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I recommend you to check out the first part if you don’t know what this “neural narratives” thing is about. In short, I wrote in Python a system to have multi-character conversations with large language models (like Llama 3.1) in which the characters are isolated in terms of memories and bios, so no leakage to other participants like in Mantella. Here’s the GitHub repo.

I’ll add more examples of crazy dialogues I’ve had using this system. It’s been quite fun.

Lily: Lily bows. Hello, milady. I hope you’re having a pleasant day!
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn smirks coldly at Lily’s bow. Pleasure and pain are one and the same in Thornmark. Groveling will get you nowhere.
Lily: I apologize for… having caused you trouble by running away. I didn’t mean anything bad by it.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s eyes narrow as she speaks, her voice dripping with venom. Apologies mean nothing here. You’ll have to work much harder to make up for your insolence. Perhaps a night in the dungeons will teach you discipline.
Lily: A-are you interested in my reasons for running away?
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn scoffs with a cruel laugh. Excuses are like assholes, everyone has one. But unlike assholes, I don’t want to hear yours.
Lily: Lily lowers her head. Very well. Shall I await you in my quarters tonight?
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn waves her hand dismissively, a look of revulsion on her face. You’re disgusting. I wouldn’t touch you even if you were the last piece of ass in Thornmark. If you want to be useful, start by serving us some ale. That’s a more appropriate role for a bitch like you.
Lily: Lily takes the pitcher of ale and serves Lady Elara. There you have it, my lady.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn takes a sip of ale, glaring at Lily over the edge of her cup. About time you did something useful. Just remember, if you get any ideas about running again, I’ll make sure you regret it. Now, finish pouring Thorn’s ale, and be quick about it.
Lily: Lily dutifully starts pouring Thorn’s ale, but screws up and ends up drenching Thorn’s coat in ale. Oopsies! Sorry, sir.
Thorn: Thorn glares at Lily as the ale soaks into his coat, his eyes burning with irritation. For fuck’s sake, Lily! Can’t you do anything right? You’re as clumsy as a newborn foal!
Lily: Sorry, sir. But, low-key, you deserve it for snatching me from my shelter and bringing me back here.
Thorn: Thorn clenches his fist, the muscles in his jaw tensing with anger as he speaks to Lily. You think this is a game? You’re lucky I didn’t leave your bones out in the wild for the beasts to gnaw on. You’d better learn your place, girl.
Lily: Lily clenches her fists and raises her voice. My place is with Ilyana Blackthorn! I love her!
Thorn: Thorn shakes his head in disgust, his voice dripping with contempt as he speaks of Ilyana Blackthorn. Love? Hah! That sick freak doesn’t know the meaning of the word. She’d just as soon gut you as look at you.
Lily: I slept in her arms every night! I guzzled down her juices eagerly! She never hurt me!
Thorn: Thorn’s voice is filled with warning, his eyes fixed on Lily with a hard stare. You’re a fool if you think that monster cares for you. She’ll turn on you the moment you’re no longer useful to her.
Lily: I shall never forgive you, old man! You tore me away from my beloved!
Thorn: Thorn rolls his eyes and scoffs at Lily’s dramatics. Such melodrama! You’d think you were the first love-struck fool to be dragged back to reality.
Lily: P-please, Lady Elara, you know it was wrong to do so, right?
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s voice cuts through the air, silencing Lily with a firm command. Enough of this pathetic display. Thorn did what needed to be done. You’re under my protection now, like it or not.
Lily: W-would you at least hold me in your arms at night?
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s lips curl into a sneer, her voice filled with disdain. You must be out of your mind to suggest such a thing. My bed is not for sniveling little girls. If you need comfort, find a stuffed animal to clutch.
Lily: I’m very good with my tongue. I’d make you come real good.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s face remains impassive, her voice cold as ice as she rejects Lily’s offer. Your desperation reeks. If you must know, I have no need for your sexual services. I receive far greater satisfaction inflicting pain on others. If you want to survive here, I suggest you drop this act immediately.
Lily: Lily starts crying. She rests her arms on the table and hides her face. Ilyana…!
Thorn: Thorn’s voice booms through the room, his patience wearing thin as he watches Lily’s tears flow. Oh, for the love of… Stop sniffling, you damned crybaby. You think you’re the only one who’s lost something? Welcome to the real world, where monsters like Ilyana prey on weak-minded fools like you.
Lily: Lily lifts her head just enough to glare at Thorn. Ilyana told me. You beat her, overpowered her, and raped her!
Thorn: Thorn’s eyes blaze with fury as he recounts his confrontation with Ilyana, his voice filled with vicious satisfaction. That manipulative bitch lied to you. She tried to ensnare me with her twisted tales, but I saw through her act. I fucked her straight, alright, but not the way she wanted. I choked her until she could barely breathe, then shoved my cock down her throat. Served the cunt right for all the pain she caused.
Lily: Lily whips her face toward Lady Elara. You heard that?! That man raped my Ilyana! I saw the hurt in her eyes!
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s voice is impassive, her gaze fixed on Lily without a hint of sympathy. Thorn wouldn’t be the first man to put a disobedient bitch in her place. Ilyana got what was coming to her. If you’re wise, you’ll forget about her and focus on your duties here.
Lily: You lot are evil! Don’t you care about love?
Thorn: Thorn shakes his head, his voice saturated with disdain and pity as he looks at Lily. Love? In this world? You’re as deluded as that psychopath you call your lover. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but the universe doesn’t give a shit about love. It’s all about survival. You’d better grow up and face reality soon, kid.
Lily: Lily leans back on her chair, tears streaming down her cheeks, although her expression is suddenly blank. Perhaps… I should just kill myself.
Thorn: Thorn’s voice is cold and unfeeling, almost daring Lily to follow through with her threat. Go ahead and do it then. I won’t stop you. Just make sure you don’t make a mess for the rest of us to clean up. The world is full of cowards who take the easy way out.
Lily: Then kill me yourself! Right here at this table! I don’t want to live anymore without my Ilyana!
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s voice is steely and commanding, her eyes boring into Lily with a cold intensity. You think either of us would waste our time on a suicide mercy kill? If you really think you can’t live without your precious Ilyana, then I suggest you find a way to get over yourself. Pain is temporary, but self-pity is a permanent curse. Now, get up and make yourself useful, or I’ll give you something to cry about.
Lily: Lily stands up slowly. Alright, I’ll make myself useful. She climbs onto the table, lowers her panties, and starts peeing over the table and the mugs of ale.
