God came into town with his wares.
He told me, “William, my boy, you’ve grown so much!
Would you like to trade with me?”
“What do you got, you bearded leech?”

“Well, I collect strange things, you know?
An empty bottle of gin,
A dinosaur horn,
A red-haired wig,
A dried clump of blood.
Why don’t you have a look?”

“I’m not buying your junk,
So shove off, you old fart!”
“Are you sure, boy?”
“Get away from me.
You’re a sick, twisted fuck
Who keeps pissing on my dreams.”

It was a time before humans.
No one had electricity yet.
Suddenly a thunderbolt pierced the sky,
And God appeared before the dinosaurs.
He kicked their scaly balls and laughed.
He could do whatever he wanted to his pets.

I’ve lived in a dark cave,
Eaten the hearts of monsters,
Lost all my dearest friends.
And today the Devil himself
Sat on the edge of the sidewalk.
He stank like a million rotten penises,
A forest of phalluses covered in slime.
I looked down at him and said, “Fuck you,”
Then pissed straight into his mouth.