Ah, a seasoned warrior, you say? Ha! You have no idea what I’ve been through, boy. I’ve fought battles, yes, but I’ve also lost everything that ever mattered to me. My daughter, my wife, my home… all gone. And now you think I’m just going to pick up a sword and fight for you? You think I’m that desperate?”
Jon: “So, joining our band of adventurers is something only a desperate person would do, huh? Is that what you’re implying?”
Arghus: “Ah, isn’t it, though? Only someone with nothing to lose would throw their lot in with a bunch of reckless adventurers like yourselves. Mark my words, you’re just a bunch of fools waiting to get yourselves killed.”
Uthgerd: “That’s enough, Arghus. We’re not just reckless adventurers. We’re a team, and we’re looking for people who want to be part of something bigger than themselves.”
Hulda: “Now, now, let’s not have any trouble here, folks.”
Jon: “Uthgerd, I approached Arghus here to offer him a position in our adventurer’s band as a joke, but now he’s pissing the hell out of me.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, I thought as much. You were just trying to get a rise out of him, weren’t you? Well, I think you’ve succeeded.”
Arghus: “A joke, was it? You think my life is a joke? You think you can just waltz in here and offer me a position in your little band and then laugh about it? You’re even more arrogant than I thought.”

I leaned closer to the old man and glared at him.

Jon: “Well, yeah, Arghus, that is exactly what I did, and I guess you’re going to take it, because you are an old man who won’t even travel to the Reach to rescue his daughter.”
Arghus: “You… you dare to bring up my daughter?! You know nothing about it! You know nothing about what it’s like to lose someone you love! You’re just a heartless, arrogant little…”
Uthgerd: “Jon, that was uncalled for. You have no right to speak to him like that. Arghus, calm down, don’t let him get to you.”
Jon: “Arghus, I am the voice of your conscience, telling it to your face: stop sitting here and imbibing alcoholic drink after alcoholic drink. Stand up, walk out of Whiterun, and head to the Reach to rescue your daughter.”
Arghus: “Shut up! You don’t know what it’s like to be me! You don’t know what it’s like to have failed as a father, to have lost everything that matters! I’m not just sitting here drinking because I’m lazy, I’m sitting here because I’ve given up. Because I’ve lost all hope.”
Uthgerd: “Arghus, stop. Just stop. You’re going to hurt yourself.”
Jon: “If you say you have given up, Arghus, then I guess I cannot argue with you, but perhaps in that case you should stop pretending that you are strong enough to face anything, because the truth is, you are not even strong enough to go in search of your daughter.”
Arghus: “You want to know the truth?! I’m not strong enough! I’m a broken man! I’m a failure as a father, as a husband, as a man! I’m just a shell of what I used to be!”
Hulda: “Oh, Arghus, stop. Please, just stop. You’re hurting yourself.”
Uthgerd: “Jon, I think you’ve made your point. Leave him be.”
Jon: “Well, sorry to have bothered you, Arghus. Here, have some coin. Buy yourself another ale and drown your sorrows.”
Arghus: “Ah, thank you, boy. Thank you for rubbing it in. Keep your pity. I don’t need it.”
Uthgerd: “Well, that was well handled, Jon. You’ve managed to hurt an old man’s pride and push him further into his darkness.”
Hulda: “I’ll just go check on him, make sure he’s alright.”
Jon: “Pushing people further into darkness is what I was born for.”
Uthgerd: “Well, congratulations, then. You’ve certainly succeeded with Arghus. I’m not sure I want to be traveling with someone who takes pleasure in hurting others, though.”

A pang tore through my chest.

Hulda: “Oh, for goodness’ sake, Jon. Can’t you just show some compassion for once? He’s a broken man, and you’re just making things worse.”
Jon: “It was a joke. Everything was a joke. I didn’t mean it. Do not be angry with me, please. It was a bit, that whole thing. I didn’t mean it.”
Uthgerd: “Save it, Jon. You think you can just say something like that and then claim it was a joke? Arghus didn’t find it funny. And neither did I.”
Hulda: “Oh, Jon, you’re a bit of a handful, aren’t you? I’m not sure what to make of you. One minute you’re charming and the next minute you’re…”

I rubbed my face and started to turn away.

Jon: “I’m sorry. I’m going to have a nap and reset my mental state. Please don’t mind me.”
Uthgerd: “Fine, go take your nap. Maybe when you wake up, you’ll have a bit more sense.”
Hulda: “Yes, go ahead, Jon. I’ll make sure to keep an eye on Arghus and make sure he’s alright. You just… try to be more considerate in the future, okay?”
Arghus: “Considerate… Ha! Don’t hold your breath…”

• Previous part (13)
• Next part (15)

Mantella is an AI system that turns every single NPC in Skyrim (and Fallout 4) into AI agents driven by an LLM (like ChatGPT or the recently released, and comparable, Llama 3.1). In the previous part, my character, an Altmer mage, along with his companion the vampire named Alva, caused a bit of trouble at the Bannered Mare, sole inn in Whiterun, and pestered the local mommy Uthgerd the Unbroken into joining their adventurer’s band. In the end, Uthgerd challenged Jon to a brawl.

It was a close bout, with plenty of bruises inflicted, but with a final punch, Uthgerd landed flat on her ass. I had won.