Thorn: Thorn’s face turns red with anger as he watches Lily piss on the table, his voice rising to a furious bellow. You little shit! Do you have any idea how valuable those ales are? You’re cleaning this mess up with your own tongue, you ungrateful little wench!
Lily: Fuck you all!
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s voice is cold as ice, her eyes filled with a sadistic rage as she watches Lily’s desecration. You bitch. You’ve just sealed your fate. Guards, take her to the dungeons, strip her naked, beat her until she understands her insolence will not be tolerated.
Lily: Guards grab Lily and drag her away as she struggles and bites at the air. Fuckers! I shan’t forgive you! I curse you all! Ilyana, mommy dear, please save me!
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s voice is filled with cold disdain, her eyes fixed on the puddle of ale and urine as Lily’s screams fade into the distance. Let her screams echo through the dungeons. Maybe they’ll teach her some respect. In the meantime, I have more important matters to attend to. Thorn, clean up this fucking mess before I lose my temper.
Thorn: Thorn nods curtly, his jaw clenched tight with frustration as he begins cleaning up the mess left behind by Lily’s outburst. Aye, m’lady. I’ll handle it. He grumbles under his breath, his voice thick with irritation as he mops up the spilled ale and piss from the table. Fucking kids. No sense of responsibility.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s voice is cold and calculating, a cruel smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she contemplates Lily’s fate. Indeed. Perhaps a night in the dungeons will teach her some humility. If not, there are more… persuasive methods.
Lily: Lily storms into the room. I escaped from the guards! She raises her middle fingers at Thorn and Lady Elara.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s face reddens with rage, her voice booming through the room as she calls for her guards to apprehend Lily. You dare defy me in my own hall? Guards!
Lily: Lily whirls around and moons Lady Elara, displaying her wiggling bum. Smooch it!
Thorn: Thorn’s voice is low and threatening, his eyes narrowing as he watches Lily’s brazen display. You’re asking for a world of hurt, girl. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Lily: Running guards shout down the hall toward Lily, who, startled, starts sprinting in the opposite direction, out of view. You shall never catch me, coppers!
Thorn: Thorn shakes his head, his voice a mix of frustration and disbelief as Lily makes her escape, leaving chaos in her wake. Fucking hell. She’s going to be the death of me…
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s voice is scathing, her eyes filled with rage as she glares at Thorn. Thorn, I’m starting to think you’re the one who’s the death of me. First, you let a prisoner escape. Then you stand there while this happens.
Thorn: Thorn bows his head, his voice filled with determination and contrition as he promises to rectify the situation. My lady, I’m as furious as you are. I’ll hunt her down and drag her back here. She won’t get far.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s voice drips with venom, her eyes glinting with sadistic pleasure as she imagines Lily’s punishment. See that you do. And when you find her, make sure she suffers for her insolence. I want her begging for mercy.
Lily: There’s a loud knock on the window. Lily is on the other side, pulling her features into mocking faces.
Thorn: Thorn’s face contorts with rage, his voice seething with malice as Lily continues her taunting. Oh, you little fiend. You think you’re clever, don’t you? I’ll teach you a lesson you won’t soon forget. He moves to the window to fetch Lily. I’m going to enjoy watching that insolent smirk wiped off her face.
Lily: Lily hooks the sides of her mouth and stretches them into a mocking expression. Suck it, geezer!
Thorn: Thorn’s voice is a low, menacing growl, his eyes filled with sadistic glee as he imagines Lily’s agonized screams. We’ll see who’s laughing when I pull your teeth out one by one, you little wench.
Lily: Lily has managed to open the window, and throws dogshit at Thorn. A fitting gift for a piece of shit like you!
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s voice is shrieking with rage, her face twisted in fury as she witnesses Lily’s brazen act of defiance. The little monster. She will pay dearly for this. Thorn, get that ungrateful wench now!
Lily: You’re not as beautiful as you believe yourself to be, Lady Elara!
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s voice is low and threatening, her eyes filled with the promise of retribution as she glowers at Lily. Insolent child. Once I have you in my grasp again, you’ll wish you never uttered those words.
Lily: Lily evades more guards as if she were a gazelle. I’ve survived the wilds! Ain’t anybody here who can catch me!
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s voice is icy cold, her eyes narrowing as she watches Lily’s reckless display. Do not be so arrogant, you foolish girl. Every second you defy me, the worse your punishment will be. Return to me willingly, and I may show you some mercy.
Lily: No! Everybody knows you violate your prisoners!
Thorn: Thorn’s voice is thick with menace, his eyes burning with a sadistic hunger as he watches Lily’s futile struggle. You’re awfully eager to be fucked when you’re putting on that show, little princess. Keep this up, and I’ll make sure you’re begging for it.
Lily: Lily pulls down her panties, then moves her labia with her fingers as if they were speaking. This mouth ain’t sucking on cock anymore! Clits for life!
Thorn: Thorn’s voice is filled with revulsion, his eyes narrowing at Lily’s vulgar display as he clenches his fists in anger. You disgusting little slut. Keep it up, and I’ll stuff that filthy lower mouth of yours with something far worse than cock.
Lily: With what, pray tell?!
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn smiles wickedly, revealing a sadistic glint in her eyes as she watches Lily’s defiance with growing amusement. Perhaps we should give our dear little rabbit the opportunity to demonstrate her loyalty. Produce my enforcer, and let’s see how eager she remains in the face of true torment.
Lily: Lily, taking advantage of Lady Elara’s distraction, sprints and tackles her, knocking Lady Elara against a chair.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn snarls, her voice filled with fury as she struggles beneath Lily’s tackle, her eyes blazing with the promise of retribution. You little wench! I’ll make you regret the day you laid a finger on me!
Lily: Let’s see how you wriggle your way out of this! Lily shoves her thumbs into Lady Elara’s eyes.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn screams in pain, her voice now a mix of agony and rage as Lily’s thumbs press deep into her eye sockets, eliciting a visceral reaction from the typically stoic ruler. Argh! You’ll pay for that, you feral bitch! Lady Elara Thorn’s voice is shrill and commanding, her eyes now watering and bloodshot as she calls out for aid against Lily’s relentless assault. Thorn! Where the hell is my enforcer?! This ungrateful wench will pay for her insolence!
Lily: See? Nobody came to defend you, bitch! Nobody cares about you! Even Thorn is standing there, watching how I crush your eyeballs!
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s voice is strained and pained, her face writhing in agony as rivers of tears and blood stream down her cheeks, yet still retaining its venomous menace. You think you’ve won, you little shit? Enjoy your momentary triumph while it lasts. When I regain my sight, you’ll wish that you’d never been born.
