The Emperor Owl, Pt. 16 (Fiction)

I staggered, losing my footing in the swaying motions, but managed to thrust a leg forward to catch myself before falling. I turned and retraced the trail back through the passageway between the beeches, wading through the blackness toward the house. My consciousness floated above the pain like a squirrel perched atop a pine tree that towered over an ocean of flames and columns of smoke. The black, taut skin of my right hand’s fingers tightened, and the stain spread across the palm and the back.

My mind went blank. I pitched forward and would have slammed into an oak, but I thrust my right hand out to brace against the trunk, wrinkled like an elephant’s hide. Starlight silhouetted the low-hanging branches, which draped in clusters of leaves. Though I’d pressed my fingers and palm firmly to the bark, the pressure in that arm dulled as if the limb had fallen asleep. In the darkness, beneath my blackened fingers, the bark shrank and withered. When I tore my hand away, the wood crumbled into gray sawdust.

I hunched over the trunk, blinking. I had carved a hole in the shape of my fingers, and the depression spread, rotting the bark until it crackled and broke into fragments and dust.

I reeled through the blackness. In flickers of awareness, slopes tilted up or down, the gray outlines of trees obstructed my path. Branches scraped me and struck my head—featherlight touches amid the waves of pain that my boiling blood radiated through me.

I emerged from the forest. Fifty meters away, a cone of white light swept over a grassy pasture. In sways, the beam tilted skyward, dissolving into the night.

I opened the pasture gate and climbed the slope. The beam spotlighted me suddenly, blinding me before sliding down to the chest of my sweater. At the crest of the pasture stood two figures: a bearded man in a corduroy shirt and denim jeans, accompanied by a gaunt woman whose wild, ashen mane framed a pallid face. A terrycloth robe hung from her shoulders as if draped on a coat hanger. The man gripped a flashlight in his left hand, and in his right, the long handle of a headless tool.

I froze. Did I know them? A ring of pain burned around the palm of my right hand.

The man strode toward me. Hatred twisted his weasel-like face, where the sparse hair atop his head merged with a thick, wiry beard. As the man and woman approached, they split apart to flank me. The man jabbed the tool handle in my direction.

“I hope you’ve enjoyed yourself, because this was the last time you’ll leave the house.”

I advanced toward him and raised my right hand.

The man halted, freezing the tool handle mid-air, and stared at the taut, burnished skin—black leather—that sheathed my hand up to the midpoint of my palm, which I held aloft like a greeting.

I locked eyes with him.

“I see you.”

I pressed my open hand against the man’s face. A surprised gasp escaped him as he stumbled back two steps. The curve of his upper lip, the tip and bridge of his nose, and the imprint of my four fingers on his forehead, rooster-crest-like, had all turned ashen gray. His mouth fell open, features swelling with panic. Then, parts of his forehead, nose, and upper lip crumbled into a spray of ash.

The man shrieked. He dropped the flashlight and the tool’s handle to slap his palms against his face. Borders of ash expanded across his forehead—eaten down to the bone—along the cartilaginous ducts of his nose, and over his bare teeth as though he’d been born with a cleft lip. With each smack, between screams, his skin and flesh crumbled into puffs of ash.

He crumpled to his knees. His eyeballs blackened and dried like raisins. The hollows of his nose and mouth merged, revealing bloody cavities like the ventricles of a heart. His thick tongue quivered as rotting gums released their teeth. His screams sputtered out, replaced by those of the woman beside him, hunched and shuddering. She clawed at her face, fingers sinking into flesh, shrieking through a gaping, twisted mouth.

I stepped forward. The woman, startled, tried to run, but I seized the collar of her bathrobe with my left hand. When I yanked her toward the ground beside the man, momentum sent us both crashing down—her sprawled on the grass, me kneeling.

The man had collapsed onto his side atop ash-sprinkled grass. Within the hollow shell of his skull, borders of rot spread, swallowing the ruined bone toward the nape of his neck.

The woman screamed, soles of her slippers slipping on the damp grass as she struggled to rise, but I straddled her back and shoved her face against the man’s skull, which shattered on impact into a cloud of ash. She whimpered and thrashed. I clasped her nape with my left hand, pressing her face into the ashen ring at the man’s neck—a smoldering cigarette tip. Her muffled scream choked the air. In a spasm, she wrenched her face upward to the sky. It was now coated in a layer of ash like fleece, gray and greasy, the hole of her mouth contracting and expanding as it sucked in clumps of rot.

I leaned my full weight against the nape of her neck, driving her face into the corpse’s ashen, sludgy mass between its shoulders. The woman groaned, shook, thrashed her legs. Her nails clawed at the sleeves of my sweater as the muscles in my arms quivered. I squeezed my eyelids shut; my teeth grated together.

Her body convulsed for a few seconds, then fell still. I released her head, letting it slump onto the man’s torso—a lump of thick, greasy ash—as if resting on a bed of crumbled incense stick half-charred to nothing.

I stood. My left arm flashed white with a cramp. The woman lay facedown in a frothy sludge, while the man’s corduroy shirt sagged where the flesh beneath had crumbled.

The flashlight lying to my right cast sharp outlines on blades of grass in the dark. Insects swarmed in its luminous pool. I grabbed the flashlight and swept its beam across the field as I staggered downhill toward the house.

The black stain had gloved my right hand and crept up several centimeters past my wrist. My heart pumped darkness. Half-hobbling, half-tumbling down the grassy slope, I forgot I’d ever known anything but this pain.

I entered the stable. The cows craned from their stalls, chains clinking, and fixed me with wide, glassy eyes. One stretched its neck and loosed a low, drawn-out moan.

When I halted, I swayed. My vision blurred, but I lurched toward the first stall. The cow grew frantic, stomping the stone floor, and retreated into the wooden partition as it stared with dread at the stain on my right hand. I crouched over the chains, which swept up wisps of straw as they dragged. With my left hand, I fumbled open the shackle clamped around the cow’s leg, and when I tossed the iron aside, it clanged against grimy stone. I freed the other three cows, but they lingered in their stalls. Two dipped their heads to chew hay.

My flesh seethed with pain. I hobbled to the stool by the entrance, flanked by tools propped against walls or dangling from hooks: an axe, a hoe, a saw. I grabbed the saw. Set it on the stool. Traced my fingers over its jagged teeth. Kneeling, I gripped the saw with my left hand and laid my right arm across the stool. I aligned the blade’s teeth a handspan below my elbow, close to the encroaching stain.

I swallowed, locked my jaw. With a single left-armed thrust, in a flare of agony, the teeth bit into muscle, then scraped bone.