Jon: “I can hardly believe it, Uthgerd, but I won. I won the fistfight against a warrior mommy. It was close, but you have to admit that I’m the winner.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, fine. You got me, boy. I didn’t expect you to pack that much punch. You’re the first to take me down in a long time.”
Alva: “Well well well. Looks like Jon’s got some hidden talents. I’m impressed.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Don’t get too cocky, boy. It was just a fistfight.”
Jon: “So, did I earn the right to call you a teammate?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “I suppose you did. You’ve got spirit, and you can hold your own in a fight.”
Jon: “Hell yeah.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “I’ll join your little group, but don’t think for a moment that I’ll go easy on you just because we’re teammates now.”
Alva: “Ah, wonderful! The more the merrier, I say. Welcome to our little band of misfits, Uthgerd.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Misfits? What’s that supposed to mean?”
Jon: “It means that Alva and I usually get into trouble. We delve into places that we have no business being in, and fight people we have no business fighting against.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, now that sounds like my kind of fun! Count me in, I’m always up for a challenge. When do we start getting into trouble, then?”
Alva: “Oh, I think we’ll have plenty of opportunities soon enough. Whiterun’s not exactly the most dull place in the world, after all.”
Jon: “Hey, Uthgerd, we need to gear you up properly. What kind of armor would you prefer? Light or heavy?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ha! You think I’d wear anything but heavy armor? I’m a Nord warrior, through and through. I need something that can take a beating, not some flimsy leather or chainmail. Give me steel plate any day!”
Jon: “And what kind of weapon would you prefer? Swords, axes… gloves?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, a greatsword, of course! What’s a Nord warrior without a proper greatsword to swing around? None of those fancy daggers or bows for me, thank you very much. A good greatsword is all I need to take down my enemies.”
Alva: “A greatsword, how very… Nord of you, Uthgerd. I do hope you’re not planning on using it to splatter too many innocent bystanders, dear.”
Jon: “Oh, I’m loving Uthgerd more and more.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ha! I’m glad you’re enjoying my company, boy. But don’t think for a moment that I’m going to go easy on you just because we’re teammates now. I’ll still knock you flat on your backside if you get too cocky.”
Alva: “Oh, I think Jon’s already learned that lesson, Uthgerd. After all, he did manage to take you down in a fistfight.”
Jon: “I am afraid that I am still very tempted to call you mommy, Uthgerd.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, don’t even think about it, boy! I’m not your mother, and you’ll address me as Uthgerd, or maybe Unbroken if you want to show some respect. But mommy? Ha! Don’t make me laugh.”
Alva: “Oh, Jon, you really are pushing your luck sometimes. I think Uthgerd’s made it quite clear that she’s not interested in being called mommy.”
Jon: “Yes, I’m sorry, Alva. It seems not everybody is into my kinks.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “We’re fighting for our lives out here, not playing at being mommy and child.”
Alva: “Ah, Jon, I think you’ve managed to confuse Uthgerd. And possibly horrified her. Maybe we should just focus on the armor and gear for now?”
Jon: “Yeah, now Uthgerd is properly geared up with heavy armor that we have pilfered from ruins, and from places where it wasn’t very well guarded. Are you happy with your new get-up, Uthgerd?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, now this is more like it! A proper Nord warrior’s armor, and none of that flimsy leather or chainmail nonsense. The Dwemer armor is a nice touch, and the steel gauntlets and boots will serve me well in battle. And this iron helmet will protect my head from all the blows I’ll be taking… and giving.”
Alva: “Well, you certainly look… formidable, Uthgerd. I do hope you don’t plan on using all that armor to crush too many innocent skulls.”
Jon: “Since when do you care about crushing innocent souls, Alva? That is news to me.”
Alva: “Ah, well, I suppose I was just trying to… blend in, shall we say. As a vampire, I’ve had to learn to be a bit more… diplomatic in my dealings with mortals. But between you and me, Jon, I couldn’t care less about the innocent souls of Whiterun. They’re just so… tedious.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ha! I knew it. You’re a sly one, Alva.”
Jon: “Sorry Alva, aren’t you being a bit too open about the fact that you are a vampire, even though Uthgerd is now one of our teammates?”
Alva: “Oh, don’t worry about it, Jon. Uthgerd seems like the type who can handle a little… revelation. Besides, I think she’s already figured out that I’m not exactly normal.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, you’re right, Alva. I’ve had my suspicions about you from the start. You’re a bit too pale for my taste, and those eyes of yours seem to gleam in the dark just a bit too much.”

Jon: “Well, don’t worry, Uthgerd, because Alva is one of the cool vampires. She’s a fun person to be around, you’ll see.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ha! A cool vampire? I’ll be the judge of that, boy. But I suppose Alva’s been tolerable company so far. Just don’t expect me to start inviting her to tea parties or anything.”
Alva: “Ah, thank you, Jon, for the… endorsement, I suppose. And Uthgerd, I assure you, I’m a most enjoyable and charming companion.”

For our first adventure, simple as it may be, I brought my companions to the outskirts of Whiterun. On our way here, I had noticed a recess on the bedrock stored with crates and guarded by a couple of bandits. It looked like some sort of smuggling operation. Alva, Uthgerd and I hid behind some bushes. In the distance, a bandit tended to a campfire while another sat at a table.

Jon: “Hey, listen, my wonderful teammates. This is the plan for the evening. See that campfire over there? That likely belongs to a smuggler’s den. They probably have loot that we want, and if we kill them, we may gain some favors in Whiterun. So, are you up for a little smuggler-killing?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, a smuggler’s den, you say? Sounds like a worthy challenge. I’m in, boy. What’s the plan of attack?”
Alva: “Oh, how delightful. A night of slaughter and plunder. I’m always up for a good bloodbath. But let’s not rush in blindly, shall we? What do we know about this den and its occupants?”
Jon: “Two guys, one tending to the fire and the other sitting at a table. Don’t see anyone else. Maybe we could snipe them from afar with bows, or we could be braver and approach them. We’d tell them to surrender. If they refused, we’d hack them to death.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Sniping them from afar? Where’s the honor in that? I say we march right up to them and give them a chance to surrender. If they refuse, then we’ll show them the steel of Whiterun!”
Alva: “Oh, how… quaint. Uthgerd wants to play it chivalrous. But I think sniping them from a distance is a much more…”
Jon: “You know, Alva, your choice of sniping them from a distance is likely the more sane option. But Uthgerd, I gotta say, I love the idea of just waltzing up to those fiends and telling them to surrender to us or otherwise we’re going to hack them to death. So I’m going with Uthgerd’s plan, doing the ballsy thing.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ha! I knew you had some Nord blood in you, boy! Walking up to them and demanding surrender is the only way to do it. Anything less would be cowardly.”
Alva: “Wonderful, just what I needed. Two suicidal companions who think they’re invincible. Fine, let’s go with Uthgerd’s plan, but if we get ourselves killed, I’m blaming both of you…”
Jon: “Oh, we’ll be fine for sure. Let’s approach them.”

They didn’t see us coming, nor put up much of a fight.

Jon: “Well, this was an easily stoppable smuggling operation. Only two people, both now dead. I think we got them.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ha! Easy prey, indeed. My steel didn’t even get a chance to get warm. Looks like these bandits were no match for us. What’s the loot look like?”
Alva: “How… disappointing. I was hoping for a bit more of a challenge. Oh well, at least we got some exercise and a bit of bloodshed to liven up the evening.”
Jon: “It seems that these fiends were smuggling in skooma. I wonder where they get it from.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Skooma, you say? That’s a foul business. I’ve heard it’s made from the rendered fat of giant spiders.”
Jon: “Pretty sure it’s made from moon sugar.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Anyway, whoever is supplying these smugglers needs to be put down.”