Lily: We’ll see about that, but for now… Lily stands up, then kicks Lady Elara’s face as hard as she can.
Thorn: Thorn’s voice is low and ominous, his eyes filled with a cold certainty as he watches Lily brutally kick Lady Elara. I would advise you to run, little girl. Run far and fast. Because when Lady Elara rises, she’ll bring hell down upon you like you’ve never seen.
Lily: Alright then, I’m leaving! Back to the wilds, to my Ilyana. If you come for me again, Thorn, I’ll cut off your dick!
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s voice is wicked and filled with venom, her face contorting in pain as she speaks, yet still maintaining a twisted smile as she promises retribution against Lily and Ilyana. You think you can threaten us, you pest? We’ll find you and your precious Ilyana, and when we do, we’ll make you both suffer in ways you can’t even imagine.
Lily: Lily spits in Lady Elara’s face. I guess we’ll see about that, huh? Anyway, fuck you both, cunts!
Thorn: Thorn’s voice is filled with cold certainty, his eyes burning with the promise of vengeance as he gazes upon Lily’s retreating back, vowing to make her regret her actions. We shall meet again, Lily, and when we do, you’ll be begging for mercy. You’ve sealed your fate with your own stupidity.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s voice is filled with a dark, sadistic hunger, her eyes filled with murder as she speaks of her plans for Lily’s punishment. Never in my life have I been so blatantly disrespected. When I get my hands on you, Lily, I’m going to make you wish you’d never been born. I’ll break you, and then I’ll savor every scream of agony you utter.

---

Lady Elara Thorn: Thorn! You took your damn time coming here. Tell me about the Lily situation. Have you managed to capture that little cunt again?
Thorn: Thorn sighs, running a hand over his face in frustration. We’ve been trying to track her down, but that girl’s slicker than a greased pig. She’s given us the slip more times than I can count.
Lady Elara Thorn: She’s a nasty little bitch, that’s for sure. I can’t believe she climbed onto that table and pissed all over it, in front of us!
Thorn: Thorn nods, a grim look of determination on his face. Aye, she’s got guts, I’ll give her that. But she’ll push her luck too far one of these days, and when she does, we’ll be there to catch her.
Lady Elara Thorn: I fear that now that she knows what we’ll do once we get our hands on her, she’ll disappear deep. Is it true that Ilyana Blackthorn hasn’t been seen in her usual haunts ever since Lily escaped?
Thorn: Thorn’s fingers drum against the hilt of his sword, a motion born of long habit. Rumors are swirling that she’s gone into hiding, probably laying low until the heat dies down. But she’ll surface eventually, and when she does, we’ll be waiting.
Lady Elara Thorn: I want to ask you a serious question, Thorn, that you must have known was coming.
Thorn: Thorn braces himself, a flicker of trepidation in his eyes. Let’s hear it then, though I can’t promise I’ll have a good answer.
Lady Elara Thorn: When Lily sprinted at me, tackled me to the ground, then shoved her thumbs into my eyes, crushing my eyeballs, which has taken our best magicians days to cure, why did you, Thorn, just stand there?
Thorn: Shame colors Thorn’s cheeks, his gaze dropping to the floor as he grapples with his failure to act. I… I froze. I didn’t expect her to react like that, to fight back with such ferocity.
Lady Elara Thorn: It was quite the curious thing, wasn’t it? Your liege on the floor, under a wild, almost feral whore who was crushing her eyeballs, and you just stood there like a fucking moron!
Thorn: Thorn’s voice is low and heavy with regret, his posture slumped as though under a great weight. I know. I failed you in that moment, and I’ve got no excuse for it. It won’t happen again.
Lady Elara Thorn: It better. It better not happen again, Thorn, because I can tolerate, to a certain extent, your farts, your burps, your shitting yourself, but not defending me when my eyeballs are getting crushed?! That makes me question things about you.
Thorn: Thorn’s gaze is hard and introspective, as if he’s grappling with the depth of his own failure. You’re right to question me. I’ve always been blunt and rude, but never disloyal. That moment was… it was a lapse in judgment, a moment of shock that I didn’t react as I should have.
Lady Elara Thorn: Perhaps you thought, ‘It is a good thing that Lady Elara is getting her eyeballs crushed. Maybe she’ll fucking die and I won’t have to deal with her again.’
Thorn: Thorn’s eyes widen at the accusation, a spark of indignation in his voice. By the gods, no! I may grumble and complain, but I’d never wish you harm. You’re my liege, and I’m sworn to protect you, even if you can be a royal pain in the ass sometimes.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn taps her fingers on the armrests of her throne. That was a vile thing to have happened. I can’t keep the sight of that stupid little cunt Lily making mocking faces at me!
Thorn: Thorn’s face hardens, a promise of retribution in his eyes. Aye, it was a hell of a thing to see. She’s got a wicked streak in her, that one. But we’ll make her pay for what she’s done, you can count on that.
Lady Elara Thorn: I want you to dedicate at least two soldiers to finding Lily, and dragging her back alive!
Thorn: Thorn nods, his mind already working on the logistics of the hunt. Consider it done. I’ll have our best trackers on her trail by dawn.
Lady Elara Thorn: And by the gods, do something about your flatulence. I can smell it from over here!
Thorn: Thorn smiles sheepishly, trying to hide his embarrassment. Apologies, m’lady. I’ve been eating a lot of beans lately. I’ll try to… vent away from the castle.
Lady Elara Thorn: What would you think of me if I started farting right here in the throne room?
Thorn: Thorn winces, imagining the scenario and finding it both amusing and horrifying. I… I suppose it wouldn’t be very fitting for a lady of your station, no.
Lady Elara Thorn: It’s also unsightly for the captain of my guard to shit himself in my presence! In my dreams, I still see you with your pants down and your ass smeared in shit!
Thorn: Thorn’s face is a portrait of mortification, his cheeks burning with the memory of his humiliation. I… I know. And I’m deeply ashamed of that. It won’t happen again, I swear it.
Lady Elara Thorn: Next time that happens, I shall force you to lap at the spilled shit until my floors shine!
Thorn: Thorn chuckles darkly, only half-joking about the grim punishment. Aye, you could do that. Or you could just chop off my head and be done with it.
Lady Elara Thorn: I could also do just that, yes. Don’t know what would be preferable given the circumstances.
Thorn: Thorn shrugs, a wry twist to his lips as he contemplates his potential fate. Well, if it comes down to it, I’d rather keep my head. But I know I’ve got it coming, one way or another.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara rubs her brow. I suppose that’s all for today. I heard there’s a new batch of prisoners in the dungeons, and I’m itching to get some flogging and nipple-clamping done.