Author’s note: I wrote this novella in Spanish about ten years ago. It’s collected in the collection titled Los dominios del emperador búho.

Today’s song is “Out of the Black” by Royal Blood.

On Writing: General structure – Goals & Conflict

You can check out all my posts on writing through this link.

Once you’ve come up with a list of meaningful plot points that should happen in your story, the Acts structure (generally three, but could be strengthened by turning it into five) is a proven method to organize those plot points in a way that makes the story more cohesive, and usually building up in tension.

The following questions should allow you to develop the goals in your story, as well as the conflict that will make it harder for the characters to achieve their goals.

  • What is the overall goal by the main character in the story?
  • The goal should be the product of their sacred flaw. What they decide they want has to come from the flawed core of their character.
  • How is the protagonist’s goal a need, an emotional must for the character?
  • What is the concrete goal each important character in your story has, and how do they conflict?
  • Describe when and how your hero becomes obsessed with winning. Put another way, is there a moment when your hero decides to do almost anything to win?
  • Can you start using a “wrong solution” approach? It gives heroes a reason to get moving so that they can learn and grow on the job. While it may seem cooler to have heroes know what to do right away, or at least withhold judgement until they have all the facts, you will often find the audience actually likes them better if you first send them charging off in the wrong direction.
  • Micro-Goal to Macro-Goal. This is a simpler form of false goal. Frodo sets out to merely return the ring to Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings. In Star Wars, Luke goes from wanting to fix his runaway droid to wanting to blow up the Death Star. John McClane in Die Hard spends the first half of the movie just trying to call the cops before he realizes he’ll have to take on a terrorist cell single-handledly. These false goals make character motivations far more believable.
  • What is the plan, the set of guidelines, or strategies, the hero will use to overcome the opponent and reach the goal? How is it specificially focused toward defeating the opponent and reaching the goal?
  • What opposition do you throw at your main character and how do you keep telling them no?
  • How, by competing for the same goal, are the protagonist and antagonist forced to come into direct conflict throughout the story?
  • How does the protagonist face the villain along the way? Specify.
  • Brainstorm all the possible obstacles you could throw in, to make the story as interesting as possible.
  • What is the conflict between each of your main characters?
  • If you have multiple protagonists, can you make them antagonists of each other?
  • How do you place the protagonist’s values in conflict?
  • In what way is your central conflict embodying your theme? How does the conflict force your protagonist to make thematic choices in the novel, with the hardest choice at the climax?
  • How are you pushing your characters to the edge?
  • Has everything that can go wrong indeed gone wrong? Don’t be nice, even a little bit. Throw social conventions out of the window. Does your plot continually force your protagonist to rise to the occasion?
  • Make sure things are constantly going wrong in your story to keep it exciting.
  • How can you complicate things so much that it seemingly becomes impossible for your protagonist to reach his goal?
  • Audiences get bored if the hero doesn’t have to improvise. Try to go through the plot points figuring out plenty of ways it could fail.
  • Can you make it feel like the protagonist is trying to juggle several balls at once and he is just barely keeping them from dropping every time? This is a great time to push the protagonist almost to the point of breaking before bringing them back in for a final and much awaited victory.
  • Your antagonist shouldn’t go with everything going their way either. Let both of them face challenges, twists and turns along the way. The more they are affected by curveballs and unexpected experiences, the more realistic the story will be. Make the protagonist slip up and result in an almost-victory instead of a true victory, and let the antagonist fail at the most inconvenient of times for them. This keeps your readers on their toes and unsure about what is going to happen, when.
  • How does the conflict force the protagonist to take action, whether it’s to rationalize it away or actually change?
  • What is excellent about this challenge? What’s cool, awesome, and exciting about being in this situation? How can your protagonist be creative? How can your protagonist exceed her own expectations, and even your own?
  • Are there catalytic moments of transformation?

The Emperor Owl, Pt. 15 (Fiction)

I stepped on the splatter of crusted filth where dried vomit from days prior had hardened. I advanced as if pushing through a bramble while dozens of pins pricked my face, digging through the wool of my cap and gloves.

The emperor owl puffed out the feathers of his neck and shrank back. He stared at me as if needing to speak but finding no words.

In my vision, white holes widened. The pins had pierced through my sweater, t-shirt, and pants, breaking the skin of my torso and legs. They perforated my eyeballs.

“I don’t know if I can,” said the emperor owl, as though pleading for help.

I spoke through the icy thorns boring into my vocal cords.

“Do your best. It’s enough for me.”

“It will torture you.”

“I’ve grown used to it.”

I took another step. My ears rang as if my eardrums had shredded, while hundreds of points across my body screamed in pain. I’d been thrust into an iron maiden, and someone was pushing the door shut. When I parted my lips, a groan seeped from my mouth, like an animal wailing from my gut.

“No one should live like this, hiding, bracing for the next time they’ll harm her.”

The emperor owl’s outstretched wings trembled, the feathers on his face bristled.

“You force me to participate.”

“It’ll be magnificent,” I murmured. “You and I, a carriage with velvet curtains, a throne room tall as a cathedral.”

“Give me time.”

Air escaped my throat in whimpers as the frozen tips of the pins tore through my molecules.

“If at any point you would have let me escape, tonight will be the night. Come tomorrow I will cease to exist. If you care for me, if you believe I deserve salvation, you will take me with you.”

The emperor owl shuddered. He furrowed his eyelids and stretched his left wing toward me.

I yanked off my gloves and extended my right arm toward the wing as my frayed vision bleached to eggshell white. I limped forward, hunched, sinking deeper the hundreds of pins skewering my flesh.

I cleaved through an unctuous membrane—a cascade of petroleum—and emerged into a pitch-black vault as tall as a house, its arched ceiling gleaming chrome-like. The air reeked of dozens of corpses rotting in a sealed chamber. At the center loomed a mass of tangled black muscles and tendons, its folds oozing oily sludge. Across its surface, lumps slid like air bubbles. It stared at me without eyes.

The left flank of the mass was extruding an appendage of dangling fibers. A stentorian voice struck me like a battering ram of air.

“Touch me.”

I strained forward, stretching my fingers toward the slimy appendage, but a hurricane-force wind shoved against me, threatening to rip me away if my legs faltered. The gale scraped my edges, pelted me with microscopic pellets. I hauled myself forward, bending at a forty-five-degree angle, inching my legs forward centimeter by centimeter.

The hurricane roared. My skin and flesh rippled, slackened, peeled from my bones, and tangled across my skeleton like a dress snagged on a tree. As the wind scoured my corneas, the black, dripping fibrous appendage filled my vision. When my sight whited out, my fingertips brushed a greasy callus.