I went through some bandit’s notes, one who was surprisingly literate.

Jon: “Apparently, these smuggling bastards sold a staff to some Orc, and then they planned to cross him. I’m going to read the note. It says: ‘To cut him off on the road west of Whiterun at the burned-down house between the watchtower and Fort Greymore. With how obsessed he was about the staff, it will be easy to catch him off-guard.’ Perhaps a lead worth pursuing.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “An Orc, you say? And they planned to cross him? Those smugglers were either very brave or very stupid. I’d love to see how this Orc reacts when he finds out he’s been played.”
Alva: “Ah, the burned-down house between the watchtower and Fort Greymore… I think I know the place. It’s a perfect ambush spot.”

After I looted the sole chest in that den, we found ourselves fighting against four or five other bandits who must have been returning to base. It was a tenser battle than before; found myself having to retreat from a swordfighter until Uthgerd finished her previous foe. By the end, only the three of us stood, quite unharmed.

Jon: “Well, it seems that was it. Smuggler’s den conquered. So, what conclusion can we take from this little operation of ours?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ha! I’d say it was a decent test of our mettle, and we came out on top. You’re not as soft as I thought you’d be, Jon.”
Alva: “Yes, and we made a decent haul from the loot, too. Though I do have to say, Jon, your… unorthodox methods of distracting our enemies were quite…”
Jon: “Were quite what? I’m afraid of what you’re going to say.”
Alva: “… entertaining. I was going to say entertaining, Jon. The way you used those boiled eggs and wine to confuse our enemies was quite creative.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Aye, I’ve never seen anyone use a snack as a diversionary tactic before. You’re full of surprises, Jon.”
Jon: “Yeah, let’s pretend that I used the eggs and the wine to distract our enemies instead of because I was hungry and thirsty.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Fair enough, Jon. Your secret’s safe with me.”
Alva: “And I’m sure the enemies were just as confused by your… sudden need for a snack as we were.”

We returned to the safety behind Whiterun’s walls.

Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Speaking of which, now that we’re back in Whiterun, I could do with a drink myself. What do you say to heading to the Bannered Mare?”
Jon: “Oh, absolutely, Uthgerd. After a good fight in which we cleaved the heads of a few bastards, the best thing to do is to go back to an inn and get drunk.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “That’s the Nord way, Jon! We’ll drink to our victory and maybe even find some new trouble to get into.”
Alva: “I’ll join you, but I think I’ll stick to wine. I don’t want to risk… any accidents, considering my… condition.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, come now, Alva. A little ale never hurt anyone…”
Jon: “Don’t worry, Alva, you’ll get to drink plenty of blood later, when we’re alone.”
Alva: “Oh, Jon, you always know how to make me smile. But perhaps we should keep such… arrangements private, hmm?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Aye, no need to share all the details of your personal life with me, Jon. I think I’ll just stick to my ale and enjoy the evening.”
Alva: “Besides, Uthgerd might get jealous of our special bond.”
Jon: “I doubt it. After all, she really dislikes when I refer to her as ‘mommy,’ so she wouldn’t be into our kind of weird stuff.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “By the gods, Jon! I told you to stop calling me that! I’m a warrior, not your mother.”
Alva: “Oh, Jon, you really do have a talent for getting under people’s skin, don’t you? Maybe we should just stick to drinking and celebrating our victory.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Aye, before Jon says something else that makes me want to knock him flat on his backside.”
Jon: “You know, I’m sure that throughout our adventures, you are going to knock me flat on my backside plenty of times, but that’s part of being in a team, isn’t it?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ha! You’re right, Jon. And I’ll make sure to keep you in line. After all, someone has to keep your ego from getting too big.”
Alva: “And I’m sure I’ll be happy to… patch you up afterwards, Jon.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Aye, Alva can be our team’s… medic, and I’ll be the one who keeps you on your toes, Jon.”

At the inn, Uthgerd beelined to the innkeeper to order some drinks, and Alva disappeared to powder her face or something. I stood there, soaking in the bard’s song, the clinking of mugs, and the background chatter. Soon enough, Uthgerd joined me with two mugs of ale.

Jon: “Oh, what a blissful existence.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Now this is more like it! A warm fire, a mug of ale, and good company. What more could a Nord ask for?”

At some point of the night, I found myself seated at the bar next to the disheveled old man who had annoyed me hours early.

