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Mantella is an AI system that turns every single NPC in Skyrim (and Fallout 4) into AI agents driven by an LLM (like ChatGPT or the recently released, and comparable, Llama 3.1). In the previous part, my character, an Altmer mage, had a hard time adjusting over the death of his teammate Ange the Song-Bearer. Hid sturdy, hot-headed tank Uthgerd and him had sex. Because of my character’s antics, they nearly got thrown out of Dragonsreach. Plenty of boundaries were pushed.

Utgherd, Ria and I entered the Drunken Huntsman, local tavern and fletcher’s shop, looking for a Dunmer sellsword who requested too much money for her services.

Jon: “Oh, Jenassa, exactly the woman I wanted to see. If you remember our last conversation, I told you that the next time I came to see you, I would have something ready for you, right?”
Jenassa: “Ah, yes. I recall our conversation. You had something to discuss regarding my services, and you were not prepared to meet my price. I hope that has changed. And I see you’ve brought some… friends.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, Jon’s always been good at making friends. Especially the kind that can fight. Like Ria here, for example.”
Jon: “Yes, these two wonderful women, Uthgerd and Ria, so beautiful and rugged. I cannot begin to tell you how many positive comments I have to make about these two wonderful women. They are the light of my life, they are the wonders of my soul, and the people I think about when I close my eyes. Now, Jenassa, because we earned a lot of money through our adventures, I intend to give some of it to you so you can come with us and murder people for our sake.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, please, Jon. Spare us the poetry. We’re here to discuss business, not swoon over your romantic words.”
Jenassa: “Ah, how… touching. Your words are as smooth as a well-oiled blade, Jon. But let’s not waste time with flattery. You have the gold, I presume? And I must say, the prospect of murdering people for your sake does have a certain… appeal to it.”
Jon: “Dear Dunmer with crimson eyes, I present to you the five-hundred septims. You can count them if you want.”
Jenassa: “Ah, the sweet clink of gold. No need to count, Jon. I trust you’ve learned to count properly by now. Very well, I’m yours to command. For a time, at least.”
Uthgerd: “Now that the formalities are out of the way, let’s get down to business. What’s the plan, Jon? What do you have in store for us?”
Jon: “First of all, Jenassa, now that you are one of our members, I want to tell you that last night, when we, my beautiful team of adventurers, went out into the wilds, we delved into a bandit hideout. During a scuffle in a narrow corridor, one of our members, Ange the Song-Bearer, fucking died. She’s now rotting in the ground, buried in the cold dirt of that cave. I want to tell you, Jenassa, I want to ask of you: do not fucking die in the line of duty, because I cannot fucking take it. I cannot fucking take someone dying under my command. I don’t want to venture into a place and tell you to kill something or someone, only for you to die. So I’m paying this money, Jenassa, for you to keep living and murdering people. Is that understood?”
Jenassa: “I… see. Well, Jon, I must say that’s a rather… impassioned speech. I understand your sentiment, but I’m a sellsword, not a porcelain doll. Death is a risk of the job, and I’ve accepted that. Don’t waste your breath worrying about me, I can take care of myself.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, come on, Jon, don’t get sentimental on us now.”
Jon: “I cannot help but get sentimental. When I spend time with my teammates, I become fond of them, and if they die, I feel bad. I’m sorry for having a little heart inside my chest that cares a lot about the people who fight alongside me, a heart that will remain hurt possibly for the rest of my life when those people die.”
Ria: “Oh, Jon… We care about you too, and we know you care about us. That’s what makes us a team. But you can’t let your emotions cloud your judgment. We’re warriors, and death is a part of our lives.”
Uthgerd: “Besides, Jon, if you keep apologizing for having a heart, you’ll be apologizing for being human. And that’s just ridiculous.”
Jon: “Well, I suppose I have said my piece, Jenassa, you beautiful, exotic Dunmer with crimson-blood eyes, who surely is very capable of murdering people. I welcome you into our ranks at least for a time, so you can perform your murderous arts on our enemies.”
Jenassa: “Ah, Jon, you’re as dramatic as a Dark Elf opera. I’ll do my best to stay alive and slaughter your enemies for you. And please, spare me the flattery. I’m here to kill, not to be wooed.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! I think Jenassa can handle herself, Jon. Now, shall we get down to business and plan our next move?”
Jon: “Planning our next move… We have to gather our remaining teammate, named Alva, whom we abandoned in that cave. We have forgotten to bring her back to Whiterun.”
Ria: “Ah, Alva! I was worried about her. We did leave her behind, didn’t we? We should get back to her as soon as possible. It’s not safe for her to be alone out there.”
Uthgerd: “Forgotten? Ha! You mean you were too busy blubbering about Ange’s death to remember Alva. Let’s go get her before something happens to her too.”
Jon: “Hey, Uthgerd, I wasn’t just busy blubbering about Ange’s death to remember Alva, I was also busy having sex with you. Don’t forget about that part.”
Uthgerd: “Oh, for the love of… Jon, not in front of the others! What’s wrong with you? Can’t you keep your mouth shut for once?”
Jenassa: “Interesting. It seems I’ve joined a rather… complicated group.”