I sank into a blackout. The lingering sensation of hundreds of pins piercing me submerged into my memory. I lost all awareness of having arms or legs, of how to send signals to move them. My consciousness floated in a silence devoid of the murmur of blood coursing through me, the whirring of my inner mechanisms. Though I tried to count the seconds, they slipped away. Thoughts undulated in my mind like fluorescent eels.

In the abyss, white, yellow, red, and blue flickers ignited one by one, clustering in nests of a brumous purple substance. They spun silken filaments between themselves. The flickers and their nests multiplied until they veiled my vision in a glistening web of vaporous light that trapped the millions of white, yellow, red, and blue gleams like mosquitoes.

There was no room for worry or fear. Nothing could harm me. I would hang in the void and watch as the flickers caught in the web shone forever.

I was hurled back into my body as if sucked through a straw. An avalanche of pain overwhelmed me. I inhabited a rotting body, a colony of decaying atoms and molecules. Noises throbbed in my ears. When I located my arms and legs and staggered backward, the icy pain of hundreds of pins grazed my viscera and flesh until the pins slid free of my body.

At the end of my outstretched right arm, I splayed the fingers of that hand like a sea star. The fingers and their nails, from tip to first joint, were stained a burnished black, and along the edges of those stains, nerves crackled with pain.

Among the beech trees rose the heap of black, greasy muscles and tendons. Buboes slithered across its surface. It concealed the ring of withered grass, as though someone had traced it around the base of the heap.

It unleashed a reverberating lament—a bear’s guttural bellow—that shook the tangle of muscle and sinew. The mass recoiled in a fluid undulation. Its sides swelled and braced against the trunks of the beech trees, causing the entire heap to quiver like gelatin. Cords of muscle and tendon swayed, dripping with greasy residue.

“I thought this time would be different.”

On my right hand, stains of burnished black encroached millimeter by millimeter toward the second joint, seeping into the pores.

The heap slithered between the beeches and suddenly wrenched backward, dilating the circle of withered grass to the heap’s base, as though smudged by a finger. Where the creature had pressed against the beech trunks, the bark had puckered into ash-gray ovals—rotten bruises like those on spoiled fruit. The clump of muscle and sinew retreated in jerks, keening as it dissolved into the night.

I limped forward on rubbery legs, following the trail of flattened, wilted grass that snaked between the beeches—the wake of a gargantuan snail. The taut skin of my blackened fingers twitched. I tried to scream for my friend, but my vocal cords had fused shut. A storm of agony flooded me; even the primal command for my legs to hold me up barely pierced through.

The two-meter silhouette of the mound of muscle and tendon detached itself from the night. Whimpering, it murmured that it had believed this time would be—then vanished before finishing.

I stumbled along the path of blackened grass. On my right hand, the dark stains now crept toward my knuckles. I halted where the creature had disappeared. The trail of flattened, charred vegetation ended abruptly in a semicircle.

No one watched.

My legs trembled. I clutched my right wrist. At the border of the stains, now merged and cresting over my knuckles, nerves sparked and short-circuited.

“I was there,” I croaked. “Thank you.”


Author’s note: I wrote this novella in Spanish about ten years ago. It’s contained in the collection titled Los dominios del emperador búho.

Today’s song is “Where Is My Mind?” by Pixies.

The Emperor Owl, Pt. 14 (Fiction)

I crumpled my pajama pants into a wad and placed it on the pillow. It would serve as the head for the twin bundles of pajamas and shirts I’d spread over the mattress cover. I pulled the blankets up until they covered the bundles and the wad.

I stepped back. I was gauging the effect of the lump under the blankets when, carelessly, I grazed the wound on my cheekbone. It flashed with pain. I clenched my teeth and waited, my carotid pounding, for the surge to settle.

The lump in the blankets hinted at a child sleeping beneath them, not a teenager, but it would suffice to trick Father until he pulled back the covers.

I layered myself in a thick wool sweater. Tightened my waterproof boots. Jammed on a fleece hat, and tugged wool gloves over my hands.

In the dim starlight sieved through the curtains, I scanned the wardrobe, the dresser, and the desk as if they were waiting with raised hands for me to grant them speech. What would I regret abandoning? I’d leave the pencils, crayons, and looseleaf paper, but they’d be abundant in that overseas land.

Halfway between the bed’s headboard and the dusty cobwebs on the ceiling hung two still lifes. In one painting, a basket heaped with apples and pears sat on a table, with a mortar leaning against it. In the other painting, a green pepper, an onion, and a garlic clove clustered on wrapping paper. The canvases had been smeared for years with skin flakes and mite droppings. Father and Mother believed a bedroom needed paintings to fulfill its purpose, and the first ones they’d found had sufficed.

I would forget it all. None of it belonged to me, never had. I’d arrived on Earth as if I could have just as easily touched down on some icy planet light-years away, and now I’d escape to where I wanted.

I drew the curtain. When I opened the window, careful to silence the hinges’ creak, a gust swept in, chilling my face and burrowing under my sweater collar like an animal seeking warmth. I climbed onto the window frame and let my legs dangle over the facade.

Each night, my window framed the cork oak, but the tree stood three strides away, and none of its twisting branches reaching toward me hinted they’d hold my weight.

My heart revolted. My arms and legs trembled. Once I jumped, if I changed my mind and opened the house door to creep back upstairs, I’d wake them. I inhaled sharply and scrubbed my palms over my thighs. As I slid my butt forward on the frame, I contorted to grip the inner ledge before letting go. My right hand’s fingers clawed the bedroom-side jut of the frame, but my backside slipped loose.

I blinked. Darkness veiled my vision, then fractured into pinpricks of stars. Meters above, the cork oak’s sinuous leaves writhed on their gnarled branches, wind-lashed. The house’s facade loomed like a cliff, its surface pierced by the rectangular void of my open window. Wind battered my right ear, numbing the fiery throbbing in my cheekbone.

When I peeled myself from the grass, a headache stabbed my skull. I clamped my palms to my temples as if to trap my brains inside. I stood, but my legs threatened to buckle. My vision lurched. I slumped against the cork oak’s fissured bark, shut my eyes, and summoned the mental map of the route I’d carve through the night. Five or six hundred meters to my refuge. By the time Father came searching, hours would bleed away before he found me.

I waded into the forest’s blackness, hurrying toward oases of starlight streaming through tangled branches. Scents guided me. I decoded familiar trees as landmarks. I climbed and slipped down slopes slick with shredded bark and rotting leaves.

By day, I would have combed the trees for the brook’s curve to pinpoint my shelter. I sat against the moss-sheathed root of a beech, jutting from the soil like an octopus’ tentacle. I dug my elbows into my thighs and clutched my throbbing skull.