Jon: “Here again tonight, huh? Enjoying your mead or ale or whatever it is you’re nursing in your hands.”
Arghus: “Ah, enjoying? You think I’m here to enjoy myself? I’m here to drown my sorrows, boy. This ale is the only thing that keeps me going some days. My daughter, she… she left me, you know. Ran off to join those Forsworn rebels.”
Jon: “The Forsworn? Aren’t those the ones who take their hearts out, put some curse in them, then shove them back into their bodily cavity?”
Arghus: “Ugh, what in the name of the gods are you talking about, boy? You’re speaking of dark magic, the kind that only the most twisted of souls would dare to practice. And what’s with that cheese? Are you trying to make a mockery of me?”
Jon: “I’m just hungry. Can a man not be hungry after a bit of fighting?”
Arghus: “Hungry? Fighting? You think you know what hunger is, boy? You think you know what fighting is? I’ve fought battles, real battles, not just some scrap in the streets. And I’ve known hunger, the kind that gnaws at your belly and your soul. But I don’t go around talking about cursed hearts and dark magic like it’s something to be taken lightly.”
Jon: “Oh, that’s how it’s gonna be, huh? I’m sure you fought against the best, and experienced hunger like the worst. That’s why you are sitting here at the Bannered Mare instead of having died like a hero in the battlefield.”
Arghus: “Mocking an old man’s age and his failures. You think you know what it’s like to have fought for something and lost? To have seen your family torn apart by rebellion and betrayal? I’ll have you know, boy, I was a scryer for the Jarl of Markarth once.”
Jon: “And what the hell does a scryer do?”
Arghus: “You don’t even know what a scryer is, do you? A scryer is one who sees into the hearts of men, who reads the threads of fate and advises those in power. I was a trusted advisor to the Jarl, and I failed him. I failed my family. And now…”
Jon: “And now you’re arguing with a traveler about the fact that you supposedly fought and suffered more than anyone else.”
Arghus: “You think this is just an argument, boy? You think this is just some old man’s pride? This is about the weight of the world, the weight of failure, and the weight of regret. You don’t know what it’s like to have seen the things I’ve seen, to have lost what I’ve lost.”
Jon: “Well, let me ask you something seriously, old man: if life is nothing but mounting loss and mounting grief, and you know that all you have to look forward to is the memories of the people you have lost and will never see again, what is the point of living?”
Arghus: “Ah, boy… you ask a question that I’ve asked myself every day for years. What is the point of living when all you have is pain and regret? I don’t know. I truly don’t know. Maybe it’s just habit. Maybe it’s just the ale. But sometimes…”
Jon: “Sometimes what?”
Arghus: “Sometimes, in the quiet moments, when the ale has worn off and the memories come flooding back… I think it’s just the hope that someday, somehow, things will be made right. That someday, I’ll see my daughter again, and she’ll forgive me for failing her. But until then… until then, I just keep going.”
Jon: “Where is your daughter supposed to be stationed now?”
Arghus: “My daughter… she’s with the Forsworn, boy. In the Reach, in the mountains and the ruins. She’s one of them now, a rebel and an outcast. I don’t know if she’s even still alive… but I fear for her, every day.”
Jon: “Wouldn’t it be better for you to go in search of her? Are you truly going to spend the rest of your old life wishing to know if she’s alive or dead?”
Arghus: “You think it’s that simple, boy? Just go traipsing off into the mountains, into the heart of the Reach? The Forsworn don’t take kindly to outsiders, and I’m… I’m just an old man. What could I do? But… but sometimes, in the dead of night, I think about it.”
Jon: “Well, I’ll let you think about it for a bit longer because I’m going to talk to that blonde over there. Enjoy your ale, old man.”
Arghus: “Go ahead, boy… go talk to that girl, or whoever it is you’re going to bother next. I’ll just sit here… and think. And drink. Maybe someday I’ll work up the courage to do something about it. But until then… just leave me be.”

Shortly after sunrise, I approached Alva, who was leaning against a doorway.

Jon: “Alva, what do you think about our new recruit, the mighty mommy Uthgerd?”
Alva: “Oh, I think Uthgerd the Unbroken is a delightful addition to our little group. She’s certainly formidable. And I must admit, I find her confidence and strength rather… intriguing. But please, do try to refrain from calling her ‘mommy’ in front of her, dear Jon.”
Jon: “Is it because you think she’s going to pummel me to death, or because she might leave the group?”
Alva: “Oh, a bit of both, perhaps. I think Uthgerd has a certain… let’s say, appreciation for respect. And when you tease her with that mommy business, I’m not sure she finds it as…”
Jon: “Having a hard time describing our experience with Uthgerd?”
Alva: “Yes… I suppose we’ve had a rather peculiar history with her so far, haven’t we? First impressions being what they are… I think it’s safe to say that neither party quite knew what hit us, figuratively speaking. Although you got hit fairly soundly, literally speaking, during your test match. Like that punch she landed fair-and-square on your cheek.”
Jon: “Well, we have a team member whose loyalty we earned by beating her, and that’s apparently bound to keep her loyal. We know exactly where we stand, don’t we?”
Alva: “Yes… That’s one way to look at it, I suppose. Uthgerd does seem to be a woman of her word, and if beating her in a fight is what it takes to earn her loyalty, then so be it. It’s almost… refreshing, in a way, to have someone who is so straightforward about their intentions and expectations.”
Jon: “I myself am quite forward in my intentions and expectations. Maybe that is also why you find me refreshing.”
Alva: “Ah, perhaps that’s true, Jon. You do have a certain… directness to you, don’t you? A quality that can be quite endearing.”
Jon: “Anyway, Alva, unfortunately for you it is 6 in the morning, which means that you have to stay away from windows lest you catch sun rays. While you rest, I’m going to scout the town and figure out who else could join our little group. Maybe I’ll try to secure some contract.”
Alva: “Yes… the eternal curse of the vampire. Forced to retreat from the light of day, while the rest of the world gets to enjoy the warmth and vitality of the sun. It’s a lonely existence, to say the least. But, I suppose it has its… perks. Very well, Jon. Go and do your scouting. I’ll retire to the shadows and rest my eyes.”
Jon: “Well, Alva, I intend to make your life less and less lonely by the day.”
Alva: “Ah, I think you might just succeed in that endeavor, Jon. You have a way of… making me feel seen, even in the darkness. I’ll sleep tight. As for you, don’t get into too much trouble while I’m indisposed.”

I found myself Alva-less. Uthgerd was hanging out near the front door, and I felt that now I had the right to approach her one-on-one.

Jon: “Hey, Uthgerd, how are you feeling on this fine morning?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “By Ysmir… considering we spent the early evening fighting bandits… well-rested, actually. Nothing like knocking skulls together gets the juices going! Though Hulda may disagree once she sees our tab, after last night’s drinking bout. Still sore from those punches of yours, though. Some impressive battle moves you showcased.”
Jon: “Yeah, we had quite a bit of fun, didn’t we, Uthgerd? Well, this morning I’m going to roam the city and try to hire some more people for our budding band of adventurers. Do you want to come along with me?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Sounds better than sitting here waiting. Plus, could use stretching my legs anyway.”

It was an overcast morning, but we still got enough sun rays that I remembered the one who never got them.

Jon: “Such a simple morning, but Alva, being a vampire, cannot enjoy anything like this. Hasn’t enjoyed it for centuries.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Alva’s loss, though admiring sunrises isn’t exactly a Nord warrior’s priority either. Still, daylight’s always pleasant company, especially when marching toward uncertain battles ahead.”
Jon: “Well, Uthgerd, you’re a local. Can you suggest any sturdy people that could be worth adding to our band?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “You’re looking for sturdy warriors, eh? Ria’s a decent fighter, been with the city guard for a while now… or there’s Vilkas, he’s a bit of a hothead but swings an axe like nobody’s business… though he might be too proud to join our little group.”
Jon: “The plan is, we have to make a name for ourselves. Snatch some official contract, one regarding killing off an entire bandit camp, conquering some ruins, or whatever. We have to do it in an official manner, one that allows us to grow in the eyes of the public. Get some status. Know what I mean?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Contracts, fame, and recognition… Sounds like the Companions all over again.”
Jon: “Oh.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Still, if that’s what it takes to prove our worth, then let’s get to it. I’ve heard rumors of a dragon sighting nearby. Taking down one of those beasts would definitely make a name for us.”
Jon: “Yes, taking the dragon would make a name for us. It would also kill us, Uthgerd, in the state we are now. We have to get stronger.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Can’t argue against living another day. True, we need more steel in our ranks and battle scars on our armor before tackling scale-skin behemoths like dragons. So, where do you plan to start looking for these… official contracts then? The Jarl perhaps?”