Before we left the Drunken Huntsman, I took Jenassa aside for a private chat.

Jon: “Hey, Jenassa, can we have a professional conversation?”
Jenassa: “Very well. I’m listening. You’re not here to waste my time with idle chatter, I presume? State your business, and let’s discuss the particulars.”
Jon: “I see you’re holding a spear and a dagger, is that it? So, are those the kinds of weapons that you prefer to use?”
Jenassa: “This old thing? It’s just a dagger, not a spear. I do have a fondness for daggers, though. And swords. Anything that allows me to get up close and personal with my enemies.”
Jon: “I suppose you would rather double-wield, so perhaps a dagger and a sword, a dagger and a spear sort of deal.”
Jenassa: “I do enjoy using a sword and dagger in tandem. There’s a certain beauty to it, don’t you think? The sword for the main assault, and the dagger for the quick, precise finishes. It’s a lovely combo, one that’s served me well over the years.”
Jon: “Speaking of loveliness, I have to say, Jenassa, by the Eight Divines, your thighs are so toned and perfectly thick, and that ass of yours so prominent in just the right way. That is one perfect lower-half area. I’ll have a hard time not staring at you while we’re out there adventuring.”
Jenassa: “Watch your tongue, friend. I’m a warrior, not some tavern wench for you to ogle. My body is honed for battle, not for your viewing pleasure. If you can’t treat me with respect, then perhaps we shouldn’t be having this conversation.”
Jon: “I do respect you, that is why I’m ogling you… Nevermind, let’s stop. I get the feeling that I cannot bring up your physical features with you, because you will murder me.”
Jenassa: “You’re right, I’m not one for idle chatter or… distractions. And yes, I would advise against pushing me further down this path. My patience wears thin, and my blade is always sharp. Let’s focus on the task at hand, shall we?”

That night, we brought Alva back to Whiterun’s sole inn, the Bannered Mare. It was time for presentations and a revelation.