The wind surged and faded, hissing through branches, shaking loose fruits that cracked the leaf litter. An owl hooted. A rivulet snapped like a dog lapping from a bowl.

I shut my eyes. I rose, angled an ear toward the stream’s murmur, and fumbled forward. In my mind, the golden serpent of the brook slid between the beech silhouettes, its current swaying and swelling with each step.

I opened my eyes. Eight meters downhill, amid the gray beech grove, a smudge of withered grass circled the ground. A meter and a half above it, perched on an invisible plinth, the emperor owl fixed his gaze on me.

I scrambled downward. My steps kicked up debris; I windmilled my arms, skating the slope like ice.

The owl emperor arched his neck, rotating his head in a full circle, as if calibrating the dark. Gems studding his sash glinted white.

“Trouble sleeping?”

Breathing through flared nostrils, I halted two meters from the circle, thrust my face forward, and jabbed a finger at my swollen cheekbone.

“You see it, yes? The pain’s so sharp, it’ll glow in the dark.”

“I assume you didn’t walk into a door.”

“I’ve never spoken of the rest of my life—where I live, with whom. You never asked. I preferred that. For a couple of hours each day, I forgot my fate. But after tonight, I can’t return, and if I stay here, he’ll find this refuge in less than a day.”

“Who?”

“A monster.”

The emperor owl spread his wings behind his head, splaying the black-striped feathers, and adjusted his conical crown. His cavernous voice hesitated.

“You wish to leave tonight.”

“Please.”

“Girl, I care for you. I hope you know that. But you ask me to attempt something I’ve never achieved.”

“Is it possible?”

“There are rumors.”

I recalled myself soaring through the skies. I could swear I had glimpsed, hundreds of meters below, constellations mirrored on the waves. A warmth flooded through me as if I were swaddled in blankets. I steadied my legs, and when I spoke, my voice quivered.

“It will be perfect. You’ll return where you belong, and I’ll accompany you as your right hand.”

The emperor owl opened and closed his beak. His gaze darted across the forest as if anticipating an interruption. When he leaned toward me, moonlight streaked white bands over the embossed owls and chalices on his conical crown. The plumage around his round eyes blazed pumpkin-orange in the shape of a mask, while the black strokes of his brows split into a V-shape.

“My world allows no returns. Once you see it, you’ll spend the rest of your life gazing through it.”

My throat constricted. My lungs fought to hold air.

“I’ve seen all I wanted to see here.”


Author’s note: I wrote this novella in Spanish about ten years ago. It’s contained in the collection titled Los dominios del emperador búho.

The Emperor Owl, Pt. 13 (Fiction)

I whimpered.

“Stop.”

“Will you burn your drawings?”

“Whatever you want.”

He pulled me away from the table, and with that tug, I fell back in the chair, the front legs rising as it tilted precariously. Father braced the backrest to keep me from falling.

Even as I blinked, my vision clouded with dark specks, and every time I tensed any facial muscle, my right cheekbone flared. I sucked in a breath of snot. I studied the lighter in my palm and slid the tip of my thumb along its serrated, rough wheel.

Nothing would ever take away my overseas kingdom. Nothing would erase those chalk-white cliffs, nor the kilometer-long dining table, nor the people who treated me like a cherished guest. No one would confiscate or invade the sanctuaries of my mind, and the landscapes and characters I had discovered in that darkness would greet me when I closed my eyes. Let Father have my childish attempts to order this nightmare.

When I flicked the lighter’s wheel, a flame leapt up, flaring brightly—a genie I had conjured to obey me, yet too weak to set all three of us on fire, of charring our flesh and stripping us down to scorched skeletons. I touched the flame to the paper scraps, and they ignited. The fire begot offspring that carbonized other scraps, crumpling them into black wrinkles that crumbled into ash, devouring them as if a horde of newly born spiders were consuming their mother. From the bowl, a tangled flame rose, warming my face and intensifying the pain in my cheekbone. The ascending column of black smoke crashed against the ceiling like a slow cascade tumbling onto rocks. It scattered in shavings. The stench of charred paper invaded my lungs, which stung.

Father poured the bottle of milk into the bowl, quelling the flames, until the smoke turned to a white vapor. The burnt odor intertwined with the smell of hot milk. Mother crossed an arm in front of my face to hand a mortar and pestle to the man, who gripped the pestle and pounded the ashes into the bottom of the bowl, soaking his hand and spilling gray clumps across the table.

As my tears dried, I drifted away. I shivered, slumped in the chair. The pain in my cheekbone worsened in waves.

Father stirred the paste, lifted the bowl, and brought it to my mouth. I snapped awake. I leaned back and tilted my face. The man grabbed me by the nape and pressed the rim of the bowl against my pursed lips, splattering my face. Milk spilled over my lap.

“You know you’ll swallow every last drop,” Father said.

He shoved the bowl as if to shatter it, so that shards might embed in my lips. He growled. He clutched my nape and shouted to my right.

“Help me.”

Mother appeared at his side. My twisted neck ached, but my moans died in my throat. Father released my nape and pinched my nose, sealing my nostrils closed. The woman pulled at my lips, exposing my tight set of teeth.

I resisted while the bowl, in a seesaw motion, slammed against my incisors like a battering ram. I lacked oxygen. My vision darkened.

When I opened my mouth to gasp for a breath, Mother pried my teeth apart and held them open. Father, after yanking my head back, emptied the bowl. Clumps spilled over my neck, my chest, my thighs, while my mouth swelled with a goop that tasted of wet charcoal, that seared my tongue, palate, and uvula like a freshly cooked soup. The man dumped out every last clump. My swollen cheeks ached, threatening to tear apart. I coughed up a cloud of lumps. While standing behind me and pinching my nose, Father clamped my mouth shut, and—pulling on my chin while pressing my nape against his stomach—forced my teeth to grind together.

Tears streamed from my eyes. The hot milk that pooled behind my nose reddened my vision. I thrashed in convulsions, and with every spasm, my throat gulped down lump balls as if I were a snake trying to swallow an ostrich egg. I grabbed the man’s wrists, his spikes biting into my palms, and wriggled to break free.

Once he released my mouth, I coughed a spray of clumps and milk that splattered the table and part of the counter. Father threw me off the chair to the side, and I landed on a shoulder.

I struggled to breathe. Clumps clogged my trachea and stomach, filling my insides as in a stuffed carcass.

The man towered hundreds of meters over me, a dark colossus against a shrouded ceiling. His face was a black blur. He clenched his red-hot fists, as large as mallets. The iron spikes jutting out and bristling along his form vibrated as he expanded and contracted his minotaur chest.