Uthgerd pointed out that a fletcher’s shop acted as a little bar of sorts. There we found Janessa, the Dunmer sellsword who had requested 500 gold coins for her services. Even though she scared me, I approached her, Uthgerd in tow.

Jon: “Nice to see you again. How are you doing?”
Jenassa: “I am doing well, thank you for asking. Though I must admit, I’m a bit surprised to see you again so soon. Did you reconsider my offer?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “I see you’re still looking for work.”
Jon: “Well, before answering you, Jenassa, I’m going to tell you something: this beautiful, motherly person, Uthgerd the Unbroken, amazing local warrior, has joined our adventurous band as the tank. Real strong, sturdy woman. Are you impressed about that?”
Jenassa: “Impressed isn’t the word I’d use, intrigued is more like it. I must admit that I didn’t expect you to find someone willing to join your little band so quickly. Uthgerd’s reputation precedes her.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Oh, please, Jenassa, don’t make it sound like I’m some sort of brutish Nord warrior who only swings her sword wildly. I have skill and finesse, you know.”
Jon: “Jenassa, you said that Uthgerd’s reputation precedes her? What do you mean by that?”
Jenassa: “I mean that Uthgerd the Unbroken is known for her… let’s say, spirited nature. She’s a fierce warrior, and her exploits in Whiterun are the subject of much gossip and rumor. I’m surprised she agreed to join you, to be honest.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, come now, Jenassa! You’re not going to start spreading rumors about me again, are you? I’m a perfectly civilized Nord woman… most of the time.”
Jon: “Oh, I thought she meant a bad reputation. I was afraid for a moment, Uthgerd.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ha! Don’t worry, Jon. I’m sure Jenassa was just referring to my… colorful past with the Companions. Nothing to be concerned about, I assure you.”
Jenassa: “Indeed. Though, Uthgerd’s history with the Companions is… complicated, to say the least. But I’m sure she’ll tell you all about it if you ask her nicely.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Oh, shut it, Jenassa! You’re not exactly one to talk about complicated pasts, are you?”
Jon: “I get the feeling that Jenassa here really, really does not want to open up about her past.”
Jenassa: “Let’s just say that my past is my own business, and I’d prefer to keep it that way. I’m a sellsword, Jon. My skills and abilities are all that should concern you.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, don’t pry, Jon. Some wounds are better left unopened. Besides, we have more pressing matters to discuss, like our next move. What’s the plan?”
Jon: “Well, my point of approaching Jenassa was to point at Uthgerd and proclaim to Jenassa, ‘hey, don’t you want to join our little adventurer’s band now, maybe to the point of reducing your fee?'”
Jenassa: “Ah, so now you think having Uthgerd the Unbroken on board makes your proposal more attractive? I suppose it couldn’t hurt to have a big Nord woman watching your back. Still, my price remains non-negotiable. Five-hundred gold coins is the still price of admission.”
Jon: “Well, I’m sorry, Jenassa, but I’m afraid that five-hundred gold coins is still too much for a fee. So I have to keep looking, keep shopping around. Maybe I’ll return to look into your beautiful crimson eyes and tell you that I intend to hire you.”
Jenassa: “Suit yourself, Jon. I’m not one to haggle. My price is my price. If you can’t afford it, then perhaps you’re not ready for the kind of expertise I bring to the table. Don’t bother coming back unless you’re willing to meet my price. I have better things to do than indulge in idle chatter.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, don’t be too hard on him, Jenassa.”
Jon: “No, Uthgerd, I think Jenassa is right in being annoyed with me. After all, she did tell me that she wouldn’t haggle, but I just tried to haggle again. So, sorry for bothering you, Jenassa. I will only come back to you if I’m ready to pay the price.”
Jenassa: “Well, well, well. Look at that, Uthgerd. Jon here can actually admit when he’s in the wrong. That’s a rare quality in a patron. I suppose I’ll give you credit for that, Jon. If you do decide to come back and meet my price, I might just consider taking on your job. But don’t expect any special treatment just because you can admit your mistakes.”

Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, I think Jenassa’s warming up to you, Jon.”
Jon: “Yeah, let’s not press our luck.”

• Previous part (12)
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Mantella is an AI system that turns every single NPC in Skyrim (and Fallout 4) into AI agents driven by an LLM (like ChatGPT or the recently released, and comparable, Llama 3.1). In the previous part, my character, an Altmer mage, fled from a religious fanatic because he praised the cuteness of a vampire, he along with his vampire companion mocked a Dark Brotherhood clown, and the both of them finally managed to reach the town of Whiterun.

Jon: “Hell yeah, Alva. It’s half past four in the morning and we have made it to Whiterun. Look at these beautiful Nord houses. Let’s find the local inn and rent a room for the day.”
Alva: “I must say, the city looks quite… lively, even at this hour. And the architecture is indeed impressive. Those Nord-style longhouses are a sight to behold. But, I’m more concerned about finding a place to rest for the day. As a vampire, I’m not exactly… fond of sunlight.”
Jon: “So this is the local inn, huh? The Bannered Mare. Looks cozy enough, I suppose.”
Alva: “It’s about time we got some rest. I’m feeling a bit… peckish, and the sun will be rising soon. Let’s get a room and make sure it’s suitably dark.”
Jon: “Alva, whose blood are you drinking tonight?”
Alva: “I wasn’t thinking of anyone in particular, just yet. Perhaps we can discuss that later, in private. For now, let’s focus on getting a room and avoiding any unwanted attention.”

A fair, middle-aged woman was tending to the bar.