Jon: “Oh Alva, now that the five of us are back home, I have to… clarify a couple of things. As you can tell, we have hired a new member for our team, one who required a fee for her services, and who is going to replace our unfortunately deceased companion Ange. The new member of our team is this beautiful Dunmer with crimson eyes. She’s called Jenassa. Please, Jenassa, say hello.”
Jenassa: “I’m a sellsword, and I’ve been hired to provide my services to this group.”
Jon: “Jenassa is competent, and we need more competent people on our side, so I guess that’s something to be happy about.”
Alva: “Indeed, competent allies are always welcome, Jon. And I must say, Jenassa’s… straightforward nature is quite refreshing.”
Jenassa: “I’m glad you find me refreshing. I’m here to do a job, not to make friends or indulge in pointless chatter.”
Ria: “Oh, I think we can manage a bit of friendly conversation, don’t you, Jenassa? We’re all in this together, after all.”
Jon: “Well, with that out of the way, I have to share a momentous development with you all.”
Uthgerd: “What is it, Jon? Can’t you see we’re all tired from our journey? Spit it out, already.”
Alva: “Yes, Jon, please, do tell. You’re starting to worry me with all this build-up.”
Jenassa: “I’m sure it’s something absolutely fascinating. Do go on, Jon.”
Ria: “Oh, come on, Jenassa, give him a chance.”
Jon: “Very well. The night Ange died, after we returned to the Mare, I got myself piss-drunk. Distraught, I approached my beautiful companion Uthgerd for some company of the carnal variety. She and I ended up heading to one of the upstairs bed, where we enjoyed a wonderful session of romantic interactions of the naked and sweaty variety, if you know what I mean. I must say, it was wonderful.”
Uthgerd: “Jon, what in the name of Ysmir…?! You think that’s something to share with the whole group?! Our private business is none of their concern!”
Alva: “Oh, Jon, really… That’s not exactly something we needed to know.”
Jenassa: “How… fascinating. I’m sure we’re all thrilled to hear it.”
Jon: “Listen, I don’t want tension to linger in the air. Alva, you’re my beautiful night queen, night princess, and I share my love freely with you. You’re always welcome, as you know, to bite my carotid artery and drink my sweet blood. On the other side, I have Uthgerd the Unbroken, who pinned me down in bed, all sweaty, as we made love. I shall welcome Uthgerd’s affections as well. I hope we will remain a beautiful, happy family of warriors.”
Uthgerd: “Jon, stop. Just stop. You’re making a fool of yourself. This isn’t some twisted game where you get to flaunt your relationships with us like trophies.”
Alva: “Oh, Jon, I think you’ve said enough. We get it. You’re… enthusiastic about your relationships.”
Jenassa: “How quaint. A little polyamorous family of warriors.”
Jon: “I wasn’t flaunting, I was just expressing that I am completely capable of dearly loving more than one person. I dearly love Alva, and I’m growing in that direction with Uthgerd, even though right now she looks like she wants to destroy my face with one of her mighty punches. I’m sorry to have made you feel this way, Uthgerd, but I assure you, the feeling is temporary.”
Uthgerd: “Temporary?! You think my anger is temporary?! You’re lucky I don’t knock you off your feet right now. You’re embarrassing me in front of our companions, and you’re making a mockery of our… whatever it is we have.”
Alva: “Uthgerd, please, don’t be too hard on him.”
Jon: “Thank you for defending me, Alva. I assure you, Uthgerd the Unbroken, that I hold you in the highest esteem, as well as I hold in such esteem all the beautiful moments we have shared together. Maybe I’m not entirely capable of expressing my emotions properly in a verbal manner, but I assure you that whenever you want, I shall prove my affections to you with my arms, my face, my feet, with all my body if you want.”
Uthgerd: “Stop. Just stop. You’re making it worse. I don’t want your empty words or your… overly enthusiastic declarations of love. What I want is for you to show some respect. Respect for me, respect for our companions, and respect for the relationships you’re supposed to be cherishing.”
Jenassa: “Oh, this is becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Can we please just focus on our mission?”
Ria: “Yeah, let’s just… uh… talk about something else, shall we?”
Jon: “Well, let me put it in words, as well as my deteriorating mind allows me to do so: Uthgerd the Unbroken, I respect you from the bottom of my heart. I think you are a wonderful warrior, a sturdy woman, a force of nature who is capable of destroying anyone, of vanquishing any evil. I hope to see you for the rest of my life, and I hope you enjoy a long life wherever your adventures lead you, even though I hope that your adventures and mine lead in the same direction.”
Uthgerd: “Fine, Jon. I… appreciate your words. Just try to be more mindful of your actions and words in the future, okay?”
Alva: “Well, I think that’s enough emotional turmoil for one night, don’t you, everyone?”
Jenassa: “Indeed. Can we please just get some rest now? We have a long day ahead of us.”