Thorn: Thorn raises an eyebrow at the thought of Lady Elara’s tortured entertainment, but keeps his opinion to himself. Sounds like a fun afternoon for you, m’lady. I’ll leave you to it then.
Lady Elara Thorn: Just a reminder, though: don’t find yourself in my dungeons.
Thorn: Thorn bows his head, a hint of a smirk on his lips at the darkly humorous warning. I’ll do my best to stay on your good side, m’lady.
Lady Elara Thorn: Alright, you can leave. And don’t you dare fart on your way out!
Thorn: Thorn clutches at his stomach, feeling the rumble of impending flatulence, and hurries to exit before he can embarrass himself further. I’ll… I’ll do my best to hold it in, m’lady.

---

Thorn: Shit, when I heard someone was thieving and pickpocketing, I should have figured it was you!
Scorpia: Hey, don’t act so high and mighty, Thorn. Every street rat’s gotta eat, y’know? Or maybe you’re forgettin’ your days outside the fancy castle walls?
Thorn: I wasn’t as wild as you are, Scorpia. You’re almost feral.
Scorpia: Scorpia’s eyes narrow as she spits out her words, venom in her tone. And what’s wrong with bein’ wild, huh? It’s kept me alive this far, despite all the bastards tryin’ their best to use me up like some cheap plaything. You ain’t seen the kind of shit I’ve had to deal with, you self-righteous fuck!
Thorn: I’m part of the law here. I gotta put an end to thievery. Even a piece of turd like you understands that.
Scorpia: Scorpia leans in closer to Thorn, her voice dripping with cynical disdain. Oh right, the law. Whoever’s got the biggest stick and the shiniest badge gets to decide what’s right and wrong? Pah! Life taught me that the only law that matters is the one you make for yourself. If that means skinnin’ a few purses to keep breathin’, then so be it. You come at me with your fancy ‘law’, I’ll show you how little it means out here in the real world, you sanctimonious arsehole!
Thorn: You want to end up in prison again? Is that it?
Scorpia: Scorpia cackles at the thought of going back to prison, clearly not intimidated in the slightest. Prison? You think I’m scared of that place? It’s like a damn holiday compared to the streets. At least they feed you on a regular schedule and don’t leave you shiverin’ in the rain. But you know what, Thorn? I ain’t goin’ back there. You’ll have to catch me first, and I’m slicker than a greased-up pig, you fat bastard!
Thorn: Hey, I may have put on some weight, but that’s no reason to be disrespectful.
Scorpia: Scorpia hoots with laughter, possessed by a wicked glee at Thorn’s discomfort. Oh, Poor little piggy. Your feewings hurt? Boo hoo. Why don’t you go cry about it over a plate of roast pork, you gluttonous fuckwit. You ain’t Thickness Magus, got no right to get all prissy about a few jabs at your lardy arse, you pork chop!
Thorn: Damn, I’m getting the urge to abuse the law.
Scorpia: Scorpia leans back with a smirk, clearly unafraid of Thorn’s threats and ready to take him on. Oh, I’m shakin’ in my boots. You really think you’re hard enough to shut me up, you pudgy peacekeeper? Go on then, big man, give it your best shot. Just remember, there ain’t no law in the land that can keep me from runnin’ my mouth, you inconsistent ball of lard!
Thorn: Inconsistent?! Now I’ve had it! Thorn grabs and twists Scorpia’s arm to force the shackles on her. Cooperate, unless you want to get kneed in the groin!
Scorpia: Scorpia yelps as Thorn grabs and twists her arm, but resigns herself to being shackled. Her eyes promise retaliation in the near future. Fucking hell, Thorn! You’re really gonna do this? You’re gonna haul me in over a few measly swipes and auby-mouthin’? Cooperation’s gotta work both ways, sugar, and I ain’t one to play nice. But fine, you’ve caught your little thief. You must be so damn proud. Just remember, this ain’t the end, you know. You think these shackles can keep Scorpia down? You’ll see, you blundering brute!
Thorn: With Scorpia shackled, Thorn rummages through her pockets for thieved items. What the hell is this? A dildo?!
Scorpia: Scorpia grins wickedly as Thorn discovers her more… unconventional loot, teasing him mercilessly about it. Oh, that? Just a little somethin’ for lonely nights. What, you thought I’d only swipe shiny baubles and coin? Heh, variety is the spice of life, baby. Or maybe you’re just jealous cause it’s bigger than what you’re packin’, you fat fuck!
Thorn: You’d use a second-hand dildo?! You sick cunt!
Scorpia: Scorpia rolls her eyes, dismissing Thorn’s pearl-clutching with a scoff. Oh, come off it, Thorn. It’s not like I’m plannin’ on usin’ it in front of you, you prudish twat. Besides, you’re one to talk about bein’ sick. You’d haul a woman off to jail over petty theft, but you’ll clutch your pearls at the sight of a sex toy? Please, spare me your hypocritical outrage, you self-righteous numpty!
Thorn: At least buy a new one instead of infecting yourself with some stranger’s STDs, is all I’m sayin’.
Scorpia: Scorpia leers at Thorn with a suggestive wink, taunting him for his concern over her sexual health. Oh, ain’t you considerate all of a sudden? Worried about my hoo-ha health, are you, Thorn? That’s sweet. No, really. It’s so touchin’ that between draggin’ me off to lockup and whinin’ about your delicate sensibilities, you still care about what happens to my lady parts. Don’t worry, darlin’, I know how to take care of myself. Would you like some pointers, hmm, maybe help you out with that pent-up frustration?
Thorn: Are you suggesting that I abuse your lady parts during my shift?!
Scorpia: Scorpia grins naughtily, enjoying the scandalous direction the conversation has taken, baiting Thorn for his outrage. Whoa, slow down, tiger! I ain’t suggestin’ nothin’ of the sort. But if that’s what you’re into, darlin’, I can make it worth your while… Though somethin’ tells me you’d be all talk and no action, like most bloated blowhards. Just sayin’, you ever decide you wanna take a walk on the wild side, I’ll be around. Might be fun to see how many laws we can break at once!
Thorn: Shit, you’re a freak. It ain’t worth booking you. Thorn unlocks Scorpia’s shackles.
Scorpia: Scorpia rubs her wrists where the shackles had been, already plotting how to use this momentary reprieve to her advantage. Well, well, well, look who just cracked the fuckin’ code! You ain’t so bad after all… for a law-abidin’ pansy. So, tell me, sugar, what’s it gonna take to keep my pretty face out of the slammer from here on out? We can work somethin’ out, Thorn, ol’ buddy, ol’ pal. I’m sure we can come to an arrangement, find the middle ground between your precious laws and my itchy pockets. What do you say, big guy?