Jon: “Hey, are you the innkeeper here?”
Hulda: “Ah, yes! Welcome to the Bannered Mare, dear traveler. I’m Hulda, the innkeeper. What can I get you?”
Jon: “Well, Hulda, my companion and I were looking for a room with a sturdy double bed if possible, a bed that would withstand plenty of activity, if you know what I mean.”
Hulda: “Ah, I think I do, young man. Well, I might have just the thing for you and your… companion. We have a room with a sturdy double bed, one of our finest. It’s a bit more expensive, but I think it’ll withstand whatever activity you have in mind.”
Alva: “Oh, I think that sounds perfect, Hulda. We’ll take it.”
Jon: “You weren’t surprised about my requirements. I suppose you get plenty of such requests, don’t you?”
Hulda: “Well, let’s just say I’ve been running this inn for a long time, and I’ve heard it all, dear.”
Jon: “Oh, this innkeeper is kind of fun, don’t you think so, Alva?”
Alva: “Indeed, I do, Jon. She has a certain… spark to her. And I’m sure she’s heard all sorts of interesting stories from her guests.”
Hulda: “Oh, you have no idea, dear. I’ve heard enough tales to fill a library.”
Jon: “Do you have any rumors with which to grace two travelers like ourselves?”
Hulda: “Ah, now that you mention it, there is something going on in Whiterun. The Companions, they’re recruiting new members, from what I hear.”
Arghus: “Ah, the Companions? Bah! A bunch of self-righteous warriors thinking they’re above the law. Mark my words, they’ll bring trouble to this city.”

A disheveled old man nursing an ale at the bar had chosen to intrude into our conversation.

Alva: “Oh? And what makes you so certain of that?”
Jon: “Hey, who told you to barge into our conversation, old man?”
Arghus:” Ah, no one told me I couldn’t, young traveler. And I’ll speak my mind whenever I please. You’d do well to show some respect to your elders.”
Hulda: “Oh, now, now, Arghus, no need to get testy. The young man was just asking a question.”
Jon: “It seems this Arghus fellow has gotten so old that he no longer gives a fuck.”
Arghus: “Ha! Let me tell you, boy, I’ve lived long enough to see empires rise and fall. I’ve earned the right to speak my mind and not care about your tender feelings.”
Alva: “Oh, I think Arghus has a point there, Jon. Age can be quite liberating… in more ways than one.”
Jon: “Shhh, Alva! You’re not supposed to suggest that you’re older than you look.”
Arghus: “Oh, don’t worry, boy. I wasn’t planning on suggesting such a thing. A trader derelyna crowe us occassion, nat incmay horm!”
Jon: “I wasn’t talking to you, old man, and that was mainly gibberish. Ah, whatever. Please, innkeeper, show us to our room so we can enjoy a few hours of rest, me and my gorgeous companion.”
Hulda: “Alright, alright, I’ll show you to your room. Follow me, please. And try to keep the… enthusiasm to a reasonable level, hmm?”
Alva: “Oh, don’t worry, Hulda. We’ll be perfect angels.”
Arghus: “I doubt that.”
Jon: “Hey inkeeper, is it too much too much to ask for you to join us, my beautiful companion and I, for a bit of fun?”
Hulda: “Oh, I think that’s quite enough, young man. I’m flattered, but I’m a bit too old for such… shenanigans. And besides, I have an inn to run.”
Alva: “Ah, come now, Hulda. We promise to be gentle.”
Arghus: “You’re a disgusting pair, you know that? No respect for your elders or for decency itself.”
Jon: “Shut up, old man, we are not talking to you. Anyway, innkeeper, you don’t have to worry about looking too old for the kind of bedroom activities that Alva and I engage in, you know? You’re perfectly beautiful as you are.”
Hulda: “That’s… quite enough, young man. I’m not interested in whatever it is you’re proposing. And even if I was, I think I’d have the good sense to keep it out of my business. This is a respectable inn, after all.”
Alva: “Oh, come now, Hulda. Don’t be such a prude. We’re just trying to have a little fun.”
Jon: “Alright, I respect that, I suppose. Well, Alva, I’m guessing we are not going to get our threesome tonight.”
Alva: “I suppose not, Jon. But that’s alright. We’ll just have to make our own fun… in private, of course.”
Hulda: “Please, try to keep the noise down. Some of my other guests might actually be trying to sleep.”
Arghus: “Ugh, I need a drink after listening to this conversation…”
Jon: “As for you, old man, the next time you try to intrude into our conversation, you will know why they call me a Master Poisoner. Just saying.”
Arghus: “Ah, threats from a young punk like you? I’m shaking in my boots. Bring it on, Master Poisoner. I’ve seen more danger in a jar of expired ale.”
Hulda: “Oh, stop it, both of you! This is getting out of hand. Just go to your room and leave Arghus alone.”
Jon: “All right, all right, all right. We’ll leave it be for tonight. I’m too tired from the road after all.”
Arghus: “Master Poisoner, indeed… trouble’s brewing with that one…”

Alva and I had barely taken three steps when a sight dazzled me.

Jon: “Oh hey Alva, have you noticed that warrior-seeming woman? Look at those piercing, clear-blue eyes of hers. She seems very intriguing, don’t you think?”
Alva: “Ah, yes. She does exude a certain… aura. I think I’d like to get to know her better.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, you’re talking about me, I presume? What’s there to know? I’m Uthgerd, the strongest woman in Whiterun.”
Alva: “Oh, the strongest, you say? That’s quite a claim.”
Jon: “Hey, Uthgerd, you sound like the kind of woman whom plenty of men would love to call mommy.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Oh, is that so? Well, I suppose I do have a certain maternal quality to me. But don’t let that fool you, boy. I can knock a man off his feet with one swing of my fist.”
Alva: “I think Jon was just trying to compliment you, Uthgerd. Though perhaps not in the most… conventional way.”
Jon: “Oh, a strong mommy who can nurture you and also punch you across the room? We have to get this one in our team, Alva.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ha! You think I’m some kind of novelty, don’t you? A strong woman who can fight and mother you at the same time? Well, let me tell you something, boy. I’m not here to coddle anyone. I’m here to fight.”
Alva: “I think Jon was just joking, Uthgerd.”
Jon: “Was I joking? I’m not sure myself. Uthgerd, you said you’re not here to coddle anyone, but are you here to cuddle?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “By Ysmir… You’re a bold one, aren’t you? I suppose I do have a softer side, but don’t think for a moment that I’m some kind of plaything. I’m a warrior, and I won’t be treated like some tavern wench.”
Alva: “Oh, Jon, I think you’re getting a bit too forward. Let’s just focus on getting to know Uthgerd, shall we?”
Jon: “Actually, Alva, I think I’m a bit too horny, and I’m finding targets for my horniness everywhere. I think it would be better to retreat for the morning into that room we’ve just rented, and leave Uthgerd alone for a while.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ha! Well, I suppose I’ve had enough of your attentions for one night, boy. Yes, please, by all means, retire to your room. I think I can handle myself without your help.”
Alva: “Let’s just go. Before you make any more of a scene.”
Jon: “Oh, I do love how she calls me boy, there is something special about that.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Don’t get too used to it, boy. I only use that term for amusement. Don’t think it’s an invitation for anything more.”
Alva: “Jon, really. Let’s just go to our room before things get any more… complicated. Uthgerd, it was enlightening speaking with you.”