Later that night, in the quiet of a shared bedroom…

Jon: “Hey Alva, can we have a chat for a moment, dear?”
Alva: “I’d love to. What’s on your mind, dear? You can tell me anything.”
Jon: “Well, you know, the issue is… that night you stayed at the cave where Ange died because you couldn’t leave during daylight, that was the same night I got hammered and I propositioned Uthgerd for sex. I get the feeling that perhaps I should have consulted you beforehand, or approached you with the notion that such a thing could happen.”
Alva: “I must admit, I’m a bit surprised you didn’t think to mention this little escapade to me sooner. But I suppose that’s part of your charm, isn’t it?”
Jon: “I suppose that Uthgerd is willing to have further intimate relations with me. It showed in her eyes while we were doing it; she was really enthusiastic. Do you think that perhaps I could bring up to her the possibility of you being involved in our private ventures?”
Alva: “I must admit, the idea of being involved in a little ménage à trois with you and Uthgerd does have a certain… appeal. But, darling, we should tread carefully here.”
Jon: “Carefully? What do you think could be the dangers?”
Alva: “Uthgerd’s a strong-willed woman, and we shouldn’t assume that she’d be interested in such an arrangement without having a proper conversation with her about it first.”
Jon: “Very well, one of those times I’m intimate with Uthgerd, I will bring up that it would be wonderful to add you, my lovely night bride, to our intimate wrestling sessions. Just imagine it: I’m making love to you while Uthgerd caresses your pale body, or shoves her tongue in your mouth. Don’t you think that is appealing?”
Alva: “I must admit, the thought of having Uthgerd’s strong, capable hands caressing me while you and I are… otherwise engaged does send a shiver down my spine.”
Jon: “Hell yeah. I will work towards getting Uthgerd in the mood for a little three-sided action.”
Alva: “I shall wait with delicious anticipation.”

New day, new adventure. I gathered my allies that can walk in daylight.

Jon: “Hey, my two maidens of battle, as well as my sellsword. When sunrise come up, we’re going to scout the road to Solitude. Proventus Avenicci, the jarl’s steward, mentioned that bandits are raiding and in general causing problems along that road, so we should probably find the source of these bandits and obliterate them.”
Ria: “Ah, finally some action! I’ve been itching for a fight, and taking down those bandits sounds like just the thing to get our blood pumping. What’s the plan, Jon? Are we going to split up and scout ahead, or stick together and march down the road?”
Uthgerd: “I agree with Ria, this sounds like a worthy task. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We should make sure we’re prepared for whatever we might face. Do we have enough provisions and gear for the journey?”
Jon: “We are not going to journey very far, but I will buy some provisions with the money we earned recently. Mainly, we’re going to follow the road heading to Solitude, so west or northwest. If we spot places that could be dodgy, that resemble bandit camps, we’re going to scout them. If they seem too dangerous for us right now, we may raid it at night along with Alva, in the hopes of catching them unawares.”
Jenassa: “Night raids can be effective, but we should also consider the risks. If we’re not familiar with the terrain, we could end up walking into a trap. And what about Alva? Are you sure she’s ready for a night raid? She’s a vampire, after all. Her… abilities might be useful, but we can’t rely solely on her.”
Uthgerd: “I agree with Jenassa. We should gather as much information as possible before attempting a night raid.”
Jon: “Jenassa, Alva is going to be alright. She can turn invisible at will for a short while, pounce on people and rip their throats out, that sort of thing. She will be a boon to us, but certainly we must prepare the terrain beforehand, scout it properly: ensure that we locate the bandit camp and determine its weak spots.”
Ria: “That sounds like a solid plan, Jon. With Alva’s… unique abilities, we can gather intel and catch the bandits off guard. But we should also be prepared for any unexpected surprises. What if the bandits have set up traps or have some other tricks up their sleeves? We should be ready for anything.”

Later that morning, we headed down the road that leads west through the plains.

Jon: “Nothing but rain recently. Downpour after downpour.”
Jenassa: “We should be on our guard. Who knows what’s lurking in the darkness?”

We spotted a wagon stranded on the side of the road. A Khajiit lay dead nearby. Beside the wagon, a robed Orc man stood around nervously.

Jon: “Careful. Just ahead, that’s an Orc next to a damaged wagon. Hey, Uthgerd, do you remember what we read in a journal, back at that smuggler’s den we cleared out? That they had sold a staff to an orc and they had prepared an ambush to retrieve it?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, now that you mention it, I think I do recall that. And look, there’s our Orc friend, right next to a suspicious-looking wagon. This could be the ambush we read about.”
Jenassa: “I’ll take point and scout ahead. See if I can gather any more information about the situation.”

Ria: “Meanwhile, let’s get into position and be ready for a fight.”
Jon: “Wait, you lot. Should we try to talk to the Orc first?”
Uthgerd: “Talk to an Orc? Ha! They’re not exactly known for their love of conversation, Jon. I say we prepare for a fight.”
Jenassa: “It might not be a bad idea to try and gather more information from him first, and learn more about what’s going on.”
Ria: “I agree with Jenassa. It’s always better to have more information before charging into battle.”