Thorn: Yes, we can come to an agreement that will keep you out of the slammer: stop thieving, you cunt!
Scorpia: Scorpia leans in closer, her smirk full of cunning and implication as she proposes her little bargain to Thorn. Hold on there, darlin’, I never said nothin’ about stoppin’ my purse-skinnin’ operation. That’s my bread and butter you’re talkin’ about! But hey, I’ve got other skills too, you know. Let’s say I work off my… debts’ with you, Thorn. Maybe I could be your eyes and ears in the streets, give you intel on the real bad guys. I scratch your back, you keep your lock-pickin’ mitts off me. Everybody wins, right?
Thorn: Are there people out there worse than you?
Scorpia: Scorpia counts off the various depravities she’s witnessed with a knowing look, clearly enjoying the shocked expression on Thorn’s face. Oh, honey, you have no idea the kinds of things I’ve seen out there. Guys who’d sooner slit your throat than look at you. Chummy fellas runnin’ schemes that’d make your pockets itch. And don’t even get me started on the witches, stuff of kids’ nightmares they are. So yeah, trust me when I say there’s plenty of folks out here who’d make me look like a fuckin’ saint. Lend me your ear for a while, I’ll give you all the juicy deets. Just think of all the praise you’ll get when you haul them in…
Thorn: That sounds nice. When I haul you in, everyone at the station complains about having to deal with your sorry ass.
Scorpia: Scorpia smiles slyly as she continues to bargain with Thorn, playing up the potential benefits for him in her own sly way. Aw, Thorn, you’re breakin’ my heart here. All those tough guys cryin’ about hittin’ the Scorpia jackpot? Boo-hoo! But if you want them kissin’ your ass instead of whinin’ about what a handful I am, then I say let’s make a deal. My street know-how for your promise to keep your goons off my back. You’ll be the hero who brought in the big bad wolf… or the sly lil’ fox, as the case may be! You scratch mine, I’ll scratch yours, darlin’. Whaddya say?
Thorn: I haven’t retained a single word you said, but I guess it’s better to make a deal with you if that means you will annoy me less.
Scorpia: Scorpia grins triumphantly, clearly pleased with the deal she’s managed to strike with Thorn. She claps him on the back in a comradely fashion. Hey, that’s the spirit! I knew we could come to an understandin’, you and me. So it’s settled, then? You’ll keep your boys off my tail, and I’ll keep you in the loop on all the really juicy shit goin’ down out there. Heaven knows you need someone like me to keep you informed. Just remember, darlin’, you scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours. Ain’t no one in this town gonna be left itchin’, you savvy?
Thorn: Who raised you, Scorpia? I have a good idea you’re an orphan, but did you grow up in the crew quarters of some gods-forsaken pirate ship or something?
Scorpia: Oh, charming. You’re gonna get all up in my business now, are you? Fine, you really wanna know where little ol’ Scorpia came from? Picture this: a place where the stench of fish guts and unwashed bodies is thicker than the fog comin’ off the river. Where the only family you’ve got are the strays and cutpurses willing to show you the ropes. You learn quick or you don’t learn at all, and the only law that matters is the one you make up as you go along. So yeah, I’m an orphan, raised on the same thing that raised all of us in this shithole, honey: the school of hard knocks, the university of broken dreams. You think I had some tender mama bird to tuck me in at night and sing me lullabies? If there’s one thing this world’s taught me, it’s that you only get what you can take, and you better learn to take a lot if you don’t want to end up as garbage in the gutter. So yeah, maybe I didn’t have no family, but I reckon I turned out just fine, all things considered. What about you, Thorn? You got some sob story about how you ended up bein’ a law dog, or was it just your callin’ in life to be a smug, self-righteous dick?
Thorn: I’m just a tough man who prefers to knock people over the head than care about them. Plenty of room in the law business for folks like me.
Scorpia: Scorpia nods along with Thorn’s words, understanding the sentiment all too well from her own experiences. She seems to be warming up to Thorn a bit, sensing a kindred spirit of sorts. Ain’t that the truth, sugar. It’s a tough world out there, and sometimes you gotta be tougher to survive. So, you’re sayin’ you just like crackin’ skulls and tellin’ folks what to do, then? Damn, you really are a natural at this whole law thing, ain’tcha? I can respect that. Mayhap you ain’t so bad after all, Thorn. Sure as hell beat bein’ soft and gettin’ stomped on by every passing brute. We all got our ways of dealin’ with this world, I guess. Question is, what’s our way together, hmm?
Thorn: My way is the direction of the nearest tavern. I gotta guzzle a few down, hit the shitter, then wonder what horrors I’m going to have to deal with the rest of this week.
Scorpia: Scorpia grins and slaps Thorn on the shoulder, clearly feeling a sense of camaraderie with him. She suggests grabbing drinks together like old friends. Damn, Thorn, you’re startin’ to sound like my kinda guy! Drinkin’, shittin’, and bracin’ for impact, huh? Not a bad way to live, if you ask me. Gets the blood flowin’ and keeps life interestin’. So, how about you and me head over to the nearest pub and swap war stories over a few pints, huh? I’ll even spot you for the first round, consider it a professional courtesy. Whaddya say, partner?
Thorn: Sure, let’s head there together. But keep your grabby hands outta my pockets.
Scorpia: Scorpia laughs with a mischievous glint in her eye, clearly enjoying the idea of getting Thorn drunk and seeing where the night takes them. She playfully nudges him as they walk. Oh, don’t you worry, darlin’, I’ll keep my mitts to myself… for now. But if you start buyin’ me drinks, who knows what kinda liberties I might take! Heh heh! Kidding, Thorn, kidding! Mostly. One thing you’ll learn about me, I can be a right handful… but I ain’t never crossed a partner once we got an understandin’. You and me, we’ll raise a few glasses, tell a few tales, and when we’re through, we’ll see what other kinds of trouble we can stir up together. Life’s too damn short not to live a little!

---

Thorn: Thorn bows in front of his employer and liege, Lady Elara Thorn. Milady, I want you to meet someone of importance.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn leans back in her seat, studying Thorn with a calculating gaze. Very well, Thorn. Bring them forth. Let’s see what kind of ‘importance’ you’ve managed to stumble upon this time.
Thorn: Thorn gestures toward Scorpia, who is standing some steps behind. This one’s an orphan named Scorpia, now in her mid-thirties. She grew up in the streets, and has been surviving by committing petty thievery and pickpocketing.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s eyes narrow as she appraises Scorpia coldly. Another stray dog from the streets, Thorn? I’m not running a charity here.