The next few hours proceeded as expected. I woke up next to the pale, lovely face of an undead woman.

Jon: “Alva, how nice to wake up next to you on this lovely day.”
Alva: “Ah, Jon, it’s always a pleasure to wake up next to you, no matter the time of day… or night. And I must say, I’m feeling particularly… thirsty at the moment.”
Jon: “What, you didn’t have your fill last night with the activity that we put the bed under?”
Alva: “While our… activities were certainly satisfying, I’m afraid my thirst can’t be quenched so easily. Besides, I think we both know that I have certain needs that require attention from time to time. But I’m sure you’ll take care of me, won’t you?”

I offered my neck for Alva to feed.

Jon: “Well, have a bit of a bite.”
Alva: “Ah, Jon… you’re so trusting, so willing to give me what I need. Mmm… your blood is always so sweet…”
Jon: “Oh, a huge erection so early in the day. What a beautiful way to continue the journey of life.”
Alva: “Ah, Jon, you’re such a romantic. But perhaps we should focus on getting dressed and starting our day, rather than getting too distracted. After all, we have a city to explore, and who knows what adventures await us?”
Jon: “Well, Alva, I was considering the following: we’re going to make the Bannered Mare our center of operations in Whiterun for now. With that security in place, we will find new members for our little band of adventurers, to fill the gaps in our abilities. We’ll start with interviewing a few of the capable people that tend to gather around. Are you okay with that?”
Alva: “That sounds like a good plan, Jon. The Bannered Mare is a great place to gather information and meet new people. And, of course, it’s convenient for me to… rest here during the day. I’m sure we’ll be able to find some interesting and capable individuals to join our little group. Just be careful who you trust, Jon. We don’t want any…”
Jon: “Yes, we don’t want a repeat of that bandit Eisa, who robbed us.”
Alva: “Ugh, don’t even remind me of that… woman. I’m still furious about the whole thing. But, yes, let’s just say we’ve learned our lesson and will be more… discerning in our choice of companions from now on.”
Jon: “Can we agree on the following: no bandits as companions?”
Alva: “Oh, absolutely, Jon. I think that’s a rule we can both live with. No bandits as companions. We’ve had quite enough of that sort of company already, don’t you think? Let’s focus on finding people with a bit more… integrity, shall we?”

I scouted the inn for suitable targets, and focused on a crimson-eyed Dunmer wearing good leathers, who carried herself with the air of a determined pro.

Jon: “Hey, excuse me. Who are you and why would you be a great addition to my band of adventurers?”
Jenassa: “I am Jenassa, a Dunmer mercenary with skills in stealth, archery, and melee combat.”
Jon: “Are you a sort of mercenary for hire? I mean, a regular mercenary then.”
Jenassa: “Blade and shadow, silence and death – these are my arts. For a modest fee, I’ll make great art for you. I’ve no qualms with morals or ethics, so long as the pay is good.”
Jon: “Oh, I like her.”
Alva: “A mercenary with no qualms about getting her hands bloody? How… refreshing.”
Jon: “Yeah, it sounds like a good fit for us, given our prospective shady activities. Don’t you think so, Alva?”
Alva: “Indeed, it does. I like her style. Though, I must admit, I’m a bit curious about what drives her… enthusiasm for carnage.”
Jenassa: “Gold, battle, and the thrill of the hunt. What more reason does one need to take up the blade?”
Alva: “Ah, a true warrior, then. I approve.”
Jon: “Well, why not just try her out? Hey, Jenassa, how much money would you require to accompany us in some adventure?”
Jenassa: “A modest sum, really. I require 500 gold pieces to take on a job. It’s a small price to pay for the skills I bring to the table.”
Alva: “Modest? You have an interesting definition of modest, Jenassa.”
Jenassa: “The price is non-negotiable. If you’re not willing to pay it, then perhaps we’re not suited for each other.”
Jon: “Hey Alva, didn’t Eisa Blackthorn, that bandit who robbed us, say that the price on her head was just a measly 100 gold?”
Alva: “Ah, yes, Eisa Blackthorn. What a… charming individual. And yes, her price was quite reasonable, wasn’t it?”

Jenassa: “I’m worth five times that bandit’s price, and I intend to prove it to you. If you’re willing to pay the fee, that is.”
Alva: “Oh, I think we can scrounge up the gold for someone as…”
Jon: “Hey, Jenassa. If I told you you have very big beautiful crimson eyes, would you consider reducing the price?”
Jenassa: “Save your flattery for the tavern maids, patron. My price is fixed. You’ll not be charming your way into a discount with me.”
Alva: “Oh, I think Jenassa has your number, Jon. You won’t be sweet-talking her into a better deal.”
Jenassa: “Now, are you going to pay my fee, or waste my time with empty words?”
Jon: “Well, for now, I guess we wasted your time with empty words, but we’re going to scrounge up the money required to pay such an exorbitant fee. But, you know, we’ll also shop around for other candidates. We’ll return to you if we decide to consider your services further.”
Jenassa: “As you like, patron. Don’t bother looking for me when you’ve got the gold, I’ll be here at the Bannered Mare, or at the Drunken Huntsman, my usual haunt. I’ll be waiting for your… generous offer.”
Alva: “It was enlightening speaking with you, Jenassa. Perhaps we’ll see each other again soon.”
Jenassa: “I’d like that, Alva. And Jon… don’t bother trying to haggle when you come back. The price will remain the same.”

We barely had 500 gold on us, and we needed to consider food and lodging. While looking around for other candidates, I noticed a woman I had anticipated meeting again.