“What do you think I wouldn’t take from you if you keep up this useless rebellion? Do you want to shit in a corner? Roam around the house naked, to be led on a leash? Do you want me to beat you every time you speak? Because that’s what you’ve earned, stupid girl.”


Author’s note: I wrote this novella in Spanish about ten years ago. It’s contained in the collection titled Los dominios del emperador búho.

Today’s song is “Wave of Mutilation” by Pixies.

The Emperor Owl, Pt. 12 (Fiction)

Mother called me to dinner, but when I entered the kitchen, Father was waiting by my pulled-back chair, and my drawings had been scattered across the table like the disordered panels of a comic. The lamplight waned along the man’s outline, as if he were hiding in the blind spot of an alley.

I would escape. I turned around, but the woman stood in the way. She shoved the door, which slammed shut. Mother’s nose jutted out from her silver, disheveled hair while she rummaged through the cupboard of pots and jugs.

Father pointed to the chair. I advanced as if a rope were tugging at my chest. When I sat down, the chair’s legs groaned. The man leaned in. I shrank back. His breath warmed my hair, and his gaze fixed on me like a gun.

He pressed one of the drawings with his index finger. That sheet showed the house set against a backdrop of hills, where pines jutted out like the bristles of a carpet. The door of the house was guarded by Father—a minotaur that had broken out of his labyrinth. His body, studded with iron spikes, bulged as if several men were merged into one, and in the black smear of his face—a chasm—the fire of his breath lit up his two eyes. The monster would pounce on anyone who dared to look at the drawing.

“Is this supposed to be me?” Father said.

My guts writhed as if tormented by a week of constipation; I hunched and clutched my forearms to my abdomen. My vocal cords refused to cooperate. My heart pumped clotted blood.

Father grabbed some drawings and scrutinized them while murmuring as if damning some world to a curse. When he palm-struck the sheets back onto the table, a whirlwind of air scattered more papers from the epicenter.

“I feed you and give you a bedroom, you exist thanks to me, but you waste your time painting fantasy towns, drawing me as a monster.” He seized a drawing and flipped it toward me. The sheet crumpled under his fingertips. “Tall as a skyscraper and breathing fire. Ungrateful bastard.”

“They’re prettier,” I muttered in a hoarse voice.

My words had taken Father aback as if a dog had suddenly spoken.

“What did you say?”

I tried to swallow through my constricted throat.

“Those towns are prettier. Those people are kind to me.”

“They don’t exist. You have this house. Us. The cows, the sheep. Work that keeps you busy. If you even have time for your imagination to fly, it’s a sign you need a heavier burden.”

My head swayed. I was breathing in hiccups. Hunched over, I clutched my abdomen as my guts creaked like an old house. The lamplight, along with the foul smell of garlic and onions, were scraping on my brain.

Although I imagined myself running to my bedroom and hiding under the blankets, Father seized my head with his thick fingers, as if restraining a nervous sheep for shearing. A shudder shook my spine.

“We appeared on Earth to fulfill our role,” the man said. “For us to survive, all three must carry our share. Your job is to tend to some cows and sheep, serve me, and keep quiet. When you refuse to obey or only half obey, you harm us, your parents. But as long as you obey, you’ll avoid bruises. You’ll have a plate on the table and a bed. That’s enough.”

“It’s not.”

As Father emptied his lungs, his scorching breath singed a patch of my hair. The hand gripping my head prevented me from looking away from the drawings that covered the table. Mother appeared to my right, holding a bowl and a glass bottle filled with milk and smudged with fingerprints. The man cleared a space on the table in front of me, where the woman placed the bowl. She handed the bottle to Father. The arm that had been pinning me to the chair relaxed as the man gulped down the milk with the sound of a shark gobbling down live fish.

When Mother folded one of the drawings and tore it into four pieces, I trembled as if she had slashed me with a razor. She dropped the fragments into the bowl.

My lips quivered. If I blinked, my eyes would water and ruin my last glimpse of the drawing the woman had torn.

Father leaned close to me and spoke an inch from my ear.

“Insulting us will have consequences.”

I tried to turn my head toward the man, but his fingers tightened on my scalp, imprinting the five tips in red.

“Why are you like this, Father?” I said, my voice cracking. “Someone must have cursed you. It should have been different.”

“Curses don’t exist, you moron. Such nonsense occurs to someone who wastes hours drawing, thinking up fantasies. An idle mind eats itself like an empty stomach.”

Mother had crammed the bowl with scraps white on one side and drawn on the other. The meaning of the strokes and colors was lost like in the scattered pieces of a puzzle. The woman folded the last drawing with her bony fingers, and tore it apart.

How long would it take me to glue these fragments back together?

Father’s free hand seized my wrist. He turned my hand over on the table, opened my fingers, and closed them around the warm metal of a lighter.

“Burn them.”

A jolt of ice pierced my heart as my muscles convulsed in cramps. I had to break free, yet his thick fingers squeezed my scalp as if drilling into my skull. Although ever since I’d drawn that first scene I’d known one day I would lose them, I had convinced myself I’d postpone that moment until I died.

“No.”

When Father yanked my hair, my scalp flared with pain, drawing a scream from me. One more tug and my skull would be stripped bare. The man panted against my face. Growled like a dog.

“Burn them.”

Tears welled from the corners of my eyes, painting burning streaks on my cold skin.

“They’re better than this.”

Father slammed my right cheekbone against the table with a bang. The impact reverberated through my skull, rattling my brain. My vision went white. Was I still in the kitchen?

The man shifted his weight onto the hand that was pushing my head, and on my crushed cheekbone, the fibers covering the bone were tearing apart. The right half of my face boiled; the burning spilled over the bridge of my nose, reddening the view of that eye.

“You’ll be useful to me even with broken bones,” Father said.


Author’s note: I wrote this novella in Spanish about ten years ago. It’s contained in the collection titled Los dominios del emperador búho.

Today’s song is “A Little God in My Hands” by Swans.

The Emperor Owl, Pt. 11 (Fiction)

About six hundred meters from the house, in the opposite direction of the emperor owl’s refuge, I no longer recognized the curves of the road along which I had come years ago. Why had I forgotten them? Had I been sleeping and only awakened as we neared the house? Had the route been erased from my memory because I assumed I’d never leave? What awaited me a kilometer or two away? The neighbors’ lands?

I leaned against the soft moss and ashen lichen crusts that covered the trunk of an oak. I could smell my cold sweat. The muscles in my legs had tensed, poised to sprint at every sound. I was venturing through a jungle teeming with predators. If I let my guard down, a pack would burst from the undergrowth.