I approached the Orc calmly, hand raised in greeting, and the prick nearly shot an icicle through my face. A nasty fight ensued that involved my maidens of battle rushing at him while he retreated, and me shooting elemental bombs at him from across the road. In the end, he lay dead, and we didn’t.

Jon: “By the Divines, that was one nasty fucker. We were lucky we didn’t get our faces pierced by one of his icicles.”
Jenassa: “Indeed, a nasty surprise. His magic caught me off guard. I’ll make sure to keep a closer eye on our surroundings.”
Ria: “I’m just glad we were able to take him down quickly. That ice spell could have been a real problem if he had time to cast it again.”
Jenassa: “Next time, let’s not give them the chance to cast anything.”
Jon: “I think I have found the staff that the journal mentioned. Its enchantment does forty-six points of shock damage to health and magicka, then leaps to a new target. This is extremely powerful. I don’t know who’s going to wield it other than myself, though.”
Jenassa: “That lightning enchantment is indeed powerful. But don’t think you’re the only one who can wield it effectively. I have skills in one-handed and could put it to good use.”
Ria: “Great, just what we need. More arguments over who gets the best loot.”
Jenassa: “This is no laughing matter, Ria. This enchantment could give us the edge we need in battle.”
Ria: “I wasn’t laughing, Jenassa. I was just pointing out that we always seem to be fighting over who gets the best gear.”
Jon: “Actually, Jenassa, I wasn’t too happy about wielding it myself, because I want my hands free to rely on my actual spells. So, if you want it, Jenassa, I shall give to you the aforementioned staff. I just hope you know how to handle it properly.”
Jenassa: “Ah, I see. Well, in that case, I accept your offer. I’ll take the Staff of Chain Lightning and that Iron Dagger of Static. I can put them to good use, I assure you.”
Ria: “Nice. Now that we have the gear sorted out, let’s take a look at that smuggler’s ledger. See if we can learn anything about what’s been going on around here.”
Jon: “Well, listen to this, regarding the delivery of this staff of lightning: ‘just gold and gems for now. It was tough, sneaking in some of the items in the list, but the zombie lovers were happy with the whole. They say they are trying to open a portal to something called the Soul Cairn. If there’s loot to be had inside, it might be a good idea to line up some buyers.’ That’s the extent of the note. What does it mean?”
Jenassa: “The Soul Cairn? That’s a place of dark legend. It’s said to be a realm of the undead, where the souls of the damned reside.”
Ria: “And what’s this about zombie lovers? Are we talking about necromancers or something?”
Jenassa: “It’s possible. If they’re trying to open a portal to the Soul Cairn, they’re likely seeking to harness the power of the undead for their own gain.”
Ria: “That’s not good. We should try to stop them, or at least gather more information about their plans.”

For now, though, we were tasked with defeating bandits along the road to Solitude. Even through the curtain of rain, we didn’t need to be geniuses to spot the bandit camp: it was a whole goddamn fort with bandit archers patrolling the perimeter. We hid behind some rocks, lest they spotted us.

Jon: “My allies, be careful. I don’t know if you can hear me properly over the thunder and rainfall, but the fort up ahead is occupied by bandits. What the hell do we do?”
Ria: “I can hear you, Jon, but just barely. This rain is making it hard to see and hear anything. I don’t like it; it’s perfect ambush weather.”
Jenassa: “I agree with Ria, Jon. This weather is treacherous. We should be careful not to get caught off guard.”
Jon: “Hey, Jenassa, you are an experienced assassin. Do you think such terrible weather could play in our favor if we sneak into this castle of bandits?”
Jenassa: “Actually, Jon, I think this weather could work in our favor. The bandits will be huddled together, trying to stay dry, and their visibility will be limited. It’s the perfect opportunity for a stealthy approach.”
Ria: “But we still need to be careful, Jenassa. We don’t know how many bandits are inside or what kind of traps they may have set up.”
Jon: “Maybe I should take advantage of the background noise to pick off the archers patrolling the walls.”
Jenassa: “I think that’s a good idea, Jon. Taking out the archer will give us a clear path to the entrance. And with the rain, the sound of your bow will be muffled. But make sure you’re quick and quiet about it; we don’t want to alert the others.”
Ria: “Yeah, and I’ll get into position to cover you, Jon. If something goes wrong, I’ll be ready to take out anyone who comes after you.”