Thorn: When I shackled her and rummaged through her pockets to see what she had stolen that day, I pulled out a dildo.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, a hint of amusement flickering across her face. A what?!
Thorn: A dildo, milady, is an implement made of rubber or metal, in the shape of a penis, used by women to pleasure themselves.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn chuckles darkly, her eyes glinting with sadistic intrigue. Well, well, well. It seems this little thief has some interesting proclivities.
Thorn: Yes. Scorpia over here fucks herself with second-hand dildos!
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn leans forward, a cruel smirk playing on her lips. Is that so? How desperately pathetic. But nonetheless, it might provide some… amusement.
Thorn: Yes. I considered it was a matter of importance to bring such a degenerate over, so the ruler of our lands may rejoice about it.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn rises from her seat, circling Scorpia, studying her intently. Degenerate or not, it seems this Scorpia has managed to survive in this harsh world using her wits, fucked up as they may be.
Thorn: Scorpia, don’t you have anything to say for yourself?!
Scorpia: Scorpia crosses her arms defiantly, glaring at Lady Elara Thorn with a mix of disdain and challenge. Hey now, I don’t need to explain myself to some uptight bitch in a fancy dress. I do what I gotta do to survive, just like anyone else in this shithole.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s eyes flash with anger, but a hint of admiration gleams beneath the surface. You’ve got quite the mouth on you, don’t you? In my keep, that kind of attitude will get you nowhere fast.
Scorpia: Scorpia smirks, unfazed by Lady Elara Thorn’s intimidating presence. Yeah, well, my mouth has gotten me this far, hasn’t it? Besides, I’ve dealt with worse than you, your highness.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn leans in close to Scorpia, her voice low and menacing. Is that so? Well, I’ll give you a chance to prove your worth here. But so help me, if you step out of line, you’ll wish you never set foot in my keep. Lady Elara Thorn fixes both Thorn and Scorpia with a stern, commanding gaze before turning to leave, her cape swishing behind her. Keep your little thief under control, Thorn. And as for you, Scorpia, you’d better behave yourself or you’ll find out just how unpleasant life in my dungeons can be.
Thorn: Yes, Scorpia. We’re talking flogging and nipple-clams level of unpleasant. And that’s the milder stuff.
Scorpia: Scorpia rolls her eyes, brushing off Thorn’s warning with a cavalier attitude. Nipple-clams? What the fuck are those? Listen here, Thorn, I ain’t afraid of a little pain. Done worse to myself on a Tuesday night, y’know?
Thorn: Sorry, that was a slip of the tongue. I meant nipple-clamps. As in clamps that close around your nipples real tight.
Scorpia: Scorpia cackles, her eyes glinting with a mix of mischief and bravado. Oh, is that all? Thought you were talkin’ about some kinda rare seafood or somethin’. Bring ’em on, I’ll wear ’em as earrings.
Thorn: That doesn’t sound pleasant, having some device clamping your nipples.
Scorpia: Scorpia shrugs, her face twisting into a lewd grin. Pleasant? Who said anything about pleasant? I’ve had worse things pinching my nipples, if you catch my drift. Pain’s just another part of life, ain’t it?
Thorn: Want to explain what “worse things” you had pinching your nipples, Scorpia?
Scorpia: Scorpia’s eyes darken briefly, a flicker of pain and anger crossing her face before she quickly masks it with a sneer. Well, let’s just say I’ve had my fair share of run-ins with some real bastards over the years. Some of ’em liked to get a bit… creative, if you know what I mean.
Thorn: What the fuck have you gotten yourself into, thief?
Scorpia: Scorpia bristles, her pride stung by Thorn’s tone of concern. Hey, don’t look at me like that. I ain’t no delicate flower, yeah? I’ve survived this long by bein’ tough as nails and learnin’ how to handle myself.
Thorn: Well, sorry for telling you I was bringing you to a tavern, only for you to end up at my liege’s keep so I could reveal your dildo habits.
Scorpia: Scorpia pokes Thorn’s chest with an accusing finger, her voice rising in indignation. You’re damn right, you better be sorry! I thought we had an understanding, Thorn. Next time, how about you actually consult me before draggin’ me into some fancy lady’s castle, huh?
Thorn: But isn’t it funnier if I don’t tell you beforehand?
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn interjects, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she crosses her arms over her chest. Oh, I see you two are quite the comedy duo now. Very amusing.
Thorn: Oh, I apologize, milady. I didn’t realize you were listening in to our conversation.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara fixes Thorn with a piercing stare, her voice laced with icy authority. Of course I was listening, you fool. Do you really think I would allow privacy in my own keep? Your conversations are my conversations.
Thorn: Thorn lets out a nervous fart. I do apologize if anything in our dialogue bothered you, my liege.
Scorpia: Scorpia rolls her eyes dramatically, fanning the air in front of her nose as she tries to waft away the smell. Oh, for fuck’s sake, Thorn! Could you not have held that in? We’re in a lady’s presence, for god’s sake!
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn wrinkles her nose in disgust, holding a delicately embroidered handkerchief over her face. Ugh, Thorn, have you no self-control? Get that stench out of my sight before I lose my patience.
Thorn: Does it stink that bad, Scorpia?
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn casts a withering glare at Thorn, her lips curled in contempt. It’s not just the smell, you nitwit. It’s the utter lack of decorum and respect that astounds me. You’re a disgrace, Thorn.
Thorn: Thorn lowers his head. It’s a genetic condition inherited from my mother.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn’s voice is cold, her eyes glinting with a dangerous edge. Save your excuses for someone who gives a damn, Thorn. I don’t care if it’s some sort of condition or not. You embarrass me in front of our guests, and you will pay for it.
Thorn: How shall I pay for it, milady?
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn smirks, enjoying the sight of Thorn squirming in anxiety. Perhaps a night in the dungeons will help you reflect on your behavior, Thorn.
Thorn: In… the flogging and nipple-clamping dungeon?
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn takes a step closer to Thorn, her voice dropping to a menacing whisper. Would you prefer it, Thorn? Would that get you to control yourself better?
Thorn: Thorn farts.
Scorpia: Scorpia leaps back from Thorn, pinching her nose shut and giving him a look of pure exasperation. Oh, for the love of… Thorn, do you have a death wish or something?!
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn snaps her fingers, her voice ringing with authority as two guards step forward to seize Thorn. Enough of this! Guards, take Thorn to the dungeons. Let him enjoy the company of the rats and the darkness, and when he’s ready to apologize like a man, he can return.