I marched on, clutching the swollen portfolio against my side like a shield. Five minutes later I sensed a shadow. As I shifted my gaze toward it, it slipped from trunk to trunk.

I veered off the road and crouched among clusters of prickly bushes adorned with yellow flowers. I drew a deep breath while keeping a fixed, unblinking watch on the road, which, in the distance, twisted through a grove of narrow, charred-looking trunks. They distorted the distances and masked the gaps with their mint-green foliage, which draped stripes of shadow over the path.

The ground trembled. A gaze fixed on the back of my neck. I turned. A thick shadow spread over the pebbles and earth of the road, cloaking them like a funeral veil.

I sprang from my hiding place among the bushes. I imagined sprinting, but my body froze. I wanted to scream, to call for help. The fading twilight exposed me like a mouse to a bird of prey.

At the edge of my vision, two columns of shadow emerged from mud-splattered boots. Father approached until a pair of denim trousers appeared in my sight. His breath heated my face like a bonfire.

“Are you lost?”

His voice barely contained a roar.

“I was watching the landscape, sir.”

“What are you looking for? What is it you need to see?”

When Father encircled me to block the path, I raised my eyes by a span. The man’s right hand—his arm bristling with hundreds of iron spikes—clutched the long handle of a headless tool.

I counted from one to ten to distract my heart as I fought against my muscles betraying me. My mind was growing hazy.

“You heard me,” Father said.

“I was watching the landscape.”

The man inhaled, drawing the air from my lungs. He straightened the tool’s handle and pressed its headless end against my sternum.

“You have too much free time. Have you finished your duties?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Surely you can help your mother.”

He shoved me with the handle, forcing me to step back. I turned and walked upright, but within seconds, I lowered my head. My lost gaze swept over a doubled path as Father’s bulk followed me and, with every stomp, the earth quaked.

Five minutes later I was clutching the portfolio and hobbling. The emperor owl refused to let me accompany him, and I would never leave this place. How could I have managed it? I only knew how to shear, to milk, to draw. Gifts and miracles were reserved for those who deserved them.

The twilight faded. Colors hung from the treetops, the branches, and the grass lining the road like a dress several sizes too large.

Father led me to the barn, where Mother, seated on a stool, was sharpening the axe with a pumice stone. From beneath her hair, a gray, angular face peeked out. Father jabbed the tool’s handle against one of my shoulder blades and pushed me to the back of the barn. He pointed to a stool beside the flank of a cow, whose swollen udders bore veins bulging like branches swathed in skin.

“It’s her turn tomorrow, but surely you can do it ahead of schedule.”

While clutching the portfolio, I sat like an abandoned puppet. The stone of my thoughts sank deeper and deeper into a black ocean.

With a snap, a pressure clamped around my ankle. A shackle. It was connected by chains as thick as a finger, bolted to the rock.

Father straightened. In one swift motion, he snatched the portfolio from me and held it under his armpit.

“Remember your duty.”


Author’s note: I wrote this novella in Spanish about ten years ago. It’s contained in the collection titled Los dominios del emperador búho.

Today’s song is “I Put a Spell on You” by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins.

The Emperor Owl, Pt. 10 (Fiction)

I descended the slope toward my refuge among the beech trees. A meter and a half above the circle of blackened grass levitated the emperor owl. Sunlight blazed on his conical crown. His folded wings peeked from the open sleeves of his purple dalmatic, and the drapery of his coiled sash hung beneath his talons.

Hobbling on trembling legs, I halted about five meters from the circle, and a gasp of surprise slipped out. I paced side to side, testing if a mirage deceived me, yet the emperor owl’s amber eyes tracked my every shift. I tilted my head, jaw slack.

The emperor owl raised a brow and parted his beak.

“Hello.”

When his cavernous voice swept through me, my face and hands prickled. My throat clenched. I fought the urge to leap for joy. Instead, I clenched my fists and pressed my knees together, tense like a spring.

“It’s you. Of course.”

I stepped closer. The emperor owl ruffled the black-and-olive striped feathers of his throat, eyes widening.

“You see me.”

I nodded frantically. A mouse-like squeak escaped me. I inched forward, but he unfurled one wing and stretched his neck.

“Remember. Keep your distance.”

I swayed, then crumpled to the grass, dropping my portfolio. Joy flooded me, stifling my speech—if I opened my mouth, laughter would stream out.

“You see me and do not fear me,” said the emperor owl, his tone like a man reassessing his world’s foundations.

“Why would I? You’re magnificent.”

The emperor owl flared his neck feathers, and a grin split his face.

I stood even though my legs threatened to buckle. My congestion made me dizzy; I shook my head to clear it.

“So, now I know. No more secrets. You’ve wandered from your land, lost, because we must have met by chance. But I think I’ll remember the path, or at least the direction.”

“What path?”

“I’ve seen the fleet waiting for you.”

The emperor owl gaped open his beak, his gaze wandering as a lemonade-pink tongue emerged, flickering faintly in the dark hollow of his mouth.

“Please,” I pressed. “How many kilometers separate you from your home? No one should have to live here.”

“Countless.”

“You can go back accompanied.”

“Girl, I don’t know what kind of world you’re imagining.”

“I’ve seen it, and miss it. You could have moved away from my refuge—you said so—but you had decided to stay for a while.”

“My world can’t be reached the way your kind travels.”

“I know. I’d follow you from land, and on the coast, I’d rent a boat—or steal one. Even if rowing wore me down, I’d know what lay ahead. And if I needed to sleep in the boat, you could alight and keep me company.”

The emperor owl narrowed his eyes. He snapped his wings open, shook them with a rustling whoosh, and folded them.

I rubbed my sweaty palms. My stomach tightened. Why was it so hard for him to accept that I recognized him? Did he distrust the person who would become his right hand? He must have met some of the inhabitants of this land and learned to avoid them. How could I convince him that I was worth the risk?

A meter and a half from the circle, near yesterday’s vomit—now a metallic crust—I swept aside rotten leaves and knelt on the grass.

“I swear allegiance to the emperor owl. I renounce all ties to this dark land into which I have unfortunately been born, and I vow that for the rest of my days, I will turn my back on it. I will obey the laws of the domains you rule and serve you in whatever manner you see fit.”

I furrowed my eyelids as I held my breath. The emperor owl would descend from his invisible pedestal and rest a wing on my shoulder.

A couple of fruits thudded into leaf litter; the narrow stream of the nearby creek hissed.

I stood. The emperor owl’s pupils quivered behind half-closed lids. I shook fragments of leaves and twigs from my palms. When I spoke, my voice faltered.