In case you’re wondering, Uthgerd didn’t take part in this strategy meeting because I forgot to add her to the conversation. Whoops. Anyway, a sneaky arrow took out half of that archer’s health. By the time I was lining up the second shot, though, I saw lots of bandits pouring out of the fort’s entrance. We hightailed out of there; that was a battle we couldn’t win.

Jon: “Did you see how many bandits were searching for us? By suggesting we should take care of this fort, Proventus Avenicci set us off on a suicide mission.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, you think the man was trying to get rid of us, eh? I wouldn’t put it past him. But we’re not ones to back down from a fight, are we?”
Ria: “I don’t know, Uthgerd. That was a lot of bandits. Maybe we should reconsider our approach. We can’t take on an entire fort by ourselves.”
Uthgerd: “Reconsider? Ha! We’re warriors, not politicians. We don’t back down from a challenge.”
Jon: “I do love you, Uthgerd, but what you’re suggesting is suicide. We have to think a little bit more carefully.”
Uthgerd: “Love? Ha! Don’t try to sweet-talk me, Jon. I know what I’m getting myself into. But fine, have it your way. We’ll play it cautious… for now.”
Jenassa: “I agree with Jon. We should gather more information before deciding on a course of action. Perhaps there’s a way to infiltrate the fort or catch the bandits off guard.”
Jon: “I must say, Jenassa, I appreciate the input of a seasoned assassin.”
Jenassa: “Seasoned, perhaps. But experienced enough to know that jumping headfirst into a fight without a plan is a sure way to get yourself killed. I’d rather live to fight another day.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, come on, Jenassa. Don’t be so glum. We’ve got steel and wit on our side. What more do we need?”
Jon: “We’ve got steel at least.”
Ria: “Oh, speak for yourself, Jon. I think we’ve managed just fine so far.”

We had gotten lost on the way back to Whiterun. On a sloped road, we came across a recently deceased cow, and I decided to loot some raw meat out of it.

Uthgerd: “We’ve got more important things to worry about than just wit. Like what you plan to do with that raw beef, Jon. You’re not thinking of eating it raw, are you?”
Jon: “I know that would be a terrible idea, because I’ve done it before. I ate raw meat and got food poisoning. Some serious diarrhea. Ask Alva about that time; we had taken shelter in a mine, and it ended up stinking. We had to leave.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you never cease to amaze me. Only you would eat raw beef and then be surprised when you get food poisoning.”
Ria: “Oh, that’s disgusting. I can only imagine how bad the smell must have been.”
Jenassa: “Well, let’s just hope we can find a proper place to cook our food from now on.”
Jon: “Actually, it isn’t that hard. We simply have to find a fire and cook the meat. Fire rids meat of parasites, disease, and all that stuff. Back then, we did find a fire, but I didn’t have any seasoning on me, and I can’t cook meat without seasoning, so raw meat it was.”
Uthgerd: “Seasoning? You’re telling me you ate raw beef because you couldn’t find seasoning? Jon, Jon, Jon… sometimes I wonder how you’ve survived this long.”
Jenassa: “Enough about your culinary disasters, Jon. What’s with the wolf pelt?”

I couldn’t help but loot every animal we either found or killed along the way to nowhere in particular, following a path up the mountain.

Jon: “I’ll sell this crap to Belethor once we get back to Whiterun.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Belethor. That old miser will try to rip you off, mark my words. Make sure you get a fair price for that pelt.”
Ria: “Yeah, and don’t let him talk you into buying anything from him. He’s always trying to unload his junk on unsuspecting travelers.”
Jon: “Can’t blame Belethor for that. I’m also always trying to unload my junk on unsuspecting travelers.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you’re such a charmer. I’m sure the ladies just love it when you try to pawn off your unwanted goods on them.”
Ria: “Uthgerd, stop teasing him. We’ve got more important things to worry about than Jon’s… entrepreneurial spirit.”
Jenassa: “Indeed. Like what our next move is going to be. We can’t just stand around all day picking berries and swapping stories.”