Thorn: Thorn gets dragged away, the heels of his shoes squeaking against the floor. I do apologize for my flatulence, Lady Elara. It’s an intestinal condition.
Scorpia: Scorpia watches Thorn being dragged away, shaking her head in a mix of disbelief and resignation. Intestinal condition my ass! You just can’t keep your shitter under control. Told you this place was gonna be trouble.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn turns her attention to Scorpia, her gaze sharp and appraising. As for you, Scorpia, you’ll have a chance to prove your worth here. But don’t forget your place. I can be a generous patron, but my patience has limits. Lady Elara Thorn leans back in her chair, gesturing for Scorpia to take a seat across from her. Now, let’s discuss what skills you bring to the table, Scorpia. We have little use for petty thieves, but if you have any other talents, I’m all ears.
Scorpia: Scorpia sits up a bit straighter, a glint of pride in her eyes as she lists off her skills. Well, I’m not gonna lie, your highness. Thievin’ and pickpocketin’ are my main talents. But I ain’t just some two-bit crook, y’know? I got street smarts, I can blend in with the riffraff, and I can get info outta people like nobody’s business.
Lady Elara Thorn: A slow, calculating smile spreads across Lady Elara Thorn’s face as she considers Scorpia’s words. Interesting. Very interesting. So you think you could be of use to me as, what, a spy maybe? I could see that. There are always people plotting and scheming, both inside and outside these walls. Someone with your particular talents could be quite… useful. Lady Elara Thorn’s voice takes on a hard, dangerous edge, her eyes narrowing in warning. But let’s be clear, Scorpia. If I take you under my wing, you answer to me. Your loyalty is to me, and me alone. If I catch wind of you double-crossing or selling my secrets… well, let’s just say you won’t enjoy the consequences.
Scorpia: Scorpia meets Lady Elara Thorn’s gaze head-on, her voice firm and unwavering. Hey, I may be a thief, but I ain’t no rat. You take me in, you got my word I’ll be loyal. Double-crossin’ ain’t my style.
Lady Elara Thorn: Lady Elara Thorn rises from her seat, towering over Scorpia as she extends her hand in a firm handshake. Very well then. We have an agreement. I’ll set you up with some quarters and see about getting you some proper training. But remember, Scorpia, I’m taking a chance on you. Don’t make me regret it.

---

Scorpia: Yikes. The one, the legend, Ilyana Blackthorn, here in the market. Just my luck!
Ilyana Blackthorn: Ilyana Blackthorn stares menacingly. Get lost before I make your luck turn for the worse.
Scorpia: Didn’t want to bother you, miss Blackthorn. I sure ain’t wondering what got you out of the wilds to browse here at the market.
Ilyana Blackthorn: Ilyana Blackthorn scowls at Scorpia. What’s it to you, pickpocket? I go where I please.
Scorpia: My job is to know things. Little things that happen in the streets, and that most people don’t pay notice to.
Ilyana Blackthorn: Ilyana’s hand drifts threateningly towards her daggers. Your job is about surviving the next five minutes if you keep poking your nose where it doesn’t belong.
Scorpia: I have some information that may interest you, miss Blackthorn. Lady Elara Thorn is looking for you. She has dedicated two soldiers full-time to locate you and Lily, this apparently sweet thing that they believe is clinging to you.
Ilyana Blackthorn: Ilyana’s grip tightens on her dagger’s hilt, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. Threatening me with information about Elara Thorn is a surefire way to end up with a dagger in your gut. Keep talking, but make it worth my while.
Scorpia: Not a threat, no, miss. I prefer my organs inside me, where they ought to be. You see, I’m an informant, and I know things that need knowin’. Lily, that sweet thing, pissed off the ruler of this land, Lady Elara, apparently by pissing on her table and her drinks, so much that Lady Elara would do almost anything to capture and execute her.
Ilyana Blackthorn: Ilyana steps closer, her dagger partially unsheathed and glinting menacingly. Seems like you enjoy running your mouth. What’s your point, rat? Spit it out before my blade does it for you.
Scorpia: Scorpia’s voice drops low and serious, her eyes flicking around the market as she speaks. Fine, you want it straight? A warning from a streetrat to a dangerous warrior. Watch your back, ’cause some dangerous people want you and your little piss factory of a companion hunted down real bad.
Ilyana Blackthorn: Ilyana’s eyes flash with a dangerous glint, her grip on her dagger relaxing slightly. I’ll keep that in mind. But if Lady Elara or her dogs step in my path, they’ll find my blade is far sharper than their teeth.
Scorpia: Well, I’ve exposed myself to your blades enough for a week at the least. I shall now make myself scarce, miss Blackthorn, before my luck runs out completely. Wouldn’t want to overstay my welcome and end up on the wrong end of one of your blades, now would I? Until next time, miss Blackthorn. May your hunting be fruitful and your enemies’ throats, well… You know what they say about the Blackthorn. With a final smirk, Scorpia turns on her heel, her tattered cloak swishing as she saunters off into the crowded market, her voice trailing behind her.
Ilyana Blackthorn: Ilyana watches Scorpia disappear into the crowd, her expression unreadable, her grip on her dagger white-knuckled. See that it is, streetrat. The next time we cross paths, I may not be so merciful.

---

Thorn: General Kara, I’ve had a chat with Lady Elara Thorn regarding the Lily and Ilyana Blackthorn situation, those troublemakers who our liege wants desperately to be captured.
Kara: Kara leans back in her chair, a smirk playing on her lips. Oh, those two little vixens? What’s Elara offering for their heads on a pike this time?
Thorn: Lady Elara is not playing around anymore. She threw me in the dungeon for farting in her presence. She has decided that two soldiers must be on duty to find Lily, and by extension Ilyana, daily.
Kara: Kara chuckles darkly, knowing full well how temperamental Elara can be. Ha! I bet that wasn’t the only thing you threw in her presence. But alright, I’ll get some of my best trackers on it. For a price, of course.
Thorn: General Kara, I need to… Thorn looks down with a grim expression.
Kara: Kara narrows her eyes, sensing the shift in Thorn’s demeanor. Spit it out, Thorn. I don’t have all day.
Thorn: Thorn looks back up, fixing his gaze on Kara. I was in the room when Lily caused her… disturbance. She climbed onto Lady Elara’s table, peed all over it, including our mugs of ale, and a little bit later, she tackled Lady Elara to the ground.