“Do you reject my oath?”

“What has happened to you?” asked the emperor owl, and though he had softened his tone, it reverberated like a cavernous echo.

“Too much. I must seem nervous, impulsive. Things are going badly for me. But test my loyalty however you wish. I swear I would leave today.”

The owl shrank and lowered his head.

“For now, I will stay.”

My muscles strained to keep me upright. I swallowed a lump of phlegm. How could I convince him beyond swearing my loyalty? Or was I striving in vain, because I could never deserve for the emperor owl to take me with him? But how could I ever deserve it, having been born here, among these people, tainted? What place could I belong to other than this darkness?

“Soon, right?” I whispered. “We’ll leave before long.”

The emperor owl inflated and deflated his chest beneath the dalmatic as he held my gaze with his amber eyes.


Author’s note: I wrote this novella in Spanish about ten years ago. It’s contained in the collection titled Los dominios del emperador búho.

The Emperor Owl, Pt. 9 (Fiction)

I lowered the blankets down to my nose as bile surged into my throat. The bedroom had shrunk as if the missing furniture had been holding up its dimensions. From the mattress sprawled on the floor, the bedroom door towered, its jambs slanting toward the narrow lintel, resembling a monolith.

Feverish tremors rattled me. I sucked air into my lungs, but they rejected it.

I blinked, and the door burst open as if rammed by a battering ram. It swung on its hinges and slammed the wall, exploding into splinters. In the doorway loomed Father’s hulking frame. His inflamed breath illuminated black nostrils and a bristly snout.

I blinked again, and the door stayed shut. I strained to hear footsteps beneath the roaring gale in my ears, where screams floated like driftwood from a shipwreck.

As my vision prickled into blackness, I levitated in a void—but jolted awake, back to my starlit bedroom. I buried my head under the blankets. Once darkness swallowed me, nothing could hurt me.

My swollen bladder pulsed. I clenched my thighs to trap it. A lapse and I’d wet myself. I thrashed on the mattress—rolling onto one shoulder, the other, my back—shuddering as cold sweat glued my pajamas to my skin. Urine clawed to escape. When I imagined leaping from bed, sprinting down a kilometer-long hall to the bathroom, then emptying my bladder, relief flooded me.

Why hold back? Would it matter if I peed myself? Was I afraid of disturbing him?

I spread my thighs and relented. A hot stream soaked my crotch, fused my panties to the pajama pants, and pooled between my buttocks. My body from navel to thighs felt warm as if I were sinking into a bath.

I peeked from the blankets. In the view quivering like a tuning fork, the cork oak outside stretched toward the star-patched sky. An owl clung to a branch, hunched in black-and-olive streaked plumage, wind ruffling its citrine underfeathers. Its crest and beak-framing feathers had grayed; the rest of its head camouflaged with the forest. Two tufts spiked from its crown—antennae of a space helmet. Wide amber eyes locked onto mine as if commanded to witness what came next.

The owl spread its wings, flapped them, and swiftly soared out of sight. The branch and its sinuous leaves shuddered, then stilled.

Tears boiled in my ducts, glazing the oak. Even the owl wouldn’t stay. I cocooned under the blankets. Blind blackness greeted my opened eyes. I gulped stagnant, warm air that reeked of ammonia.

In the void, the owl’s outline gripped the branch. Its eyes warned me in a language to which I was born deaf.

I rose. The owl watched as I neared the window. When I opened it, cold air rushed in. The bird spread its wings, flapped them, and swiftly soared out of sight. I craned into the night, twisting to scan the roof.

“Wait.”

I climbed the window frame. Jumped, and found myself dangling between the facade and oak, suspended by an invisible thread tethered to the sky. I clawed upward through air, soaring past the roof as pine-clad hills and valleys shrank below.

The owl’s silhouette fluttered ahead, a black smudge against a spatter of stars.

My chest swelled. I chased the bird for ten minutes while muscles I never knew screamed in my limbs.

A hundred meters below, a greenish sea stretched horizon-to-horizon, waves wrinkling with reflections of the stars and moon. The owl glided toward a fleet of anchored galleys, and landed on the central ship’s deck. Two rows of figures flanked the bird. A delegation approached.

I swooped to the stern and landed feet-first, but momentum slammed me down, dragging me five meters across planks. I stood.

Two long-necked egrets in slashed doublets and ruffs slid a purple dalmatic over the owl’s wings and head. They wrapped its shoulders and torso in a sash embroidered with gold and silver filigree. Across its stripes glittered dozens of gemstones. Another egret wedged a conical crown onto the bird’s crest—silver adorned with raised reliefs of owls, runes, and geometric patterns.

The deck’s flanking figures converged on me, stalking like a cat encircled by hounds. Eagles clad in bronze helmets and breastplates tilted halberds my way.

“Sir, they followed you,” growled the lead eagle soldier.

A hiss echoed above. Bird silhouettes aimed crossbows from the crow’s nest and rigging.

The owl adjusted its dalmatic, waddled closer, and raised a wing. Lemon-sized amber eyes fixed on me.

“I recognize this human. She hails from that sorrowful overseas land.” His voice dropped. “You were born into a bleak country, girl.”

I shuddered. Swallowed to unclench my throat.

“It is, sir.”

The owl glanced at his guards, then lowered a wing. The eagles retreated, nodding.

It stepped nearer, wingtips resting on my shoulders, fanning black-striped feathers.

“I hoped you’d choose to follow me.”

I clasped my hands, voice shrill.

“May I accompany you, sir?”

“Of course.”

He encircled my back with a wing, and guided me toward the prow.

“Rest as long as you need. When you wake, you will breakfast with me. Tomorrow we reach my domains.”

In the morning, as I stepped out of the captain’s cabin onto the deck, the orange hole in the sky dazzled me. It bathed chalk-white cliffs. Salty air cleansed my lungs.

The fleet sailed through the mouth between two capes into a gulf, its shores teeming with houses, towers, and multicolored crops, while the sparkling waters were dotted with fishing boats and cargo ships. We docked at a harbor. The towering masts of hundreds of vessels rose like a forest of bare trees and tangled vines.

On the cobblestones of the harbor, the owl invited me to a carriage that would be drawn by six horses. The vehicle was decorated with golden garlands that gleamed in the sun, and up close, you could make out the stylized figures of birds perched on branches or in flight. The wheels were rimmed with gilt flowers, the interior of the carriage covered with purple velvet curtains. The cherrywood panels depicted the emperor owl and his retinue.