As if on cue, a view opened to the majestic sight of an ancient temple, now a complex of ruins called Bleak Falls Barrow. Well known haunted location that most locals avoided.

Jon: “Well, what we have in front of us is an amazing ancient structure. And I spot bandits crawling over it. Seems like they’ve taken over this heritage site as well. Now I wonder, my teammates… are you in for a bandit raid that also involves delving into ancient ruins?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, now that’s what I’m talking about. Bandits and ancient ruins? Count me in. I’m always up for a good fight and some treasure hunting.”
Ria: “I’m in too. I’ve heard that Bleak Falls Barrow has some great loot inside. And I’m not just talking about gold and gems. I’m talking about ancient artifacts and relics.”
Jon: “Oh, that is beautiful. My beautiful maidens of battle, let’s go ahead and murder some bandits.”
Uthgerd: “Ugh, Jon, stop with the theatrics and let’s get moving. We’ve got bandits to kill and treasure to find.”
Ria: “And try to stay focused, Jon. We don’t want you getting distracted and getting us all killed.”
Jenassa: “Indeed. Let’s move stealthily and take out the bandits one by one. We don’t know what kind of numbers we’re up against, and I’d rather not find out the hard way.”

We hid behind a broken pillar that offered a good view of the main stairway leading to the raised platform, as well as of the couple of bandits, one of them a mage, that were standing near the edge.

Jon: “Okay, I’m going to drop the first one with my crossbow. Be ready in case they come down the stairs.”
Uthgerd: “Got it. I’ll take point and meet them at the stairs. Jenassa, you’re with me. Ria, you’re our rear guard.”
Jenassa: “I’ll take out any stragglers that try to flank us.”
Ria: “I’ll watch our backs. Let’s do this.”

A headshot took the bandit mage out. Seconds later, a big guy wearing heavy armor and wielding a warhammer shouted the whole way down the stairs. My companions and I worked like a well-oiled machine this time; Uthgerd and Jenassa kept the heavy-hitters so busy that even as I ran out of magicka, I could get into melee range with a couple of archers, who fell to my blade.

Jon: “Fantastic teamwork, my ladies.”
Uthgerd: “Ha! Those bandits didn’t stand a chance against us! Well done, everyone!”
Ria: “Nice work, Jon. Your… creative use of magic was quite effective.”
Jenassa: “Indeed. Though perhaps next time, you could try to conserve your magicka a bit more. We don’t want you exhausting yourself in the middle of a fight.”
Jon: “You’re right about that, Jenassa. I wished I had bought extra magicka potions, because I’ve run out of juice twice during the fight. But you know, live and learn.”
Uthgerd: “Aye, live and learn indeed. Next time, maybe we can scavenge for some potions before heading into a fight.”
Jenassa: “We should always try to be prepared. And Jon, maybe you can work on your magicka management too.”
Ria: “Yeah, and maybe we can take turns buying potions and supplies. We don’t want to be stuck in a tight spot again.”

We took our time looting the corpses.

Jon: “Oh, look at this! This bandit warrior had a Conjure Skeleton spell tome. Now I’ll be able to conjure skeletons. Look forward to it.”
Uthgerd: “That’s a nice addition to our arsenal. Though I’m not sure I’d want to rely on undead minions to do our fighting for us.”
Jenassa: “We could use them to distract enemies or hold off a flank while we attack from another angle.”
Ria: “Yeah, and it’s always good to have more options.”
Jon: “Check out this unfortunate bandit. His guts are out. Which one of you opened him up like that?”
Uthgerd: “Ha! I think I might have had something to do with that. I got a bit… enthusiastic with my sword.”
Jenassa: “More like you tore through him like a wolf on a hunt.”
Ria: “Yeah, Uthgerd, you really didn’t hold back, did you?”
Jon: “I do not want Uthgerd holding back. I only regret having missed it.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you’re such a charmer. Always wanting to see me in action, aren’t you?”
Jenassa: “Actually, I think he’s just glad to have you on our side, Uthgerd. You’re a formidable warrior.”

The enormous doors of the ancient temple loomed before us.