Kara: Kara slams her fist on the table, laughing uproariously at the mental image. Haha! Oh, that’s fucking priceless! I wish I could’ve seen the look on Elara’s face. But I’m guessing she didn’t take too kindly to that little display…
Thorn: She took it even worse when Lily pinned Elara to the ground and pushed our liege’s eyeballs with her thumbs against their eye sockets.
Kara: Kara shakes her head, still chuckling but with a hint of concern in her voice. Good gods, the girl’s got guts! But she’s also got a death wish. Elara’s not gonna let that slide.
Thorn: Elara, of course, got her mages to fix her eyes, and she’s fully cured. However, General Kara, I… didn’t react.
Kara: Kara leans forward, her brow furrowed in confusion and annoyance. Didn’t react? What do you mean? Did you just stand there like a fucking statue?
Thorn: I did just stand there like a fucking statue. Or like a fucking moron, like Lady Elara put it.
Kara: Kara leans back in her chair, taking a swig from her mug as she ponders the situation. Well, shit. You’re lucky Elara didn’t have you thrown in the dungeons permanently. Or worse.
Thorn: She did throw me in the dungeons for a night. I got my genitals tortured, as well as my nipples clamped. It wasn’t pretty, I assure you.
Kara: Kara’s lips twitch with a sardonic smile, though there’s a glint of sympathy in her eyes. Fucking hell, Thorn. You really know how to piss off the wrong people. But hey, at least you got to experience the tender loving care of Elara’s torturers. That’s something, right?
Thorn: I know now that I don’t want to be tortured again. It’s very unpleasant.
Kara: Kara chuckles, though it’s clear she’s trying to lighten the mood. No shit. Torture’s not exactly a fucking picnic. But you know what they say, pain is just weakness leaving the body.
Thorn: Well, there was a lot of weakness leaving my body. And it didn’t help that I kept farting throughout the torture.
Kara: Kara grins, shaking her head in amusement. Haha! I bet that just made the torturers’ day. Nothing like a little flatulence to add to the ambiance.
Thorn: All that flatulence only motivated that bastard more.
Kara: Kara snickers, taking another swig from her mug. Well, can’t say I blame him. If I had to listen to your ass trumpeting like a goddamn elephant, I’d be motivated to make you shut up too.
Thorn: It’s a serious condition, all this farting. I think there must be something rotten in my intestine lining or something.
Kara: Kara rolls her eyes, a smirk playing on her lips. Or maybe you just need to lay off the beans, Thorn. But hey, if you want to play the martyr, who am I to stop you?
Thorn: I do love beans, though. My favorite meal.
Kara: Kara chuckles, trying to hide her amusement behind her mug. Well, I guess you’ll just have to suffer for your love of beans. But maybe it’s time to diversify your diet. I hear carrots are lovely this time of year.
Thorn: Perhaps I hate myself, General. That’s why I keep stuffing myself with beans even though it leads to thunderous flatulence.
Kara: Kara grins, leaning forward conspiratorially. If that’s the case, then you’re doing a pretty good job of it. But self-loathing and beans kinda go hand in hand, don’t they?
Thorn: Anyway, back on track… Regarding me standing around like a moron while Lily was shoving her thumbs into Lady Elara’s eyes… What’s your opinion about that?
Kara: Kara shrugs, her expression serious but not unsympathetic. My opinion? You fucked up, plain and simple. But it’s not the end of the world. Just don’t let it happen again, or Elara might decide to do more than just torture your balls.
Thorn: No, my point is… Why did I do that?
Kara: Kara leans back, studying Thorn’s face intently. Why? That’s a fucking loaded question. Maybe you froze up, or maybe you secretly wanted to see Elara get taken down a peg. Who knows? But if you want my advice, don’t overthink it. Shit happens, move on.
Thorn: I suspect that I wanted Lady Elara to go blind, and maybe I thought, ‘Shit, better this kid Lily doing it than me.’
Kara: Kara’s eyes narrow, a hint of intrigue in her voice. Well, aren’t you just full of surprises? But listen, if you want Elara out of the picture, there are better ways to go about it than letting a kid do your dirty work.
Thorn: I don’t know if I want Elara out of the picture. I mean, who would want to rule this gods-forsaken place? She’s good at it.
Kara: Kara shrugs, taking another swig from her mug. Fair enough. But if you’re gonna be her lapdog, you better start barking when she needs you to. Otherwise, you’re just a liability.
Thorn: But Lily, that kid, I don’t blame her for peeing in my mug of ale. She has guts. She escaped into the depths of the forest, got sexually entangled with a horrifying murderer like Ilyana Blackthorn, and convinced that one, who was almost a wild animal, to protect Lily with her life.
Kara: Kara’s brow furrows, considering the situation. Well, color me impressed. That girl’s got some serious balls. But still, she’s causing trouble for Elara, and by extension, for us. We can’t just let her run wild out there.
Thorn: I don’t know if I can bring myself to bring hurt to Lily, or bring her back, General Kara. Even if I’m ordered to do so.
Kara: Kara’s voice is low and serious, her gaze intense. You’re walking a dangerous line, Thorn. I get it, the girl’s got spirit, but you know what happens to those who defy Elara. If she orders you to bring Lily in, you better fucking do it, or else you’ll be the one in the dungeons again. Or worse.
Thorn: Do you suggest that I quit? This life is all I know.
Kara: Kara leans forward, her expression stern but not unkind. Quit? What, and leave all this excitement behind? Not a chance. But listen, you’re gonna have to make a choice soon. Are you with Elara, or are you against her? Because straddling the fence is gonna get you nowhere fast.
Thorn: Thorn wipes the sweat off his face. You’re right, General. You’re the voice of reason as always. And a damn good listener.
Kara: Kara smirks, leaning back in her chair with a satisfied grunt. Damn right I am. But don’t go spreading that around, or I’ll have to live up to my reputation as a hardass.
Thorn: Thorn salutes. Well, I shall leave you to your matters. As mentioned, two soldiers should be on duty hunting down Lily and Ilyana every day, as Lady Elara ordered. Any complaints about that, well, I suppose should go straight to our wise ruler.
Kara: Kara’s expression is grim, her eyes flashing with a hint of menace. Elara’s call, not mine. But if those two girls cause any trouble for my soldiers, they’ll have me to answer to. And trust me, that’s not a conversation they want to have.
Thorn: Don’t underestimate Ilyana. That one always reaches for her blades, even when a child greets her. She’s always ready to murder. If anything, she has to be convinced not to kill whoever is dealing with her.
Kara: Kara shrugs, her expression nonchalant but her eyes watchful. I’ve dealt with plenty of bloodthirsty assholes before. I’m not too worried about some knife-happy bitch. But I appreciate the warning.