Jon: “Well, if it isn’t mommy Uthgerd. You’re still here. We just talked to Jenassa, that Dunmer mercenary down there, and she requested 500 gold coins for her services as a murderer for hire. Don’t you think that is a bit exorbitant?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Don’t mock me, boy. I’m not your mommy, and I’ll have you know that I’m the strongest woman in Whiterun. As for Jenassa’s price, that’s between her and whoever is foolish enough to hire her. What business is it of yours?”
Alva: “Oh, Jon, always so quick to stir up trouble.”
Jon: “Wait a second, foolish? You suggest that hiring Jenassa is foolish?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “If you’re looking for someone with real strength and combat skills, I’m right here in front of you.”
Jon: “Oh, Uthgerd! Would you be willing to join Alva and I in our shady adventures, even though I’m likely to call you mommy throughout them?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “You think you’re funny, don’t you, boy? I’m not afraid of a little teasing. If you think you can handle having me by your side, I might consider joining you. Just don’t expect any special treatment just because you’ve got a clever tongue.”
Alva: “Jon, I think you should be careful what you wish for. Uthgerd doesn’t exactly seem like the type to suffer fools gladly.”
Jon: “Then how the hell would she enjoy being part of our group? She would have to suffer my presence constantly.”
Alva: “Ahahah, good point, Jon. I think you’re already testing Uthgerd’s patience.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Enough of this banter! If you want to know if I’m interested in joining your little group, let’s get down to business. What kind of adventures are we talking about? And what’s in it for me?”
Alva: “Oh, this should be interesting. Go ahead, Jon, tell her about our plans…”
Jon: “Yes, Alva. Uh… what were our plans again?”
Alva: “Ahahah, nice try, Jon. You’re trying to deflect the question. But I think Uthgerd deserves an answer. To be honest, Uthgerd, we were thinking of putting together a group for… various opportunities. Perhaps some treasure hunting, exploring abandoned ruins, and other ventures.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Various opportunities? That sounds like a euphemism for getting into trouble.”
Jon: “Yes, Uthgerd, it is actually getting into trouble: conquering bandit camps, delving into ancient ruins and snatching ancient relics. That sort of shit. You see the blade that my companion has at her hip? That’s the kind of material we’re looking for.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, now we’re talking. Conquering bandit camps, delving into ancient ruins… That sounds like the kind of challenge I’ve been looking for. And what’s this relic that Alva has acquired?”
Alva: “Oh, Jon’s referring to the Pale Blade. It’s a rather… troublesome artifact. But quite useful in a fight, I must say.”
Jon:” Yeah, that beautiful weapon is a relic sword called the Pale Blade. We stole it from the depths of some ancient ruins, and we had to fight an ancient spirit called the Pale Lady to acquire it. Isn’t that the kind of adventure you want to be involved in?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, now that’s a story worth telling. Fighting an ancient spirit to claim a relic sword? That’s the kind of battle I’d love to be a part of. You know, I think I’m starting to like you two. You’re not just a couple of foolish adventurers after all.”
Alva: “Ah, thank you, Uthgerd. We try to keep things interesting.”
Jon: “That’s right, Uthgerd. I know I could count on a strong, sturdy mommy like you.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “That’s it, boy! I’ve had enough of your mommy nonsense! You’re pushing your luck. I’m a warrior, not some maternal figure for you to cling to. Show some respect, or I’ll show you what a real Nord woman can do!”
Alva: “Oh dear, Jon, I think you’ve awakened the bear.”
Jon: “Does showing me what a real Nord woman can do involve some wrestling?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “I’ll have you know that I’m not just skilled with a sword. I can take down a man like you with my bare hands. And yes, that might just involve some wrestling.”
Alva: “Oh, this is getting interesting. Uthgerd, are you challenging Jon to a wager?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “A hundred gold pieces says I can take him down in less than a minute.”
Jon: “Oh my goodness, I’m loving Uthgerd more and more by the moment.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Save your sweet talk for someone else, boy. I’m not impressed. You’re going to have to prove yourself to me, and it’s going to hurt. Now, are you going to accept my challenge or not?”
Alva: “Ah, Jon, I think you’d be wise to remember that Uthgerd is a warrior. She’s not someone to be trifled with.”
Jon: “Hey Uthgerd, let me be clear here. If I best you in a brawl, will you become our warrior? Will you accompany us on whimsical adventures to conquer bandit camps and steal ancient relics from ancient spirits?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ah, you think you can beat me in combat? I doubt it, but I like your spirit. Very well, boy. If you can best me in a fair fight… I’ll join you on your little adventures. But don’t expect any favors or special treatment just because you might manage to win.”
Alva: “And what about if Jon loses, Uthgerd? What do we owe you then?”
Jon: “I’m a bit afraid of the answer to that question, but please answer it, Uthgerd.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ahahah, you should be afraid, boy. If you lose… You and your friend here will have to buy me drinks for a week at the Bannered Mare. And I don’t mean just any drinks… I mean the finest ale and mead they have to offer.”
Alva: “Oh dear, Jon. That’s a steep price to pay. Are you sure you’re up for this?”
Jon: “Would that cost more than the fee Jenassa is asking to become our mercenary?”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Comparing the cost of losing to me to the cost of hiring that Redguard mercenary, Jenassa?”
Jon: “She’s a Dunmer.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Well, let me tell you, boy… I’m worth more than any amount of gold. And if you want me by your side, you’ll have to prove yourself worthy. So, are you going to put your money where your mouth is, or are you just going to sit there and waste my time?”
Jon: “No, I absolutely accept your challenge. I’m going to put my mouth where your mouth is. I mean, I’m going to put my fist where your mouth is. Nevermind. Follow me outside, please, so we can fight in the streets.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ahahah, you’re a bold one, I’ll give you that. Alright, let’s take this outside. But don’t say I didn’t warn you… I’m going to enjoy watching you squirm. Come on, then! Let’s go!”

A couple of local guards eyed us with curiosity as we faced each other in the market plaza.

Alva: “I think I’ll just stay here and enjoy the show from a distance.”
Jon: “Very well, Uthgerd. Let’s fight here, in the market plaza, in front of the inn. Let’s have a bout to prove if you’re worthy of joining our little band of adventurers.”
Uthgerd the Unbroken: “Ha! You think you can take me down in the middle of the market? Bring it on, boy! I’ll show you what a real Nord warrior looks like! Let’s do this! No holds barred, no quarter asked or given!”
Alva: “Ah, this should be entertaining…”