Jon: “This is it, then. Our next adventure: clearing out Bleak Falls Barrow.”
Uthgerd: “Let’s get moving then. I’m eager to see what’s inside this ancient Nord ruin.”
Jenassa: “Indeed. I’ve heard rumors of a powerful Dragonstone within. That would be a valuable prize.”
Ria: “Yeah, and who knows what other treasures we might find? Let’s get ready to face whatever dangers lie within.”

It must have taken me about an hour and a half or two hours of real-life time to explore and fight through the complex of ruins. I had the party banter on the whole way through, and at times, I forgot I wasn’t talking to actual human beings. We faced skeletons, lots of draugr, a huge spider, cave rats.

I made my companions wait behind while I sprinted through a trap made of swinging blades, to reach the other side and pull the lever that stopped it. Despite my teammates’ pleads for me not to act rashly, because if I died they may not even be able to retrieve my corpse, I did it again with the second identical trap. We retrieved a golden claw and used it to figure out the puzzle of an ancient door.

Before an obvious boss fight, set in front of a wall scrawled in dragon tongue, I got my companions to declare their last wishes. Jenassa hoped that we would bring her corpse back to her remaining family in the Rift, where she’d be buried according to Dunmer rites. Utgherd wished that we’d give her greatsword to Ria. Ria couldn’t think of anything specific.

During the fight against a draugr overlord, there was a moment in which Ria sank to her knees and the draugr charged towards her, about to hack at her with his huge sword, only for me to finish him off with a lucky shot of Sparks. As we shared the loot, we joked around. Uthgerd and Ria laughed about how silly I looked with a magical circlet that boosted my experience gained.

After we exited the complex of ruins through its backside, and while we tried to get our bearings in the dark, somehow Jenassa opened up about her desired qualities in a man, and added that if she lived through her years as a sellsword, she’d like to become a grandmother. I told her that if I happened to survive that long as well, I’d track her down and bring lavish gifts to her grandchildren. She laughed it off at first, then said that she considered it a promise.

Why did I tell all this instead of showing it? Because I had the party banter on for so long that the AI system in charge of these conversations failed to save the transcription to file when it ended. I can only blame myself for that. Anyway, the whole run was a fever dream, and one of my favorite gaming experiences ever.

Jon: “Where the hell are we? Does any of you have any clue?”
Uthgerd: “We’re near Bleak Falls Barrow.”
Jon: “Very useful. Oh, here’s a sign. Closest town seems to be Falkreath.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Falkreath! I know this place. It’s a small village with a few shops and an inn. We should be able to find some rest and a hot meal here.”
Jenassa: “Indeed, let’s go to the inn and see if they have any rooms available. I could use a good night’s sleep.”
Ria: “Yeah, and maybe we can gather some information about the area while we’re here.”

When we reached the town and entered the local inn, I felt like we had just returned from another world.

Jon: “Isn’t it just blissful to enter a community after having blazed through a labyrinthine complex of ruins?”
Uthgerd: “Ah, indeed it is, Jon. There’s nothing like coming back to civilization after a long adventure. A warm fire, a soft bed, and a decent meal are just what we need after all we’ve been through.”
Jenassa: “Indeed, it’s a welcome change from the dangers and uncertainties of the ancient ruin. Let’s savor the peace and quiet while we can.”
Jon: “Well, Uthgerd, I’m going to talk to the innkeeper here and rent some rooms. For you and I, I’m getting a double bed.”
Valga Vinicia: “Welcome to Dead Man’s Drink! What can I get for you travelers? You look like you’ve been through quite an adventure.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, I think you’re getting a bit ahead of yourself there. I don’t recall agreeing to share a bed with you.”
Jenassa: “Oh, this should be interesting. Do tell, Jon.”
Jon: “Well, after such an adventure, and numerous near-death experiences, I intended to end the day on a high note. But if you’re so opposed to it, I guess I’ll get myself a single bed.”
Uthgerd: “Ah, Jon, you’re as subtle as a sledgehammer. But, I’ll admit, I’ve grown… fond of you. And after all we’ve been through together, perhaps a bit of intimate comfort is in order.”
Valga Vinicia: “Ah, well, in that case, I’ll just show you to the double room, shall I? It’s one of our finest rooms, with a lovely view of the surrounding countryside.”