Inside, I settled onto a cushioned bench. The owl positioned himself across from me and drew the curtain across the window. I insisted on speaking, but utterly exhausted, I kept babbling incoherently. The emperor suggested I rest. I stretched out along the bench, burying my head in a feather pillow, and closed my eyes.

The carriage wheels glided over earth and grass, clattered along cobblestone streets. The clamor of villages poured in. The music of street performers emerged and vanished amidst vendors’ cries. Every few minutes, the uproar of crowds swelled around the carriage as they cheered for the emperor.

That noon, I dined in his castle, within a throne room as lofty as a cathedral. Rows of marble pillars supported a ribbed vault, its surface carved with rosettes and inlaid with colorful mosaics depicting heroic deeds. I sat beside the emperor owl at a table whose ends curved at the horizon. Bathed in the soft glow of candlelight, dozens of birds dipped their spoons into bowls of soup and purée. They pecked at pork ribs drenched in a tangy vinegar and lemon juice sauce. Between sips and bites, they chattered and laughed.

Seated across, a kingfisher dressed in a doublet, with an indigo head speckled in turquoise, poured cider through its long beak. To its right, a peregrine falcon, its head a smoky gray, adjusted a monocle that magnified one brown eye. Boasting, it boomed its deep, braggadocious voice over a plate of sea bass and potatoes.

As I savored the third bite of my lasagna, the emperor owl clinked a knife against his goblet. The clamor ceased. The guests turned their attention to him as if he were a revered professor.

“Listen.” His voice echoed through the throne room and returned as if a choir were mimicking it. “I thank you for having restrained your curiosity. This human, as you may have heard, followed me from the overseas land. Just as with the rest of its inhabitants, every day the shadows that ravage those lands hammered her body with mallet and chisel, and one day they would have reduced her to nothing.”

Emotion clouded my voice.

“But the emperor owl found me, and in his wisdom, he allowed me to accompany him to his domains.”

He pulled back the chair and settled in beside me. His warm wing draped over my shoulder. He gazed at me with amber eyes, their gleaming pupils reflecting the flickering flames of candles. The corner of his beak curved into a smile.

“And from this day onward, brave girl, you will be my right hand. Your belly will never writhe with hunger. You will forget fear. Never again will you endure pains you were never meant to know.”


Author’s note: I wrote this novella in Spanish about ten years ago. It’s contained in the collection titled Los dominios del emperador búho.

Today’s song is “White Rabbit” by Jefferson Airplane.

The Emperor Owl, Pt. 8 (Fiction)

When I rounded the hallway corner toward my bedroom, my dresser blocked the path, its drawers slightly ajar as if they had slid forward while the piece was being pulled. I pushed the dresser aside until I squeezed through the gap between its edge and the wall. From my open bedroom spilled a harsh scrape. It was punctured by the footsteps of a hulking mass, their vibrations trembling the floor.

I crept forward on tiptoe, fingertips grazing the grainy texture of the wallpaper. Congestion glazed my eyes, and static fogged my mind. My mouth, through which I was breathing, tasted stale.

From the bedroom doorway jutted a hand’s breadth of desk. It inched outward in jerks until halfway. Father growled. With a shove, the desk emerged fully, revealing the man behind it, his meaty palms planted on the furniture. When his gaze flicked toward me, I ducked my head as if I risked turning to stone. The desk legs screeched against the wooden floor as Father wedged it flush against the wall.

I lunged to the bedroom threshold, arms flung wide to block it.

“No.”

Father marched toward me and swatted me aside like a curtain. The bristles of his arm pierced the skin of my shoulder and chest through my sweater, shirt, and bra. I staggered against the hallway wall and crumpled to the floor.

Father muttered in the gutted space. He yanked open the screeching doors of my closet.

I rose as if waking from a faint. I couldn’t stop this man, nor persuade him to leave me alone. What could I do? Had he warned Mother? Told her he planned to strip my room of furniture that might barricade the door? Was she absent because she objected, or because she didn’t care?

My vision blurred. After wiping my nose on a snot-crusted handkerchief, I hurried down the hall, descended the stairs, crossed the living room, and stepped into a dusk that chilled my face and hands. The moon and first stars pierced clotted clouds. I scanned the pasture for Mother’s gaunt silhouette.

Chains clinked. The cows.

I rushed to the barn, plunging into its musky, dung-thick air. The beasts, chained in their stalls, chewed hay. Mother sat hunched on a stool beside one of the cows, squeezing the swollen teats of its udders, which were ridged with bulging veins. Milk jets splashed into a half-full bucket. She tilted her face toward the wall, hiding behind straggly, unkempt hair.

I halted beside her, fists clenched.

“Tell him to leave my furniture alone. Please.”

Mother tugged another udder, spraying milk. I crouched to glimpse her profile: features scratched into rotted wood, lips a mere slit. She stared down at the milk-filled bucket, making it seem like she had closed her eyes.

I softened my voice as much as my trembling allowed.

“Mother, do you know what he intends? If he told you, I don’t know if you could’ve stopped him. But you have to help me.”

“Don’t call me that.”

The volume of her voice had matched the splashing in the bucket, her words as though I’d imagined them in the gurgle of aching guts.

When I placed a hand on her sweatered shoulder, a bony lump pressed my palm.

“Do you know why he’s taking my furniture? Do you know what he does to me?”

She shot upright, the stool clattering on stone. Mother clamped her hand around my cheeks and squeezed. It hurt as if she might rip my mouth off with a tug. Her tangled gray mane framed creased and shovel-colored skin, and the paint with which her eyes had been drawn threatened to flake away. Her breath smelled of garlic.

She let go of my face. With her other hand, she gripped my nape, then shoved me beneath the cow and plunged my head into the milk bucket. I gulped a mouthful that flooded my lungs. I convulsed, trying to sneeze the milk out, but each spasm swallowed more, drowning my eyes, drenching my brain. Mother pressed my head deeper, the bucket’s curved edge digging into my collarbones. I grabbed the cow’s hide—it mooed and thrashed about, the chains binding its legs clinking.

Mother yanked my hair, and I fell backward onto bits of straw. I coughed bursts of milk. Sneezes and hacking shuddered through me, raking my nostrils and throat raw.

When I lifted my gaze from the straw-strewn floor, Mother was gone. The bucket lay overturned by the stool, and a milk puddle spread around the cow’s hoof.

Rising would waste energy. Someone should chalk my outline.

The cow nudged its muzzle close and lowed. Its nostrils exhaled a cloudy breath that warmed my cheek, glassy eyes gazing at me as if I were a wounded calf.


Author’s note: I wrote this novella in Spanish about ten years ago. It’s contained in the collection titled Los dominios del emperador búho.

Today’s song is “Screen Shot” by Swans.